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Boomerang & DAANCE (Apparently also Daancy) 2.0 #3
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[deleted user]
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Oct 16, 2013 03:02PM
[ Haha, yeah, I'm used to it now. :P ]
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(Lol. You have a great adapting mechanism, then. XP)Xavier
I didn't know exactly how long I was in the shower for, but I knew that it was quite a while. Long enough for the water to turn icy. With a soft sigh, I turned the faucet off, groping around blindly for a rag to clear the water from my eyes. Finding it, I wiped it across my face, but something seemed...off. There was a sickeningly familiar metallic smell in the air, and though I was almost afraid to, I opened my eyes. And let screamed.
Dropping the suddenly bloddied rag, I lurched backward, forgetting that the wall of the bathtub rose up behind me, and I tripped over it, ripping the shower curtains away with me, both falling to the tiled floor with a loud crash. Meanwhile, I was desperately trying to wipe away the blood trickling down my bare skin, all of my scars reopening and bleeding profusely.
What the hell was happening?
[ Haha, well it isn't the first time I've written posts on my phone :p ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: By the time I was pretty much done with all of the prep, I could still hear the water running in the bathroom but I wasn't worried; Xavier always took long showers and I didn't blame him -- hot water was a blessing. I hummed quietly to myself as I washed up the dishes I'd used; there was no point in letting them pile up. It was just better to have them cleaned and over with. Moreover, I was in the groove -- whatever that meant.[ Punch me if I was wrong with this post, okay? ]
Then I heard scream and my heart sunk low as I dropped the plate in the sink and made a run for the bathroom just as a terrifying sound came from behind the closed door. "Xavier?" I called out tentatively, my fingers latching onto the knob as I turned it. "I-I'm coming in." I warned, slowly pushing the door open. The scene before me had me baffled; a Xavier on the ground, partly covered with the shower curtain.
"Are you okay? What happened?" I asked as I pulled the shower curtain off the ground slowly, setting it in the bathtub before my eyes finally absorbed the sight.
The scars. So many scars. I don't think I'd be able to count even if I tried. I suddenly felt sick but forced anything that threatened to come up to stay down and I swallowed dryly.
Don't pay attention to that now. What mattered was Xavier and his current state. "Xavier?"
(Haha. And it probably won't be your last. ;P)Xavier
I wanted the blood cleaned away. I wanted it gone. Forget the pain my reopened scars caused-I wanted the blood gone. I was so focused on getting rid of the awful substance when the shower curtain was suddenly picked up, revealing more skin, more blood. God, why was there so much?
I looked up to see a worried-looking Dom, my eyes wide and terrified. But both his expression and question confused me-couldn't he see it? The blood? Smell the sickeningly thick metallic smell in the air. "Wh...Can't you see it, Dom?" I asked, voice cracking. "It's all over the place. I can't get rid of it. It just won't go away. It just-" I cut myself off as I glanced back down to my blood-soaked body-or, what used to be my blood-soaked body. Now, I was just looking down at clear water trickling down my body, dripping onto the already-slicked floor.
I furrowed my brow in confusion, still breathing a little heavily, glancing up at Dom. "I..." I trailed off, shaking my head as I hid my face in my hands, pulling my knees up to my chest and curling in on myself. "I don't...I don't know what just happened..." I whispered hoarsely. "I just...I don't know. I don't know..."
[ Haha, nope! ^^ ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: Was I supposed to be seeing? His words threw me off guard and for a moment, I thought he'd meant his scars. But the pure face of terror embed in his eyes told me otherwise. Then...then what was it? I looked back up at him and and saw his frown followed by his statement.
I'd come to the conclusion that it might've been one of those hallucinations that came with PTSD.
My heart ached when I saw the effect that illusion had on Xavier and I slowly bent down and touched the side of his face. "Xavier, shh," I murmured soothingly, running my hand through his hair slowly before I gently propped him up to a sitting position. "It's okay," I whispered, reaching up and grabbing the towel. Carefully, I draped it around his shoulders and rubbed his back gently before I sat down next to him and pulled him in. I laid his head on my chest, ignoring the feel of my pants growing damp due to the water.
