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[[deleted user]]

I am!

Hey, how you going?

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Yeah, it's going good. Just finished reading a book and thought i'd jump online.

What you been up to?

[[deleted user]]

That's good. What book?

Filmed a YouTube video, and have been writing some more of my story... changing a few things around.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Ascendant It's the second book. It was HEAPS better than the first, although the ending kinda left me wanting more and i don't know if there is gonna be a 3rd book.
You reading anything good atm???

What was the video about?

[[deleted user]]

Sounds quite good!
Umm, reading Torment again..

[[deleted user]]

Also, could you do me a favor (if or when you arn't too busy) and read my story? I've changed some things and I have started a new chapter.

[[deleted user]]

This is the link to my story!! Please read if you can! thankyou!!

If you want just start from chapter 3 and then read what i have written of chapter 4

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Ah, yes, i'm yet to get that book. I'll buy it eventually....

Sure i can do that when i have time....

Um, we're about to have dinner so i g2g, but i'll be back in like 10 mins if your still here

[[deleted user]]

yeah i will be!

talk soon then!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Hey, i just got back on

[[deleted user]]

Oh okay! Cool! LOL!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

So, i'll have a look at your story, but now right now cos i have to get off soon. But i will look, promise!
So how are you going with it? Is the storyline coming to you?

[[deleted user]]

Thankyou! Yeah, not a problem! Whenever you can is fine.

It's going really well!! The storyline is absolutely coming to me! I've just been super lazy lately but I started getting back into it yesterday and it's going extremely well!! I'm actually really loving the storyline! There's a bit of everything in it.
It's very supernaturally though! LOL! So far, no human characters. But there will be!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Not a problem!

I get that....sometimes you just don't feel like writing, even though you know that you really should ;)
I started the sequel to Destined at the beginning of the month, and i've written like, a chapter. Still working out storyline and character interactions and all that myself, but i just haven't been really motivated.
Awesome! It's gonna flow for you if you've already got such a great handle on it.

Ah, i g2g how, but i might be back soon, maybe, maybe not.

If you're still on i'll talk to you then, but if not....take care and we'll talk soon.
bye!

[[deleted user]]

Okay cya!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Gah, i'm back if your still there??

[[deleted user]]

Yeah, I'm still here!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Lol, cool.

[[deleted user]]

So, hows your writing going? Oh by the way! Happy Birthday for a few weeks ago!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Not so bad. I'm trying to figure just what i want to happen, but i know it'll take me a while for that to happen.
Thanks =)

[[deleted user]]

Oh okay.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

So i read your writing....
I suggested something that may help make things easier on the reader....

[[deleted user]]

Yeah, I just read that. Makes sense. I actually tried doing that on a different story (I deleted it) but every time I tried when I clicked save, it just went back the way it was. I will try again though.
Thanks for the advice :)

Is it good so far though..?

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

I think it is. I saw that you're going for mysterious, so i'm expecting that you won't give a lot away in the beginning.
The only other thing i'd watch out for is how you show Ally deal with her sisters death and her grief. If she accepts things too easily and it doesn't seem like she's questioning this at all people will often find it not believable....

[[deleted user]]

I just edited Chapter 4 and did what you said...
Could you maybe check it (if you want) and see if that has improved?

[[deleted user]]

Rachel wrote: "The only other thing i'd watch out for is how you show Ally deal with her sisters death and her grief."


There is actually a reason as to why she isn't dealing with the way she is "suppose" to.
Chapter 5 is when you will find out why

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

I had a look. It's better, but you may want to check chapter 3 too.
I'll show you a little bit...

You have:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Chace. "Did you find it?" I shook my head. "I looked everywhere but there's no sign of it. Why is it so im..." "That's not important to YOU! You just need to decide. And soon Allie! The sooner the better." I tried to make a joke. "Why is there like a bomb or something?" And I failed miserably. "Don't joke. And no there isn't a bomb." He started muttering things to himself then.




What would be easier to read/understand:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Chace.
"Did you find it?"
I shook my head. "I looked everywhere but there's no sign of it. Why is it so im..."
"That's not important to YOU! You just need to decide. And soon Allie! The sooner the better."
I tried to make a joke. "Why is there like a bomb or something?" And I failed miserably.
"Don't joke. And no there isn't a bomb." He started muttering things to himself then.

Can you see the difference? I'm not trying pick it apart, but people will be much more interested if they don't have to think so hard about who's saying or doing what....

[[deleted user]]

Also, Alyssa did question her feelings in chapter 3


Was the reason I wasn't crying because I was mentally ill?

[[deleted user]]

Rachel wrote: "I had a look. It's better, but you may want to check chapter 3 too.
I'll show you a little bit...

You have:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Chace. "Did y..."

Thankyou so much! I changed it, and it just makes it alot easier to understand! I'm just kind of new to the paraphrasing and the different lines type of thing.

