The Humour Club discussion
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Locally Funny
Here's an actual announcement that appeared recently in the birth section of my local paper. Note - the mother's name has been changed; the names of the innocent children have not. I'm sure they'll change them themselves upon reaching adulthood...
Nicole V. is the mother of a daughter, Zharia Cleo. She joins sisters Natellica and Zeyonce at home.
Natellica and Zeyonce could not be reached for comment, but it is predicted the girls were hoping the new baby would be named Black Zabbetha.
Nicole V. is the mother of a daughter, Zharia Cleo. She joins sisters Natellica and Zeyonce at home.
Natellica and Zeyonce could not be reached for comment, but it is predicted the girls were hoping the new baby would be named Black Zabbetha.

Last month, downtown, there was a disastrous fire that took out an entire city block...there was a dramatic helicopter rescue of a crane operator who was trapped and everything.
There was also a giant coffee shop billboard across the road from the fire...


I could say only in Jersey, but it could probably happen anywhere. Any time you see two cruisers pulled alongside one another and the cops are talking, you just know they're discussing the merits of Krispy Kreme or Dunkin'.

http://willonce.wordpress.com/2014/09...
I couldn't help giggling when I saw "Dr Oetker sprinkles" on a supermarket website. Dr Oetker themselves are very careful not to put the word "sprinkles" directly after their name. But apparently the supermarkets either haven't spotted it or don't care.

I wonder if I. P. Freely works with Dr. Oetker?

Not a recent one, but my suburb in Tucson imposed a sprinkler ban one summer, on the same day they proposed building a water park.
Will wrote: "If you start us brits on sprinkler bans, we'll never stop..."
And if you mention "fanny packs" they dissolve into a fit of hysteria.
And if you mention "fanny packs" they dissolve into a fit of hysteria.
Nope. Not at all surprised.
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it.
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it.
Rebecca wrote: "Nope. Not at all surprised.
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it."
And if the rich ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it."
And if the rich ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!

Anyone see the Million Mask March in London last night?
All those protestors with Guy Fawkes masks on. Hilarious!
Rebecca wrote: "Nope. Not at all surprised.
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it."
Isn't that what they mean by "trickle down"?
Joel, they need to move right to water rationing down there, same as we need to up here. But the rich don't like it."
Isn't that what they mean by "trickle down"?

Being serious for a second, I think the point is that water parks generally recycle the water in their rides and attractions.
That's a very different proposition to garden sprinklers which are one of the fastest ways of throwing water away known to man.

And I reckon a household having a bath each a day will use more water than a garden sprinkler (unless you need binoculars to see to the end of the garden)

Open water parks and lakes gain water when it rains and lose water through evaporation and soak away. Sprinklers are a one way ticket.
The general rule of thumb is that a garden sprinkler uses more water in an hour than a family uses in a day.
It may sound trivial, but it's going to become more of an issue in coming years. A couple of years ago the UK came within a few months of water rationing and standpipes in the street.
Will wrote: "That's why I said "generally"!
Open water parks and lakes gain water when it rains and lose water through evaporation and soak away. Sprinklers are a one way ticket.
The general rule of thumb is ..."
It's a hold-over from the war. If the UK isn't rationing at least one thing at any given time, folks there think the government doesn't care.
Open water parks and lakes gain water when it rains and lose water through evaporation and soak away. Sprinklers are a one way ticket.
The general rule of thumb is ..."
It's a hold-over from the war. If the UK isn't rationing at least one thing at any given time, folks there think the government doesn't care.

Just about the only thing that is rationed in the UK are guns, dangerous dogs and smoking in public places. Which sounds about right to me.
The French ration any English-sounding word (le weekend, les blue jeans) and anyone calling their sparkling wine champagne.
The Chinese used to ban second children.
Meanwhile the Americans spent 13 years banning alcohol, have an aversion to the letter U (humor, rumor, honor) and half their teenage kids have signed chastity vows.
Will wrote: "Meanwhile the Americans spent 13 years banning alcohol, have an aversion to the letter U (humor, rumor, honor) and half their teenage kids have signed chastity vows."
You forgot to mention that we are gun nuts who consistently vote for climate change deniers.
(Oh, how I wish the above were not true...)
You forgot to mention that we are gun nuts who consistently vote for climate change deniers.
(Oh, how I wish the above were not true...)