Instead, I made sure that the towel was kept snugly around him and stroked his hair. "Baby, it's okay." I murmured comfortingly, not wanting to think about what this could mean. "You're okay...you're okay..."
[ Sorry, I'd posted a post half done and didn't realize it so I thought you might have seen it and thought that it was strangely sort and not very helpful at all, lol. ]
(Haha, you're fine. Obviously, I was both really oblivious to your unfinished post, and I also didn't think it was unhelpful or too short in the slightest. ^ ^)Xavier
I felt a towel drape around my shoulders, and I almost instinctively pulled it tighter around myself, fighting back the violent shudders that threatened to overcome me. I let Dom pull me into a tight embrace, but I didn't relax against him like I normally would have. Not this time. Instead, I began to sob.
What was happening? Why was I seeing blood everywhere when there wasn't any blood to begin with?
I buried my face against Dom's chest as I let everything spill over, unable to stop the violent shudders this time from claiming my body. "N-no, no, it's not okay. It's not okay..." I sobbed, letting out soft whimpers here and there as I clung to the other man. "What's happening, Dom? Why am I seeing things that aren't really there? It feels all so...real. What's wrong with me?"
[ I meant that half-assed post I accidentally posted, haha -- I sure as hell hoped the full post wasn't unhelpful xD I would have been disappointed in myself otherwise :P ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: My heart threatened to break over hearing Xavier's painful sobs. Never had I seem him like this. It was all new territory, all of it. I could only hold him tighter and fight my own tears back. It physically hurt me to hear and feel how broken Xavier truly was. I wondered how long he had been holding this in.
"Have...have you ever heard of post traumatic stress disorder?" I murmured softly, my face resting in his damp hair as I tried to keep him calm. "I...I can explain it later. Just...it's normal to be seeing things, sweetheart." I shifted my head so my cheek rested on his head and I was looking off toward the wall. "You've suffered a heavy trauma and it's your mind reacting to all of it." I had done more than my share of research on this thing, so I could be prepared. It hadn't really helped me.
I tried to keep my voice as calm as I could as to not amplify Xavier's distorted emotions. "Nothing's wrong with you, Xavier." I continued to coo, not loosening my grip on him with each tremble. I wasn't about to tell him to stop crying because a part of me figured that this was an outlet Xavier needed.
(? Wait, you went back and fixed it? When?)Xavier
Post dramaric stress disorder? I think I have heard of it before, but I wasn't entirely sure. Maybe one of the many military doctors that I had seen in Iraq had said something like this? But how could seeing blood be normal? "How...how can you be so s-sure...?" I asked, my sobs subsiding ever so slightly, though not completely disappearing. I looked up at him, tears still racing each other down my cheeks. "How can seeing things...things that aren't really there...How can that possibly be normal? How could there not be something wrong with me?" I started sobbing harder, burying my face against the crook of Dom's neck this time, taking in shuddering, gasping breaths.
Nothing made sense anymore.
[ Like, I deleted the bad post, typed up the good post and that's the one you read, haha. Don't worry. ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: "Because you're not the first to have experienced this." I murmured, wiping his tears away when he looked up at me. I didn't look away, I made sure to stay calm and collected, which was terribly hard for a person like me.
When Xavier's gut-wrenching sobs began once more, I waited a few minutes before I dared to speak, trying to comfort him as much as I could through my actions. Kissing him, stroking his hair, holding him tight, rubbing circles on his back, I'd done everything. "It's not normal for the everyday life," I corrected myself quietly, swallowing the little moist I held in my mouth. "But it's no uncommon for a victim of trauma to experience post traumatic stress a month or so after the incident." I paused and nibbling on my lip, trying to quickly gather my thoughts. "It's treatable, Xavier." I told him, hoping that it would cause a little bit of relief. "There are medications if you want it or therapy you can attend." I continued to list off the options as we sat on the bathroom tiles, me holding my beloved wounded.
