Dangerous Hero Addict Support Group discussion
Question of the Week
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Would you really want to live with a Dangerous Hero?
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I am not sure about that....I tend to lean more toward Pamela...depends on how I feel for him.Real life? Raphael in Vampires in America
There are a few I could definitely date, marry on the other hand doesn't really appeal to me regardless of who it is. I may have a few commitment issues.My favorite characters that would top my list would have to be
Rhage of BDB
Paris of LOTU
Nuh.... I think it all looks sexy and exciting on paper, but in real life- too much baggage and angst. Much prefer to indulge in the safety of my imagination.Although I may break my rule for a dirty weekend with Jamie Fraser, Jericho Barrons or Roarke...
I would totally go for it. It would be a super short marriage but it would be fun,lol. I would put up with the don't ask and don't wanna know thing for awhile, because it would be different and thrilling. I would totally attempt to domesticate Lor or Ryodan from KMMs series, or one of the various men from BDB. I would do this because it'd probably be the craziest thing I'd ever do. :)
Highly unlikely I could live with someone so possessive, bossy, and unsharing. I would definitely be a booty call for some of them, though!! I always wanted someone to ask me "who do you belong to?" while he takes over my body. Sounds nice but then, when it was over, he'd probably tell me to cook something for him. No thanks,And, domesticating one in real life would probably ruin the appeal..
Booty call! Yes, Teen! That describes my feelings exactly. I wouldn't mind being one of those dozens (hundreds?) of booty calls before they find a soul mate. lol.
Pamela(AllHoney) wrote: "If I'm honest with myself, then, no, I don't think I could. I'm not the type who can handle too much excitement. I love reading them but not to actually live them."Same here, love to read about them but have no desire to live with them :p
It depends. I tend to love reading about dangerous criminals, and that type of dangerous hero is definitely a no-go in real life. Now my UF,PNR, or military heroes are a different story. I have dated a couple of law enforcement guys, and if I could deal with that drama then...
A resounding No....Life with someone who's hiding, running from mob or law is not recommended in real life, at all. The excitment may be exhilarating in books, but in the world out of it, the fear and dread of what might happen the next moment would drive most women insane.
Such a good question!If I'm going to be honest, no I probably couldn't handle being with a dangerous hero. As much as Jericho Barrons or the guys from BDB sound appealing, I don't think it would play out well in real life.
I agree with Paganalexandria, I think some of the guys from the Alpha Pack series (military type shifters) could be managable. But I'd never try to domesticate them. Isn't the dangerous part what makes these guys such HOT fantasies?!
Pamela(AllHoney) wrote: "If I'm honest with myself, then, no, I don't think I could. I'm not the type who can handle too much excitement. I love reading them but not to actually live them."Ditto Pamela - I like to go home, relax and read a book, not run around fighting crime or wondering if someone will kill my husband, etc. :)
message 15:
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Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal
(last edited Jan 27, 2014 01:33PM)
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I wouldn't want a man who was edgy or on the wrong side of the law. Although I have a weakness for assassins/black ops heroes in the books, definitely not for me in real life.
On the other hand, I think I would be okay married to some kind of law enforcement type, as long as he wasn't too macho, because I can't stand that.
The most compatible dangerous hero for me would be a cerebral/dangerous mind type like Sherlock Holmes or Spencer Reid, although more polite than Sherlock. That would make for an interesting marriage.
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He would definitely keep his missus on her toes!
A beta is more my type, or an almost alpha. The security, one and only, claiming, cherishing....hey all good, the do as I say....in the bedroom, sure ..out of the bedroom...not gonna happen..
Sunny☼ wrote: "A beta is more my type, or an almost alpha. The security, one and only, claiming, cherishing....hey all good, the do as I say....in the bedroom, sure ..out of the bedroom...not gonna happen.."I totally agree!
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I love all these answers! It seems that we all have limits. I think if I had to pick one for real life it would be one of those Regency guys. Well-dressed, well-spoken, well-mannered in public. Wild in bed! What cha think???? Elizabeth Hoyt writes some of my favorites. But I wouldn't like all those mistresses in his past.
Andrea wrote: "I love all these answers! It seems that we all have limits. I think if I had to pick one for real life it would be one of those Regency guys. Well-dressed, well-spoken, well-mannered in public. Wil..."I love those books and would think I'd be okay sleeping on the floor in the closet, etc. But I'd probably just kiss him goodnight and go to the bed. The night terrors thing, I had a friend whose ex-husband used to sleep walk tight terrors and from the descriptions I might even take the room down the hall - let's do hanky panky and then you can go to your closet down the hall.
Oh yes..with absolutely NO problem whats♥ever!
