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Why are you still single?
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hmmm... I usually just say I haven't met a person that interest me enough to be in a relationship with them.Either that or just say I prefer being single. Others might love being in a relationship, but not everybody feels that way.
Its not really anybody's business what I do or don't do \ like. I find it highly annoying how everybody finds social relationships so interesting. I understand its felt as a normal topic for idle conversation, but I just find it annoying. I am not who I date. Wether or not I date or am in a relationship is quite irrelevant to me.
My two cents anyway
It's not a question I get asked (being that I am married) but when people ask why I don't have children I either say "Why, do you want to give yours away?" or "It's not really any of your business". Just staring at them silently until they feel uncomfortable and apologise works too.
I usually say that although many have vied for my hand, my heart belongs to a rouge and a bad man--and if the two of them ever meet I'll be in trouble. You may have to adjust for gender.
Michelle wrote: "I try for mellow first but not above passive aggression. ..."Brilliant!
ok from a guy's perspective if I do this I am usually like I am surprised you are single and then explain why I am surprised in all the ways I am interested in the person and how I would expect someone else to be as well. My way of trying to be charming. But I can't see asking someone why they are single in a manner like there is something wrong with them. That is just wrong.
Christopher wrote: "ok from a guy's perspective if I do this I am usually like I am surprised you are single and then explain why I am surprised in all the ways I am interested in the person and how I would expect som..."It does depends who asks and in what context. When little old ladies start asking you, it is different. But you have to be respectful, because they are fierce and own babushkas.
I get a lot of "Are you seeing anybody" and when I reply, "No, I'm focusing on school/career" I receive one of the following: horror, disbelief, pity or some kind of weird amalgamation of those three. Having already been married and divorced at 32 (I spent nine years in my relationship), I don't feel as though I'm missing out. I'm not really sure where the weirdness comes in but apparently wanting to be single without kids is inappropriate and makes me mutant-like. Though that's really their problem and not mine. Asking people "Why are you still single" is rude and obnoxious but I would answer(and have), "Because I want to be" and leave it at that. It's really none of their business.
Erika wrote: "I get a lot of "Are you seeing anybody" and when I reply, "No, I'm focusing on school/career" I receive one of the following: horror, disbelief, pity or some kind of weird amalgamation of those thr..."I've been in a long term relationship for sometime and I get "Why aren't you engaged/married yet" and when I reply, "Focusing on career" or any reason that's really none of people's business, I also get horror, or don't wait to long (You're getting old/he's not serious) or some other rude response.
I find some people are opinionated and rude. Some don't know better. When I was engaged at 21 I was too young. I worked as a cashier I was stupid. I quit and was unemployed focused on writing I should get any job because I can't expected to be taken care of. I feel it's always something whether single, married, with or without children.
My relatives always want to know if I'm dating someone new. I know they mean well, but it does get a little annoying--like they're expecting me to race all my other girl cousins down the aisle. No, thank you.
If you get married, they'll ask why you aren't pregnant. If you have a child, they'll ask why you don't have 2. Some people always want to pry.
"Are you asking me out?" - causes people to trip over themselves backpedaling
"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not quite ready for an institution." Mae West quote - bonus points if they think you made it up
"Wow. Really?"/"Excuse me?", etc. - for most people, having to repeat the question aloud makes them realize how inappropriate it sounds
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you're obligated to answer it.
"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not quite ready for an institution." Mae West quote - bonus points if they think you made it up
"Wow. Really?"/"Excuse me?", etc. - for most people, having to repeat the question aloud makes them realize how inappropriate it sounds
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you're obligated to answer it.
Marjorie wrote: "I've been in a long term relationship for sometime and I get "Why aren't you engaged/married yet" and when I reply, "Focusing on career" or any reason that's really none of people's business, I also get horror, or don't wait to long (You're getting old/he's not serious) or some other rude response."I get that too. All the time.
We've one really subtle friend who comes over and announces "You know, I hear the price of diamonds just dropped again."
To any of those questions (single/not married/no kids), I've always gone with simply "Because I'm happy like this. Why change when I'm happy?" Most people have difficulty finding a problem with that and it works when up against almost any of those types of questions.
Many years ago I saw a list of a few dozen responses designed to get people to back off. A few that I remember are:1. What, give it away for FREE?
2. Money, that's all I care about! Money-money-money!
3. I *am* married - it's just that that...(sobs)
4. A killing machine doesn't have time for love.
5. No mere man can compete with old (insert pet name for vibrator).
6. I'm already married - to Satan!
7. No man would want me with my (something which sounds vaguely like a horrible disease or disability)
If I could be bothered, I could probably find more with Google.