(Oh, haha. That's why I was getting so confused, because I didn't really remember a half-finished post. Confusion resolved. Sort of. XP)Xavier
I could barely hear Dom over my useless, pathetic sobbing, but when he said that it was treatable, I looked up, my sobs subsiding again. "It...is?" I asked, my voice hoarse from sobbing. Admittedly, I've never been one for taking medication, and I always thought that shrinks were just full of it. But if it would make me stop seeing these horrible hallucenations, keep me from ripping off shower curtains and flipping out, kept Dom from worrying about me...
Well, there was a first time for everything.
[ Haha, well at least you're not super confused anymore, right? :P ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: I was a little relieved when Xavier finally began to calm down. I had started to worry about his physical composure otherwise; crying was hard on the body, especially if it was as intense as he had been. When he looked up again, I put a small smile on my face and used my thumbs to wipe his cheeks. "It is," I reassured him, now just holding his face in my hands. "There's group therapy, too." I murmured, one of my hands leaving his face in order to fix the towel. "And you'll meet others that are going through similar traumas; maybe that could be an option, hm?"
(Haha, nope. Just the usual, everyday confusion. XP)Xavier
I watched Dom intently as he spoke, feeling both apprehensive yet hopeful at the same time hearing his words; sure, before I went to Iraq, I was an open book, not caring who knew what I was thinking or feeling. But now...I've seen things, felt things that I didn't want to talk about. Didn't want to relive. But if talking about it really would help, especially to other people who have been through something similar...
Could it really help?
After several moments of pondering, I finally gave a small nod, leaning my head against Dom's shoulder. "I...I think that I will..." I murmured quietly. "Consider group therapy, I mean. If you...really think that it'll help...But I...I don't...really want to go through it alone..." I admitted quietly, flushing slightly out of shame and humiliation at my weakness.
[ Sounds awesome xD ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: As Xavier seemed to finally relaxing, I leaned back against the cold sink and stared ahead as I stroked his hair gently. Yes, I was still in my apron and yes, I was going to have to change my pants but I didn't care. Not for what I got out of this.
Hearing him consider the treatment made me smile a little, thankful he hadn't gotten angry or claimed I thought he was deranged or anything. At his claim, I couldn't help but let my smile grown warmed as I now leaned my head on top of Xavier's and sighed promptly, chuckling quietly.
"If you decide you think that the group therapy will help you, I'd love to join you, but it's unheard of that therapists let people that aren't suffering join in." I murmured quietly, having long done the research. "But I'm sure they'd let Sergeant Phillips join, I'm sure he's gone through it before. Plus, who would want to say no to a military Sergeant?" I babbled effortlessly, finding that I'd always done that. Talk to fill nothing but the air.
"You'll always have me, though." I whispered so quietly, I didn't even think the walls could hear me. "I'll always be here, even if I'm not allowed in that room."
(Awesome sauce. It always makes me think of applesauce whenever people use that expression.)Xavier
I finally felt myself relaxing against Dom, letting out a soft sigh as the sound of his voice, just the mere sound of his voice helped to soothe me greatly. But I frowned slightly when he said that he most likely wouldn't be allowed in. Hello? Anyone ever heard of 'moral support'? I needed Dom there with me. But then again, I'm sure that I really want Dom to know what I had gone through, so maybe this was actually a good thing. Not really sure how I felt about Sergeant Phillips replacing him, though.
But I said none of this, only letting Dom talk uninterrupted, straining to hear the words that he whispered. And failing. Though I had a feeling that I knew what he said. I smilied a little before sitting up, pulling the towel around me a little tighter, but only so that Dom didn't have to see some of the scars covering my bare skin. "Thank you." I murmured quietly, so much sincerity and gratitude and love in just those two words. "I...should probably get off of you now, huh?" I murmured, letting out a soft chuckle.
[ Me too. We should start saying applesauce now instead of awesomesauce.
Example: "OMG A FLYING DUCK"
"Dude, that's applesauce!"
Example: "OMG A FLYING DUCK"
"Dude, that's applesauce!"
Dominique Blair Sanchez: Finally, finally I felt Xavier's muscles relax into me and for the time being, I ignored the weight; I was just glad that he'd manage to calm down. We spent a few moments in silence until he finally moved and when ours met, his were finally losing their redness. Good. I'm glad.
