Dangerous Hero Addict Support Group discussion
Food for Thought
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Goodreads Groups: Joining, Staying, or Leaving
Mod
I've left groups - actually withdrew from them not just stop participating because of the same reasons you're currently upset. One group had such an agenda that if you didn't agree with the mod, she and her friends actually devoted time to mock you - for days on end.
Pat wrote: "One group had such an agenda that if you didn't agree with the mod, she and her friends actually devoted time to mock you - for days on end. "Pat, that sounds horrid. The one I'm in hasn't reached that level, but I am starting to feel "some kind of way" when certain theme threads keep showing up. In all honesty, I'm addicted to the review threads.
@Pamela, I have let several groups because of lack of activity before also. It's true about the unpredictability of the potential for Goodreads drama. It pops in the strangest random was. I tend to miss a lot of the worst cases because it seems to involve the YA genre most of the time. It seems like most of the Review-gates tend to involve that genre for some reason. Maybe because the fan base is very passionate. I get tired of relating to the teens in my household, don't want to read about them in my moments of escape too. LOL
Mod
Paganalexandria there are tons of reviews on here if a group isn't servicing your needs trust and believe there is at least one more on gr that will. Pamela are you sure your 13yo isn't a mod in one or two of these groups? i'm not kidding that one was so ridiculous with the group think and we must all be in step I got fed up with the belittling of those that disagreed and just withdrew. it was like being led by teens (sorry mature teens)
Mod
I agree LD -- GR is supposed to be fun and share your love of books and the joy of your latest read - not ostracize someone because they have different tastes
@PaganalexandriaThe fact that you posted this thread, tells me you are upset ( or just frustrated ) with the things going on in this other group. If it wouldn´t bother you so much, you would just click on the icon on your computer screen and leave...
I am sometimes upset and frustrated, too. When people in a group deliberately misunderstand me or when some of them just post for post´s sake without actually contributing to the discussion or just for self-promotion.
But if there are still enough people in there, that I like and want to talk to, I stay and try to tune out the other things that are going on.
Katerina wrote: "@PaganalexandriaThe fact that you posted this thread, tells me you are upset ( or just frustrated ) with the things going on in this other group. If it wouldn´t bother you so much, you would just ..."
Katerina, the thing that keeps me coming back are the review threads. I have been exposed and to so many great free books directly from this group. It's like A, B, and C are driving me crazy, but D is giving me life. Does that make sense? I also keep hoping the things bothering me will die down, but I suspect this is denial just to keep getting what I want. This is a prime example of the little ways we compromise our principals for small rewards. Typing that sentence answered this question for me. I'm totally leaving now, Katerina. I can't believe I'm kind of whoring myself for free books. WTF?
Wow, Paganalexandria!!!I can understand you and everything you wrote made sense...
I do not think, that you whored yourself for free books, there are enough freebies on amazon every day. I know that, because I download them like crazy... :-)))
You got ARC´s in exchange for an review, right?
This is not whoring, this is offering your time, to read and write an honest review. And in your case, I really believe that your thoughts on these books were honest.
But you made up your mind and this is OK!!! Better leave before throwing fits every time A, B, and C is posting something! Life is too short to be miserable about groups on goodreads...
I have actually gone through something like this. I was on Goodreads about two years ago and left. The short story is the group I was in changed leadership and I didn't agree with how the new mods were running things. I ended up just leaving without warning. I'm back now... obviously. But new profile, new groups. I do wish I had done things differently now though. So my suggestion is to take a break from the group in question first. As long as you feel you need. Step back. And if you feel its the right thing then you should leave.
Mod
Another factor is too much strife and drama. Constant arguments, and people just acting ugly towards each other. My time on Goodreads is leisure time (although I seem to spend a lot of it on organizing and running groups, which is my choice). I don't want or need ugliness in my casual interactions for fun.
This is the first GR group I've joined, but I have left Yahoo groups in the past. The events surrounding my leaving usually came down to the fact that my views and opinions were radically different from the other members of the groups. In other groups I've been in, differences of opinion were encouraged, provided people were respectful towards one another. However, in the groups I left, I was treated rudely for daring to express an opinion that differed from the majority. Life is just too short to spend it with people I don't like or respect. That goes for my personal life as well as my time online.
Lady Danielle aka The Book Huntress wrote: "I'm a member of a group where I feel like I am not one of the cool kids. I am sticking it out for now, but I feel like no one ever replies to my posts or engages with me. It's not a good feeling. ..."Are you kidding me LadyD! You are so cool! Where's this group that doesn't engage you ( shaking my fist) lol...
