Everyone's poems and/or works

[Willie]

I heard in a song once “I’m not gonna spend my life being a color” but isn’t that what separates us from dogs, their colorblind. Clear Conscious… I spend most of my life being invisible, it is how I survive but is that what I want

~Clear Conscious~

Black or white
Wrong or right
More than skin
Can I begin?
Loving you for more
What’s love good for?

Green or gold
Don’t lose hold
Of what
Not enough
The power
Just another hour

Will I still be blue?
With or without you
Sadness and misery
Maybe that’s me
To cry
And why

Silver and bronze
That’s so wrong
Not being first
Is just being the worst
Another word for lost
So what’s the cost?

Being in the dark
Dreaming with a broken heart
No one can see
Neither truth nor dream
Yet I wonder
As I fall under

Your spell
How does it feel?
Sinner as well
Innocent and clear

[Willie]

I can’t tell her that, no, no, no, because I don’t think the words would be true, if I even knew what the words mean. A Love of Silence… after a night of passion, a night of discovery; what is it that I have to say now? What words

A Love of Silence

I don’t hear it, the beat
Such a sweet relief
It’s there still inside me
But that want, that need to care
Do I dare?
Am I crazy not to be scared?
Of such a lovely dream

The bed springs… silently
When they once did sing
Was it a tune of you and me?
Bodies entwined
Thought once so divine
Yet to ask if you are mine
Again

Breathing in
Is this vice, is this sin
How to even begin
Gospel of I don’t know
For once I’m not alone
Do I dream of a place called home?
Some place I may never find

No ticks and tocks of time
Though I know its reason its rhyme
It will lead to goodbye
Just when I started to live
As they say life is a gift
So you did give
This boy and a girl

Where are those three little birds?
A song of three little words
How I have never heard
Would I hear them from you?
Could I bear the truth?
Better to few
Only your touch

Is this love?
No, but it is enough
To become a man
Understand?
And so I stand

[Willie]

I think I believe a little less in love, as if it were God itself, imaginary, fictional, and yes only pretend. Dead Love… not the lover but the idea, the concept I believe died so long ago, if it were ever really there to begin with at all.

~Dead Love~

I thought… love was forever
While I was never loved
And how I wanted just enough…
To never have that pleasure
My heart truly is no treasure
Just you, just me, just us
Better off lost in lust
For when was I ever…

A man, a person, alive
Puppet, not a real boy
Broken heart makes no noise
Where is my mind?
Was I already dead?
With three words I said…

[Willie]

How many words have been lost, written, and signed; in the end does it even matter what was written there. Float A Note… how I once thought words would lift me up and yes I can still see them lying here looking very still

~Float A Note~

Float a note, to have you near
I trade my dreams for plans
Tears for fears
Because I think I can
Falling… I have to land
In your arms, dare I hope?
No but or and
Float a note

So that I know next year
That with these hands
I’ve conquered fears; have persevered
Haven’t ran
Buried my head in the sand
Shouldn’t and won’t
Be Jan
Float a note

Everyone needs to hear
What they once tried to ban
Stand up and cheer
Hell become a fan
Hot girls with sun tans
That won’t say nope
They know who I am
Float a note

If only you could understand
I’m not such a dope
Here’s to me, becoming a man
Float a note

[Willie]

They don’t know they’re gonna die… cows I mean, indeed all animals, hell neither do I and yet I know the fear of death. Fresh Fear; it seems like everyday I find something new to be afraid of and one day I will be devoured, and when the time comes I’ll be…

~Fresh Fear~

Fresh, alive, me
After last night’s dream
More like a nightmare, you see

Born of my indiscretion
Reflected
Detected

On my way to the slaughterhouse
To be a mouse
How I denounce

This heart’s beating
There is no entreating
The end I’m meeting

I’m already burning
With the blades turning
Already hurting

Misery and strife
I’ll fry
But first the knife

Better to rot
At least it would stop
Wouldn’t be on top

Those carrion crows
Who would know?
Where could I go?

Nowhere
It’s not fair
Being so scared

Chosen
Frozen
Is there atonement?

Never
Should I treasure?
Forever

I don’t want to die
Or hide
Not even survive

Another breath to give
To live
Don’t think I ever did

Fear is all
As my flesh crawls
Raw

[Willie]

Be quiet, sit down, things constantly told to children, and even then there is no peace, no rest, when can one get a break? Break Divine… even God rested a day and I wonder what he did with his day off; I bet he didn’t sit in his room in fear of

~Break Divine~

A break, from these tears
Who opened the door?
Enter fear
Beast from before
Girl I adore
My life the mistake
And I ask for
A break

Twenty-seven years
Too much war
Let he who has ears…
Hear the lions roar
Be tore
Is this really my fate?
Yet I ask for more
A break

Laughed at and jeered
How I loved those whores
Isn’t that weird
That lonely, that bored
To not be a virgin anymore
Love turned to hate
Heart so sore
A break

All of your…
Lives, lies, eyes, make me so afraid
What I need from the Lord
A break

[Willie]

What is it that makes a boy into a man or whatever it is that you or I hold myself to be, believe me I have heard it all. He Who Is King… all my life this has always revolved around sex but for some reason I believe I need love but what if

~He Who Is King~

Her HALO replaced by two small horns
As if this was the norm
How she demonstrates
This heart of mine betrayed
By her, by me
Now let me see
Don’t think she was the one
Why didn’t I run?

