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Need help please!
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message 1:
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Wren
(new)
Sep 12, 2013 02:46PM
I cut. I need advice please. I deal with homophobes all the time. Please help me!
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The first advice would be that it you cut, you really would benefit from talking to someone in person, one on one, who can help. Colleges have counselors, your local LGBT organizations may have gay-friendly therapists to recommend. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist - I have several family members who have/are seeing someone.We're here to tell you that those homophobic people are wrong, and that there is nothing the matter with you or anyone else for being LGBTQBAI etc. or an ally or whatever you are in your personal life. People who hate or put someone down for an intrinsic part of who they are, are bigots with narrow closed minds.
But that doesn't always help to know that, when you actually have to deal with those people. You can feel sorry for them, living little, grey, colorless lives where anyone who isn't just like them isn't welcome. They lose out on so much of the color and wonder of life. But if they are getting you down enough that you're hurting yourself, then you probably need more than friends on the internet.
We do care about you - we want you to be able to feel good about yourself, and live your life, and move on and leave those homophobes behind in their self-imposed darkness. You're far from the only member with depression, and even self-harm, and we aren't therapists or professionals here, and we know how hard it is to silence the voices in your head that tell you to cope with the stress and pain in ways that hurt you. We want you to be safe. If you can, talk to someone you trust about counseling. Learn some strategies for coping that are healthy. We'll be your cheerleaders and your friends, but I really urge you to talk to someone trained. If you feel really bad there are helplines where you can call and talk. You don't have to be suicidal to call them and get support. Look in our ★★★★ LGBTQ Resources and Helplines ★★★★ for possibilities. And come chat here whenever you like, if you need to be reminded that 1700 people here, and 11,700 in the adult M/M group, and more in the F/F groups, all think you are fine, just the way you are. (((hugs)))
Kaje wrote: "The first advice would be that it you cut, you really would benefit from talking to someone in person, one on one, who can help. Colleges have counselors, your local LGBT organizations may have ga..."I've been abused by my guardians and I reported them but no one did anything. I've talked to professionals for three years and I can't stop.
Julia wrote: "Kaje wrote: "The first advice would be that it you cut, you really would benefit from talking to someone in person, one on one, who can help. Colleges have counselors, your local LGBT organization..."Call the police, because that is absolutely ridiculous that your guardians are doing that.
I called the children's aid. They've investigated twice and done nothing. Probably because they haven't hit me in a long time, but are more emotionally abusive now. But nobody sees that. So I cut.
Hi Julia ((hugs)). Firstly I would just like to say that if you want to talk privately then please do feel free to add me and message me. Secondly, you're not alone in this. I do it too and have done for 8 years or so. I have also had to deal with homophobes, although I have been lucky that it wasn't an on-going occurrence so I haven't had a great amount of experience dealing with them.For dealing with the homophobes - I obviously don't know how old you are and whether you're a student or working or neither. If you are a student or working then speak to your teacher or boss and see if it can be dealt with. You by no means have to mention the self harm though. I know in England we have the Equality Act and as part of that anyone, regardless of sexuality, is to be treated equally in any form of education and work. If you're not from England/the UK then I'm not sure what it's like anywhere else. Definitely speak to someone if it is in a situation such as work or school.
As for the self harm - It's something you don't have to deal with alone. Kaje is right, speak to someone. A therapist would be best as they understand and work with people on a daily basis who self harm. It took three years of persuasion from teachers at school for me to get help, that was four years ago now. On top of the other 4 years or so of no one knowing about it. Trust me when I say it's better to get help sooner rather than later. It's true when people say that it escalates. All of the people I know that do it, and myself, have developed other issues alongside and it continues getting worse such as suicidal ideation, attempts, psychiatric admissions etc. I don't mean to give a lecture here so sorry if it comes across like that it's just something that I have first hand experience with so I know what it's like. Please think about seeing someone. No one is going to make you stop at the click of a finger. No one will force you to try if you don't feel as though you can. No one will be disappointed if you've gone so long with their help and have relapsed. It's something to be taken in your own stride and it is a very tough situation to deal with.
I honestly wish you all the best with whatever you decide. All I can really say to conclude this is just be careful when you do it, stay safe and sterile and receive medical attention when it's needed. And like I said feel free to add me and send me a message if you want to talk. ((big hugs))
I've stayed at the hospital twice already. I can't tell ppl or they'll tell my parents.
Sorry - I've just seen you replied whilst I was typing so some of what I said isn't relevant. It's not impossible to get through it so all you've gotta do is keep trying because you are going to get there eventually.
Julia wrote: "I've stayed at the hospital twice already. I can't tell ppl or they'll tell my parents."I'm not sure what the confidentiality laws are like like over where you are but I know in the UK if you're over 16 and not at risk of killing yourself or of serious harm then it can be kept confidential. I had that same problem. Kaje may be able to shed some light on that as she is also in Canada?
Ok. Try to get Kaje to message me or post here or something. I'll check tomorrow cuz I've got to go now. Talk to u later.
I'm in the US now (for 30 years), so I don't know current Canadian law, but I would suggest you could check http://ok2bme.ca/ or http://livework.kingstoncanada.com/en... - both are in Ontario, but they have a variety of listings of resource lines and could perhaps find advice for you. Depression and cutting are hard to deal with - I'm sorry that your therapists haven't helped you more so far. If you're in an abusive situation then that has to be a priority. Usually your therapist would be the obvious person to help and advocate for you in that. If they won't then perhaps there's a way for you to change therapists? ((hugs and best of luck))
Oops sorry Kaje I just presumed cause your profile says you were born in Canada!I really do hope you find a way around it, Julia. It could be an idea to change therapists because from my knowledge some are trained at different levels and in different ways of treating people. Plus there will be no therapist suited to everyone. It's finding someone that has the knowledge and experience to suit your needs. It could be the next person you try or you could go through 10 before finding them. It could also be a case of wrong timing too. Whatever happens though you should never lose hope because it will take time and for some people it can take longer.