I hear you all and agree with pretty much all. I got on GRs because I just wanted to talk and discuss my reads with others. I look forward to interesting conversation that's respectful and is ones own personal opinion. I say this because I have seen groups of people who get on the bandwagon as a "group" to ensure that their opinion is the only opinion and here is this poor person who just had a thought of thier interpreation of the book that's being discussed. Really? Do we all read and understand the same? Thats why it's called an "opinion" Well damn here I thought we were discussing books with personal intellect then needing other to think for you? Lol
But to answer the question... If I really like a group and need a break, I break away for a while or just don't engage the bashing. I never had to leave a group yet. But then again I'm still new to GRs, there's always a first time.
Plus I'm a libra, so if I feel that someones opinion is being disrespected and I feel a strong need to jump on thier bandwagon to help a sister out I well. I like balance! Lol
In the end it's not like we sleep or live with these fictional characters or the writers,that we have to go so hard at proving a point...well maybe in my head. LMBO
Lady Danielle aka The Book Huntress wrote: "I'm a member of a group where I feel like I am not one of the cool kids. I am sticking it out for now, but I feel like no one ever replies to my posts or engages with me. It's not a good feeling. ..."Whaaaat? Which group?! This makes me sad. :( Lady D you are the most eloquent well spoken, kind, engaging person I've known since joining GR. I'm sorry you feel that way. Sending you a HUG!
I honestly lurk in the groups I've joined (except for 2 which I post more often than the others). Unless I have something to say or want to add into the discussions I don't generally post in a lot of the threads unless the topic is really hot. lol
See this is part of the reason why I always re-read my posts or go back and edit my posts relentlessly in fear that my opinion may come across as too aggressive, mean or preachy. I'm quite passionate about books and I don't ever want to come across as making others feel wrong about their differing opinions. And I know I get carried away sometimes in my endless rambling so I try to curb and be conscious of what I am saying. I like talking about books with others (it's why I joined) even if it's differing opinions, it's all in good fun. I like to read other people's perspective on things. Plus meeting new people from all over the world is an added bonus. :P
The one and only time I honestly felt like I was being attacked and condescended to (and this person clearly wanted to get the last word in) was discussion over a popular character from a series and his possible pairing. Clearly my choice of pairing for him wasn't welcomed so I backed off and didn't bother to follow up with the thread. The tone of their posts became quite nasty and patronizing so I just stepped away.
Drama is for tv and books, I try to avoid it as much as possible in real life. I'm a non-confrontational person, it makes me uncomfortable so I tried to avoid it at all costs. Like you said, this is a hobby, something I like to do on my downtime, it's all in good fun. I know there are some strong personalities on GS and when you throw in a passionate, vocal, opinionated bunch together it can unfortunately sometimes get carried away. :(
So I have read every single post on this thread so far and come to the conclusion, that just leaving a group without further notice would not satisfy me...And this is not about the drama, but for the fact that if one just leaves, what are the consequences? There are not any!
The person who left, will still need some time to "calm down" and the others in the group are oblivious to the events that took place, which led to this decision. Maybe some of them are of the same opinion, and this could led to open up a new and better group!!!
So I think, I would open a thread in the group I am considering to leave and try to write down the things that bother me so much, just because I want to have them off my chest!
I believe, I could do this in a matter-of factly way without any drama at all...
Mod
Pamela are you sure your 13yo isn't a mod in ..."
definitely is not. Sadly, my daughter doesn't read and avoids websites like Goodreads.
I did officially leave without even a goodbye post. I thought about saying something but lately they seem to be pushing an agenda that anything negative is some kind of bullying. It started a couple of months ago, when this author overreacted by contacting the reviewer after getting a bad review and didn't like the response she got. Everyone but me seemed to side with the author. Next a mod started posting co-signing to that supposed author bullying site STGRB, and that was a big red flag for me. Then they started all these various petitions to control goodreads reviewing practices. Now recently a rule was added that possibly giving bad reviews constituted bullying and could get you banned. That was my last straw. I don't go around giving a lot of books random bad reviews but everything about this screamed fascism to me. Who was going to be the judge if the review was valid, the author? I felt announcing my departure would just fuel their agenda and I would be labeled a "bully" no matter how polite the message was.
i'm glad you did what felt best for you Paganalexandria. it doesn't sound like it was a pleasant place for you to be.