Before the NOOSE grew so much tighter
Thought I would die without her
Look at me I am
Dare I call myself a man?
No more than a boy
Or puppet made toy
A child forever
Whatever

As the RING falls from my finger
These eyes linger
Wondering what color is the sky
And why is it that I cry
Those eyes so beautiful
What more of her
Fail to remember her name
But I fell just the same

To rise fixing my BELT
I’m no longer myself
Dying for love but living in lust
For once to be us
Call it sin to touch her skin
Yes she wins
She’s gone in a blink
I am not yet man or King

[Courtenay Schembri]

I just thought I would let you know that I finally have my poetry book published! You can purchase it here! http://www.courtenaygray.com/books.html

[Willie]

Courtenay wrote: "I just thought I would let you know that I finally have my poetry book published! You can purchase it here! http://www.courtenaygray.com/books.html"

That's awesome

[Courtenay Schembri]

I know! :D

[Willie]

In this world monsters surround me so why wouldn’t I dream up a few of my own but better to put them to good use to attack the even greater ones. I Keep Dragons… to gobble up those I would consider nightmares; is life or the dream the greater evil?

~I Keep Dragons~

I keep dragons to attack
Even if it ain’t fair
To the monsters in the black
There are no dreams to spare
And how best to fare
Their tongues waggin
I’m less scared
I keep dragons

For this isn’t just a spat
As you put on an air
How is it I laugh?
While you stare
Glare
Lifeless upon the wagon
Fire from the mayor
I keep dragons

Healthy with snacks
Kept in my lair
The boss, the Mack
Why should I care?
Yes I do dare
In this light I’m baskin
You’re nowhere
I keep dragons

Imagine Hell
Why am I askin’
To avoid living there
I keep dragons

[Willie]

Biology… the mere thought makes me want to vomit blood, and the sight but more importantly the knowledge of such blood makes me wish I was never born. My Enemy Within… and I know now that it’s not me and not even within anymore but without anyone.

~My Enemy Within~

My enemy within
If only I could see
Begin again

How my eyes do descend
Who’s scorn would it be
My enemy within

Who, what, where, and when
Stop, I plead
Begin again

Defend
Not a possibility
My enemy within

Because of him
Who’s your daddy?
Begin again

It never ends
Him, you, and me
My enemy within
Begin again

[Willie]

Lobotomy anyone… someone once said that knowledge is power; I tend to agree with the saying that he who increases knowledge, increases sorrow or something to that effect. The Slate Is… no I don’t want to start over again, just to relearn “this”

~The Slate Is…~

The slate is clean
Was it really ever?
What I mean
Putting me together
Better dead than jester
My God, my God, tsk, tsk
Dirty slate, with this letter
The slate is…

A nightmare called dream
Love… I never met her
But I always see
Those that think their better
Whatever
Yet I dream of a kiss
Making her hot, horny, wetter
The slate is…

Whoever I wish to see
Can’t get much deader
Than the monster staring back at me
Constant fretter
Not a settler
For a home would be bliss
Wherever
The slate is…

If I could be so clever
To be more that this
Hell is forever
The slate is…

[Willie]

As the song goes “Don’t Stop Believing” but I am, much like Ted Mosby, everyday I believe a little less, I’m letting the darkness consume me. Die Nigh… it has most indeed been nigh many times for me but for her, for you well don’t I…

~Die Nigh~

No beauty
As I choose the beast
Inside me
Absolutely
Positively
Would you ever see?
Could you ever be?
Such absurdity

Deny
That I ever loved
I was not enough
Die Nigh
For princess
There will be no forgiveness

[Willie]

Building a mountain out of a molehill; sure a mountain of silver and for the longest time I have considered this a win, hell am I even good enough for silver? Silver Everywhere… Snow White doesn’t “do” second place if you know what I mean; to be a prince.

