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★OBLIVION★...♫there's no lovin without losin, no livin without brusin♫
I mean to come in here and write things more often and but I don't always get the chance too...I just got my schedule and I have only two classes with my bestie,,life is so unfair
In the coming weeks I won't be here as often, and I'll disappear again, so this is our unofficial goodbye for now. Y'all, can't count on me regularly anymore
I'm kinda hungry now, which makes me even more upset about earlier, because I think my dad was eating peanut butte soup, and I'm like, why didn't you give me any? You gave us spaghetti instead, like he doesn't know that if chops rice over any pasta dish any day unless the person who made, the dish it was made in, or the utensils it was made in ere dirty.You know what interesting, how people are more alike than they know. When I was my sisters age I wanted to do band and gymnastics, and my dad said no, and now she is going through there same thing. I want to major in math, and when my mom stare college, she went in majoring in actuarial science. Cool huh?
I had a conversation with my aunt yesterday that made me kind of irked, because I already know she thinks I'm going to hell, but she needs to stop critiquing every little damn thing.but whatever.As I mentioned briefly earlier, I have my schedule, or the first deft anyway. Alg 2 first, then lit honors, Spanish 3, ap psych, lunch, bio, then world history, which I so totally didn't want last. I'm psychic thighs cause last night, or really, early his morning, I was asking,y sister questions about what she think her schedule would look like, and what she wanted and stuff
I had some mnms in my ice cream, peanut ones today. I'm in the kitchen to,orrow.This girl is really whisky y'all, let me tell you. Sh signed in, took a meal ticket, went to practice, ate lunch she didn't or for, then left. The heck? Because she's trying to get to a hundred hours, since she's never volunteered. Uh, honey, the pin t of volunteering I'ds to be selfless and give back, not steal, that is just so grimy and shirty and so many other things
In peer with myself because I practically reaches down my goal weight, then I had to go and gain three pounds toda for what reason? And my stretch marks are starting to boom a problem. They don't bother me physically, bu they're starting to peel...
Buenos no he's choice even though we all know I'm not going o be now
I finished the iron witch, not that bad of a book. I think I've realized why I have stretch marks, I have gained six pounds I two days, and I can lose that in about a week, and the constant back and forth is probably messin with my skin.Me uncontrollable peeing has started up again, I'm running to the bathroom every five seconds now, so annoying.
See y'all laters.
I read this article on Huff post about words invented by black people that white people totally jacked up, and it's so true. Like bae, which is a variation of babe, but some people are saying is an acronym for before anyone else, is totally used incorrectly by white people. that girl, Miranda Sings or whatever, is a perfect example with her stupid song, Where all my baes at? she really needs to shut up. And why is Miley Cyrus credited with twerking when it's been around since the 2000s? I have no problem with people of other races using our slang, but they need to understand the meaning behind it, and the proper time to use it. AAVE English is commonly looked down upon, but I don't agree with that. I think, that as a black person, you should be bale to speak both types of English, personally. One is not inferior to the other. But it is a problem with white people copying black people's customs. Black girls wear weave to protect their hair, especially in the winter, and also sometimes because it's looks cute. So if a white girl wants to wear weave, go ahead, but wear it for the right reason, please.
I also learned the difference between Latino and Hispanic yesterday. I had head before that there was a difference, gut I wasn't sure what it was. A Latino is someone who is from Latin America, and a Hispanic is someone who is from a primarily Spanish speaking country. It actually isn't all that complicated. But what people need to understand is, not all Latinos speak Spanish.
I'm still really interested in Black/Hispanic/Latino history and culture, and maybe I'll do something with that when I get to college...I wish I could be a part of both cultures, you know? But I also would like to learn a little bit more about my own culture, and I really regret the fact tht I can't speak a Ghanaian language. I don't want to be multilingual for a job, or to impress people or anything, but I feel, as a person, I should know about my heritage, and the language is a part of the culture, y'know? It is, or should be, a part of me. When I'm raising my kids, whether they are biologically mine or adopted, whatever, I will make sure that they know as much as I can possibly teach them about their African heritage, their southern heritage, whatever culture my significant other will come from, and, if they are from another part, their own heritage. It is extremely important to me.
when I grow older, I want to surround myself with people of different backgrounds, because you can't just think of yourself in the world. You are not the only one, and there are so many interesting and diverse cultures to experience you know?
