The Humour Club discussion
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Politically Incorrect
Mod
“I don't get your drift."
"I will continue snowing.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Lightning
Jay wrote: "Rodney wrote: "Pun intended?"“I don't get your drift."
"I will continue snowing.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Lightning"
as in Donald....
I'll just check "no" next to that.
Mod
“I don't get your drift."
"I will continue snowing.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Summer Lightning"
as in Donald....
I'll just check "no" next to that."
Geez, Rodney! You ask if the pun was intended, and I answered with yet another pun!
Think about that check again. :-)
Jay wrote: "Think about that check again. :-) "
Except your pun was about not getting the pun.
Don't do that to me, I'm old and get confused easily. Where am I?
Mod
Don't do that to me, I'm old and get confused easily. Where am I?"
Ah, it's a point of view issue. You asked about Trump, so I gathered you didn't get my 'drift', hence Wodehouse. Easy-peasy.
I rarely have point of view issues anymore. New prescription on the glasses.
Mod
No problemo! Now, we can get back to Trump and I can recycle all my 'bad rug' jokes.
Mod
Don't do that to me, I'm old and get confused easily. Where am I?"
Ah, it's a point of view issue. You asked about Trump, so I gather..."
Easy-peasy, middle-class squeezy.
Jay wrote: "Rodney wrote: "I'm glad we got that settled. whew"No problemo! Now, we can get back to Trump and I can recycle all my 'bad rug' jokes."
I don't think that's a rug, Jay. He just prefers that glue for sniffing. They might be extensions, I don't know, he just needs to avoid wind tunnels and alleys.
Here it is 8:00 pm and I'm wondering how the president is feeling right about........now. It's just an hour before his last State of the Union address and Iran pulls off another in-your-face challenge. Big weight on the man's shoulders tonight, and I hope he can reassure a concerned, yet divided, nation. This is his biggest hour.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall!
Jay wrote: "Rodney wrote: "I'm glad we got that settled. whew"No problemo! Now, we can get back to Trump and I can recycle all my 'bad rug' jokes."
Go ahead - they never get old :-)
Mod
Trump-slam: 9.6
Republican-slam: 8.2 (Failed to mention anyone's birth certificate.)
ISIS alerts: 9.3
Immigration reform: 6.2 (Didn't really sell the sombrero.)
Good ideas that will never happen: 9.9
Thoughts on the Republican response:
Obama-slam: 8.4 (Lost a whole point on the dismount.)
Democrat-slam: 9.2
Those pesky Middle-Eastern-looking guys alerts: 9.6
Building an anti-Immigrant wall: 9.9 (Extra points for bringing own mortar.)
God-Country-NRA promo: 9.8
Mod
Trump-slam: 9.6
Republican-slam: 8.2 (Failed to mention anyone's birth certificate.)
ISIS alerts: 9.3
Immigration reform: 6.2 (Didn't really sell the som..."
I'd say that about covers it.
Wow! You guys kept score? I was all set to watch it but was invited to go shoot hoops at the rec center.
Mod
and something called Fox Business covered it, for some reason.
Mod
Mod
Oh, you know that debates involving Democrats only air at 3 AM on Sundays.
On the Golf Channel.
Mod
Not true, Melki. Democrat's debates are also covered by FOX "News." Perhaps you've seen their expose "Threats to Modern Civilization" which focused on ISIS, The Democratic Party, Third World countries with better reading and math scores than the US, and Tagless Underwear.
It was indeed most interesting watching FOX's anchors and commentators bravely attempt to appear well-balanced by straining themselves to find air-able euphemisms for words that begin with 'mother.'
Melki wrote: "Joel wrote: "It was about the least substantive debate to date that didn't involve Democrats."Oh, you know that debates involving Democrats only air at 3 AM on Sundays.
On the Golf Channel."
just after the competitive bass fishing
The count is a good one. I always saw this: 
I think MOM (Martin O'Malley) will rock the Democratic debate and within a few short months take a commanding lead. I mean, who is actually still contributing time and money into this guys' campaign? Sure MOM as president has a nice ring to it but I could only see that happening after Bernie Sanders keels over during a physical and Bill and Hillary commit their lives to feeding villagers in the heart of the dark continent....and the Donald starts wearing an orange kehfiyah. Hey, there's always that chance.And that Gilmore guy in the Republican race. WTH? Where'd he come from? Like there weren't enough candidates running now? Well, it sure has been interesting so far.
Mod
It's given me the courage to post yet another rant:
I must say, considering that it's election season, I'm amazed that so many fine, humorous voices are so dreadfully quiet. Seriously!
One need only look to our campaigning politicians (whether Democrat or Proudly Anal-Retentive), to see that 'publicly shooting off one's mouth without worrying about engaging one's brain' is the order of the day. Aren't we being shown the way... Isn't this leadership by example... Aren't our hopefully-soon-to-be-Fearless-Leaders showing us how to be fearless????
Now, I happen to find presidential election campaigns to be the funniest reality show ever produced. For anyone with even modest humor writing skills, it's like having an entire cadre of straight men at your disposal FREE OF CHARGE!