I just asked my husband (who's a firefighter) if he thought he was an Alpha or a Beta and he said definitely a beta. So I guess I know what type I really go for, and why I probably read more about alpha males:)
Danielle, I find that I am a "possessive, bossy, and unsharing" individual when it comes to someone I love. Therefore it's understandable if my other half displays the same towards me. I'd want him to act the same way I feel for him. When I say possessive though I don't mean I want to restrict his activities (like going shopping or clubbing with friends) because I don't want him to restrict mine. We'd get into yelling confrontations and that's not the kind of possessive I want or like. I'm my own person like he's his own person. Don't need someone restricting, hindering, or shaping my life's decisions for me. If he doesn't accept or respect that he's not for me.
Sadly, I am attracted to those who know how to tease me to frustration, annoy me, and can argue with me. What a tough life I will have. lol
My partner can be Alpha, Beta, doesn't matter as long as the relationship we share is what I want. So a Dangerous hero is a potential partner. I'm not saying no to them all.
I don't know who I would want. I LOVE Jericho Zigor Barrons. He would drive me crazy. But when I think of him I bunch him with Mac. Because I think they're perfect together. I don't want to break their perfection. Idk. I've never really thought of this question.
It would really depend on how we feel for each other. If I want to be with him but he doesn't, or vice versa, I don't think I will. It wouldn't matter, really, who he is just as it wouldn't matter who I am. If we really are involved, we'll do our best to keep each other safe.Hmmm... I think I would want to domesticate... I don't know. Haha! I actually wouldn't want to because I really believe he'll be making changes if he wants to without me wanting him to.
Another thing I thought about is my recent biker book obsession. I love reading about the dirty, gritty, boys, in their world. In real life I hate motorcycles and have never met a biker I wanted to date (used to work at an establishment constantly full of Banditos). I met some cool guys to have a laugh with but none of them even sparked a tinge of maybe.
Reading the thread, another thing I'm noticing is that real life guys filling the dangerous roles, come in all types too. That would include law enforcement, first responders, soldiers, bikers, adventuresome types... My soldier husband is definitely a beta too.
Okay, I just got this link in my email and had to pass it on. http://www.kindlepost.com/2014/01/qa-.... Tessa Dare and Cathy Maxwell are talking about rogues. So apropos! They're both historical romance authors and I love both of them.
message 31:
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Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal
(last edited Jan 30, 2014 10:40AM)
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Therefore it's understandable if my other half displays the same towards me. I'd want h..."
I understand what you mean. It's nice to feel like someone thinks of you as belonging to them, and that's about as far as I would go with the possessive thing in real life. I don't think jealousy is very healthy in a real-life relationship, and I think that trust is important, and where there is trust, then there shouldn't be jealousy. Not that I am putting down anyone's relationships. I'm just speaking based on my own life and thoughts.
I would like my spouse to trust that if I say I'm going somewhere, that I didn't lie and that he can trust me not to cheat on him, because that's how I want to be with my husband. I couldn't live under a shadow of doubt, trust, and jealousy. My father was a cheater, and so that's why I am very intolerant of infidelity, and if I thought I couldn't trust my husband to stay faithful, I don't think I would want to be married to that person. And I hope he would know me well enough that I would never betray my marriage vows. Hope that makes sense.
As far as historical dangerous heroes, i think I would prefer more of a western type hero (lawman, sheriff, clean mountain man). The earls and dukes don't always work for me, personally, since I have a stick up my rear about entitlement and privilege. If he was more of a Lisa Kleypas, Courtney Milan, or Christina Dodd historical hero, maybe. Probably my preferred historical hero would be Jodi Thomas.
Danielle The Book Huntress (Angels Weep For Goodreads) wrote: "Goge (BARRONS) le Moning Maniac, wrote: "Danielle, I find that I am a "possessive, bossy, and unsharing" individual when it comes to someone I love. Therefore it's understandable if my other half..."
I agree jealousy isn't healthy too. I'm rather cave-woman like and my thoughts run like so: "he-mine-no-touch". I believe trust has to be there too and that one is capable of being 'possessive and not distrustful or overtly jealous'. It depends on how the person views his/her relationship and their limits.
My father was a cheater too. And controlling. Thanks to him I discovered a frightening depth of coldness in me. People say I'm meaner now. He increased my trust issues. Increased my collection of unpleasant memories. Made me view love in a different perspective. yaddah yaddah yah. And he made me hate cheaters. Someone who tries to manipulate and control me, lie and disrespect me, someone who I cannot trust, cannot become anything to me.
You're intolerable of infidelity because you've seen what it can do so you won't do it. You want a spouse who knows that about you. Who can trust you to be loyal. Yes, it makes sense to me.
"I have a stick up my rear about entitlement and privilege." LMAO Same. Same.
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My father was a cheater too. And controlling. Thanks to him I discovered a frightening depth of coldness in me. People say I'm meaner now. He increased my trust issues. Increased my collection of unpleasant memories. Made me view love in a different perspective. yaddah yaddah yah. And he made me hate cheaters. Someone who tries to manipulate and control me, lie and disrespect me, someone who I cannot trust, cannot become anything to me.