I live in Australia, and am not experienced at all, so sorry, I can only try to help because I do not know for sure :(
Hi, Julia. Know that unless you are going to harm others or are going to commit permanent injury to yourself you are protected by confidentiality laws with your therapists. If you are unhappy, and I know this sounds hard for you at the moment given how you are feeling, change who you are seeing. Some know how to work with what is going on in your life far more than others. As for the abuse? It is complex but there is help. Some lovely people here have obviously offered good advice. they have also offered to listen and to support you. I am available as a listening ear as well. You are not alone. You can get through this. Just find and lean on the right people. Be safe.
Julia wrote: "I cut. I need advice please. I deal with homophobes all the time. Please help me!"Hi Julia,
I’m sorry to hear of your position.
Your story parallels the abuse and community apathy suffered by Alex in my book, ‘Alex & Drew’. Much of his story is based on abusive experiences suffered by some of the gay youths I’ve counselled in recent years. Some were under 18, which I assume you are.
Ideally, the first objective should be to get you out of the abusive homophobic environment you are living in. Once in a safe, friendly home, one can expect your psychological outlook to improve.
My advice to you is:
1. Approach the Police and LGBT group(s) in your area. Also contact the helplines that should be listed in the Emergency section of your phone book and online. It is essential to approach the police to establish a rapport with them which may thwart any vengeful reaction by your parents, etc.
2. Explain your situation and the abuse perpetrated on you by your guardians and the pathetic responses by Childrens Aid, etc.
3. Ask them to offer you legal advice.
4. Ask them to arrange legal representation or arrange an introduction to Legal Aid, if such free service operates in your country.
5. Your objective is to have a legal representative approach the authorities supervising your guardian arrangements. You are seeking to obtain better guardians known to be LGBT friendly.
6. If the Police and LGBT groups cannot assist, I suggest you approach a doctor, the welfare officer of a large public hospital or council or a major welfare organisation that is known to be impartial. Explain the above. Even print this and show it to them.
7. Remember, somewhere in your area is a person who will listen to you and act. You have to find that person - and you will. Take heart from the MM Romance group’s video produced to support the ‘It Gets Better’ campaign. My small contribution starts at the 7 mins 55 secs mark here: http://www.goodreads.com/videos/15564...
I hope my advices might help you, Julia. If you wish further info, please feel free to PM me anytime.
Hey Julia, I'm sorry I haven't been much help recently. I didn't know what to tell you most of the time. I know you don't think so, but the counsellors at school are really good. I don't know who your counsellor is, but I trust mine completely. If you want, we can make an appointment with my counsellor together, because Hannah and I used to talk to her together. The youth worker at our school is nice too, and I know you don't like to trust them, but I trust her, and she's under a confidentiality agreement; as long as she doesn't think your life is in danger your parents will never know that you talked to her. She's really nice and supportive, and if you want I can go with you to those meetings too, for support. I feel bad that we haven't been talking as much as we used to, but you're still one of my best friends. Know that you'll always have support from me, even if I haven't been showing it much lately. We're sort of in the same boat here, though I know I don't have experiences like you do with your parents. And I know that you probably think because it's a Catholic school and all that it won't be okay, but I'm out to my counsellor, it makes no difference to her. And she told me that the youth worker would be too if I wanted to talk to her about it also. Message me if you wanna talk about it. Sorry I haven't been such a good friend lately.
Justin wrote: "Julia wrote: "I cut. I need advice please. I deal with homophobes all the time. Please help me!"Hi Julia,
I’m sorry to hear of your position.
Your story parallels the abuse and community apathy..."
I'm going to tell someone that I cut this Monday at school, and I'm going to really stress my parents homophobia, thanks for the advice.
Jane wrote: "Hey Julia, I'm sorry I haven't been much help recently. I didn't know what to tell you most of the time. I know you don't think so, but the counsellors at school are really good. I don't know who y..."I'm telling the social worker about my cutting on Monday. Make sure we get to talk alone in the morning, I need someone who understands completely.
Omg my mom actually told my sister that I was 'inflicting gayness upon myself' ouch.
Julia wrote: "Omg my mom actually told my sister that I was 'inflicting gayness upon myself' ouch."Don't listen to her, she obviously doesn't know what she's talking about and doesn't realise what an amazing daughter she has.
Gabby wrote: "Julia wrote: "Omg my mom actually told my sister that I was 'inflicting gayness upon myself' ouch."Don't listen to her, she obviously doesn't know what she's talking about and doesn't realise wha..."
That's really sweet of you. Thanks (:
Julia wrote: "I cut. I need advice please. I deal with homophobes all the time. Please help me!"I have been away and just found out about your dilemma.
There has to be a LGBT group or emergency call-in line in your area. If not, they have emergency call-in lines for people in dangerous situations. IS there someone in your family that you trust? Don't take to heart what your mom said because she doesn't understand what she is talking about. I hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to.
Teresa wrote: "Julia wrote: "I cut. I need advice please. I deal with homophobes all the time. Please help me!"I have been away and just found out about your dilemma.
There has to be a LGBT group or emergency c..."
Thanks. P,s don't email me because it's actually my moms email, so it would go straight to her. But thanks, messaging would be better.
I will check back frequently to see if you need anything. If there is anything I can do to help you I will.
Julia, did you talk to the counselor Monday? It's hard to follow through, but you are strong and you can do it. Please let us know that steps are being taken to improve your situation.