~Silver Everywhere~

Hi Ho, Hi Ho beyond the silver door
A never first but sometime second
Don’t I always know the score?
The podium almost always beckons
That’s right I’m only just me
And the truth is that’s never good enough
Looking at you, looking at me, knowing I’ll never be
Winner, champion, never saved, unloved

Unworthy it seems for the gold
“It” what we claim me to be and see
I’m expected to play, not fold
Though I’m begging, forever let me sleep
Enough of your unsweetened platitudes
Unneeded are your honorable mentions
It’s not an attitude; I’m in the mood
For something more than second

You say I’m making mountains out of molehills
So what is it I’m digging, that I don’t need
There isn’t gold in them there hills
Just silver and my greed
To be at the top of any mountain
Look down on you… reflect
My big rock candy shoutin’
You’re standing on my neck

Locked in the dark with six other guys
If only I was born that way
Wouldn’t it be nice?
Snow White was hoping I was gay
Except what I want is such a sin
Not ready to have or to hold
Maybe, someday, I could be a prince
Her kiss I’d like to know

What are these treasures good for?
Platinum, gold, diamonds, never knew
I just want so much more
First place and not the few
Being nothing, pushed and shoved
Some fairytale, loser, folklore
Always without, being in love
Building up my silver door

[Willie]

While I like to think that I’m not nearly as crazy as “Trashcan” and not as stupid as “Randall Flagg” I guess I do understand a want and a need to make the world burn. “Flagg Burnin” not really looked upon favorably but don’t I see so many people…

~Flagg Burnin~

Man’s incessant rage
Burning up the page
How does one live with no air
I’ve been scared
But finally you’re not so loud
Who’s burning now?

Woman, girl, tsk tsk
Burn the witch, burn the witch
For being so damn hot
I know I’m not
Yet making you howl
Who’s burning now?

Children so you know
Future’s bright so
They got to wear shades
I’m no longer amazed
Lost and found
Who’s burning now?

Family, I am so tired
Can I say you’re all fired?
As I have been spurned
Someone’s got to burn
Where am I bound?
Who’s burning now?

I am with madness
Oil and sadness
Such a volatile cocktail
Like a bottle of hell
Thrown so I know
Which direction to go
My soul’s sojourn
Set me to burn

[Willie]

Am I really going forward, where am I going, and really wherever I’m headed do I truly want to be there at all. Rowing Or…; I’m no longer drowning but I suppose I was less loss when I was still in the water, for down seems so much better than around.

~Rowing Or…~

Rowing
Ass backwards
It’s a curse
Not knowing
Yet I’m going
Yes Ma’am, yes Sirs
Why… I’m not sure
I’m thinking of forgoing

Oars
To sink or swim
I don’t know where to begin
But no more
Dreams weighing me down
Slowly let me drown

[Willie]

Is it Cupid or I that is the most confused, both victims of this storm which I will not dare call a life. Spinning Cupid… I wish I could tell the twister to take it easy; is that what I’m doing, I guess we’re not in Kansas anymore, far from it.

~Spinning Cupid~

Hey there twister, what’s today’s direction
Dorothy or some other girl
Reflection
For what it’s worth
I still love her
Though it hurts
Better or worse?
Hey there twister

It’s not a damn election
Since my sad birth
What girl I find fetchin’
Just a curse
And a first
But with this kisser
Embarrassment burns
Hey there twister

Cupid’s misdirection
Because of you sir
Still have an erection
Stick it in the dirt
Because in all the earth
Guy like me is worth
A year and a half of mirth
Hey there twister

Spinning you won’t learn
To let me have a turn
While my heart is spurned
Hey there twister

[Willie]

“Oops there goes another rubber tree plant” more like a brick wall, hell even if it was only a pebble I’m still crawling and it’s still in my way. Before Cutting The Rubber Tree Plant… I wish there was a God to blame; maybe I should ask, who made who?

~Before Cutting The Rubber Tree Plant~

Before creator
Wanna be dictator
Father
Could you spit a little farther?
So that I may drink
And not think
Of the mistake I’m makin’
As you leave me forsaken

Before Christ
Decides to take his own life
Blames me somehow
How about now?
Am I forgiven?
For my sin of never winnin’
Salvation
What’s my station?

Before Cain
Made it rain
Blood
Instead of love
He can’t get no
Oh you know
Satisfaction
So the reaction…

Before I created
I hesitated
Dropping a load
But it glitters like gold
Because I can
Just the story they slant

Before I Christ
Decided to ask why
Love me forever
Loving you never
Because I can
You know I like to rant

Before I Cain
Brought the pain
On sisters and brothers
I’m not lost but undiscovered
Because I can… not
Stop

Only an ant
Can’t move
This rubber tree plant

[Willie]

Lovers, others, and the whole damn world, anyone who is not alone that has someone; I envy them. Sampling Envy… where would we be without it, if anything I am still alone watching everyone else, I only wish I could sample something else.