And so, I implore you, Dear Humour Club Membership, please do not allow a single moment of election season to pass you by! Let's give both of the major political parties (and the Republicans) the shellacking that they truly deserve. After all, this is a time of great political change...
Ahhh, the Funny Times! I contributed there back in the day -- still get a paper version every month!
Mod
Okay, so this is weird. I know the owners of Funny Times, from Cleveland. I had just read this post and logged on to Facebook, where I had a friend request from one of the owner's sister, who was a high school classmate of mine. Quasi-freaky.
Good luck with the reconnect, Joel!That's a good one also, Jay. But that 'retooling' was way back in 1998 and the GOP has gotten even hipper now with even younger, smarter, sassier talking heads! There's even talk of introducing some hip reporters that will rap their lines to the younger voters. Well, we may see some rapping for Bernie, I doubt FOX could find anyone anywhere to pop a rhyme for them.
What's this about Hillary's emails being classified sap? Something above Top Secret material found on these recently released emails? I think she'll be sitting through another 11 hours before a different committee again soon. Can you see Biden coming in at the last minute to save the day! You're right, it's so much fun watching the show!
Joel -- I love when the world shrinks to a pinpoint like that. So often it feels overwhelmingly vast.
Mod
That's a good one also, Jay. But that 'retooling' was way back in 1998 and the GOP has gotten even hipper now with even younger, smarter, sassier talking heads!..."
It's true! That retooling was 1998, however I'm a big fan of recycling. You know, all the oldies but goodies: 'Save the Earth, Don't Vote Against Your Own Self-Interest Just Because Some Putz Tells You It's The Will of God, The NRA, and Exxon, etc.'
I wonder if I can work that into a rap for Bernie?
If the worst they can come up with against Hillary is a few emails, she's basically Snow White and Mother Theresa rolled into one, and Joe won't need to do a White Knight.
I wonder how many Republicans would be willing to put all their emails up for scrutiny. No doubt we'd discover equal parts Top Secret and Victoria's Secret.
Back to you at the studio, Andre.
Mod
Most of the time I only feel half-vast.
Mod
Did anyone notice, there's not a ball-peen in the bunch?
Mod
Did anyone notice, there's not a ball-peen in the bunch?"
That's because their lifestyle is an abomination.
Joel wrote: "Jilly wrote: "Joel -- I love when the world shrinks to a pinpoint like that. So often it feels overwhelmingly vast."Most of the time I only feel half-vast."
Ha-ha! Good pun, Joel.
Jay- No one would argue that there'd be lots Republican emails that could be deemed inappropriate, possibly criminal, but they were not Secretary of State at the time, exchanging classified, no wait, Top Secret, no, hold-it, above that -special access programs, all on a non-secure server hidden in her bathroom like a Victor's Secret catalog. Doesn't bear thinking about!
It's the first I'd heard of SAP files, they are so confidential, even an intern would know enough to keep that sensitive correspondence only on a secure server. But, being the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy that is being bandied about, I'm sure that the FBI and DOJ will look into those allegations...well, wait a minute, those allegations were made by the Intelligence Community Inspector General and part of the investigation into about one dozen files classified SAP.
What's disconcerting is that it's common knowledge that nothing will be done about it. They could catch her on film drowning a sack of puppies and her base would defend those actions and vote for her anyway. Just like Trump can make fun of a handicapped reporter, give Putin a pat on the back, and still not drop a percentage point in the polls. How deep will it get by November is anyone's guess.
It wasn't a problem when Colin Powell also had a private server, but then, he wasn't a Democrat.
Mod
Nor was it a problem when the entire Bush administration lied to the public, US allies and the United Nations concerning KNOWN false intelligence, much of it classified. Nor was it a problem for Cheney to deliberately leak classified intelligence from the Office of the Vice President, then go on television the following day to state, "Now that it's been leaked, I can confirm it."
Anyone who has dealt with classified information (military service, etc.) has seen anomalies crop up with its handling, including people like the Walker family who sold it outright to our enemies. Using classified intel for political gain is certainly not new either. It does however take a truly massive level of hypocrisy to pillory Hillary when her misuse of classified information did not intentionally involve our country in a NEEDLESS war, costing thousands and thousands of lives and over a TRILLION dollars.
Oh, wait! That was legal. The Republicans said it was!
Andre stated, "What's disconcerting is that it's common knowledge that nothing will be done about it." --Good point! Really!!
To be honest, I'm not completely sanguine about that either. My proposal is that Hillary receive the same punishment as Cheney for the misuse of classified intel. That is, have her shoot a friend in the face, and forget about the rest of it.
Now, that's politics!
Mod
Oh, c'mon - you know she's dying to shoot Bill.
Bill doesn't qualify. She'd have to shoot at a sound (called a 'sound shot'--a really stupid thing to do when you're hunting) and hit a person she'd hardly ever met, then claim they were bosom buddies later.
Mod
You might be right, Melki. Bill looks shot.
Mod
Interesting . . . as Track Palin deployed to Iraq in September 2008, under President George W. Bush.
And there's Bill again, though I didn't know you could get anyone pregnant by using a cigar.
