The Humour Club discussion
Weird Stuff
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I've been given a quest
I'm off now for 2 days to this Romance festival. I can think of no better parting phrase than:I'm just going out. I may be some time....
I have returned :) and unmolested :(.Perhaps I should have a badge: I survived a Romance writers Convention?
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Sniff.Actually, one presentation by an established (25 years) small publisher was fascinating.
And I got my ego stroked, although sadly nothing else
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It's always better when someone else strokes your ego.
Ummm... my fantasy publisher told me that the worst business decision they have made was to choose not to take my horror material, and asked if he could convince me to let them have the next in that genre.So that was nice. It was better than the beer anyway.
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We'd planned to do Bristolcon this year, but personal stuff got in the way.
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Now I've been to a convention, I must be a proper Romance writer, right?"Every time I see her, I get a warm fuzzy feeling inside."
"It's indigestion."
I often wonder how people know it's butterflies they feel in their stomach and not nausea.
If I had swallowed a butterfly whole, chances are i'd be nauseous
If I'd swallowed a butterfly whole, chances are i'd feel nauseous.As would the butterfly.
Does this mean we've finally answered that Haddaway pop song (What is Love?) Love is a butterfly-induced nauseous mess. Can we never play that song again, now?
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Lucky for you. I can't get it out of my head now. "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." Ugh. Maybe I need to swallow a butterfly or something to distract me.
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Bet you can't bear to do the line about the spider...
The Romance is so coming out in my writing now. It's exciting."I kept telling him to think for himself. But just look what happened when he did."
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I'm really in a groove now!!Romance is my thing!
“The Boss says he takes some client files with him, and gets quite a bit of work done sat outside the Ladies changing rooms in Marks & Spencer’s. No one notices because there’s so many other bored husbands waiting there. Actually, I’ve always been surprised the store doesn’t install a bar and a snooker table in the waiting area. They’d make a fortune.”
Romance writing rocks!"Doctor, I've got a problem with my ears, there's long periods of unusual silences."
"Don't worry, it's quite normal when your wife goes away for a few days."
"Why are men so useless?""It's no good asking me, I'm a bloke."
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"If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything, right?""I've heard that, yes"
"Maybe I can make her pay the bill: my card's just been declined."
I'm being driven by Romance writing:He's teaching his wife to do magic. last week she turned his car into a wall.
Tonight, I'm sure she will swoon into my open arms. I've found this bottle of chloroform in an old drawer.
Got to keep in touch with my feminine side..."Why are all men so useless?"
"It's no good asking me stuff like that, is it? I'm a man."
"I was going to buy a new dishwasher, but it was cheaper to get a new boyfriend and make him wash up."
"Have you seen my lippy?""I didn't know it came in visual as well as audio."
How's my romance writing doing, guys?
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But, you're a very romantic guy, Will. If I weren't married I'd be stalking you in a somewhat creepy way.
Lippy here in colloquial UK terms, melki:Short for lipstick, or for being gobby/mouthy.
Ohhhh a stalker!!
"Don't criticise me until you've walked a mile in my shoes!" "A mile? You can't even walk to the bar in those."
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That's a relief, Rebeccaperhaps there is hope for me yet
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perhaps there is hope for me yet"
Don't count on it. I'm not really a girl, you know. I mean, my idea of a great vacation involves hiking for days and bathing (if at all) in icy streams and lakes. I break out in hives when forced to go into any story but the grocery.
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I'm working it into my next book. The 2 love affairs will get warmer.
"The Hygene Inspector said I had that Mad Cow in my burger van.""Did you?"
"Yes, but I'm divorced now."
"War is War. Business is Business. Although sometimes you can only tell them apart by the paperwork."
Will, your writing is sounding better than even Sophie Kinsella. And, coming from me, that is a great compliment - ask Melki.
Why, thank you, Bookworm. I think I'm just excessively cynical now. But road testing this stuff by posting it helps."Have you found out when her birthday is yet?"
"Why would I do that? She was born YEARS ago."
I know she doesn't like the caramels, but you shouldn't take them out of the box of chocs before giving it to her!
Still musing on chocolate.Is it acceptable to attack the second layer before finishing the first?
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Is it acceptable to attack the second layer before finishing the first?"
I hope so. I did so, at Xmas, to beat everyone to the dark chocolates (though I'm not sure anyone else wanted the dark chocolate. Just making sure. It's a dog-eat-dog world).
Talons and beaks in the bedroom?