~Sampling Envy~

Even if I were able
No I was labeled
Violent and unstable
Yearning

Ever so much
“Never in the butt”
Very well and such
Young love

Excited to see
Nope not me
Valentine to be
Yikes
Every time I know
Needing but so
Valueless the word no
Yes I shall go

Enough of dreaming
Nefarious screaming
Vauntingly terrifying
Yet I’m thinking

Such want, need, desires
Are fodder for liars
Maybe I should aspire
Perhaps aim higher
Lost though in the fire
Enamored I shall never tire

[Willie]

“Can I help you” probably not and knowing this I also realize the simple truth… I don’t want to, I don’t want to know you, talk to you, be with you and nothing else. Aisle On Stage… yes I’m going to be there a monkey, in a monkey suit at Kohl’s.

~Aisle On Stage~

Smile and ACT
Attack
Holla Back
In fact

Be someone else
Other than yourself
As Jesus was nailed
Was that an epic fail?

To PLAY this farce
Break my heart
Labeled stupid not smart
And my art

These words and phrases
Shocked or amazed yet
Not fazed
I’m not saved

From the want of MOTIVATION
Forced exaltation
I’ll lock myself in the basement
Escaping my own nation

Still I’m tired
No closer to my desire
Wanting to expire
But not get fired

So the CURTAIN rises
And the surprise is
“Can I help you Miss”
“A lovely day this is”

Who am I?
Trying to abide
Attempting to survive
Why can’t I cry?

Because the SHOW
The more you know…
Yet I continue to go
So…
Shovel those coals
Never reaching my goals
All these damned souls
At KOHL’S

[Willie]

Don’t see me, don’t ask, and for the love of everything don’t read this… why are you still reading this? Amass A Mask… I surely will so no one will see me at Kohl’s and yet they will and what I will become is not as ugly as my real face.

~Amass A Mask~

Fear isn’t black
But the dirt of many years
Beaten by Jack
Rejected by Jill
Courage I lack
No longer Will
I don my mask

A smile
With crooked teeth
Walking the long mile
To meet and greet
Such gusto, such guile
Who am I kidding?
On this marble tile

Yet where are the tears?
Can’t make a mess
No matter how I feel
Am I okay? “Yes”
As everyone jeers
Longing eternal rest
Tell me why am I still here

Invisible
Dreaming of fame
Make my life livable
Wanting a new name
A love physical
This hour remain
Dismissible

Black isn’t fear
It is blindness
And deaf ears
This darkness a trust
That death is so very near
I am not enough
Don’t want to be here

Wonder really
Do I dare ask?
What has become of me?
Under this mask…

[Willie]

~ Son of Father Time~

One time I remember
As if it changes
The month’s not September
And I’m not famous
I just know it hurts
From twenty-seven to one
At birth
Should have been done

Sometimes I remember
Bad things
Ask me about the good… ever
You might say everything
Take it, steal it, have it
Because sometimes
Hell even shit
Isn’t mine

Wrong time I remember
This breath and the next
A virgin, sober, never on a bender
Love and feeling, confused with sex
But I’m the bad guy
I’m always wrong
Yet my try at suicide
Gets the gong

Downtime I remember
Best I ever had
To be asleep forever
Wouldn’t that just please Dad
Mad world
When I’m not down
Dreaming of a pretty girl
Without a frown

Now’s the time I remember
Or maybe begin to forget
Dare I imagine better
Maybe I could let
Him slip away
Can you just die?
Like all my wishes… someday

[Willie]

Strange to think how I feel no one can ever see me but it’s like I have a target painted on my back… just follow the knives. The Indivisible Invisible… the mess inside this shell that everyone tends to ignore; am I really keeping it together?

~The Indivisible Invisible~

A HEART always broken
You must be jokin’
But only I can see
The pieces and I won’t let them be
An obsessive type of love
Is my drug

Do I lack the GUTS?
Yes I have been cut
Wounds are superficial
Lots and not a little
Yet I can’t scream out
I’m black but not loud

Where is my MIND?
Is it even mine?
This dum dum
Better find one
I hear you say
Imprinted on my brain

Blue BALLS
No girl has seen at all
What is why I’m so blue
In love with her, her, and you
And still I am scared
Even though I’m bare

That is why my BACK
Everyone has chosen to attack
Did I choose to lie?
Without a spine
Life so dismal
Indivisible Invisible

[Willie]

~Dead Beat~

Chain… Saw
And worn
I stand in awe
Torn and adorned
Dead
But stranger still
Take my head
When it’s my heart you fear

The tug and the pull
Hope but the tether
My heart is full
Never, ever, forever
Ugh
For us to be together

Impressive is the weight
This cross to bear
Yet… you don’t hate
Year and a half so there
That was the wait
To know you didn’t care

Link by link by damn link
Wrote, recorded, and forged
Do the dead really sleep?
Not anymore
Resurrected… I think
What did I love you for?

