Support for Indie Authors discussion
Archived Author Help
>
The "First Sentence Hook."
From what I've read in other threads, the first sentence hook is mainly right for agents. They and their staff don't have time to waste. However, I don't believe it applies for regular readers. Sure, a good opening might stick in the head longer and might help with the word of mouth, but I'm yet to hear someone, anyone say that they stopped reading because the first sentence didn't work for them.. If that were the case, I'd have to say maybe it was better they didn't' read it after all.
On the other hand, when I receive advertizement for books on sale, it's true that if the first few sentences of the blurb don't grab me, I'll skip to the next.
I tend to favor end of chapter hooks. But for this exercise I decided to flip through my books and realized most of them has the protagonist waking up from something (getting knocked out, getting drugged, from a nightmare, etc). Only one starts with protagonist running down an alley being chased by demons. -_-
I must admit to liking a punchy and intriguing first sentence, but it's not a deal-breaker. I do need something to intrigue me within the first few paragraphs though - my attention span is very short...*is distracted by shiny things for a while*
Anyway, the first sentence of my first book, "Location, Location, Damnation" is:
"Trev Irwin didn't believe in ghosts, which meant it was something of a surprise when he saw one."
I love the first sentence to Harry Potter! I think it was the "thank you very much." part. My first sentence for O.K. is Great is designed to set the tone of the whole book.
"The only people that matter in the world are people that are great at something."
I was once told that the first sentence or paragraph should in some small way describe your entire book, and I try to keep that in mind when I write it. IMO, one sentence is too hard, but the first three or four sentences? It's doable.My first book: I'll admit it. I never expected to get out of Russia alive. And that was before I was targeted as the man who murdered Stalin.
My second book: Trapped. It seemed the word defined Wesley Blackwood’s entire existence these days. Icy waters pressed against the outside of the submarine, unseen but deadly. Forty miles to the east, the armies of Obernepper pressed against the borders of his home country of Belzen with the same urgency.
I tend to aim for a "first paragraph" or at maximum, a "first page" hook. Often the first sentence hook is too hard to work into the flow.
V.W. wrote: "I tend to aim for a "first paragraph" or at maximum, a "first page" hook. Often the first sentence hook is too hard to work into the flow."I feel the same way. First sentence hook might not be viable, but a hook by the end of the first page generally is. And when I'm reading, I always give the author at least several chapters to lure me in, but if it can be done a lot faster than that--say, on the first page or by the end of the first chapter, so much the better!
I've also been told that having your character wake up as the very first thing is cliched and should be avoided, unless it plays a crucial part to the whole novel (like if it's about dreams or something). Other cliched beginnings are looking in a mirror (flimsy excuse to describe your character) or having your protagonist just sitting and thinking about something. Not really about first sentences, as such, but worth thinking about when you're trying to come up with that first scene.
Mod
The only character allowed to wake up as the first thing at this point is Link from the Legend of Zelda.
Reese wrote: "I've also been told that having your character wake up as the very first thing is cliched and should be avoided, unless it plays a crucial part to the whole novel (like if it's about dreams or some..."ugh I know! -_- but a lot of my books deal with dreams/memories vs reality. And yes I have used the mirror trope on my protagonists as well. (In this case perception of reality vs how things are changing). I rewrote a lot of my stuff for years trying to avoid those tropes and what I got after 17 years was the best to work with.... I cringe at the mere thought because I'm afraid I will come off as a hack.
My poor creative writing teachers would probably lament at the amount of tropes I couldn't excise (due to them being important to the story).
My first novel has the main character "waking up" at the beginning (he's sitting up and fully dressed, but wearing the body of a woman--the body of a lesbian actually...it's complicated).Worse than that, it starts with dialog that's already in mid-sentence.
I'm afraid it's not a very hook-oriented beginning. It's intended to disorientate the reader, just like the MC is.
I really wanted the opening dialog to start out in very small print and then get larger over the first line until it was normal font size. Really difficult to do that in an eBook.
But as this is a search-for-identity story, it felt right for the subject matter. The major plot is trying to answer this question: "who is the main character (and why are other people claiming to be the real 'him' trying to kill him)?"
Mod
Worse th..."
"-teresting way to start a story Micah. I would be disorientated for sure, and would want to keep reading to find out why!"
Micah wrote: "My first novel has the main character "waking up" at the beginning (he's sitting up and fully dressed, but wearing the body of a woman--the body of a lesbian actually...it's complicated)...."Stop stealing my ideas micah :p I wrote a story similar to that (including folks who claim they are the MC and trying to kill him) but shelved it thinking no one would get it. Now knowing something similar exists I will definitely check it out...
