Forbidden thoughts for someone unimportant enough for a name

[[deleted user]]

This is a journal
My journal

I will use this for my darkest thoughts
I shall also use this for my thoughts I shouldn't have
And the thoughts I don't wish to share


You, reading this, may comment if you wish to do so, I don't mind truely

;P

[[deleted user]]

I cannot stop myself from missing a certain someone
I do not have "feelings" for this person, I only enjoyed having conversations with this person, now and then.
They understood me in ways others never will


We stopped talking to please other people, and I often wonder why.
Both of us are people who do not care for opinions of others, as long as ourselves are happy, so why did we do it?
I fear to make contact again. Too much time has passed by, and I am fearful of what this person would say to me

I know I really should not miss this person, but I cannot help myself
I never can

I know for sure I do not have "feelings" for this person
I just miss them deeply

[[deleted user]]

But I fear so much

This person dropped me to please others, not the other way round
I'm fearful for that history to repeat

[ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx ★ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ★]

Sorry to butt in, but...
Usually in order to conquer fear is to go out of your comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable it is, & do it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Even if it doesn't work out like you think it should, it's still worth a shot.

[[deleted user]]

I have no proof that this person cares for me though
If I had the slightest of proof, I would try, but I know nothing of them caring, so I see no reason to try to reach out to them

Except to gain happiness for myself
Which I could gain in other ways

[[deleted user]]

They are not the type of person that "waits" for someone

They move on
Forget

They have never waited for someone in their whole life
And I do not believe they would wait for someone such as me

[ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx ★ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ★]

Why not try anyway? Worst-case scenario is they might not care for you as much, but regardless...show them you still care as much as you did before. You never know...your care for them could change them.

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

I can totally relate. I drive myself crazy all the time when it comes to figuring out if I should talk to certain people. It can be awkward. It can be sooo hard. But, if you really misd the person, don't worry about it. Don't overthink it. Just do it. It's better to regret doing it than regret not doing it. You don't know what'll happen. A freak accident could happen and the person could be dead tomorrow. If you don't say anything, it'll only continue to bother you and you'll regret wasting time thinking about it. It may be awkward, but it's worth it. If the person truly couldn't care less, then now you'll know you don't have to miss them. You might be surprised to find out that the person misses you too, but didn't have the courage to try and talk to you again. Give it a shot. What's the worst thing that can happen?

[[deleted user]]

I may try

Not today as I have no way to contact them
But tomorrow I shall give it a good try

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

Good luck :)

[ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx ★ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ★]

Good luck!

[[deleted user]]

Thank you very much :)

[ᴘʜᴏᴇɴɪx ★ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ, ɪ'ᴍ ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ★]

Sure. =)

[[deleted user]]

"She laughs at my dreams, but I dream of her laughter"

I relate to this so much
Though I wish to not be this person

[[deleted user]]

"I wish you'd still be there, but I'm a mess and I know you don't care"

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

You can't know for sure unless you try.

[[deleted user]]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFaBm...

[YoursTruly]

[YoursTruly]

If love is blind, find the person who you love, but also loves you back, so you can find your way through the world together

[[deleted user]]

I like that "they say love is blind, I disagree" quote

I agree with it :)
Its a good quote

The one above, was that yours, or did you take it from somewhere?

[YoursTruly]

I like it too, it is why I posted it :)

The top quote from my last post was my own words based on another image I found

[[deleted user]]

Ahh right

Coolz XD

[YoursTruly]

:D

[YoursTruly]

There is always a time in every girl's life, where she gives up on everyone she once loved, because they gave up on her

I hope you do not go through this, but if you do, know I am always here

[YoursTruly]

[YoursTruly]

I hate it when people think you want pity
Talking to someone just because you pity them is one of the most stupid and insulting things you can do

Simply do not do it

It hurts

Do not be friends with someone whom you pity.
It simply will not work

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

^^^

[YoursTruly]

Cαiтℓуn ~Time to start living~ wrote: "^^^"

What does "^^^" mean?

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

I'm agreeing with what you said above.

[YoursTruly]

Ahkay

[YoursTruly]

I really miss the person who used to make me happy when I felt like this

But we no longer talk
It is a shame really...

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

Find a new friend.

[YoursTruly]

He wasn't a friend. Not ever. Just someone who understands and I understood him. We could talk, tell each other shit and not wory what we thought of the other one because if we scared the other person away, we could live without each other.



I really want to talk to him again, but I'm too scared to start something I can't finish.
I'd get in trouble if I spoke to him again, but I'm craving it so much.
It would be so easy to message him, but I shouldn't.
It would be a bad thing.

[YoursTruly]

I feel guilty for craving him the way I do.

[YoursTruly]

Am I a bad person for craving him like this?

[[deleted user]]

I dont understand you... Who do you crave and how do you crave him o.o

[YoursTruly]

He is just some guy I used to talk to. We had problems so we didn't talk for sometime, but these issues have been resolved, but we don't really talk much.
I am unsure how to explain it. I crave talking to him, listening to his words.
Talking to him comforted me when I'm at my lowest, he made me laugh, he cheered me up, he understood me.
I'm craving that. The jokes only he could make, the comfort only he could provide, and stuff like that.
I'm don't know how to explain it to you

[[deleted user]]

Are/were you in love with him?

[YoursTruly]

No. Never.
God, no.
He was just good to talk to.
Someone I liked talking to.

[[deleted user]]

Right... wellll, I'm not sure what to say xD
Sorry I'm no help >.>

[YoursTruly]

It's alright. I feel a little better just talking about him.
I just wish I had enough balls to message him
But I'm too scared of the consequences.

[[deleted user]]

Yeah I get that...

[YoursTruly]

Yeah

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

You could be nonchalant.

[YoursTruly]

How do you mean?

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

Like find an excuse to talk to him and if it isn't fulfilling, don't bother to try again. And when I mean an excuse, I mean a good reason to do so.

[YoursTruly]

I'm not scared of talking to him. I know he's willing to talk to me, as he has told me to message him whenever I want to, even if it's in the middle of the night, because he knows I like talking to him, and he feels the same.
I'm scared of other people. Because the consequences wouldn't be worth it.

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

Why do other people matter? What consequence would there be?

[YoursTruly]

Fights, losing people that matter, stuff like that

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

Fights with who? Losing who? Why?