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ABNA Question
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Mod
I think the sentiment behind the blurb works fine, and the length is good, but I'd redraft it. Obviously these are just my suggestions, so take it or leave it as you feel best.
Concisely, I'd axe the first three sentences, and replace them with something about "never feels better"/"only feels truly alive on the soccer pitch".
Outline how much she loves it, how good she is and the golden prospects ahead (professional career? university scholarship) and then what it is that forces her out, whether that's a badly broken leg or having to look after her terminally ill mother.
End with the question of how she'll cope, whether she can get back to soccer, and pose the hook which should draw the reader in (ie in Terminator this might be something like "Kyle would give his life to save Sarah Connor, but the Terminator would take it to kill her... [that's clunky, but you see what I mean).
An ellipsis (three dots) *can* be a good way to end, but isn't necessary.
Thaddeus, thanks for the response. I don't think the ABNA has a New Adult category, so I'm stuck with choosing between Young Adult and General Fiction.As for the blurb, my first attempt read a lot like your suggestions (MC was very good at soocer, won a National Championship, won a Gold Medal, tested positive (though later shown she was innocent), forced out, had to learn to live without soccer). I've seen suggestions elsewhere that a good blurb leaves the reader wanting more ... whether through a good hook or by posing a leading question. My blurbs tend to read more like a quick synopsis and are fairly dull.
So would it be better to add more detail and try to come up with a killer hook, or polish up the initial try but leave the details out (ideally making the reader ask themselves, 'Why was she forced out? I need to read more to find out!')
Christian,I am also very bad at blurbs. I think most people are. How do you sum up 300 pages in 30 seconds?
I agree with Thaddeus and think his advice is solid. Especially about the first three lines. My initial feeling reading it was, "It's too much. My teeth are falling out from so much sugar." Joking, but you get what I mean. I don't think you want your first few lines to be quite so abstract about "the best thing ever". Be more specific about this book, this story.
That's my two cents, anyway.
J.D. wrote: "Christian,I am also very bad at blurbs. I think most people are. How do you sum up 300 pages in 30 seconds?
I agree with Thaddeus and think his advice is solid. Especially about the first thr..."
You can't be worse than the example winner blurbs, although I expect those are old ones from the pathetic primitive beginnings of the contest.
Mod
Personally, I'd guess that the reason behind the forcing out matters less (and can therefore be divulged). The key (again, not read the story, so it's a guess) would be how that affects her. Maybe something about shattered dreams, and a serious negative impact. The last thing could be a potential way out that might or might not work (but when an old friend offers her a great job/opportunity to build a school in Nepal etc she's torn between rebuilding her shattered dream and grasping the opportunity of a lifetime).
Er, I'm a bit sleepy, so that's probably rambly/repetitive, but hopefully I got my meaning across.
Blurbs are easy. It's your one-minute elevator pitch on why somone would want to read your book.
I find it easier to write a blurb for another writer's book than writing a blurb for my own. The danger is always wanting to tell the story, rather than giving the reader enough of a tease to make them want to read the story. You only need a small hook to catch a big fish!
Mod
Got to say my redrafting is mainly cutting back; just the odd bit added to.
That's funny because I go into revising know that I *should* be cutting back, and I do, but the net result is an increased word count as I add more here and there. :)
While I'm outlining and doing a first draft, I train myself to tell my story in a sentence and in a paragraph. I string a few together and get my blurb or contest pitch, also useful for back of jacket. Perhaps it will help another author, so here it is:Enjoy a controversial, fast-paced crime thriller that hits close to home. Gut-Check Green dances with exciting characters. The action-packed plot explores the future of veteran’s services, drug dependence and our food supply. It raises disturbing questions about the drift toward over-dependence on GMOs and fertilizers. Here’s a conspiracy so plausible it will rattle your dinner plate and change the way you sip chardonnay.