Will wrote: "Ooooow, social commentary...
Anyone see the Million Mask March in London last night?
All those protestors with Guy Fawkes masks on. Hilarious!"
I missed this response, just like I missed the Million Mask March. I was too busy watching in horror as a bunch of idiots (aka my fellow countrymen - and surprisingly, countryWOMEN) voted some of the worst people on the planet into roles of power and influence.
I can see nothing humorous in what has happened, so I'll just hang my head in shame.
Anyone see the Million Mask March in London last night?
All those protestors with Guy Fawkes masks on. Hilarious!"
I missed this response, just like I missed the Million Mask March. I was too busy watching in horror as a bunch of idiots (aka my fellow countrymen - and surprisingly, countryWOMEN) voted some of the worst people on the planet into roles of power and influence.
I can see nothing humorous in what has happened, so I'll just hang my head in shame.
Will wrote: "Sadly Melki we have collected our own home grown political idiots now. And they seem to be getting worse."
I think we've been exporting them to your country.
Sorry.
I think we've been exporting them to your country.
Sorry.

Melki wrote: "Will wrote: "Ooooow, social commentary...
Anyone see the Million Mask March in London last night?
All those protestors with Guy Fawkes masks on. Hilarious!"
I missed this response, just like I m..."
Where? Last I heard, the Republicans had swept the elections!
Anyone see the Million Mask March in London last night?
All those protestors with Guy Fawkes masks on. Hilarious!"
I missed this response, just like I m..."
Where? Last I heard, the Republicans had swept the elections!
Joel wrote: "Where? Last I heard, the Republicans had swept the elections!"
Well, at least one of us is happy.
(Hint - it's NOT me.)
Well, at least one of us is happy.
(Hint - it's NOT me.)

I'll be satisfied if they just continue to do nothing, though this cartoon sums up one of my biggest fears -


https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
The cartoons might make my point even if they can't read well. (Half the YECs read comic books, the other half just look at the pictures.)
;)


You think you had it bad? Florida's only choice was between a power company suck-up and a guy who went from Republican to Independent and lastly, in a last ditch effort, (we hope!) ran on the Democratic ticket! Lost in every bid. I voted Indy, as did 4% of the electorate. But, either way, FL lost and we'll be paying through the nose...


Jim, thanks for the attempt to turn us to less depressing topics. Alas, every Rebecca meme was about Rebecca Black, and I couldn't bring myself to even look.

;)

A few favourites:
"Leaning on the poor prohibited"
"The WC is free of washing. Please leave off after p*ssing or sh*tting." (this is genuine)
"Mustard Ham atherosclerosis" on a restaurant menu.
Oh, those are good, Celine! Of course, I always wonder about the one just down the street from me, at the water treatment plant. There is a sign that reads "Caution: door shuts in auto." Which reads like one of those poorly translated signs, but really? They couldn't find an English-speaker in San Francisco? (And the sign at the other entrance is in boring English, i.e., "caution: automatic door.").
Jim wrote: "I never heard of her. Yes, I live under a rock, but it's apparently a very nice rock from what I just saw. Sorry, Rebecca.
;)"
I know she was a pop phenom a year or two back, and everyone said she can't sing. I did not feel compelled to determine that for myself.
;)"
I know she was a pop phenom a year or two back, and everyone said she can't sing. I did not feel compelled to determine that for myself.

Haha, yeah I'm not sure that San Fran has much of an excuse when it comes to signs like that!
One of my favourite HK mixups is a street that should be called Alexandra Terrace in English, but the guy who laid out the letters on the sign got mixed up, so it's called Rednaxela Terrace ;-)

"
I tried that, but 'Celine meme' gives me loads of stuff about Celine Dion, especially since meme is a french word and she's french canadian.
Although unlike Rebecca Black, at least my Meme namesake can sing ;)
A local weekend tragedy - a man walking on the tracks was struck and killed by a train - was turned somewhat humorous by the newspaper headline Man Hit By Train Wearing Earbuds.
I guess the train could not hear the screams of the man as it ran over him.
I guess the train could not hear the screams of the man as it ran over him.
Remember - we're laughing WITH them. Not AT them.
(Well, that's a lie, but it seems a nice sentiment, doesn't it?)