At his thank you, I smiled sincerely and brushed my fingers against the side of his head, shaking my head a little. "You have your duties, I have mine." I murmured softly, a small teasing sound twining with my words as I, myself, chuckled a little.
"Whenever you're ready, there's no rush." I assured him, staying as I was in case he did want to stay like that.
(Hahahaha, applesauce! I will definately be saying that from now on. XD)Xavier
I leaned into Dom's fleeting touch, and a part of me really did just want to stay like that. But I as naked, wet, and getting slightly cold, while Dom's legs were probably getting stiff and sore. With a soft chuckle, I stood, feeling a little unsteady on my feet for a few moments before regaining my balance. "I should probably dry myself off and get dressed." I murmured, glancing at the tattered shower curtain. "And...replace that as soon as possible." I added with a soft, sheepish chuckle. I glanced down at Dom, holding my hand out to him. "And...sorry for getting your pants all wet..." I murmured apologetically, giving a small smile that matched the tone of my chuckle.
[ Applesauce. ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: I watched as Xavier stood up slowly and for a moment, I stayed sitting, my foot having fallen evidently asleep. Though when his hand reached down, I took it and let him help me up.
Ignore the scars. Ignore the scars. Ignore the scars.
"Don't worry about the shower curtain, I can take care of it." I smiled, looking over at it as I spoke. "You just worry about not slipping and falling." I made reference to the wet floor.
"My pants? Nothing a dryer can't fix." I waved his apology off, really not wanting for him to fret over anything.
I paused for a moment and realized I should probably stepped out. I blushed faintly and looked off to the side. "Well, uh, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me..." And with that, I left him the bathroom to get dressed in. As for me, I switched my jeans for a pair of sweatpants which I rolled up to my knees before I did go back in the kitchen, only to hang my apron up and look over at the meal I wasn't sure I wanted to cook in the end. It was my turn not to feel really hungry.
Instead, I worked on finishing those dishes.
(Hahaha. XP)Xavier
I opened my mouth to protest as I helped Dom to his feet, though I quickly closed it again, knowing that it was no use. Nodding wordlessly when he headed to the kitchen, I pulled the towel from around my shoulders, crouching down to mop up the rather large puddle of water that had formed on the tiled floor. I glanced over at the damaged shower curtain, frowning. Deciding that I'd take care of it later-I was not letting Dom clean up my messes for me-I headed into the bedroom, rifling around in the dresser drawers and pulling out a pair of clean clothes. Slipping on a pair of jeans and a faded tee-God, it was good to be back in my own clothes-I headed back out of the bedroom, heading to the kitchen, where I found Dom. "Would you like some help with those?" I asked quietly, geturing to the dishes that he was in the middle of cleaning and putting up.
Dominique Blair Sanchez: I heard Xavier step out of the bathroom and head into the bedroom. Just hearing the sound of footsteps that weren't my own in this household made me feel better. When he popped up in the doorway, I set aside the glass I was cleaning and shook my head. "Thanks but I'm almost done, you don't have to." I assured him, quickly finishing up the rest of the dishes to show him I'd almost been done. I didn't bother drying them just yet.
Instead, I turned around and faced Xavier as I set the dish towel aside. "What do you feel like doing? " I asked out of the blue. "It's your first day back home." I grinned a little at those words.
It was his first of many.
XavierI was taken aback by Dom's sudden question, but I couldn't help but give a small smile in response to his grin, though it was almost a sad smile. "I...Honestly? Right now, I just want to do nothing." I murmured quietly. After endless months of fighting in various, both times I was deployed in Iraq, I just wanted to do nothing. Try to relax, not having to worry about watching my comrades die by gunfire, by torture, hear them scream, hear my own screaming, the thick stench of blood in the air, choking me, never letting me forget that-
No. I just wanted to move past all that. I didn't want to think, or do. I just...didn't.