K.P. wrote: "Stop stealing my ideas micah :p..."I don't want to go off topic, but...according to my spore theory idea (spore hypothesis is more accurate), I did not steal your idea.
See, in this theory, there are things called thought spores. Some people are spore transmitters, some are spore receivers. Some, I suppose, may be both transmitters and receivers.
Thought spore transmitters are the people who sit around coming up with brilliant ideas (usually while drunk), and then laugh off the idea with a casual "There's another great idea I'll never follow through on!"
Thought spore receivers are a more subtle bunch. They walk around minding their own business when suddenly...WHAM!...a thought spore lands in their head and they instantly know how to make it real. They then run off and do the great idea and become fabulously wealthy (or possibly infamous if the idea was of a nefarious nature).
This is why synchronicity happens.
So...perhaps I caught your spore. Or perhaps you caught mine, only I didn't give up on the idea when I created it, I went ahead and followed through. There's no way of knowing who the transmitter and who the receiver was!
Reese wrote: "I've also been told that having your character wake up as the very first thing is cliched and should be avoided, unless it plays a crucial part to the whole novel (like if it's about dreams or some..."Ha! Not only does my MC wake up in the first sentence, but she continues to wake up at the begining of several other chapters, including a tie in to the first chapter at the end, and if that wasn't enough, she starts the first chapter of the second book waking up from a nightmare.
No regrets! :D
@micah Lolz thought spores. I'll keep that in mind. @Christina Lolz! Maybe I should check out that book eh?
Micah, that book sounds hella intriguing--as do K.P.'s and Christina's! Like I said, I think when either the sleeping, dreaming, or indeed waking up itself, play an integral part in the plot, than that's a whole other story. I think sometimes people start there because they're not sure how else to start and it's easy. I oftentimes will, and then go back later and see if there's a way I can plant the beginning in the middle of action instead. For a book about dreams, etc., that oftentimes IS the action.
Mod
Oh right. I forgot that my characters had a tenancy to pass out at the end of chapters and then wake up in the next, blurry eyed and confused. In fact... I even used the same text, and get called out on it.
Ya know, thinking about it now, I was doing a lot of overtime when I wrote that book and I wonder if I didn't subconsciously allow my MC the sleep I was craving. I also realized that my very next project after that series begins with dialog. The MC's mother is telling her to wake up.
I might have a sleep disorder...
Note to self: Next book open with MC going to sleep or passing out.Chapter I
Everything went black, and he knew no more.
[END OF CHPATER]
Chapter II
He opened his eyes... and so on.
The writing rules are like the pirate's code in Pirates of the Caribbean - they're more like guidelines, anyway. A first sentence that hooks a reader isn't really a must, although it is rather fun trying to come up with a catchy first sentence. You know, something along the lines of "Tom woke up and discovered that at some point in time he had died."The first line of the novel I'm currently writing is "I can do this." Not exactly catchy, but it is motivational ;)
I always try to make the first paragraph interesting, exciting somehow. But I'll read for a while, even if nothing is interesting. I delete it if it stays boring and has no interesting characters.One first line I wrote for a book idea I have, just to help me remember it, was:
"I am seventeen years old, and I'm about to kill the President."
I might not keep it, but there will be something exciting happening in the first paragraph, yep yep yep.
Matt wrote: "I always try to make the first paragraph interesting, exciting somehow. But I'll read for a while, even if nothing is interesting. I delete it if it stays boring and has no interesting characters...."
Ooh, that book sounds GOOD. I'm disappointed it's not something you've written yet. Nailed the first sentence hook there. Let me know if you write it.
Reese wrote: "Ooh, that book sounds GOOD. I'm disappointed it's not something you've written yet. Nailed the first sentence hook there. Let me know if you write it."Thanks! I actually go to sleep sometimes thinking about this book/idea. I need to finish Apocalypse Makers series first -- still working on book 3 in that one, but it'll be the one I write after I finish the series.
Haha...True's Love starts with a graphic failing love scene! But inbtroduces the floozy female lead quite well. I've since pondered whether this was wise. It was there as a shocker and highlights her journey into maturity. Lots have been indeed shocked by it, but I don't think it's truly put anyone off.And my latest project is currently starting with a slightly cliched "I feel like this book should start in a dark dark house on a dark dark night, but it doesn't."
To be honest, I think most readers get past the first sentence. But first impressions do count for a lot. If the entire first page was riddled with errors it'd be hard to ever truly get into the book (if only sub consciously).
Lately I've come across several books starting with a synposis. I'm not sure if that's because there's a growing acceptance of eBooks being bought in bulk and not rea until much later, so is a nice aide memoire??
