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★OBLIVION★...♫there's no lovin without losin, no livin without brusin♫
Like a big test or party or something...I especially hate getting an awful migraine when someone had taken me somewhere or done something for me and I feel miserable the whole time and just want some tea and to sleep, but I don't want them to feel bad, and I do appreciate what they've done, I just can't enjoy it because I am in extreme pain
I'm out in five girl, I'm trying to get back on a normal sleeping schedule, but we'll see how long this will last
I also kind of wanted to work on some of my poetry stuff and short stories, idk about that...maybe I should put them up on GR?
Like, what' on right now sounds like classic Mariah Carey but I'm not sure, and I WISH THE RADIO ANNOUCNERS OR WHATEVER WOULD SAY IT like, I love them, those are my boos, but, please, help a sista out here
Wow, I sure do talk a lot, five pages now...
I swear this is her, someone tell me it's not...
Good night everyone, sleep right, love you all, this chica has fourteen minutos acostarse. Les amo.
Fire and StarsHe holds me close, lips brushing my skin. I’m burning, alive, and it hurts and feels good at the same time. It can’t last, but it feels like forever. The sound consumes me, of pain and regret, love and hate, fear. My skin, it’s alight, with passion and worry. The sun is hiding from us, and the sky is crying, why? The moon hides, and the trees are praying. I hear the wind, asking for, pleading for, our lives. Our hands are linked, constellations in the sky. Then a chain is pulled, and the stars fall, fall, fall. They crash, and burn, burn brighter and brighter, the light is blinding. I am swimming in light, in pain. My hands caress his cheek as the axe continues to swing. They have cut off our limbs, but out roots are still there, and I reach out, stretching, stretching…A slight breeze rustles the leaves, and gets stronger, a tornado. It tears us up from the ground, pulling us apart. The pain and regret begins to build, and I am burning with the need to tear off my skin. I crash into night, and I remember. I howl, screech and am one with the night, cloaking myself in darkness, searching, looking, destroying everything in my path, desperately needing release for the tension building up inside me…I collapse, and a skeleton, of what once was the fire that burned so bright, brighter than any star in the sky…I cling to the memory of once was and he wails, at what I’ve become, what I let them make me in my desperation and darkness, and he kisses the stubble on my cheek and cries for my poor soul, a star burned out.
A lone flower is left in the ashes, asking for forgiveness. It is hope, that I cling to as I rise to the sky and die.
That's a prose poem I just wrote while listening Afire love by Ed Sheeran (on repeat xD)
It's my second attempt at a prose poem, way better than the first. I was trying to get some work done tonight, but I guess not. It's okay though, this is more fun, and you should always right when the moment strikes you, right?
I guess I felt inspired tonight to write something, and I kind of still feel that way, but I don' now what. I knew at first I was going to write a poem, possibly a love one, no I knew it was going to be a love poem, but I didn't know I was going to try a prose poem again, and I hope I did a better job this time, I think I did. I actually put this up on GR, not something I usually do. I don't know, I'm trying to figure out what to do next,, maybe that's my problem, I'm trying to hard, focusing too much.Thanks Ed baby for helping my write something, love ya foreva and you know that*blows kiss* Maybe I'll be back later, but probably not, so good night y'all
Oops, almost forgot, love ya. Les amo.
I still haven't written anything else...
I really thought I was onto something, maybe not
Alright, G'night for real y'all. Les Amo.
message 217:
by
~Akweley♡Mazarae♥~★☆★oblivion★☆★~I CAN'T BREATHE~
(last edited Jul 07, 2015 04:40PM)
(new)
FlawlessI wake up, and examine myself in the mirror. “A little bit better than yesterday,” I tell myself, “but still too fat.”
In the shower, I look at my sagging skin and think, “Yep, still too fat.”
As I’m dressing, I have trouble getting my size zero shorts on, and have to wear my size ones. Oh no, I think. This is what happens by listening to them…they’re turning me into a fat machine!
I go downstairs, bracing myself to do battle with the Food Police. I go down and see that she’s beaten me to it, sitting at the table with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.
“Good Morning,” She says calmly, peacefully almost, like she’s not about to try and force feed me over 200 calories of disgustingness.
“Good Morning,” I say back just as calmly (or casually?), showing her that I’m not afraid. “You want any bacon with that?” I say, gesturing towards the plate.
She looks at me for a second, trying to guess what game I’m playing. “No, I made this for you, hon,” she says slowly, like she’s unsure of what’s going to happen next.
“Really? Thanks. You can go now.” I stare at her pointedly to make sure she gets the message that she’s dismissed.
Again, she looks uncertain, hesitant. “I have to watch you eat, hon. Doctor’s orders.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, I can’t eat with you in here, so I guess the Doctor doesn’t want me to eat, huh?”
She looks scared by that prospect and says, “Okay, I’ll wait for you in the next room.”
“Mom, when I said here, I meant the WHOLE HOUSE. Please, go wait in the garage or something. I promise, I’ll eat.”
She nods her head slowly, agreeing. “Yeah, I’ll wait in the garage while you eat, hon,” like it was her idea all along. She walks out slowly, cautiously, like a bird in captivity suddenly and for no reason is set free.
I wait a sufficient amount of time, then chug it all in the garbage disposal. I wash my dishes and put them on the rack. Grabbing my phone and bag, I head to my car. In the garage I tell the Food Police that I’m finished and get in the car. I turn my phone on silent, knowing she’ll want to know where I’m going, but I can’t tell her I’m heading to the gym.