Wow. Sounds like me!!!
Paganalexandria **wicked juices bubbling over** wrote: "Another thing I thought about is my recent biker book obsession. I love reading about the dirty, gritty, boys, in their world. In real life I hate motorcycles and have never met a biker I wanted to..."Amen... I have gone to a lot of biker rally's in my days (do not ask for details...LOL)...It was a rare instance when I caught sight of a hot biker dude that didn't have a years worth of dirt on him... Usually, they keep better care of their ride then they do themselves...(however, there was one I have fond memories of...*wink*)
So I have a question, where would someone draw the line between a dangerous hero and an abusive hero? For instance, I'm absolutely in love with Sherrilyn Kenyon's heroes, and that whole tortured hero concept, but some of her characters, in the way they treat the heroin, would clinically be considered abusive in real life. And another instance is, going to the YA side of romance, Twilight. In real life, Edward's controlling, manipulative behavior, removing Bella from all of her friends (social isolation), and belittling her, would clinically be considered an abusive guy, but so many teens are fascinated by him. So I'm just trying to figure out, since the convo took this kind of turn about real life guys versus fantasy lovers, why you think women have such an attraction to that type of behavior in the fantasy world? I didn't even notice abusive behavior in any of the romances I'd read until someone pointed it out to me, so I'm definitely guilty of being one of those girls totally obsessed with the dangerous, possessive, controlling guy.
Jillian wrote: "So I have a question, where would someone draw the line between a dangerous hero and an abusive hero? For instance, I'm absolutely in love with Sherrilyn Kenyon's heroes, and that whole tortured he..."Jillian, I think the main reasons it's acceptable is because of the very nature of romance novels in general. You know going in, no matter the drama, it's going to end in a HEA, unlike real life. In real life this behavior tends to be a bad warning sign, that raises the hackles of anyone with experience on how wrong being with a bad boy can actually go. Ignoring it in real life will get you killed, versus in the romance cocoon you can flirt with danger without ending up a Lifetime Movie Urban Legend.
Hi Jillian, I think the first thing is the whole fantasy aspect of it: you have this 6ft plus built rock hard warrior alpha male that just seems to be able to do anything and care for the woman he loves. It's that take charge thing that attracts the female side. I've read just about all of Sherilyn Kenyon's books and there is a lot of abuse the warriors go through but as it gets more into the books I see where he becomes protective of the woman. Now in the real world we just don't accept that kind of possessiveness that tried to play off as being over protective. I'm kind if backing out if Kenyon's novels now just bc there is so much more abuse going on it sickens me. I'm more on the Lycan romance fantasy side bc to me those guys are just perfect.! Now twilight I saw as a whole You're mine and have to of what I say type thing from Edward especially in the movies , the books were good but there was still that control issue. I just think thAt women are just naturally drawn to the bad boy image bc it's what we think about deep down inside but would never want to be in that type of relationship for real.
Danielle The Book Huntress (Angels Weep For Goodreads) wrote: "My father was a cheater too. And controlling. Thanks to him I discovered a frightening depth of coldness in me. People say I'm meaner now. He increased my trust issues. Increased my collection of ..."
Good to be friends with you like-minded person! lol
Paganalexandria and Jenn, Thanks for answering! I was hearing about an interesting article, which originally prompted the question, about women's sexuality, and that for most women, the greatest desire is to be desired, and supposedly the extremely possessive and controlling guy in novels presents this idea of being desired to the extent that he doesn't want anyone else to even look at you. It's flattering. I guess what I'm really wondering, is if exposing those kinds of images to youth, who are reading about these characters in Twilight and similar novels, gives them the wrong idea about how a relationship should be.
message 40:
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Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal
(last edited Feb 02, 2014 06:21PM)
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As far as teens reading books about questionable relationships, if their parents are instilling values in them, then that should counteract anything they would encounter in their reading.
I don't think most teenage girls are likely to be persuaded into abusive relationships because of books they read. I think that self esteem issues, the lack of positive role modes in their lives, peer pressure and socialization is a much higher stimulus to tolerate abusive relationships.
I never really got that abusive thing either. I know it was unhealthy--for example, Edward going to the Volturi (spelling??) to essentially commit suicide because of Bella. That's not a great message, but I thought that Edward was great. Bella kept pushing him for sex like some predator. LOL
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Good points!
To me, it's a book about vampires and werewolves, so how real life is it really supposed to be anyway??
If you're mature, you realize this is fantasy. Part of the appeal of this fantasy, I think, is that in the end this big raging male is completely consumed by his love of his woman. That's not what happens in real life usually. I do hope younger teens have other images to counterbalance these.
