I've been given a quest

[Will]

My publisher tells me I have to be a Romance Writer by next weekend. It's a challenge...

"My wife has an allergy. Have these flowers been sprayed with anything dangerous?"

"No sir, but the chemist is next door if you can wait a minute."

[Rebecca]

Good luck. :-p

[Will]

"Everyone is told to 'write what you know'. So he's got no chance." - My ex....

[Rebecca]

Oh, the heck with "write what you know." What I KNOW is hopelessly limited and boring. What I make up is,much better.

But WHY does your publisher want you to do this absurd thing?

[Will]

Because I write such romantic lines.

"When dragons mate, we mate for life."
"Really? Isn't there someone you can complain to about that?"

[Rebecca]

ROFL! You should be a hit at the Romance convention!

[Rebecca]

Wait--maybe your publisher really DOES think that's a romantic line. We are ALL in trouble!

[Will]

"Boss! Love isn't a disease!"
"Then why do they hold clinics about it?"

[Will]

The quest continues...

"I want a relationship that's based on more than sex."
"You want him to be rich as well?"

[Rebecca]

Makes sense to me.

[Melki]

Loving your quips, Will, though you are making my completely unromantic husband sound like a real winner by comparison.

Me - "Do you think I'm pretty?"

Him - "If you were a hag, I wouldn't be here."

[Jeff]

Melki wrote: "Loving your quips, Will, though you are making my completely unromantic husband sound like a real winner by comparison.

Me - "Do you think I'm pretty?"

Him - "If you were a hag, I wouldn't be here.""

Does he at least put the toilet seat down?

[Melki]

I'm the only female in the household. I've given up on the toilet seat EVER being put down.

[Will]

Melki wrote: "Loving your quips, Will, though you are making my completely unromantic husband sound like a real winner by comparison.

Me - "Do you think I'm pretty?"

Him - "If you were a hag, I wouldn't be here.""

This is a public service thread.
Sadly, these are all quotes from my books. And the publisher still wants me at the Festival of Romance.

[Will]

"Boss! Love is NOT a disease!"

"Really? Then why do they advertise clinics about it in the toilets at the Red Lion?"

[Will]

"She swept me off my feet."
"Shouldn't You have swept Her?"
"Are you kidding? I'd have needed a fork lift."

[Rebecca]

Melki wrote: "I'm the only female in the household. I've given up on the toilet seat EVER being put down."
You didn't train them right. All three of my males put the seat down. My husband came pre-trained. He trained the boys.

[Rebecca]

And that may be the most romantic thing about him. Oh, and he washes the dishes, if he gets home in time.

[Will]

Rebecca wrote: "Melki wrote: "I'm the only female in the household. I've given up on the toilet seat EVER being put down."
You didn't train them right. All three of my males put the seat down. My husband came ..."

I am so stealing that line, Rebecca: My husband came pre trained....

[Will]

"The code name for the spy is Geranium."
"As a Dark Lord, shouldn't you choose something more appropriate? Say, like, Poison Ivy?"
"What, and be reminded of my wife?"

[Jeff]

Rebecca wrote: "Melki wrote: "I'm the only female in the household. I've given up on the toilet seat EVER being put down."
You didn't train them right. All three of my males put the seat down. My husband came ..."

Rebecca,

The consequences are dire for not putting the seat down... It's become a Pavlovian response.

[Rebecca]

That's the idea, Jeff. I think my husband's previous girlfriend was the sort to make failures painful, psychologically speaking. She did me several favors--in addition to making sure he knew about toilet seats, she made me look darned good! My minor insanities were as nothing next to her!

[Will]

I wonder if your husband knew my ex, Rebecca?

She is insane, too....

[Melki]

Perhaps your overwhelming romanticism drove her nuts?

[Will]

Refer to post 3 on this thread...

[Melki]

But if she's insane, how can we believe a word she says?

[Will]

Depressingly, traffic increased on my blog when I highlighted a cute puppy piccie.

The handsome sheep (well, this is Wales you know) lacked the same impetus.

[Jeff]

Rebecca wrote: "That's the idea, Jeff. I think my husband's previous girlfriend was the sort to make failures painful, psychologically speaking. She did me several favors--in addition to making sure he knew abou..."

The cattle prod is a remarkable motivator.

[Will]

Shouldn't you be in the BDSM group?

[Jeff]

Will wrote: "Shouldn't you be in the BDSM group?"

Here, there, what's the difference?

[Melki]

I believe Jeff is one of the moderators. His safe word is "cataglottism".

[Jeff]

Melki wrote: "I believe Jeff is one of the moderators. His safe word is "cataglottism"."

Cataglottism?!? Show off!

[Melki]

Ah, the internet.

Making me seem smarter than I am since 2001.

[Will]

I'm beyond even the internet's help there.

[Rebecca]

I'm going to pretend this thread never happened. . .

[Will]

"I never understood why he married her."

"I heard he was too frightened to say 'No' at the ceremony."

[Will]

"But you must have loved her once!"

"Yes, but once was enough."

[Rebecca]

It suddenly occurs to me that I'm a fine one to mock Will's sense of romance. In one of my current works the MC suddenly realizes that her husband is a jerk. Why does it take her so long? Because they haven't been living together--and she really didn't notice that, either! She is definitely the last to know...

[Will]

She sounds just like my ex, Rebecca....

[Will]

Am I ready for Saturday?

"Is it time for a single, perfect rose?"

"The Rose I know isn't single, and is far from perfect."

[Rebecca]

Will wrote: "She sounds just like my ex, Rebecca...."

Well, except my heroine is likeable, if clueless.

[Will]

Practising chat up lines for the Romance Writers convention on Saturday. (Well, you never know...)

"Hi. You don't sweat much for a fat lass, do you?"

"Good job you've got those high heels on, or no one would see you."

"Do you have to lean backwards all the time, so those boobs don't drag you over?"

"Sorry, I've forgotten your name already. Who did he say you were?"

Do you think I need more?

[Melki]

Any of those lines would work for me...

[Will]

"The Council said I had that Mad Cow in my burger van."

"Did you?"

"Yes, but I'm divorced now."

[Will]

Melki wrote: "Any of those lines would work for me..."

Oh dear.

[Rebecca]

Melki's man needs lessons in romance. Send him to the convention to learn from Will.

[Melki]

Yes. I did all the work getting our relationship off the ground. It's time for him to WOO me.

[Will]

Lend him an owl...

[Melki]

THAT could spice things up in the bedroom...

[Will]

Melki!!

Too much information (for a singleton like me)