The Way You Are, by L.J. Mile

[Ulysses]

The Way you Are
L.J. Mile
Four stars

Family makes all the difference. Conditional love, on the other hand, might not be worth the sacrifice. Robert is a big guy. But he’s a big guy because he’s been eating to mask his true feelings and fears since he was thirteen. Pete, by contrast, is a skinny guy with bright red hair and freckles all over his body. He and Robert are put together as freshman in college, and thus begins Robert’s journey to self-discovery.

This is a fairly simple story of young love, but it is also a fairly ringing indictment of our society’s habit of judging and only granting approval if one conforms to society’s norms. Robert is the way he is because his parents’ love and respect is conditional upon his achieving what they want him to achieve. He has buried his true self under candy bars and snack cakes. Blind to what they’ve done to their child, his parents also judge him for being too heavy.

Pete’s family doesn’t judge; they merely love. Their main concern is for others’ health and happiness, not society’s standards. It’s a torturous road, but Robert has to walk it if he is ever to be truly happy, truly his own man.

The gay world is also pretty harsh about folks whose bodies don’t conform to the received notions of form and beauty. This is not a book where the protagonist becomes gorgeous and muscular in order to win love; this is about controlling an eating disorder and finding pride inside oneself. The love he seeks is unconditional, which is, after all the only love that matters.