Query help?

[Jacob]

I don't know if this is the place to post this, but I couldn't really find anywhere else that would work.

So I've finished polishing my query letter and would really appreciate any thoughts you all have. :)

Dear X,
Dying at the age of eighteen is a reality Merit Overseer accepted long ago.
In his country of Control, all eighteen-year-olds are required to take a test called the Division, where only children who live up to strict expectations can hope to survive as citizens. The rules of the test are simple: pass, and you can continue living. Fail, and you are executed.
For Merit, the only buffer against his oppressive country is his family, which is coming apart faster than he can bear. Though Merit wants nothing more than to keep this feeble bond intact, he must now be subjected to the Division – a grueling physical and mental examination designed to select those who are worthy of life.
As the Division progresses, Merit realizes that his morality and humanity are the most crippling weaknesses he can bear and that the path to citizenship will mean sacrificing what makes him human. Merit must decide whether to conform to the mold of his country and live, or fight for his individuality and die.
Complete at 119,000 words, DIVIDE is a YA science fiction which is the first in a possible series. *personalized bit about agent*
Thank you for your time and consideration.
(Name)

Thanks in advance!

[Justine]

I went to a course a while back about pitching letters, and here's what I got out of it:
Order of Pitch Letter:
1) Start with a hook (include Title/target readers)
2) Give the essence of the book in ~4 lines
3) Something interesting about yourself.

All in one page.

From your Query letter, the first thing that came to my mind was that it was in the vein of The Giver. So this could be your hook, maybe?

Good Luck with it.

[Bling]

Try the site Agent Query Connect. It's exactly for query critiquing

[Balázs]

Hi everyone. Could anyone explain why all this fuss about agents and query letters? Because if I look at recent trends in the book business it appears that it's actually agents who should be begging for authors' attention, not the other way round. What could an agent/publisher do for me that I couldn't do by myself?

Proofing, editing, designing, illustrating: there's thousands of available options. All you have to do is to google until you find one who suits your budget.

Platform building, marketing: any self-respecting author should write with a particular audience in mind. Once you know who should be interested in your stuff, it's easy to target this audience. Run an ad campaign on Facebook and relevant sites. Contact opinionmakers. Get active in threads.

Yeah I know many authors (including me) hate to deal with any of the above, thinking how nice it would be if they only had to do the writing and someone else would take care about the rest. However, spending your valuable time and energy on query letters which are genetically doomed to remain unanswered is positively a waste when you can spend the same efforts on building up your own brand, all on your own. Because the basic truth is: if your story is unique and well-written with a particular audience in mind, it will succeed; if it is a 12 makes a dozen story in a congested genre, it will fail and no agent, no publisher can change that.

Just my two cents.

[Diana]

Balazs,
I agree with you. Just a few years ago, an author had no choice but to grovel for attention and no matter how good the novel, agents would treat writers like dirt.

Here in Australia, so much depends on the current market -do they want your particular type of book this year - they may be only publishing four books altogether in fiction or even in crime. I went to a seminar a few years back where there were four agents from high flying houses - Hachette Livre and Penguin were two. Those women were terrifyingly arrogant! Wonder how they are doing now that the self-publishing opportunities are so good?

You are right - if a novel is exciting, well-written (and has a striking cover - most important) then with good marketing, it will find it's feet.

I chose to go with a contract company here in Australia who did everything for me including paperback distribution and Espresso machines.My next book is due out in 2014 and I shall use this company again, because they're easy to work with, medium priced and honest. They are also within striking distance of where we live so I can make a personal visit if necessary, however I know they work with international authors as well. If you want to know who they are, email me (cadfael88@gmail.com) :)

Diana