I was also thinking about where I want to live when I grow up. At one point I wanted to live in London, though I am not so sure about that anymore. I do think I will live in the UK for a little, whether for study abroad purposes, or what, I don't know yet. I will definitely visit Ireland and Spain, specifically Barcelona and Madrid.... If I do stay in the U.S., especially to raise my family, I think I might live in a borderline south state, or maybe live in the south while my children are growing up, but when they get older, move back up north? Maybe Ohio for a little or something. I don't know. I'm not going to move my kids all around too much, that's not healthy.
Wow, I realize d that I just wrote a whole book xD
I've noticed that I've been more emotional lately, and often have the urge to cry, especially when r and b music is playing, and I don't know by. I can't retreat into my head as much as I used to tho, I guess that's what happens when you stop being an introvert. And I will admit, I used to spend an unhealthy amount of time in my head, but it also helped to focus. Sometimes I need be by myself and take stock of my emotions and where I am mentally, bu it seems tha I hav e gotten out of practice, and now I don't know what to do with myself.I'm trying not to grow up to fast, but it really is difficult, when every which way you're being pulled in different directions, and it's kind of like you're being forced too. I also need to find another place to put down my thoughts, something not online so it is more accessible. I don't trust writing it down tho, I'm too paranoid someone will read it.
School is starting, and it needs to for me because I can't continue to love like this, so idle. But I also know that while this year might be fun, it's going to be stressful, and I'm going to learn something's about myself I won't necessarily like. What scares me the most about myself right now is my lack of motivation to do anything. Even when I wasn't as going, I always kind of felt like I had a purpose.i used. To enjoy what I did, but now it's like everything takes supernatural effort. I know I need to grow and mature as a person, but I think. I'm afraid to do that because when I was younger I spent a lot of time, no six or eight year old should be Thinking of, like why are people here, how we are here, out purpose, Or suicide. I can't believe all the times I made silent pacts and vows to kill myself is this or that didn't happen, and I tried to disillusion myself by saying I would never do it because of this or that, but what is even scarier is that no one caught it. Maybe I. Depressed or something?
These are probably things I should talk to someone who I'm close with, but I don't even feel comfortable telling my sister, so who can I tell?
I guess I'm kinda pathetic, huh?
I don't mean to demean mysel, but...and getting back to my sister, she thinks she's all open and nonjudgmental, but like I said before, she's not. She's. Dry patronizing and condescending, and once she makes up her mind there's no changing it. Which can be a good and a bad thing, but it's important to learn how to compromise. She makes derogatory statements all the time, and doesn't think about what she says and how she says them will affect and influence those around her.I think I need a breather, maybe a break from all of so,stung, nut I don't know what. I won't even say pressure or responsibility, because eve. Tho I know ppl have high expectations of me, I'm not really aware of it, it's more subconsciously, and I. Not really concerned, because I'm trying to live my life for me, right? But that doesn't mean I want to leave others behind, I want to be the type of person who is compassionate and a great listener, and who comforts people simply y being there, but I sort of have a disconnect with people. I don't want to grow up bitter and hate life tho. I want to learn to love and love with myself, so that I can love and live with others.
I think maybe walking or something would help clear my head, but I have no time for that's what ....I don't even know how I was going to finish that. Want to feel like I belong to something, I guess, something's someone who will accept me. I'm a rim tic I know, because I want my significant other( because now that sexual orientation is such a big thing, I have to start thinking about mine, something that I've always questioned, and I don't know what it is to put a label in it yet. But the concept of sexual fluidity interests me, tho I do feel as tho I learn more toward guys at the moment) to sweep me of my feet, and be respectful and loving and caring, and understand me, and chivalrous, and you know, the whole deal.
I also miss my family in the other side, but my dad is so afraid of acknowledging that there is another side, he won't even think in the topic. When we asked to go to the family reunion, he said no, because what if they, specifically ,y mother, kidnaps us and we never come back? A bull shit answer.m Beyoncé boo just said I can't stop crying. I'm listening to resentment, maybe not the best thing under the circumstances.