I'm more of an ideas and put things into words type of girl. Description, idea's and wording.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

I remember that part, but don't forget we've discussed this between us, so i know all this. Random people who stumble across it won't, so sometimes you have to make it extra clear. Put it across heaps of time in the lead up....

[[deleted user]]

Oh okay. Thanks! :D

So just really make it clear that she is questioning it?

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Rachel wrote: "I had a look. It's better, but you may want to check chapter 3 too.
I'll show you a little bit...

You have:
I felt a hand on my shoulder before I could scream, I realised it was Ch..."

You're welcome! And really don't worry about it. I was the same when i was just beginning....lord, you should have seen some of my paraphrasing and grammar *shudder* but you'll get better. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and before you know it you'll be doing it automatically....

[[deleted user]]

Okay, well I'm glad. Because I really do like the storyline I have in mind. And I do want to continue. I just have a constant thought in my head that it sucks!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay. Thanks! :D

So just really make it clear that she is questioning it?"

Exactly! Make sure SHE knows that she should be feeling differently. That she doesn't accept it as normal. As long as the actual character knows that what she's feeling is not right, the reader will understand that it will be explained later on.

Some writers don't kinda hint enough that there is an actual reason, so people kinda think "god, this girl is annoying. She should care more about her sisters death" kinda thing, instead of realising that it plays a part in the story later on.....

[[deleted user]]

Oh okay! thanks! This is really helping!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Okay, well I'm glad. Because I really do like the storyline I have in mind. And I do want to continue. I just have a constant thought in my head that it sucks!"

It doesn't. Yes, it's raw and yes, you need to work on a few things, but you know that and your fixing what you need to. There's a lot of things you can add as you go to make it better.
Plus, sometimes it's good to read over chapters and constantly check/change grammar and paraphrasing all the time. That way you fix the things that needs fixing....

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay! thanks! This is really helping!"

That's ok. Like i told you in the beginning, i'll be honest and help you any way i can. If i give you advice and suggestions you can actually work on, it's heaps better than just telling you it's good and nothing else.

[[deleted user]]

Rachel wrote: "★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay! thanks! This is really helping!"

That's ok. Like i told you in the beginning, i'll be honest and help you any way i can. If i give you advice and suggestions you can ..."

Well, thankyou again!
It really is helping! At least this way, I can learn.

[[deleted user]]

Rachel wrote: "★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "Oh okay! thanks! This is really helping!"

That's ok. Like i told you in the beginning, i'll be honest and help you any way i can. If i give you advice and suggestions you can ..."

Well, thankyou again!
It really is helping! At least this way, I can learn.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

No problem.
I just don't want to come across like i'm telling you what you have to do, or make you seem like you have to change everything....

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Well, i have really got to go now. I hope you liked my suggestions and good-luck with your story....

take care and ttyl....
xoxo

[[deleted user]]

No, not at all!!!

That's when I was thinking when I started writing it. "People are probably going to give me advice and I'm going to have to change everything"

But the great thing is that you're not telling me how my storyline should be. Actually, I havn't got any evidence you have been talking about the actual storyline. All the advice you have given me has been about how editing the grammar and doing proper paraphrasing can make my story so much better.

It's really fantastic! I get to keep my idea's which is the main point!

[[deleted user]]

Rachel wrote: "Well, i have really got to go now. I hope you liked my suggestions and good-luck with your story....

take care and ttyl....
xoxo"

Thanks!

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

★ Kaycee ★ wrote: "No, not at all!!!

That's when I was thinking when I started writing it. "People are probably going to give me advice and I'm going to have to change everything"

But the great thing is that you'r..."

Oh, i'd never do that.
Your ideas are your own and no one, NO ONE should try to get you to change them. If it's something you wanna write about then you do it, not matter what some people say.....

[Rebecka, main mod =DD]

wooow. we have died :( im sitting in my computer class, and i havent been on in forever, and apparently no one else has either. sad.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

I'm on now!!!
Sorry i've been super busy lately. Graduating high school, and looking for a job and everything.

Anyone on???

[Rebecka, main mod =DD]

Oooh congratz.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Thanks!

How have you been? It's been sooo long since i've chated with you.
Oh, btw me and Heather are trying to keep the group alive, but like i mentioned, busy, busy, busy.....

[Rebecka, main mod =DD]

ive been really good, grades keep sliding though =(
its tough.
i have a new boyfriend
A new foster sister ((long story short, my friends dad abused her i told, and were going to adopt her))
new friends
i still have color guard
i have mock trial.
life is chaotic
the only thing that really hasnt changed is my love for books.

[Rachel (The Rest Is Still Unwritten), Temporarily in charge =)]

Yeah, but you've got a lot going on, so its understandable that your grades may have been affected.
Congrats on the new BF, but i'm sorry to hear about your friend. At least she's happy and safe with you.