Melki wrote: "And there's Bill again, though I didn't know you could get anyone pregnant by using a cigar."Unless you Hav-a-Tampa!
Hey! I’m asking about oranges and I get a banana peel thrown at me. You think I’m going to defend Cheney? He was a Dick, we know that. And Colin Powell? I don’t recall anything about him discussing Top Secret issues on a private server, must’ve missed that article, but I liked the guy- so shoot me.
Along with millions of others, I’m just trying to decide who I want to vote for. I’m sure that comparing the mistakes and blunders made by past administrations will be the natural defensive response to any allegations of wrong-doing by this years nominees, it’s just the old CYA tactic that works so well in a clinch.
Let me put it this way; would any independent thinker have voted for Bush & Cheney if they knew that they’d lie (amongst other things) ? Would those independent thinkers have voted for ‘Slick’ Willy knowing he was a wanker and another fantastic liar? Well, now that we’re (well, most of us) hearing of additional lies and deception from HC, even before the coronation, how can you so easily ‘poo-poo’ her actions. So, It will, again, come down to who will be the least offensive rather than the most trustworthy, experienced candidate to honor the office.
Mod
We hold these truths to be self-evident, NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!
Mod
If he was a wanker, he wouldn't have needed Monica.
Nothing was said about Colin Powell's use of a private server because that was standard procedure at the time. The rule that they shouldn't be used began in the Obama administration.
Mod
"It will, again, come down to who will be the least offensive rather than the most trustworthy, experienced candidate to honor the office.”
Sad, but once again, supremely true.
There are currently, 1,491 candidates who have filed a Statement of Candidacy with the Federal Election Commission according to Ballotpedia. (Click 'SHOW' next to "FULL LIST") My favorite, of course, is Elvis Bubba Jones, if for no other reason than having a 'Bubba' in the Oval Office would keep The Humour Club in stitches for the duration of his administration.
Still, Andre is correct in finding a trust deficit with all the candidates, and we need a sorting mechanism. This leads to my extremely modest proposal that we rate the leading contenders using an appropriately calibrated scale. Hence, my modest proposal, admittedly based on Andre and Melki's comments above:
The Wanker Scale (0 = least, 10 = most)
Democrats
Hillary Clinton – 8.6
-Confuses 'Madam President' with 'Your Majesty' but can use Rhodes Scholar husband for backup.
Martin O'Malley – 8.7
-Tell me he's not a nerd.
Bernie Sanders – 9.9
-Please refer to Andre's previously posted toon.
Republicans
Jeb Bush - 9.9999999
-Polluted gene pool.
Ben Carson – 9.7
-Lukewarm Obama wannabe
Chris Christie – Sorry, can't fit on the scale.
Ted Cruz – 9.7
-Protected Ten Commandments; Can't remember first ten amendments (Bill of Rights).
Carlie Fiorina – 9.9
-Never got over being Texan.
Jim Gilmore – 9.9
-Never met a war he didn't like or a fur'ner he wouldn't bomb.
Mike Huckabee – 11
-Hates ______. (Fill in blank with just about anyone not personally approved by Jesus.)
John Kasich 8.6
-Who?
Rand Paul – 9.2
-Easily the worst NATURAL hair and his government-provided healthcare doesn't cover it.
Marco Rubio -9.5
-His "new ideas" were just granted membership in AARP.
Rick Santorum – 9.7
-Mitt Romney wannabe.
Donald Trump – 25
-"I am not a narcissist, but let's talk about me."
Independents
We don't do roadkill.
Feel free to do your own wanker assessment. Just like mine, your input may actually be read.
Mod
1. Must need to shave daily (bye, Marco)
2. Must not have auditory hallucinations, e.g., can talk to God but not hear God talking to them (so long Santorum, Huckabee, Cruz)
3. Must never use words like 'golly' or 'gee' or any other Andy Hardy-ish expressions (see ya Jeb, Kasich)
4. Must pee standing up (does not rule out Hillary, but she's a Democrat, which does). Easier to reach the Constitution that way.
5. Must know what the President of the United States's job description is (pretty much takes care of everybody else)
My candidate selection is pretty simple, as I believe we're $cr3w3d no matter what. I'm a rebel, so my one rule is:1. Which candidate will piss off the most people when I tell them I voted for said candidate.
Last time it was Roseanne Barr. Pretty tough race this time.
Mod
Well done. I approve this scale.
Mod
1. Which candidate will piss off the most people when I tell them I voted for sa..."
My wishes are pretty simple, too.
I want a candidate who:
- is willing to admit global warming is a thing and wants to do something about it.
- plans to spend the next four years doing something besides making life easier for the rich.
That's it. That's all I want.
Since the Republicans are too busy denying climate change, evolution, and a woman's right to medical care, AND bending over and spreading their cheeks for the wealthy, they are ALL ruled out.
Pat Paulsen, anyone?
Melki wrote: "I want a candidate who:- is willing to admit global warming is a thing and wants to do something about it.
- plans to spend the next four years doing something besides making life easier for the rich.
"
Good luck with that. You might get a few to say that stuff, but none of them would do it.
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Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941–1942 (other topics)
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Pun intended?