Afghan vet and P.I. Jake Knight gets his first under-cover assignment. Harassed by a task force, he must capture a unique group of aging terrorists, skilled at avoiding a Federal investigation. With a raid on a winery party, they launch a chain of events with world-rattling repercussions.
Their message: “This is gut-check green, the defenders of Mother Nature, checking in. We rank them, spank them and prank them. Lasso is poison and now you’re all going to die. Remember to love your planet. This is gut-check green, checking out.”
Only Jake Knight is able to identify and challenge them. He must decide if their violence is justified. What has driven these terrorists to act? Does their message have truth? Or is it all madness? Ultimately he must battle a determined killer, the Pencil Man.
Gut-Check Green is written in a sparse style in homage to Robert B. Parker and John D. MacDonald, and set in the cradle of California wine country. The author, an award-winning environmentalist, made cheese every weekend for a year to get the setting right. Jake Knight is converting his family dairy to an artisan cheese operation. Set in spring, Jake begins as a birth daddy to one hundred new ewes before going after a cop killer. Key words: Investigator, Vigilante, Terrorism, Murder, Series. On'Ya ABNA authors.
I've been happy with my blurb results, but they weren't easy to come up with. I keep wanting to add info about sub-plots and whatnot.I think it's cool to hear that others share my problem of needing to add rather than cut. In my last book, I added whole chapters, and it was definitely for the better. I realized that I had a strong, fleshed out beginning and ending, but no real time to get to know the characters in the middle.
My feeling is, blurb your main ideas to catch readers, but don't forget that your main idea is a skeleton without flesh of character development, suspense, and humor. The flesh is what keeps people reading once they start. It doesn't matter how good your main idea is if your readers aren't entertained along the way.
Thaddeus, I went with the ellipsis at the end. Here is what I ended up with after removing the fluff:Megan Plower had the kind of natural talent and ability on the soccer field that comes along once in a generation. She channeled her skills and honed them to such a level that she enjoyed unrivaled success on the field, first by winning a National Championship with her local small-town college team and then by receiving an invitation to join the US Olympic Soccer team. Despite a rocky transition to the International stage, she led the US team to a Gold Medal. She had dedicated her life to the sport and had reached the pinnacle. She knew that nothing could compare to the feeling of the Gold Medal being placed around her neck and couldn't imagine life without soccer.
That is exactly what she had to deal with, though, as she was abruptly forced out of the sport that had defined her life.
False accusations and hatred from former fans came at her from all sides as she tried to learn to live outside of the sport that she loved.
Somehow she persevered and managed to build a normal life for herself. She even managed to win a small measure of redemption ...
Mod
field, first - I'd make that a full stop then put the achievements in a short, sharp sentence "She won a National Championship... and received an invitiation to join..."
She knew that nothing - I'd axe "She knew that". Adds more weight to 'nothing' and avoids repetition of sentences starting with "she".
I think it's better than the initial draft. Maybe a smidgen too much info at the end (redemption/turning her life around could be a hanging question). Anyway, I'm not great at blurbs myself, so hopefully others will offer their thoughts too.
Best of luck.
1) The story is about a female soccer player. It follows her from her senior year in college for the next year or so. I'm not sure if I should call it 'Young Adult' or 'General Fiction'. Since she is in her early 20's is she too old to call this YA?
2) I am terrible at writing blurbs so I had my son help. Any feedback / critique / suggestions are welcome:
"Imagine the greatest feeling you have ever felt in your entire life. Now amplify that feeling. Add together all of the positive experiences you can remember, and that would barely touch the euphoria Megan Plower feels whenever she plays or even thinks of soccer. Saying that she is competitive or even passionate about the game would not even begin to describe her connection and her level of playing evidences this perfectly. Anything that could hinder her ability or opportunity to play the game would devastate her because it is her entire life. That is exactly what she has to deal with, though, as she is abruptly forced out of the sport that has defined her life."
This checks in at 116 words - is it too short? Too over the top?
Thanks for giving this a look.