This is the first paragraph of my WIP "Phantom Pain" (and no the numbers are not a mistake)."The enormous main hall of Crowhurst Castle glowed with the light of massed ranks of candles, gaslight, and the radiance of the flames from the huge fireplace. Polished woodwork, brass, and silver gleamed warmly, as did the bare skin of the thirteen naked women gathered before the man who stood before the huge ornate mantelpiece. Cornelius Crowhurst studied his twelve disciples in satisfaction. They were some of the most beautiful women in England, and they were devoted to him, body and soul, as they were about to prove."
Okay, since I had to proof for print anyway, I went ahead and tallied the number of times Lucy wakes up in my first book. Out of 36 chapters, she wakes up seven times. Four of these start with the words "Lucy awoke" or "Lucy woke." Additionally, she comes to from being drugged once and there is one chapter where she technically awakes at the end of the previous chapter, so I'll give that partial credit. 8.5 out of 36 chapters begin with my MC waking up. I still have no regrets.
Christina wrote: "Okay, since I had to proof for print anyway, I went ahead and tallied the number of times Lucy wakes up in my first book. Out of 36 chapters, she wakes up seven times. Four of these start with the ..."Well since we're counting.
Erik wakes up a total of 125 times over 161 total chapters (The Agency has 3 books so far )
From knockout 24 times (beatings, explosions, falling, torture)
From drugs 33 times (benzos, opoids, barbiturates, sedatives, booze)
From psychotic episode 10 times
From fainting 48 times (shock, exhaustion, extreme pain, extreme injury, blood loss, suffocation)
From electric shock 2 times
From bed 8 times (dude can't catch a break)
Damn I'm mean to him...
K.P. wrote: "Christina wrote: "Okay, since I had to proof for print anyway, I went ahead and tallied the number of times Lucy wakes up in my first book. Out of 36 chapters, she wakes up seven times. Four of the..."Ohhh my gosh. Poor Erik. And poor Lucy! What would our characters do without us?
Damn, KP! If I recall, you didn't let James get much sleep either.
Lolz I hadn't looked at SIGNET but yeah. In between fretting about alien assassins and dealing with drama from hawt chicks, I have the poor guy stave off sleep he know he should be getting by drinking a lot of coffees and colas. I guess my insomniatic tendacies seep onto my poor characters. I am such an evil god :p
K.P. wrote: "Well since we're counting.Erik wakes up a total of 125 times over 161 total chapters..."
Christina wrote: "Okay, since I had to proof for print anyway, I went ahead and tallied the number of times Lucy wakes up in my first book. Out of 36 chapters, she wakes up seven times. Four of these start with the ..."
I can't recall exactly how often our MC wakes up in our series. I can remember 8 over 3.75 books, so far. Three of those were from nightmares, one from soaking in a tub, one from a hangover and one something like a hangover, one in her rack, and one I'm not sure should be counted as "waking up" because she was dead. There might be some I forgot.
KP: Did you remember all that, or did you have to look it up?
Wow Owen compared to your MC I'm brutal af . Such a benevolent god you are :pTo your q: I looked it up. Took me some time to tally since I don't always use awakened awoke woke up or roused. I get quite purple so I had to work backwards from when Erik was put down (only so many ways to describe unconciousness). I happened to have my final digital proofs still rotting on the system. A real eye opener (of course I took note of it . Yay database).
I'm going to compare with all my other books soon. I've been told by my cousin (who read all my books bless her heart) that she noticed a pattern about my writing dreams vs reality and its variations. So I'm not sure what I will do with the data once I'm done but I'm intrigued by my weird inner workings...
K.P. wrote: "Wow Owen compared to your MC I'm brutal af . Such a benevolent god you are :p..."We might be, but then most of the ugly stuff that happens to our MC happened "off camera" and we only allude to it. So in comparison, we probably are a little gentle with her -- except for killing her, that is. ;-)
"I will love you foreverbut I'll only miss you for the rest of my life."
I start with poetic little bits in italics floating above - BEFORE the story opens, then open the chapter itself in the middle of some drama. This particular book (The Mourning After) went from there into the first lines of chapter one: "The biting metal stink of smoke and powder. Tearing into my nose, my throat, my chest. Eyes stinging. Guys my age everwhere, smashing at each other. Ever one of ’em screaming hate and terror. Bayoneting each other and shooting blind. Blasting more limbs off’n the trees, and holes in the flag, than they are in each other. I’m running through dark woods, neither toward the fight nor away from it ’cause it’s everwhere." - By end of page he is coming back into reality and finding he is really a little kid in 1950's suburbia suffering past life memories so virulent he has trouble shifting from one reality to the other. So it is sort of waking up, but it isn't.
