Someone please throw a dictionary at this

[Rosemary (grooving with the Picts)]

Well that's just alcohol, obviously!

[David]

Oh, sure, I'll certainly take a tube of deception solvent. Who wouldn't?

I didn't actually read past the second line. I didn't read the conditions of the guardian self publishing entry so I'm not going to read this. Besides this is surely a winner so not point be trying. You watch, it'll win the Booker Prize.

[Patti (baconater)]

You're right.

Not point be trying.

[Rosemary (grooving with the Picts)]

Oh no it's be catching!

[Jim]

David wrote: "Oh, sure, I'll certainly take a tube of deception solvent. Who wouldn't?

I didn't actually read past the second line. I didn't read the conditions of the guardian self publishing entry so I'm not..."

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who gave up on the guardian self publishing entry :-(

[David]

Into have path arrow deselected effects corel of fine image extension masks preferences.

First sentence of my next novel. Not bad, eh? Writing is made much easier by randomly selecting a page and word from a book. In this instance a photoshop manual. I may select words from more books for the entire novel.

[Kath]

It reads like the drabble I let my Nexus write. I started the sentence then chose one of the three words it suggested each time. It had this kind of randomness to it but you felt it really might have meant something.

[A.L.]

I understood the individual words but as a paragraph WTF!
There was actually a book on Kindle doing the rounds last year. It got reported and the 'author' went nuts on the forums.

[Tim]

Realistic fasting and condition regiment.

Is that infantry or cavalry? I'm just wondering whether I should join up....

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

But you will have "no uniformity with my unit decline nine."

[Tim]

What, so you're saying the regiment marches in the nuddy?

[Gingerlily - The Full Wild]

Sounds like it! Thats why nine have declined.

[Will]

Ooh, I know this one!

In another life I frequent a chess website called chessgames.com. It's full of people talking about chess, as you might expect, so you might not have come across it.

Anyhoo, one of our many characters is a certain chrisowen who writes stuff like this...

"I be f4 black as went shang high you light up a combo shots right round a fane as prayer h7 a first act rooks wheel aha deed and addendum fork ogle am h7 a monarch as tender spot check down until to head er f4 arm at woah to bone of contention have a flight g7 a steadily improving zigzag h7 goes at rook headlong free con bootie shake down every port of call at fly too dead as bemoans lack of room black monarch has to recapture at had frame chip queen c6 boots camper I fried h7 on eyes his grace for a while pan over wide berth given no ducking h8 an issue at too ham fist get him fret as h7 oof gotcha mercurial dispatch monarch a mate at four once at got he herd as word plum scratch rook sacrifice to get british man Donald at driving seat a change off re dux a vindicate gate rook emperor for a day under the sun be co-agulate homes a band to queen c6 will follow save ar path aim flow under c6 a bridge line wobble over up ride a lion as carry on derelict of duty d7 sees a point to be-had ship a length as am lip h8 a monarch sandwich between g8 rook an g7 to slide at I a go dig afraid to punt 24...Qxf4 gives the game up ride a slot gamble to hoof a h6 focus hinch a lift rook unable h7 to sacrifice as he banter h7 it seem like set forfeit her buck leaper as of faith have? A h6 coffer to huff and puff queen at sixes and sevens a black army dissapates into the fire h8 king as particles moot have get f4 able queen fine room as heaven above h6 danka schoon er glass ceiling comes c6 gate crasher bet rook g8 has to,"

So I reckon this is just chrisowen branching out from chess into an attempt to spread his particular brand of Stanley Unwinisms to the rest of the world.

Either that or the zombie apocalypse has just started and this is an example of someone decomposing at the keyboard...

[A.L.]

I opt for the zombie option

[Andy]

This reads like a combination of the end of the Matrix Reloaded and that bit in Friends where Joey uses a thesaurus to compose a speech. I didn't get past the third sentence as my brain started to fall out of my nose.

[Jud]

You mean, Baby Kangaroo used a thesaurus :o)