Dominique Blair Sanchez: When he said he wanted to do nothing, I nodded my head slowly. It was the second time today he'd told me that which meant he probably truly did want to do nothing. "Well that can be easily arranged." I declared, walking over to him and taking his hand. I brought him over to the living room and gestured to the room in general. "That's a couch, there's a remote on the table, there's the TV -- go be a couch potato!" I exclaimed in a friendly manner, smiling up at him.
"Or, if you'd rather, you could go lie down and if you happen to fall asleep, I can come wake you up later." There were many ways to do nothing.
There was nothing better for him than relaxing right now.
(I keep forgetting to tell you that I forgot to add that Xavier now walks with a prominent limp. I ment to put that way back when he left the plane, but that never happened, so... :/)Xavier
I gave a soft chuckle as I let Dom lead me into the living room, and I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my chin against his shoulder. "Let me rephrase that." I murmured quietly with a small smile. "I just want to do nothing, with you. I want to catch up on lost time." It was true; I wanted to do nothing, but I wanted to do it with Dom. I had missed him so much when I was gone, and I didn't really want to leave his side if I didn't have to.
[ Gotcha. :) ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: When Xavier wrapped his arms around my waist, I smiled and leaned backwards into him. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment before I looked up and nodded. "It'd be nice to make up for lost time." I agreed, taking one of his hands as I led the both of us to the couch.
I pulled him down on me and draped his arm around my shoulders as I looked up at him with a small grin. And, just because I could, I reached up and kissed his cheek, right over one of his newer scars.
Perfect.
This was just, perfect.
(X))Xavier
I couldn't help but smile a little wider when Dom led me over to the couch and pulled me down with him. I blinked in slight surprise when he kissed me right over one of the scars on my cheeks, but I leaned into his touch with a soft sigh, pulling him closer. Just sitting here like this, with Dom, with nothing but a peaceful, loving silence in the air...This is what I had looked forward to the most when I thought about going home. Not sleeping in my own bed, or wearing my own clothes, or taking hot showers, eating good food, not having to sleep with a rifle-all I had really been looking forward to, the thought that had always kept me moving, kept me alive, was Dom.
It had always been Dom.
Dominique Blair Sanchez: When he pulled me closer, I snuggled into him and rested my head in the crook of his shoulder, sighing contently. The natural question that wanted to bubble off my lips was something along the lines of 'what have you been up to' but it was clear that it would lead to nothing but pain Xavier didn't want to feel. Instead, I simply relished the moment as it was. I wondered if we would do this more often now that he was back. I mean, we did it often before, but now that I'd almost lost him...I wondered how I'd feel about leaving him out of my sight.
Well, it's not like he'd go back into that hell-hole. I wouldn't let him anyway.
"I missed this," I murmured quietly, mindlessly playing with his fingers. "I missed you." I smiled faintly, slowly twining our fingers together.
XavierI continued to smile faintly as Dom idly played with my fingers as he spoke, curling them over his when he laced our fingers together. "I did, too..." I murmured quietly, leaning my head gently against the top of his. "I'm so glad to be back home, with you. I missed you the most, out of everything." I closed my eyes after a few moments with another soft sigh, relaxing almost completely against the warm body next to mine. It really wouldn't be considered home without Dom.
Dominique Blair Sanchez: I couldn't help the warmth that engulfed my heart at his words. I was glad that through all of his dark experiences, that at some point, somewhere, he'd thought of me. Of home. Honestly, some part of the thought made me want to be a better person. Maybe not in the inspirational way, but it made me...want...to be better for Xavier, I guess.
"Well, everyone missed you here, too." I smiled faintly. And by we I meant the more regular friends we had that sometimes came to visit. To be honest, I haven't spoken to them ever since I'd gotten the news but...nothing said I couldn't call them back up at some point this week, right?
XavierI glanced down at Dom in slight surprise. "Really?" I murmured, for some reason the thought never occuring to me that some of our close friends from high school would miss me. I had a...warped way of thinking.
I gave a small smile, however, still resting my chin on the top of Dom's head. "Hm...I guess that means that we'll just have to let them know that I'm back, then." I murmured. Though, admittedly, I wasn't really wanting to do that anytime soon; I was completely serious when I said that I just wanted to do nothing with Dom. Just Dom.