Mod
Melody, you always have very eloquent things to say on the BDB group, and I appreciate your opinion. Even when we don't agree, you give me something to think about, which is great. I know things can be heated on the fan groups because we all have strong opinions, but as long as we can respect each other and let each other say what's on their mind in a respectful way, that's good to me.
@Sharmila, sometimes I do have to take a break on groups when it gets to high school. I am glad I got out of high school alive and I don't want to go back. :)
@Paganalexandria, maybe you should send one of the moderators a PM and explain how you feel. Just an idea. I can understand if you don't want to do that, but they may not see how their actions are being interpreted.
This is a really interesting thread particularly since I'm considering leaving a group as I write this. My main reason is that one of the main contributors to the discussions in the group uses a lot (and I mean a LOT) of profanity in her posts. Now I'm no prude and sometimes using a curse word is appropriate but in this case the profanity is excessive and it is in every post and virtually every thread.
I cannot respond to these types of posts and feel that I can no longer contribute to the discussions. Its a shame really.
have you advised the mode that you feel extreme profanity is disrespectful and not in keeping with the thread or gr practices? just asking because maybe that person needs to be removed from the group.
Mod
@Pat - unfortunately, the poster is one of the Mods :0(
Lauren wrote: "@Pat - unfortunately, the poster is one of the Mods :0("really sorry - when I had that situation I left the group because the mod didn't see an issue.
The profanity can be handled if you wish, by blocking that persons responses from your feed. You don't see them so you don't respond."From GR Help section"
How do I block another user?
To block a user:
1) Navigate to that user's profile page.
2) Scroll down to the bottom of the page.
3) Click "block this member".
What should I do if I'm being bullied or harassed?
If you are experiencing bullying, please start by blocking the member. This will prevent them from interacting you. Scroll to the bottom of their profile and click "Block this member." If this member continues to bully you through other means, please report it to us by emailing support at support at goodreads dot com. If you feel a review is bullying you, please flag it."
Another course of action to use: Many groups in the welcome folder or in the Archives had a thread to do with "Improvements or suggestions for this group" Why not use it.
I also think that the mods need to hear reasons for leaving. Either in a private PM or if you believe many feel as you do in a public thread at the site. Every one deserves a second chance.
Mod
You are welcome My Lady, I hope it makes life an nicer place to be for some.
Thanks Sunny ~ I wasn't aware we could block a user. Good to know that we can if we need too.
Sunny, your post was a great reminder. I have blocked a user in the past because I felt they were too self-promotional. That and cyber-bullying are the two worst offenses on goodreads. This thread contains some helpful thoughts. As long as there are people like you all, I'll be around. But I am currently thinking about dropping out of another group,only because I haven't seen anything that interests me in a long while and I'm barely engaging there. I'll leave quietly and I doubt they'll even miss me. Still it's fine for those who enjoy it.
Thanks for the info, Sunny. Very helpful.
Mod
I would hope they would also let me know if there is something I can do to make them feel personally wanted on the group.
I have to be honest, I do get frustrated with authors who want to use the groups as a platform to promote their work and they could care less about anything else, rarely participate except for trying to draw attention to themselves as authors. I am less concerned with making them feel free to promote their agenda, although I still try to be polite and make sure they can feel welcome as any other member with honest motives.
Also, members who want to cause strife and disrupt things, I don't mind at all if they decide to exit the scene.
Lady Danielle aka The Book Huntress wrote: "As a moderator, I would like for members to feel like they can contact me via PM if there is an issue on the group. I will do my best to address their concerns. I would hope they would also let m..."
Danielle, I for one totally appreciate it when a mod checks the writer that jumps on every thread convinced that every subject correlates with one of their novels. That drives me buggy, and takes all my non-troll internet manners not to post something snarky. I never do, but boy do I think about it. LOL
When I was really unsure the reception this thread would receive when I created it. I was just so frustrated and needed to vent. Thank you guys for sharing your own frustrations also.
@Danielle - You and the other mods here at DHASG makes this one of my absolute favorite groups and I've never felt unwelcome. Thanks for all your hard work. @Paganalexandria - I know exactly what you mean. It infuriates me when authors jump in to a thread for the sole purpose of plugging their book even if the book has absolutely nothing to do with the thread. I've often wanted to say something snarky but restrain myself, lol!