Alright y'all, gnight, love ha, stay safe, take care of your loved ones. Every life matters, remember that. And remember the way uou make people feel, because min some long eloquent quote by maya Angelou, she says that they'll forget what you did, what you said, punt jot how you made them feel. Remember that, muchachas
message 366:
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~Akweley♡Mazarae♥~★☆★oblivion★☆★~I CAN'T BREATHE~
(last edited Nov 08, 2016 01:52PM)
(new)
For some reason, whenever I come here, particularly thus spit,my stomach starts to hurt. What is my body trying yo tell me? I do not know.I just read an article about intersex people, and it was interesting. I've heard of people bring born with mixed or atypical gentalia, and having surgery to correct it, but I never thought about who got to make the decision, especially at such a young age. I think that surgery us not the answer for everyone, and unless it causes a health risk later in life, shouldn't be done until the individual us old enough to identify with one it both sexes, or at least until the age of fourteen. Usually, there us no harm to people who don't undergo surgery,but I do think activists are wrong in ruling out surgery completely. Minimal surgery, which still allows the individual to reverse later in life I believe are okay with informed consent and choice. And I don't just mean biased opinions.
Brb, I'm trying to finish a book, and I have to check on my sims
I think it might be a mix of premesntrual cramps and the smells that are bothering me....
I've got Just Friends by Musiq Soulchild on repeat, love that song, Yaasaaaassssssss
Still on, YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSsss love da scarf boo.My stomach..............My stomach............................MY STOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I really need help y'all, I don't know what' swrong with me,.....I kinda think...never mind. Well, laters, see y'all in a bit maybe, if not, g'night peeps
It is irking me that I don't know what is wrong with me all I know us that my stomach hurts
I don't know if urns what I ate for dinner...
I hate auto correct
Abcd
Efg
Hijk
Mlnop
Qrs
Tuv
Wx
Yz
This girl needs more help than I can give her and she better hope that she can change her attitude before she gets herself into a situation she regrets
I read an article today, or a couple of them actually, and found out that wearing the wrong bra size can cause headaches, indigestion, and back and shoulder pains, tjo the last one I already knew. Symptoms sound familiar? Wearing the wrong bra size can also cause breast pain, tho breast pain can also be caused by hormonal changes such as menu station. Aiight, gotta go, I'm supposed to be asleep xd stay safe
message 384:
by
~Akweley♡Mazarae♥~★☆★oblivion★☆★~I CAN'T BREATHE~
(last edited Nov 08, 2016 01:55PM)
(new)
My stomach is really in a fragile state right now, gotta be careful. I keep drinking water but it doesn't help, it gores straight through me, but I have to drink it right after I eat anything or I become constipated.Anyway, since I know yall don't want to hear about my poop, I will tell you about the trials and tribulations of my day. Of course my father had to get upset because I decided to wake up at eight when we had to be at the hospital at nine. Uh, hello, the hospital is like, seven minutes away. We were done by eight forty. Plenty of time. I hate getting up before eight if I don't have to, and I do it the majority of the time, but whateva, this one time I can't get a break. Now we gotta get up at seven regardless.
He started vita in about the twenty cent fine I owe to the library. Da fuck? Whateva.
My sista is gonna need serious therapy when she grows up, just saying.
Anyway, about my revelation yesterday. If the band is too tight, it squeezes something, causing indigestion, which I was complaining about earlier this week, coincidentally when I was wearing my 32d bra, the smallest band I have, so I've vowed to stop using it unless I really have to. Part of it was cramps tho, as I got my period yesterday, woohoo, too tightened straps to compensate for an ill fitting band can also cause shoulder pain, another thing I 've complained of. All of these issues could have been resolved if we had just been fitted when we were getting out first ones, like I wanted to and still do, but whenever I bring it up its like he doesn't hear me. It's like, why can't you figure it out?BECAUSE I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT IT BITCH SO TAKE ME TO SOMEONE WHO DOES. DAMN.
Omg my sister is really too funny, I am cracking the fudge up, let me tell you, she is too doggone funny.God works in mysterious ways. I don't know if this is Wong to bring him into this, but I really am thanking him for this blessing. All summer I've been craving some chocolate, and I think the lack of it was feeding my mood swings. So totally I finally cracked up som change, but I just bought a stick of gum because I though that would be worth more in the long term. Bu all day today I was wanting some chocolate, and this lady, a nice as she was, and I'm telling you, she has a truly kind heart, gave us the rest of her change to buy anything we wanted. It was about four dollars I think. But on this Friday afternoon, the fact that this woman I barely know as so kind as to give me money without even knowing that I wanted some chocolate gives me hope that there are still good and generous people out in the world. My sister and I both got a chocolate bar, and saved the eat of the money, tho I did put some of it on for th gift shop. Awesome tho. Absolutely amazing, God bless her heart. I hope she has a wonderful weekend.