Dominique Blair Sanchez: "Yeah, I guess we will." I murmured quietly, curling into Xavier more comfortably. I sighed quietly and shut my eyes and felt the rise of Xavier's chest. I felt his warmth and I could hear the faint sound of his breathing. All of it was almost surreal.
I rested my hand on his chest and sighed again. I didn't know if I should be saying anything right now. I mean, this moment was simply much too perfect to ruin it with words.
XavierI smiled, closing my eyes again as I tightened my grip around Dom slightly as we fell into a silence. A silence with Dom was different than any other kind of silence; it was comfortable, loving even. Neither of us had to feel awkward with sharing no words, because I think that both of us understood that so much more can be shared with a comfortable silence.
(Sorry for such a short post. Didn't really have a lot to say... ^ ^')
[ Completely understandable. Think we should skip to something a little more eventful? ^^ ]
(Haha, might not hurt. XP Where do you think, though? A few weeks later, where Xavier is attending his first group therapy meeting, maybe?)
[ Sounds good to me. Did you want to roleolay the session in itself or do the before/after? ]
(Hm...That's up to you. I'm good with whatever. ^ ^)
[ Well, let's ask ourselves; would it contribute to the plot? If anything, we can just do the first session, or part of it and then just skip or something. ]
(Hmm...That is a good question, isn't it? A part of me thinks yes, while a part of me thinks no. So I don't know. Rping a part of the first session might be our best bet. X))
[ Shoounds good to meh. How should we start this then? Xavier walking in the group session? Dom and Xavier walkimg in the building? Starting the session or...? ]
(Hm...I'm thinking either Dom and Xavier walking into the building, or that they're already half-way into the session, and both Sergeant Phillips and the counselor are trying to get Xavier to talk about what happened? I have a few ideas for when that arises to the surface, but those are the two places I was thinking of starting at.)
[ Alright, I already know what's going to happen with Loren in the meantime so we can start off in the middle of the session. Everyone in a circle and taking turns talking and whatnot -- that's pretty much group therapy lol. ]
(Loren? Or did you mean Xavier? XP And haha, alright. Am I starting, then? Or did you want to?)
[ Yeah, Xavier, lol. Sorry I was just writing the post for that roleplay and I'm super tired lol. Would you mind starting?:) ]
(Haha, you're fine. No worries. X) And sure. Quick question, though: who's playing as Sergeant Phillips?)
[ I guess that would be me, lol. ]
(Alright. I could always play as him, if you'd like, but I don't want it to seem as if I'm taking over your chara.)
[ Haha, well Sergeant is purty much both of our charrie, lol. I'll play him otherwise there wouldn't really be a point to the session since it'd just be you in that room. ]
(Haha, alright, then. Makes sense. X))Xavier
"Is there anybody else who'd like to share some of their personal experiences?" the female counselor, Sherry, asked quietly, casting her green gaze about the room. It's been several weeks now since I've been home, and I was finally at my first group therapy.
And I hated every moment of it.
All this pain, from all these people, in one small place. It was all almost too much to handle.
Sherry continued to glance around the room until her gaze landed on me, and she smiled. "Xavier? Why don't you share something?" she asked kindly. I just shrugged, slouching in my seat slightly, suddenly claming up.
[ Mhmm. (: ]
Dominique Blair Sanchez: Sitting here, outside of the room, I felt as if I should be leaving. I don't know what it was about this place but I felt completely and utterly out of place. Actually, it made me kind of sad being on this side of the door and not inside with Xavier, holding his hand.
It hurt me how they understood him in a way I never would. It unsettled me that maybe one day, just one day, he'd meet someone in there and they'd form a bond with each other and little by little he'd start slipping away from me and --
"Dominique?" My eyes widened at the sound o that strikingly familiar voice. I poked my nose out of my scarf and looked up to see the blonde haired man with the soft brown eyes.
"Scott?" I murmured softly, more surprised than anything.
"Dom! It's been so long, what the hell are you in therapy for?" He grinned, taking a seat next to me. At his words, I gave a small smile and shook my head.