Built my prison
Heart a shell
You were Heaven
And I couldn’t tell
Pretend you never did it
Sent me to Hell

Feel that boom
It is but a lie
How I am doomed
Wasn’t I alive?
Never too soon
So I wonder why

Chainsaw
Zombie
Isn’t that all
End this sweet misery
Which is love
You’re still so dear
Not my head to cut
When it’s my heart you fear

[Willie]

If you were to care enough to ask me why I’m down I’d tell you I’m not there yet; sure I’m falling but what is down, a direction or a destination. Rock Bottom… is where I’m going and I don’t ever expect to get up again, as if you’re waiting for me?

~Am I Blue~

My tears reflect the sky
And my heart begins to pound
Do you wonder why?
Who have I found?

As my skin turns
I wish I could say…
If only I could learn
Yet you take my breath away

Time of death?
As I head into forever
We never even met
Never to be together

Am I blue?
Yes, I love you

[Willie]

What is the point of an existence to simply continue that existence, especially one as pathetic as mine? With Life’s Sojourn… how if anything I have been wanting to move towards death and I keep backing up, as if that was my fault, which I it is.

~With Life’s Sojourn~

Starting to learn
I’ve always been cursed
With life’s sojourn

Backwards I turn
So I’m never first
To win, I’m always spurned

Stopped dead sir
Not nursed
Is no one concerned?

As I go to earn
In this shell that’s so much worse
Yet doesn’t burn

Ashes to an urn
Another day on this earth
Can’t even “Grr”

Was it different, the way we were?
What am I even worth?
Starting to learn
With life’s sojourn

[Willie]

Life for want of a box; seems somewhat ironic that I am surrounded by boxes at work and no I don’t work at a funeral parlor; I work at Kohl’s. Grisly Load – A Process… most days I empty boxes of crap and all I want to do is curl up in one and die.

~ Grisly Load – A Process~

The box awaits its grisly load
Should I be food for worms?
Or let it burn
A prince, no I’m a toad
Because I’m all alone
How I continue to turn
Will I never learn?
Can I never fold?

And end this ridiculous game
Take my cards
Break my heart
For I am too ashamed
To live within this box
I just want it to STOP!!!

[Willie]

I usually don’t have nightmares when I’m sleeping but sense I have been working it seems the days and the nights are beginning to blur and being awake is a nightmare. Dreaming Awake… I think I rather not dream at all anymore and yet I continue

~Dreaming Awake~

Dreaming awake, sweet dreams really…
Can you hear, oh the time
It’s just like kneeling
How God denies
The very existence of my life
He doesn’t make mistakes?
I know your lie
Dreaming awake

All that I’ve been feeling
You’re just as blind
Watching is like killing
Behind those closed blinds
Think you’re so divine
Like him a fake
As I try to drive
Dreaming awake

Screaming yet somehow I’m dealing
But me you’ll never find
Closed doors and jeering
Yeah I want to hide
Or just to cry
Everything I have take
Let me sign
Dreaming awake

Yet I fight
Won’t begin to pray
Just let me die
Dreaming Awake

[Willie]

Never been to prison though I did a stint in juvenile hall and it was not good, fun, or safe, and yet it’s like my whole world is a prison. Conventional Shunning… where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide; do I want to anymore?

~Conventional Shunning~

Conventional shunning; isolation
Pretending not to see
I know my station
And I rather not be
Listen to he, he
So I’m running
Someday I’ll be blinding
Conventional shunning

Ain’t that truth of masturbation?
Love is what I need
Lustful titillations
Write of love and read
But pleasure supersedes
Not the average Playboy Bunny
What of my good deeds
Conventional shunning

So many expectations
Money’s what I need
Damning my taxation
Bittersweet Symphony
How I need to feed
Am I just a dummy?
Begging on my knees
Conventional shunning

This is not my dream
Alone and never touching
Anything but me
Conventional shunning

[Willie]

All eyes on me; strange that this is both the nightmare and the dream and in truth do I really know what I want? A ~ Muse… I suppose I could take it if I were famous or even infamous but I’m just a joke that’s repeated; I guess that’s something.

~A ~ Muse~

A ~ Muse
My reflection
It’s what I do

Is it news?
My sad expression
I thought you knew

You being you
Aren’t I the direction?
Of your boos

As in my boo-who
You’re unaffected
But I knew

And yet I snooze
Let it
It will end soon

Nightmares “boo”
Seeing you naked
I’m there too

Long overdue
Unexpected
Boy renewed

One night through
Mind misdirected
You and a few

Choose
Elected
Me the monkey at the zoo

So I lose
The joke not catchin
A ~ Muse
It’s what I do

[Willie]

What a beast I am not, or maybe as it was said of Spike Spiegel, a beast who has lost his fangs but that didn’t stop my hero from dropping a lot of bodies. Lion NOT Me… you know what happens to heroes but being a pussy “cat” I’m not safe either.