I don't understand this so someone please explain this to me. The last time I had chicken noodle soup, it was all soup and no noodles. This time it's all noodles and no damn soup, as well as being salty as hell? What da fudge is up I'd dis nonsense? You know what? I'm done.
Of my blood pressure has skyrocketed all da any to Mars it's because fmda soup, ya hear?
I grid reading my posts, and you know what the first thing that came into my mind was? FORGET AUTO DAMN CORRECT
My cousins started school today, good luck for the,.I read some stuff on the Internet, it's making me re evaluate how I see my body, but I'm also trying to be careful not to let everything I read influence me, which is more difficult than it looks. I know what I'm feeling is normal, but I don't know e right way to go about expressing these feelings, or what is right or wrong. Got to go, ttyl
I'm getting my hair done Thursday, but not twists like I wanted, braids, oh well
Now ttyl
You know how you read things sometimes and it gives you conflicting views, especially on the Internet? Yeah, well now I don't know what I am doing is ,orally right, y'know? I don't want it to become a distraction though, but idk. I want to love my body and not feel ashamed of it, but I am constantly being told in multiple ways what is wrong with the female body and how it is sinful and luatful.On a lighter note, I think I've stretched out my tank top, and since I'm not wearing a bra, my Tatas keep falling out....
I think I should just let things happen naturally (referring to the subject above) and try not to think in it too much, but also try not to tempt ,used. Which is harder than it sounds, especially around that time of the month.
I'm going back to reading now, see y'all.
I've realized that my feelings are normal, but it's what I decide to do with them that counts. I wish I had someone I could talk to about this, but unfortunately, I dint at the moment. I just took a shower though, so no more thinking on that subject for now. I'm telling myself for a couple of months at least, maybe December, but we'll see how it goes. Hasta la vista niños
The Internet has too many temptations for little girls like me, every time I ho on, or search for something, even something banal, it's constantly trying to seduce me to look at other inappropriate things. Gosh, it is so hard.
The injustice if women with fat booties who don't appreciate them....but yeah, yeah, I'm still tryin to learn how to love myself and my body including my ass xD,Does anyone else move their bopdy while texting lying down?
I am so doggone itchy right now I forgot that this is why I don't shave, especially everything, because it makes me feel so doggone uncomfortable, and now I'm itchy as heck. After I took a shower I was fine, but then I went to the bathroom and now I'm itchy all over again, but now as awfully as before...I'm hoping that if I don't scratch, the itchiness will go away, a futile hope, I inow.Watched inside out today, it was cute, very moving. It is all kind relatable,and if they're making a sequel, I'd wTxh it. That really is how emotions work tho, all over the place it seems, but there is a reason to my madness xD ha ha
My sister is nasty, she just passed gas and stunk up the whole dogoe room and didn't even say xscue me. She's mad at me right now because I didn't mop when. I was supposed to and she had to do it dor me and I won't throw out the water, tho if she used it, why doesn't she throw it out? I don't understand her logic.
My sister is stil angry, especially because my faither made her do it, oh well thp
I have such a horrible headache, like hall would never believe
I will have an update on my ah-mahzing live hopefully by the weekend, though most likely not, I am full of crap to do xD buenos niches niños
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Significance (other topics)Tracks (other topics)
The Heart of Betrayal (other topics)
Willful Machines (other topics)
Homegoing (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Yaa Gyasi (other topics)Maria V. Snyder (other topics)
Gabrielle Zevin (other topics)
Anywho, he's always trying to face time or skype a fucking bitch, and jumpin to fucking conclusions when people don't answer on time. Maybe it's not because I want to ignore your call, as much as I'd like to, but because THIS BITCH DON'T GOT NO FUCKIN WIFI.
how 'bout that?
I need to leave, like, desperately. These people are the type that you only need to see once a year. And then hide. For like, five thousand years.
You know what I haven't had in a while? Potato leaves. And for some reason, I really want some....
I gotta get off now, it's my sisters turn to use the d comp8ter.