Edward wrote: ""I will love you foreverbut I'll only miss you for the rest of my life."
I start with poetic little bits in italics floating above - BEFORE the story opens, then open the chapter itself in the mid..."
Ooh now I'm interested. Similar in style to that damned epic I'm churning out. Each book starts with a paragraph or two about the nature of existence before the whole mash of things. Poor Erik doesn't have past life memory trouble like your MC , but he suffers the hard to wake from issues just the same from whatever it is (nightmare, memory, psychotic episode, unpleasant trip, etc...). I definitely looking forward into checking out your book Edward. :3
K. P.;I have a giveaway going on via my Goodreads page, but on another note:From what you say here it sounds as though you may be a writer of visionary fiction. This is fiction that leads the reader deeper into himself, reveals deeper levels of himself and of reality, and ends in inspiration.
If this is the sort of story you write, and you are on Facebook, you might want to check out "Visionary Fiction Alliance".
Edward wrote: "K. P.;I have a giveaway going on via my Goodreads page, but on another note:From what you say here it sounds as though you may be a writer of visionary fiction. This is fiction that leads the read..."
Will def check out. I never heard visionary fiction but I always talked about how I want my writing to get readers thinking and feeling and not just be escapist fluff. I wanted readers to question the human condition and whatever else I was exploring. I used to have complaints on my darker stuff made readers upset and I was like good you human I made my impact goodnight. It was bitter when I got bashed for it so I quietly filed it away. Two GR members here who I managed to chuck a copy of my weirdo works to managed to understand what I was getting across. So yay :3 you so made my day right now. #cookie thanks a lot!
The concept and term, Visionary fiction, has been around a few years but is just now starting to be recognized as a legitimate genre. Major reviewing services and contests and such may be in the process of working it in among their others, but this is a slow and iffy process.
Mod
I'm rebellious that way.
Using passive voice is considered a no-no for good writing. But there are times when it's called for. Showing rather than telling. Using words that aren't in the dictionary....For an art form that is claimed to exist beyond rules, writing sure seems to have a lot of rules. The leader of my local writers group a few years back still bought into never starting sentences with conjunctions or ending them with prepositions.
And yet there are times when you just need to show a passive character, or describe something that is beyond the scope of traditional words, or ...
So by all means know that starting a story with someone waking up may be overdone, but maybe that could just suggest to you that if you need it, make it count for something. Make YOUR example one that will set the standard for future writers until, in someone else's hands, your creative ploy becomes tiresome. As an artist you don't let other dictate how you should write.
But if you keep reading about how there is way too much of this or that in writing these days, do at least consider this advice.
Dwayne wrote: "The only story in which I have a character waking up at the beginning, that I can think of, is Mr. Meeker. Now that I learn that that is frowned on for some reason, I will do it again. I am going t..."I think he should wake up looking into a mirror, if you want the full effect. That seems to be frowned on also, for some reason. ;-)
Mirror gazing...I have one of my characters gazing into a mirror, not to describe his appearance, but to lead into some self introspection. "He stared into the mirror, trying to understand the man who stared back. How much longer could he do this?..." Someone who thinks characters looking into mirrors might disagree with that scene, but I like it ;) It works.
Mod
Yes! Totally agree.
Mod
Same here. It was meant to emphasize how much the young protagonist of the story longs to grow up and no longer look like her twin brother.
Another of those silly rules I've read along the way: Never EVER open a scene with someone gazing into a mirror. I read that many years ago when I had written just such a scene myself. Apparently it had already been done to death according to that literary agent/ creative writing teacher.But you know what?
I left the scene in the book anyway.
I just haven't gotten it published yet.
Owen wrote: "So in comparison, we probably are a little gentle with her -- except for killing her, that is. ;-) "Dammit Owen! Spoilers!!!
I'm pretty sure mirror gazing is okay as long as you aren't starting with: I look in the mirror at my 5'6" body of an average weight. My brassy blonde hair with two inches of root growth falls to my shoulders. I push it out of my somewhat puffy face and stare into my green eyes, wondering if I should wear the purple tank top with the smiley face or the blue button down with the patch that says 'hank' on the breast pocket. I look down at my feet, wondering if Nikes go with the casual leggings I have selected to berobe my bottom half.
Support for Indie Authors
Books mentioned in this topic
Grey (other topics)Yarn (other topics)
Jurassic Park (other topics)
Storm Front (other topics)
To Summon The Blackbird (other topics)
More...
Agreed. But there's a high correlation between sloppily written blurbs and books with not-ready-for-prime-time writing..