"I'm not here for me. My boyfriend, he just got back from a bad time in Iraq and...well...we thought we'd give this a shot." God, it was so weird to see how much Scott's grown. When was the last time I'd seen him? Three years ago? Give or take four?
"Boyfriend, huh? Well, it didn't take long for you to rebound, did it?"
"Xavier isn't a rebound, don't give yourself too much credit." I frowned, feeling slightly irritated. I remembered why I broke up with him now. "Anyway, how have you been?"
And for the remainder of the outside session, we talked about everything but what the hell he was doing here.
Sgt. William Booth Phillips: I once sat in these chairs before. I once knew what Xavier felt like. Maybe not on an ambush scale but if I thought about it, I'd have taken Xavier's place instead of mine in a heartbeat. Literally. I observed the younger faces, each ridden with fear I'd long ago tamed and kept whipped in a cage. Fear was not a friend of mine.
Sherry. She was doing a decent job, keeping her smile and hearty tone but she still made me want to walk out of this room.
My face was as it always been, solid and impenetrable. Well, in these situations it was. With people I knew better, it was easier to loosen up but it still was a challenge.
As Sherry asked Xavier to speak up, I threw her a small glare simply because I had a decent idea of all the things he'd been through considering I was in the troops that had found them. I had been the one to carry Xavier back onto that truck.
Once again, I kept my thoughts to myself and my eyes held their usual blankness. I looked down at Xavier and nodded my head a little before I turned to face Sherry.
"I'd like to share something." With all of these people in this room, that would make twenty two people in total that knew one of my secrets. "Back in Afghanistan," I paused and inhaled calmly. "About ten years ago, it was night and we were sleeping in our bunks when the sound of bullets woke us all up." Absentmindedly, I rung my hands together and continued. "Turns out, one of the soldiers were was having a breakdown and had started bursting into tents and killing everyone. And since I'd been sleeping with recruits, I had been in charge of that tent and we weren't allowed weapons. So I hid at the entrance and I heard his footsteps growing closer. And when he stepped in..." I sighed and felt my jaw constrict as I felt the ghost feeling of bones cracking between my hands. "I snapped his neck." I put simply and wondered if, for the first time, I should finish the story.
I glanced briefly at Xavier and figured that I ought to. Teach the boy it was okay to speak, that this was what group therapy was all about. "He..." Only, I'd never expected for it to be hard to say. "His name was Kennedy Phillips."
(Haha. X) And that was a bit of a twist there at the end. XP)Xavier
I saw Sergeant Phillips' nod, and I was both grateful and surprised about the announcement that he had decided to share something. I listened quietly, feeling a slight chill at his words, but at his last statement, I froze, glancing over at him with wide eyes. Kennedy...Phillips? Phillips? That...that can't be. I must have heard wrong. But from the look on Phillips' face, I knew that I hadn't.
Sherry blinked a few times in slight surprise before giving a small nod, smiling in quiet sympathy. "That must have been very hard for you." she murmured quietly. "But you feel better, now that you've gotten it off your chest, right? Which brings us back to Xavier." She glanced over at me, expression still kind, and I knew what she wanted from me. What they all wanted from me. Everyone in the room had spoken, told at least one bad, traumatic experience about themselves. Except me. I had clammed up the moment the session had started, not wanting to talk about Iraq, or about what had happened. What they had done to me. I didn't want to say it out loud, ever. But I also knew that I had promised Dom, and even Phillips, that I'd try group therapy. And if Phillips could share something so deep about himself, why couldn't I do the same?
So I took a deep breath, looking at my hands silently for several long moments while I gathered my thoughts. "I..." I bit my bottom lip, finding that I almost had to physically drag the words out of my throat and into open air. Sherry smiled encouragingly. "Go ahead, take your time." she murmured. "We're all here in support of one another, so you don't have to worry. It's safe here."
Safe. If that was the case, then why did I feel like screaming, ripping my hair out of my skull, even punching something? I took another deep breath, opening my mouth to start speaking, but the only sound that came out was...nothing.
God, why couldn't I do this? Why was I so...so weak?