~Lion NOT Me~

Snores in the cage
I sleep
Dream
Of a rage
The day
When I peep
Hunt and eat
In this age

Am I loud?
Only breath
Awaiting death
And how
Hunter and hunted
Better star runnin

Right now
Because I detest
You and your friends
Meow
Aren’t I a mess
This is how it ends

Dreaming of yesterday
A secret to keep
Only memories
Not me on the page
“Roar” I want to say
Pathetic kitty
Lion wanna be
Mane shaved

[Justin]

I've been writing Gothic and Horror poems all month as part of Halloween and for a future book. It just so happened that I had 31 poem titles to write poems for and there's 31 days in this month so yeah. I'll share a few in the coming days.

Happy posting!

[Willie]

I’m ready for my close up, I’m ready to be in the spotlight; okay maybe not but to be alone, in the darkness, one heart beating for another is no better. Shine In Five… what is it I’m waiting for; and I waiting for people, or some pretty girl perhaps?

~Shine In Five~

When is the time?
Waiting for someday
To shine

Been so far behind
And I wasn’t late
I just strive

For the right word, the right line
Some girl to date
But I’m not fine

Just my heart is in a bind
Love is a big mistake
Never is kind

So let me sign
My life away
It’s not mine

In life I ride the pine
Stilling waiting for the day
When is the time?
To shine

[Willie]

Child of God and I ask what God would allow his other children to make me feel like this; my sister is the golden child of the family I don’t need everyone else putting themselves over me. A Fair Turn… fine I’ll be a son of the Devil but he has a chance.

~A Fair Turn~

It’s my turn
To try
Maybe I’ll lie
Haven’t I learned?
I crash and burn
With luck I die
But to fly
From off this earth

Can’t get much higher
A cause to hope
As I choke
The Devil I admire
Prince of the air
It hardly seems fair

[Willie]

It’s that beat, that endless beat, which is causing me the most pain and how it scares me to think that for once I might actually want to live. Pulse Sate Thing… what if there was nothing to pulsate, insanity to want so much.

~Pulse Sate Thing~

This Pulse Sate Thing, driving me insane
While usually so inane
As the want of sex
Like I so often suggest
A question of how love is made

Beat and breath an endless drain
Pursuit of glory, fortunate and fame
But could I be another or next
This Pulse Sate Thing

And this new hurt, this new pain
Don’t feel so good but worse the same
Never healthy, never best
Just wish it hurt a little less
Life and pain but who’s to blame
This Pulse Sate Thing

[Willie]

The truth will set you free… yeah of the mortal coil; I hate liars but I do know the value of their lies. The Screams Drew You… yes the truth is killing me but the lies are the accomplice, so am I still a victim, a killer maybe it’s just really loud.

~The Screams Drew You~

Scream the “truth” you don’t lie…
A little a lot, not anymore
And I wonder why
Your voices soar
Knock me to the floor
Take what you want as true
Fairytales, rumors, folklore
Scream the truth

I found you yet wonder why
It was you I adore
Sigh
You weren’t worth a war
Yet I believe in my core
That I “I love you”
Slammed the door
Scream the truth

And now how do I get by
Did I fall on my sword?
Pain I try to hide
But I don’t ask the Lord
Doesn’t matter, I’m ignored
This is nothing new
About me you’re bored
Scream the truth

In the end, what am I living for?
The love we never knew
Don’t want to anymore
Scream the truth

[Willie]

~Some People NOT Me~

Some people… more than one
Laugh and fear and hate… me
For fun?
My crime is making a “we”
When I’m there son
Not the whole world, see

Just some people… not just a few
Over twenty-seven years
Make it their mission for me to lose
The cause of all my tears
Should have been born blue
Maybe I wouldn’t get the sneers

Of some people… more than a dozen
Flesh and blood, a “family”
Mommy, Daddy, Sister, Cousin
Don’t make me happy
Brothers, sisters, all the others
Skin like theirs… no one like me

Because some people… not most
Look at me, like a diseased rat
Make me doubt, so I don’t know
And tear me down with their attacks
Hate my birth and make me want to go
Not Muslims, Republicans, I’m talking at

But some people… and not the whole damn world
Those from royalty, to slavery, to today, and me
Ashamed and filled with hate for sure
And why shouldn’t I be
Say I’m worthless and I’m no good
The man in the mirror, that I see

Some people won’t understand
They and I are enemies
Dare I say, "I AM A MAN”?
Who is it that cannot see?
My character they cannot stand
And who am I supposed to be
“You people” won’t understand
Some People, NOT Me

[Willie]

~Mellow Sunshine~

Why so negative
Looked at as a sin

Twelve wanting to be twelve
The difference between Heaven and Hell
Is PM to AM
It’s not fair
Middle to the start of the new
Which do you choose?
Morning is declined
For the mellow sunshine

God’s happy cry
For the Devil beating his wife
How I want to be happy
But the Devil can’t have me
Tears during the day
You I must obey
Not alright or fine
In the mellow sunshine

