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Merging POV?
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[deleted user]
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Dec 14, 2015 09:20PM
Hey all - loving the feedback here as I am almost finished my first novel. I have a question - I am writing it in a split POV - about half the chapters are from the protagonist's 1st person POV because I want people inside her head, the other half are third person because there is a lot of relevant action on the part of the antagonist and a couple of other people that is dovetailing what my protag is doing that I need to be able to show. Thankfully, I've been told by a couple of reliable sources that I'm doing an OK job with the POV switches so far, but now I have a new issue: the protagonist and antagonist are about to meet in battle. I can't decide how this chapter should be written. My gut tells me it needs the 1st person POV so the readers can see her growing anger boil over (it's an ongoing theme...), but would it be weird to have her narrating what is going on then, with these other characters that have always been referred to in 3P? Would love your collective thoughts...thanks!
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You could describe the battle from the POV of a spectator at the scene.
Feliks wrote: "You could describe the battle from the POV of a spectator at the scene."
Thanks for the input Feliks! Question: since the non 1st person is mostly 3rd omniscient, and I don't use any other of my characters as narrators, do you think it would be weird to suddenly throw in another in-story narrator? Or would it still work? Others' thoughts?
Thanks for the input Feliks! Question: since the non 1st person is mostly 3rd omniscient, and I don't use any other of my characters as narrators, do you think it would be weird to suddenly throw in another in-story narrator? Or would it still work? Others' thoughts?
Why don't you give us a 1-sentence snippet from each, for us to judge better.
Can't choose just 1 sentence - so choosing 2 'sections' instead - hope that's OK:
Here is the 1st person POV from Nira, my protagonist (this is very very drafty - please excuse any weirdness!!!)
"I pulled my cloak tighter around my head and started to jog across the street, head down, when I ran into a Karg and knocked myself to the ground. ‘Damn. I really need to watch where I’m going,’ I thought. I shook my head and tried to stand, but a very strange sensation came over me. It felt as if all the hairs on my neck, arms, and everywhere on my body were standing on end. It felt like electricity in the air. I looked up at the face of the person I had run into and saw piercing black eyes. I imagined I I could feel sparks coming from this man, my skin felt like the sizzle of the lightening from yesterday; I was terrified. He reached his hand down to me and I just stared at him. I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself. Somehow, I knew this man, and he looked like he might know me. I didn’t know what to do.
“Come ON boy, get up!"
Boy? It was so easy to forget that I didn’t look like me. “Thank you sir,” I said, tentatively reaching for his hand. When our hands touched he stopped for a moment and gazed hard into my eyes, “Those eyes….Do I know you?”
“Uhh….uhhh….no sir I don’t think so.” I had to avert my gaze, he made me so uncomfortable.
Here is the 1st person POV from Nira, my protagonist (this is very very drafty - please excuse any weirdness!!!)
"I pulled my cloak tighter around my head and started to jog across the street, head down, when I ran into a Karg and knocked myself to the ground. ‘Damn. I really need to watch where I’m going,’ I thought. I shook my head and tried to stand, but a very strange sensation came over me. It felt as if all the hairs on my neck, arms, and everywhere on my body were standing on end. It felt like electricity in the air. I looked up at the face of the person I had run into and saw piercing black eyes. I imagined I I could feel sparks coming from this man, my skin felt like the sizzle of the lightening from yesterday; I was terrified. He reached his hand down to me and I just stared at him. I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself. Somehow, I knew this man, and he looked like he might know me. I didn’t know what to do.
“Come ON boy, get up!"
Boy? It was so easy to forget that I didn’t look like me. “Thank you sir,” I said, tentatively reaching for his hand. When our hands touched he stopped for a moment and gazed hard into my eyes, “Those eyes….Do I know you?”
“Uhh….uhhh….no sir I don’t think so.” I had to avert my gaze, he made me so uncomfortable.
And here is from the 3rd omniscient:
“Think about it Azh. What is your goal here? Is it just to kill her? No. It’s to kill her so that you can take power. What happens when we blow up a wealthy Karg merchant who is also on the Ssokem? I am killed, or worse, for my witchcraft. You? At best, you are imprisoned. At worst, they find out who you are, and you know all too well what fate would await you. You’ve dealt it to many a witch in your own time. We MUST wait if we are going to be successful. Besides,” she lowered her eyes, “the house was spelled and I couldn’t get in.”
Azhvet begrudgingly agreed, still angry. He ground his teeth. “So what do we do now?”
“We wait. Get some sleep, then head up there before sunrise to watch. We stalk them, we wait for the right moment. Then, when she and Ahn are both alone with no witnesses, then we kill them both.”
Azhvet rubbed his hands together and smiled in anticipation. “I will be the one to kill her. Just like I killed her cur of a mother.”
He walked over to the cot, lay down, and lulled himself to sleep with images of fire and the smell of burning flesh.
“Think about it Azh. What is your goal here? Is it just to kill her? No. It’s to kill her so that you can take power. What happens when we blow up a wealthy Karg merchant who is also on the Ssokem? I am killed, or worse, for my witchcraft. You? At best, you are imprisoned. At worst, they find out who you are, and you know all too well what fate would await you. You’ve dealt it to many a witch in your own time. We MUST wait if we are going to be successful. Besides,” she lowered her eyes, “the house was spelled and I couldn’t get in.”
Azhvet begrudgingly agreed, still angry. He ground his teeth. “So what do we do now?”
“We wait. Get some sleep, then head up there before sunrise to watch. We stalk them, we wait for the right moment. Then, when she and Ahn are both alone with no witnesses, then we kill them both.”
Azhvet rubbed his hands together and smiled in anticipation. “I will be the one to kill her. Just like I killed her cur of a mother.”
He walked over to the cot, lay down, and lulled himself to sleep with images of fire and the smell of burning flesh.
I love the 3rd person because it gives the reader info that Nira doesn't have, and I'm really enjoying using it to build suspense - sometimes WE know what's coming and she doesn't...and I love the 1st person because I really want the reader inside her head, feeling what she's feeling...ACK!!! :)
