Writer's Paradise discussion
Writers H-M
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a story i already wrote give me ur critisim
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So much potential! An interesting plot and I'd love to read more.Here's a few thoughts:
1) "She" went to the window. The girl is never named. Sometimes you don't have to name your characters, but your readers may identify with them more if they feel like they know them.
2) You do a lot of telling and not much showing. Showing means, in short, to dramatize the story. Telling means to summarize quickly. Each sentence in that first paragraph could be expanded into a paragraph of its own.
Check out some books from the library on writing, like this book that I reviewed on my blog http://afantasyfiction.blogspot.com/2...
Keep it up. I'd love to see this revised!
Mod
Here's a few thoughts:
1) "She" went to the window. The girl is never named. Sometimes you don't have to name your characters..."
actually, every once in a while, not naming a character can work well, particularly in first person. That's if you want the reader to REALLY connect with the character, be able to imagine them as any gender, maybe even any age. They are able to imagine the character as themself, or their friend or a member of their family. But it can be kinda difficult to pull that off, and, if it's in third person, I agree that naming your character is a good thing.
Yep, Roni's right. 1st person would be one time not to name your character if you are creating a certain kind of effect.The movie Fight Club never names the main character, and I never realized it until you get to the end of the movie. But that was a very carefully crafted arrangment.
By Krystyna Jones
The sun finally rose yet she could still hear the cries of the people. She went to her window and sat listening to the remaining chaos as she looked over her family’s kingdom. About five minutes later there was a knock on her door it was her brother Alan. He had come to see how she was when a soldier came into the room and told them to get out of the palace at once because it was under attack. Alan took her hand and they made a run for it. They crashed into their mother soon after they met the attackers. Everything around them burst into flame. The wall behind them was the only thing not to catch on fire. They opened the wall and ran closing it behind them. They had just managed to get out when fire balls started raining from the sky. A wall of earth formed around them, but it lasted only for a second. Out of nowhere they were surrounded. They fought as hard as they could. Alan covered his mother. Then before they knew what was going on she had been struck down and the attack vanished on the ground lay their mother’s corpse.
Alan woke to find he was in the middle of the forest outside his homeland realizing that he had just had another nightmare. His sister, Maribell, close by. They were with a couple of friends one was Saphire and the other Salzar. It was still dark but it was close to dawn. Besides he couldn’t sleep anymore so he spent the rest of the time before sunrise in thought. He built the fire up a bit more so it wouldn’t go out. Then after that Maribell woke.