A world with more birthdays
You can take mine away
All twenty-seven
Just want to get to Heaven
Or the second-circle of Hell
Can’t you tell?
I don’t deny
With the mellow sunshine

Life begins
When
Love, lust, and sin
Maybe when life ends
From cell, to cell, to Hell
Oh well
Life’s a bitch and then you die
Not on a beach but mellow sunshine

And so many stars can’t be the one
Sun
My daddy taught me
Another somebody
Under a black sky
Why can’t I die?
Still alive
This mellow sunshine

Negativity I like
Because the mellow sunshine
Isn’t as bright
As you would like

[Willie]

Who am I… I don’t bother to ask myself this question anymore because even if I honestly knew you wouldn’t care to know. Reputed Undisputed… you already have made up in your mind who I am and what I’m trying to say or it doesn’t matter at all.

~Reputed Undisputed~

Am I still STANDING?
Never landing
Forgotten how to fly
Wonder why
Forever damned
I don’t understand
“Too stupid”
You said it

The CHARACTER I play
Who am I today?
A fool a coward
Scream it louder
And laugh hardy
Hardee’s
Because day one
Who I was

The VIEWS that are expressed here
I’ve been hearing for years
Anyone
And everyone
For once the world agrees
I’d fall to my knees
If God’s opinion
Wasn’t like his minions

By all ESTIMATIONS
I am mistaken
A mistake
That no one should make
Not a failure but a fail
Doomed to Hell
From what
No buts

A first IMPRESSION
I’m elected
The worst
Your curse
Not worth
My birth
And I can’t make a second one
So I don’t
And so my reputation
The thoughts of a nation
My life today, my repute
Why fight it; it is the truth

[Willie]

What I choose to see… if I had my way I would prefer never to see anything of this world ever again, because people say I’m blind. Pupil Pushed… if I course force you to see as I see instead of the other way around, hell it’s the blind leading the blind.

~Pupil Pushed~

Pupil pushed
Rolled into the skull
How I am bushed
This life a lull
Why bother a look
A word made dull

Blind to the kind
Was there ever such a thing?
So sublime
Look at me
And talk about kindness
Somewhere lost in the dark
Such is blindness
A breaking… that’s my heart

Blind in line
The back of someone’s head
When will it be my time?
I heard everything you said
Stay inside
No life to create
Outside
And so I wait

Blind to the time
A past I can’t forget
The future I can’t find
And what of the present
Today and tomorrow
What I have found
Sad hours follow
Tears threaten to drown

Blind in the divine
Can you see God?
Or only the blind
The mob
Leading the blind
Darkness mistaken for light
Chained and tied
This isn’t right

Blind to what is mine
Which is nothing
So I don’t buy your lies
But to own something
To touch, to feel
If only to see
And I know it’s real
Yet I can’t even see me

So let my eyes roll
Be pushed to see lies
How am I to know?
I’m not the only one who’s blind

[Willie]

I see a pretty girl, I see you; now I want you but what should I do, in truth there is nothing I can possibly do right? The Way to Love… there is of course no way, rules, a path, even a hope, or a chance so how do I love you; I have no idea.

~The Way to Love~

Before… the way
I’m looking down
Without a sound

Call it what you will
Shy or nervous
Without purpose
Wishing to be under the surface
Of this Earth
Because my heart you’ll steal
Pretty girl

Across… the way
Not so far
But never where you are

Wherever
On the Internet
A picture I can’t forget
Dreaming in bed
In a house not a home
Never us together
I’m always alone

Why… the way
Maybe you’re out of luck
or I’m in love

I’m not lost
But undiscovered
Want to be your lover
It’s you and no other
Heart makes a mess of things
Loving you cost
And I get nothing

How… the way
I see love
And you see not enough

Of course no one’s perfect
But amazing
You save me
To slay me
With your own hand
Are we worth it?
You’ll never understand

And after… the way
Mad, bad, glad, sad
It’s not like we ever had…

Love
But these thoughts, feelings, my intuition
How I’m freed from all my inhibitions
Lost to angels and devils, your apparition
Haunting me
As always from above
Because I can’t see

A way for anyone
To love me

[Willie]

~Mad Season~

Mad season
A reason
Never far from the tree
Who I am, me or supposed to be

In the spring
I want and try to be
Grow, into something more
But what for
Paint with all the colors of the wind
To win is a sin
Make me grow up
I’ll never be enough

In the summer
Drowning in bummer
An over abundance
Turns into redundance
The words, the girls, the porn, and gore
I keep asking God what I’m for
All thy blessings
And I’m left guessing
How I want the twigs to snap
I want my life back
Tell me to grow
Let me go
And yet hang me
Let me swing
No reason at all
For another season

In the fall
Goodbye all
Yet there is ground beneath my feet
Chris Hassan says have a seat
Along with The Abomination
And the nation
If I wasn’t around
Where would a new fool be found?