After two hours of working out, I weigh myself. Yes! I silently scream and fist bump the air in my head. Three pounds lighter than yesterday! I drop the car off and go for a walk. Before I even realize it, it’s evening, and I start back home. With only a block or so left to go, I suddenly collapse. I see sirens flashing, paramedics rushing. I’m taken to the ER where an IV is thrust upon my arm and I inwardly grown, not again.
After everything has calmed down and the doctors say my condition has “stabilized”, my parents come in. Why, they ask, Why do you do this to yourself? To us? What is the point of starving yourself ---? Why do you insist on listening to the anorexia more than us?
I have only one answer for them. “To be Flawless, of course.”
I wrote that this morning. I wrote other things this morning, too. I know I said I was going to bed last night, but that's not what happened. Oh well, it's okay though. But now that I've finally written something, I keep feeling the urge to write everywhere, even in he shower, which is where I came up with the idea for this story. It needs to be edited a little bit, but it's okay, I think, and I'm getting better, though developing my characters still needs a little bit of work. Okay, I'm off to take a practice PSAT, see y'all laters.
My stomach feels kind of icky, and my head is messing with me, and I do not like that. It's kind of like, you're about to have a headache, no you're not, wait yes you are, never mind I changed my mind (ha ha get it?), okay, here the headache comes...oh wait, now it's gone away. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADYbut whatevs. I'm about to try, key word try and do some summer reading. I didn't finish the practice test today, I only did the first two sections. I did the second section without time though, and I realized I did better on the math without time, which probably just means I need to practice more (I hope.)
OMG, when you read your textbook and you realize that authors actually research thigns and what they use is real
Just know,I was doing an outline, and in the textbook it talked about a substance called curare, a pison that paralyzes people. In Maria V. Snyder's Chronicles of Ixia series, she says that curare is a substance that paralyzes people and their magic. like, how cool is that?
And in another book, Because It Is My Blood by Gabrielle Zevin, she has a character named Theobroma, which is named after a plant....Also something Maria v. Snyder uses, and something that is actually real. Again, so cool, right?
I did the PSAT again today, actually I finished yesterday's, and I timed myself on the rest of it. My scaled score for math was 59, and my scaled score for Critical Reading was 64! Together it was 123, which is good enough for me, since I'm aiming for a 120. What I need to do is practice the math sections timed because that's where I'm slacking....BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF *claps self on back*For some reason all of my clothes smell like they've just been washed, so I keep smelling myself, is that weird? Oh well xD
Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with people. Like, tonight, my dad saw my mom calling him. But he hung up the phone! Well, technically he just let it ring, and hung up at like, the last second, but whatever. He was actin' like I wasn't sittin' right next to him and saw the number. I bet on Crash Into You By Kate McGarry that a couple of days from now, at the earliest tomorrow, at the last, a week from now, he's gonna say, oh, I forgot, your mother called the othr day. BEACH you knew when she called, and you can't give some crap-ass excuse like we were sleeping or something, becasue we're all awake right now. what the fudge I wrong with you, mister?
Alright, Hasta La vista chicas, I'm going to try an read some of the wicked game, and then go to bed, or maybe od some PSAT practice stuff...
Adios, Les Amo muchachos
I don't normally use hashtags...#ILoveNeilPatrickHarris
#IheartPhilly
#IheartThreeShadesOfBlue
That was my status update
I saw them on AGT tonight and now I think I'm in love...especially with the long-haired surprisinglyI don't' know a lot about them other than tht they are from Philly, dropped out of college, are all brothers except for one, and are, or used to be at least, a Christian rock band...they still do rock though
I'm about to be crazy stalkerish like I usually am and look all of them up...
I hope they don't listen to Howie's advice and start doing pop songs because that would irk and disappoint me....
My sister just asked me why I'm so obsessed with them, and then she said "Actually, they seem like the kind of people you'd be obsessed with."What does that even mean?
And I'm not obsessed. Yet.
Their website is kind of confusing and underdeveloped but that's okay....
I still love them
I think Jesse's the one I want. He's twenty though...OH well xD
Okay, I'm done being creepy for now...I do hope that they win, or at least make it to the final rounds...
Is there a problem when your ass is falling out of your pajama shorts?
That probably means there too small, right? I mean, they're practically like underwear...
I try to stay out of the whole body image thing, and be proud and happy with what I have, but can you blame me for wanting a bigger butt...
But wearing too small shorts to bed is not what I mean...
This whole not weighing myself until July 28th I think is going to kill me...
It is just too doggone difficult
I am an easily tempted person and everyday I walk by the scale and think hmm....how much longer can I last?
I still wish my ass was bigger though. Just saying...But I blame it on society and black culture, for influencing my poor impressionable mind when I was just a wee little child...I mean, they literally say that to be black you have to have a big butt or big tits...I would be just fine with the former, my chest is good enough for me
I once looked up butt exercises, but they are all too complicated for me to do...
Apparently there are these things called Twerk class or Twerkshops or something, they're really popular in Europe, and are starting to become popular in the US, on the west coast...I think it's funny and kind of interesting, but only if they didn't look like middle aged moms...That's what m sister said when se watched the video anyway, and now that's all I think about when I think abut it...OH well xD
I meant to work on my outline but since that isn't happening good night, good peoples. Love ya
I'm watching the ESPY's with my sister, and I feel so bad for ths poor little girl, she had cancer. She's the daughter of some football player, but this is so sad...all the tributes are especially the ones with cancer.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Significance (other topics)Tracks (other topics)
The Heart of Betrayal (other topics)
Willful Machines (other topics)
Homegoing (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Yaa Gyasi (other topics)Maria V. Snyder (other topics)
Gabrielle Zevin (other topics)
I KNOW I so totally hate that