Peter wrote: "3. I *am* married - it's just that that...(sobs)"Love that one... but I'm pretty sure I couldn't pull it off with a straight face.
I used to hate it when people asked me and would give a polite vague reply. But, I lived in a fairly rural area, and thing changed when I was about 26 or 27 (remember rural). That is when people stopped asking me they would just look at my sadly and ask when my brother & his wife would have kids.It took me about a year to realise they had given up on me. I was an oldmaid (rural does equal 1900s in this case).
People are... interesting.
Hee hee. I think 27 or 28 is the average age of the UF protagonists at the beginning of a series.
I actually find the "why are you still single?" question to be very insulting. I'm sure, or at least I'd like to think, they mean it to be a sort of you're-so-awesome-you-should-have-tons-of-people-lining-up-to-date-you kind of thing, but it's just such an invasive question. It's nobody's business why I'm single and I hate being asked that.
Recently I used this answer " I would get married, it's just that Walder Frey voluntered to organise the wedding reception"
My lot also gave up on me when I didn't move to the suburbs and spawn on their schedule. Bugger the lot of them. They just want you to make the same choices they did so you can be miserable & unfulfilled too and they no longer have to worry that the grass is greener and that you're smarter for not making the same choices as the last 500 generations. Depending on who asks and what'll be the most personal dig at their uninspiring realtionships, my response is:"Why are you still married?"
"Ew, why would I want to do that?"
"I'll probably get married when you stop getting divorced"
"But I already know I'll be a shitty parent"
(Gesture at my lap) "This is all for recreational use only"
And the most effective of the lot:
*Stare at them with absolutely no expression untill they get creeped out and wander over to plague someone else*
EDIT: Just realised I know nobody in a relationship that would aspire me out of my current state. How sad. No wonder they're so judgmental and condescending.
I think people asking such questions just want one to answer "I don't know" and watch as he/she is thrown into the gourge of eternal peril.
"I’m just going to say it — there are different definitions of what constitutes selfish for male and female folks. Women are selfish when we don’t put things ahead of ourselves because that’s what women are supposed to do and who we’re supposed to be. I think women are fearful of being called selfish, and it’s interesting to me that these men seemed to not be nervous about owning the word and using it to describe their decision."- Chanel Dubofsky in Brief Interviews With Childfree Men
Full article: http://the-toast.net/2013/12/30/brief...
When I used to get asked the single question my answer would be: "Why do you think I need a boyfriend." Usually follow by: "Are they on sale?"And when asked when I would be having kids (I was single at the time) my answer was: "I'll go clubbing this weekend and get right on it."
My mother stopped asking soon after figuring out what I meant by that.
I don't need anyone, I have a cat
My starship's Artificial Inteligence is quite a jelous one, she'd airlock anyone I'd attempt to date.
Huh, I just noticed that nobody asked me that question. I guess people just take a look at me and go "Yeah, she is shrew-ish enough to stay single forever."
The real answer for me: Because I've been in two back to back long-term relationships over the past 7.5 years, and I want to learn how to be on my own as an adult.The answer I like to give people: There are too many good people to sleep with, why should I stick to one? (I like watching the shock corss someone's face.)
Why am I single? Because I like the company of me and myself and I and guys and sex don't interest me. Plus being single you are least likely to get stds . You also have time to have fun and stuff without a guy holding you down.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 yrs and been living together almost as long. We joke that we are engaged to be engaged. He even got me a ring from a restraunt coin machine. All joking aside though, it drives me nuts when people ask about our future. A coworker flippantly said the other week that 'he better put a ring on it.' Like a ring and a wedding date are better indicators of a solid relationship than day to day reciprocation of feelings and commitment. We have our own goals we wish to pursue and our own very personal reasons for not taking the next step at a more socially accepted point in our relationship. Unless we choose to discuss the matter, it is no one's business but our own. Not our family's. Not our friends. And certainly not strangers or acquaintances.
1. "Because you're already married."
2. "Because you haven't asked me yet."
3. "Because your husband/boyfriend would kill me."
Or something to that effect. However, when I'm feeling rude, annoyed or honest, I'll say:
1. "Because I haven't found the right woman to cheat on/cheat on me."
2. "I don't mind paying my fair share of taxes like a good American."
3. "It's always seemed like a really stupid way to spend my life... but I'm sure it's fine for someone like you."
4. "I'm poor." To which I invariably get "Oh, but that doesn't matter." And when I respond with a simple "Bullshit." that usually shuts them down.
What do you say to that question?