Danielle The Book Huntress (Angels Weep For Goodreads) wrote: "I don't think most teenage girls are likely to be persuaded into abusive relationships because of books they read. I think that self esteem issues, the lack of positive role modes in their lives, peer pressure and socialization is a much higher stimulus to tolerate abusive relationships. ..."
Speaking as a girl who did based a lot of her early romantic ideals from romance, I beg to differ that books do have that kind of power. I agree that when someone has the key social structures set up, that power is minimal. But now a days, a lot of us come from divorced families, so media might be your first example of romance that feels "right". Now in my case I was reading adult romance, so that could definitely be blamed on the lack of supervision in my home life. At the same time I don't like how some authors are purposely marketing overly sexual or presenting unhealthy relationships as ideal in the YA market because it's popular. This really isn't a slam on Twilight because though not a favorite, it doesn't bother me in that context. I believe when you choose to write for a market aimed at children, you are held to a higher standard because it is molding impressionable young minds. If you want to add a lot of sex, you need to market as New Adult, instead.
Paganalexandria **wicked juices bubbling over** wrote: " Speaking as a girl who did based a lot of her early romantic ideals from romance, I beg to differ that books do have that kind of power. I agree that when someone has the key social structures set up, that power is minimal. But now a days, a lot of us come from divorced families, so media might be your first example of romance that feels "right". Now in my case I was reading adult romance, so that could definitely be blamed on the lack of supervision in my home life. At the same time I don't like how some authors are purposely marketing overly sexual or presenting unhealthy relationships as ideal in the YA market because it's..."
Yes, but if media is your first example of romance that feels "right", there are bigger problems than unhealthy, controlling relationships, such as insta-love, and the idea that if a relationship isn't effortless, its not worth it and not meant to be. a lasting, healthy relationship is generally built very differently than the way books portray it.
Shae wrote: "Paganalexandria **wicked juices bubbling over** wrote: " Speaking as a girl who did based a lot of her early romantic ideals from romance, I beg to differ that books do have that kind of power. I ..."
When you're 13 or 14 in most cases books and movies are your first examples of romance for most of us. Most aren't dating, so you have nothing to compare it to. And if you're parents aren't together, that example most likely isn't ideal. It might be a sad commentary of American society, but I don't think my experience was that unique. And YA is aiming for that market. I don't care so much about insta-love or books that show normal angst. I am talking about a couple books (I don't want to call out) that are being tagged YA and they contain explicit sex scenes. Like I said, that bothers me twenty times more than Twilight. I don't like that book for stylistic issues mainly. Only time I bring up the controlling stuff is when someone brings it up as some kind of beacon against Fifty Shades type reads (that's another issue for another thread).
Paganalexandria **wicked juices bubbling over** wrote: "I am talking about a couple books (I don't want to call out) that are being tagged YA and they contain explicit sex scenes..."I agree 100%, that's definitely unhealthy. But I think it's happening cuz there's a demand- the world we live in has become so fast (with technology) that people start becoming jaded much younger, and they constantly need bigger and more exciting(/titillating) content.
I know as a young reader, I read both YA novels like Twilight, and adult romances, and I always found the heroes, especially ones that were possessive, controlling, demanding, over protective, ect, traits that would be considered abusive traits in real life, to be particularly attractive. As a young adult, I entered an abusive relationship, not recognizing it was abusive until much, much later. I have no idea if the books, my first experience with romance, had anything to do with that, or if there's an underlying psychological mechanism that attracts people to both those real life types and those fantasy types. Or if it's just coincidental. I came from a very stable family, with no one getting a divorce in my immediate family, and so my real life visions of romance were healthy. I dunno, it's definitely not a simple answer, to say the least.
Jillian wrote: "I know as a young reader, I read both YA novels like Twilight, and adult romances, and I always found the heroes, especially ones that were possessive, controlling, demanding, over protective, ect,..."For me the biggest negative take away reading so much sexually explicit material so young gave, was a completely unrealistic view of sex. I expected to be skyrockets, epic, and way more enjoyable in the beginning from the impression garnered from my bodice rippers. I remember feeling so, "Is this it? WTH?", and kind of pissed at all my favorite writers for lying so well. LOL
I guess since I didn't start reading these types of books until recently, I already knew what to expect from an adult sexual relationship and didn't think it would be like what we read about. However, I will admit to having unrealistic expectations of my husband this last year or two:)
Do you think you’d date and possibly marry a dangerous hero in real life? I mean yes, he can be tender and nurturing. But he’s usually carrying some heavy baggage. He may be on the run from the law or from thugs. He has these secrets he Just Can’t Share with You. He has a great body and is good in bed, but he’s always going off to do something, er, dangerous, when you most want him at home. He’s rich, but how did he make those big bucks?
Then assuming you are going to take a chance, what character would you most like to domesticate in real life?