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[°~Amy~°]

Aliens claim to be Trump's birth parents and they have Martian birth certificate to prove it!

[Ed]

Beyonce and Jay Z plot to monopolize the lemonade business.

[Barbara]

Cats are the rulers of the Earth!

[Brianna]

Dogs overthrow the cat queen!

[Barbara]

Epona & Link kill all the chickens! New alliance is set!

[Ed]

Federal government mysteriously moves Guantanamo prisoners to Area 51!

[Jean]

George Clooney's secret love child with Jessica Rabbit is Buzz Lightyear!

[Ed]

Harry disappoints Queen Elizabeth by secretly marrying one of the Kardashians.

[Sophie]

Invasion of nano robots in our kitchens

[Ed]

Japanese scientists prove the moon landing was a hoax.

[°~Amy~°]

Kardashian cloning facility hidden under area 51!

[Ed]

Louis Farrakhan revealed as the secret leader of Scientology.

[Stacey]

Masturbation linked to weight loss, as proven by a recent Harvard study

[Jean]

Neil Patrick Harris secretly straight!

[Ed]

Oprah was with Ted Cruz' father and Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas.

[Tiffany]

Plus-Sized Model Ashley Graham Bares Her Insecurities - "I'm Faking!"

[Sophie]

Quest to find the Holy Grail started again by Justin Bieber

[Veronica]

Rodents of unusual size found climbing the walls of Buckingham Palace, wants to meet the Queen

[°~Amy~°]

Selena Gomez FINALLY cured of Bieber-fever!

[Adam]

Tube tops linked to global warming

[Barbara]

UFOs GETS ALL THE ICE CREAM

[Stacey]

Uranium paté is the secret to staving off wrinkles, says Gwyneth Paltrow

[Jean]

Violence in streets of Beverly Hills due to uranium paté shortage.

[°~Amy~°]

Westboro Baptist Church pickets "worst sinners ever", THEMSELVES!

[Adam]

World uranium stockpile depleted in wild pâté hoarding spree

[Jean]

X-rated films improve circulation in elderly, American Heart Association reports.

[°~Amy~°]

Yosemite National Park euthanizing most destructive species, humans!

[Ed]

X-Files exposed as a Donald Trump production filmed in Mexico.

[Jean]

Zach Galifiniakis says he still doesn't know why they stole that tiger.

Next topic (although I LOVED this one):

Things you should never say on a first date

[Nicole]

After, do you mind dropping me off at my boyfriend's house?

[Ed]

Belch!

[Sophie]

Can you stop that weird noise when you're eating?

[Ed]

Do you think pre-nups are a good idea?

[Zaz]

Each time I look at you, I think about my ex.

[Barbara]

Fill the blanks, please, and I will think about meeting you another time.

[Stacey]

Good god, didn't that outfit come in the next size?

[Zaz]

How many children do you want to have with me?

[Kirsten]

Is that your real hair?

[Barbara]

Just can't wait to practice necrophilia with you!

[Ed]

I think the chili is starting to kick in....I'll be right back.

[Zaz]

Kylo Ren is the most appealing character in Star Wars.

[Barbara]

Lying is my better attribute.
You are sooo pretty!

[Zaz]

My sex friends are so good in bed.

[Stacey]

No one has more experience with cannibalism than me!

[Holli]

Oh my gosh, they serve human heads here! Yay!

[Ed]

People are going to think you are on a date with your son.

[Veronica]

People say sadomasochism is weird but I love it. What do you think?

[°~Amy~°]

Quick! Pull into that alley. I think I just saw my dealer!

[Ed]

Really...You'll have to pick up the check. I forgot my wallet.

[Veronica]

So do you think your brother would want to go on a date with me?