Which tag line is more enticing?

[S.J.]

Hiya,

Please help! I am co-writing an erotic romance novel with a darker edge.

We're a bit stuck on the tag line. Imagine (if you are a romance reader), you saw an enthralling cover and went to the Amazon product page. Based on the blurb below, which tag line would be more enticing to you?

DRAFT BLURB:-
How far would you go to save someone you loved? Would you do anything? Be anything?

I did. I was.

Have you ever known a love that combined an endless firewalk with a swan dive off the 87th floor of the Empire State building?

I have.

But sometimes love just isn't enough.

And sometimes doing the right thing means saying goodbye.

TAG LINE OPTIONS.

1) It was the best possible romance. At the worst possible time.



2) The love of a lifetime . . . all X months of it. [ We don't know what X is yet. That's TBD. ]



3) Dreams really do come true. Just not mine.



4) How far would you go to save someone you loved?


I hope I've made my question clear enough. Looking forward to your feedback.

Thanks in advance.

[S.J.]

V.M. wrote: "1 and 4 seem the most intriguing to me. 4 is a bit more generic, whereas one sounds more complex. That may appeal to your readers. The idea of love striking at inopportune times is an enticing hook."

Thanks V.M.

[[deleted user]]

Number 4 seems the best one, but probably too often used. I'd try to come us with more, but if I couldn't I'd go with number one. Or try a combo of one and three: "Sometimes dreams do come true. At the worst possible time."

[S.J.]

Ken wrote: "Number 4 seems the best one, but probably too often used. I'd try to come us with more, but if I couldn't I'd go with number one. Or try a combo of one and three: "Sometimes dreams do come true. At..."

That's a good option, Ken. Thanks.

[Christina]

Four works. Overused blurbs are typically overused for a reason. They work.

[T.A.]

I like 1 best. It says something about the story but still leaves a lot unanswered so readers will want to find out more.
4 seems really vague and generic, something I feel like I've seen multiple times before. There's nothing that really grabs my attention and makes me want to find out more.

[K.C.]

I like number 1 because it makes me curious: Why was it the worst possible time? I also like Ken's suggested combination.

[S.J.]

Thanks guys. We appreciate the feedback.

[[deleted user]]

I'd also go with no1 but I like Ken's version because you don't want the reader to know from the offset that they won't end up together because they might not invest in the characters :) sounds great though, good luck!!

[Jeremy]

1

[Rayann]

I agree that 4 is well used, not original, doesn't intrigue me because of that. 3 is an attention grabber for me, 1 is a close second.

[S.J.]

Great feedback guys, thanks.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

1) Good, but it puts me in mind of "A Tale of Two Cities".

2) Probably my second favorite.

3) I like this one best. It sounds depressing and I like it.

4) A little generic and cheesy.

Now, since I know nothing about how to write a decent blurb or tag line and my tastes are odd and number four is the only one I really do not like - go with number four.

[Micah]

Dwayne wrote: "1) Good, but it puts me in mind of "A Tale of Two Cities".

4) A little generic and cheesy."

My thoughts exactly. #1 was the catchiest, but it's an obvious rip of "best of times, worst of times" and #4 tells me nothing at all really. It could be applied to 10,000 books.

#2 and #3 I found rather clunky or unappealing.

Don't stop coming up with them. The shorter the ad copy, the harder it is to nail the message/build appeal.

[C.B., Beach Body Moderator]

#4 is the Tagline for many things already. I know it is the tagline for the video game Heavy Rain. Personally, I would avoid it.

#3 is the one I like. It is asking me to find out why the dreams do not come true.

[S.J.]

Dwayne wrote: "1) Good, but it puts me in mind of "A Tale of Two Cities".

2) Probably my second favorite.

3) I like this one best. It sounds depressing and I like it.

4) A little generic and cheesy.

Now, sinc..."

Dwayne wrote: "1) Good, but it puts me in mind of "A Tale of Two Cities".

2) Probably my second favorite.

3) I like this one best. It sounds depressing and I like it.

4) A little generic and cheesy.

Now, sinc..."

Thanks Dwayne, for the feedback and the chuckle.

[S.J.]

Micah wrote: "Dwayne wrote: "1) Good, but it puts me in mind of "A Tale of Two Cities".

4) A little generic and cheesy."

My thoughts exactly. #1 was the catchiest, but it's an obvious rip of "best of times, wo..."

Great feedback.

[S.J.]

Rebecca wrote: "I'd also go with no1 but I like Ken's version because you don't want the reader to know from the offset that they won't end up together because they might not invest in the characters :) sounds gre..."

Thanks, good point.

[S.J.]

C.B. wrote: "#4 is the Tagline for many things already. I know it is the tagline for the video game Heavy Rain. Personally, I would avoid it.

#3 is the one I like. It is asking me to find out why the dreams do..."

Hmmm, not too keen on having the same tagline as a video game. (not that I have anything against video games)

[C.B., Beach Body Moderator]

S.J. wrote: "Hmmm, not too keen on having the same tagline as a video game. (not that I have anything against video games) "

They heavily promoted that line, it was everywhere for a few months, which is why I recognized it instantly. When I google that phrase it shows up in the top slot.

Reason enough to not use that one!

^-^

[Susan]

My opinion -- #4 is the only one that captures the drama. Can you make it more specific. Something like this but better:

Would you leap from the 87th floor to save the one you love?

[S.J.]

Susan wrote: "My opinion -- #4 is the only one that captures the drama. Can you make it more specific. Something like this but better:

Would you leap from the 87th floor to save the one you love?"

Great suggestion, Susan.

[S.J.]

C.B. wrote: "S.J. wrote: "Hmmm, not too keen on having the same tagline as a video game. (not that I have anything against video games) "

They heavily promoted that line, it was everywhere for a few months, wh..."

Agreed, thanks for the heads up :)

[[deleted user]]

I like 1 & 4

[Pam]

The trouble with 2 and 3 is that they seem to tell you everything that happens in the book - without having to read it.

I would've said number 4 was most intriguing but those better informed above have spotted it was used for a well publicised video game; video games not being on my radar, I didn't pick up on that.

I think it needs to be fairly short and pithy but not answer what happens in the book, just raise a question in the reader's mind, to make them feel intigued and wanting to read the book to find out.