In the winter
Buried beneath earth
Rotten and decomposed
And everyone knows
But I’m watered
Fall in love with someone’s daughter
And I rise
Surprise

Who I am, me or supposed to be
Waiting, hanging, never far from the tree
Strange fruit or give me a reason
To be here, another Mad Season

[Willie]

~A Lovely Death~

It’s venom I’ve never tasted
But with thoughts of a drop
I remain wasted
My cup filled to the top
Yet not sated
You’re so damn hot

It’s a blade I’ve never felt
But when you I see
I melt
And I bleed
Damn I wish I was someone else
Worthy of thee

It’s a scent I’ve never breathed
Yet such a perfume
Makes me hunger and need
I swoon
Intoxicating
The want of you

It’s an opiate I’ve never swallowed
But you’re so damn high
And I have no choice but to follow
As you fly
Yet I dream there is no tomorrow
Because I fall, drift, and want to die

It’s a gun I’ve never fired
Yet all I am splatters
For it’s you I desire
Words, gifts, promises don’t matter
As I lie in the muck and mire
Can I be sadder?

Why is love such a lie
You and me, what’s left?
But for me to cry
Live with what I said
I have long said goodbye
Yet the goddess whispers “not yet”
To love you is suicide
A slow but lovely kind of death

[Arijah Ankh]

beautiful words, Will.

[Willie]

Arijah Ankh wrote: "beautiful words, Will."

Thank you ever so much for reading Arijah

[Arijah Ankh]

Sacrifice

Years spent, pains acquired.
Every word, every look, every damn time.
all of it, yes all of it...like a million bee stings.
swollen, painful in the belly, in the heart, in the mind...I

carried them. Yes, all of them.
I was told it was mine to own. Mine!
Every word, every look, every...damn...time.
One decade, two; 25 years, 30.
Guilts buried deep in the brain, seeping venom, slowly trickling

down my spine...and...slowly...killing...me.

"It's your fault", resonated through me.
I kept the words...the looks...the guilt. Made them a part of me.

Made them "my own".

I locked them in a pretty box; tied it with a pretty bow, and left a notecard on it saying "all mine".

I carried that box with me, like some badge of honor. "I take responsibility for my actions! I made my own choices!"...yet it was never mine to own.

Today, I found that box, buried deep in my spirit. I looked at the aged and tattered paper, and untied the bow.

Inside, I found a mirror, and the reflection, although worn, and tired, still had the innocent eyes of that 16 year old girl.

"It is not mine to own. It never was".

Deep shadows crept out from the corners, and formed words before my eyes "ugly", "stupid", "fat"...and I remembered each mouth that gave them form.

Memories crowded around me, threatening to suffocate me. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I felt the weight of each burden bestowed upon me, in some sick legacy of being.
"put yourself last", "you aren't worthy".

Each finger pointed, each laugh, mumble, word, and each and every look...now had a face, and each face had a name.

I remembered.

I remembered not being "the one to blame". I remembered being

loyal, responsible, loving....I remembered brushing all of the painful things under the carpet...for the sake of "owning my decisions". I remembered being the scapegoat.

I remember accepting it, as an act of love, or loyalty. As the actions of a wife, or a friend.

I remember being their sacrifice.

I ...remember....everything.

Every word...every look...every damn one.

Neatly, and carefully, next to each word, I wrote the name of the

one who owns it. Next to each look, I did the same.

I put those pieces of paper into a box, wrapped it up pretty, and tied a nice bow.

I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled; took a deep breath, and then set that box on fire.

I watched them burn as a sacrifice from myself to myself; Every face, every name.
Every...damn...one.

[Willie]

Arijah Ankh wrote: "Sacrifice

Years spent, pains acquired.
Every word, every look, every damn time.
all of it, yes all of it...like a million bee stings.
swollen, painful in the belly, in the heart, in the mind...I ..."

A burning sensation, nice

[Arijah Ankh]

thanks. I needed to vent. Been a long time since I've written anything because of the feels.
I need to stop repressing.

Thanks for reading.

[Willie]

~The I Don’t Knows of First~

Where do we go… from here?
What do I mean we?
There’s only me
Who I want to be
And the fear
You sneer
The sky’s the limit
But I’ve never been in it
To win is a sin
Do I want to be here?

Or there
Having to look up
Not being so tough
Trying, not hard enough
Was I scared?
Too often told, “Beware”
One plus one is two
Me and you
But I have to lose
Would you still care?

If I wasn’t number one
This face
Another race
What a waste
Because when it’s done
Maybe better if I hadn’t run
In the end
As it always has been
The end
Does it matter if I’m not number one?

Such is my thirst
My fear of loving you, my curse
The I don’t knows of first