Totally agree Lauren. DHASG was the first group I joined and it continues to be my favorite!
Mod
@Paganalexandria: I really dislike conflict, but I do consider it my duty to make sure that authors act like regular members and respect people's right to hang out on Goodreads without being constantly bombarded with promotions.
Lady Danielle aka The Book Huntress wrote: "@Paganalexandria: I really dislike conflict, but I do consider it my duty to make sure that authors act like regular members and respect people's right to hang out on Goodreads without being constantly bombarded with promotions. "Danielle, that was another issue I had with the other group. The mod in question was always finding a way to bring up her book. If she wasn't bringing it up in random threads, she would create multiple threads relating to it and it drove me bonkers. That obnoxious behavior was adding to my queasiness with the new "us poor author are being bullied" agenda being pushed. It hard to complain when the person running the show is the main perpetrator.
Since Paganalexandria opened up this thread, I am thinking about my own behavior in some groups.Don´t get me wrong! I have never been the one for conflict and drama, but I believe I should have commented on several things, before they have gotten out of hand.
And I see a lot of other people also use this "avoidance tactic" : they refrain from posting their comments, because they think they could be understood as "snarky" and prefer to stab their eyes out, before saying something that could be perceived as "not-mainstream".
And if one increases the number of members in a group, who behave in exactly the same way, then you will eventually face the same dilemma as Paganalexandria: Staying or Leaving? Leaving, because it got too late to speak up, when you have let so many opportunities pass.
Add to this an author as moderator and you are in for the constant promotion in "brainwash-style", if you choose to stay!
Mod
I've always felt like an odd duck and I know my opinions are not always typical. Nothing wrong with that, and a good group should be welcoming to all comers who are interested in the subject matter and wanting to engage with others in a positive, meaning respectful fashion.
Honestly, I do feel kind of weird about people who join romance groups and dog romance books. I don't quite get why they are here???
Mod
@Lady DanielleUnfortunately my own braveness ends right there!
How can I possibly ask a member why he/she joined a romance group, when he/she has obviously no interest in reading these books?
I am having a hard time with this, because I want to avoid sounding offensive.
Mod
I don't always. Sometimes I just don't feel like getting into it when it gets ugly and the person is so hard-hearted.
I know what you mean about comments being ignored. There were a couple of groups I was in where I felt like they skipped my comments completely about BOM's, etc. So I just left the group, no comment.Also, I have a potty mouth that I work on all the time (unsuccessfully) but there's one group where it's reminds me of the way Yahoo Games used to be with people trolling and saying the most provocative stuff. Unless the group is specifically geared toward sex, it just seemed strange. I read erotic books but I don't want to hear about what you, your husband and a friend were up to last night. Left the group.
The other reasons I've left a group in the books being read are not ones I want to read but I stay for a really long time before I come to that decision; or ,
Their discussions are so over my head I feel like a 1st grader in college. I have nothing to contribute because I don't understand what they're saying. This was a sci-fi and fantasy group. I love sci-fi, but I don't study the books as closely as these people do.
Another group I left because there were too many promotions. I would guess that was 90% of the activity.
I'll wax and wane in groups I like with my participation but that doesn't mean I'm not reading the threads.
Just curious, how do you leave a group? Just recently joined a group and all I've been seeing is self-promotions and giveaways in my update feed. It's like getting spammed endlessly. That's not what I signed up for. lol
message 46:
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Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal
(last edited Sep 18, 2013 05:12PM)
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Mod
I really dislike pretentiousness about books, movies, whatever, so if I am in a group that has a heavy vibe of superiority, I tend to feel like moving on after a while.
My personal feeling about profanity and dirty talk is there is a time and a place if that is your thing. I think that it's polite and respectful to watch your language in a mixed setting. If it's a group that is geared towards a mature audience and the subject matter and general topics lends towards that, then it's understandable if people generally talk raunchy on that group.
I'm not going to judge anyone, but I personally don't have a liking for too much raunchiness in what I read, watch or the way I speak. I can generally overlook profanity as long as it's not excessive.
The reason why this group is general audience isn't for my personal preference, but because I want younger members to be able to have a safe, fun place to talk about their dangerous heroes. I started reading when I was twelve, and I would have liked a place where I could talk about romance novels that wasn't a no zone for someone of my age, even though I did read 'adult books.'
I'm on a group where most of the members read a lot of erotic books, and I don't, so I tend to feel left out. It's frustrating because it's not even an erotica group, it's supposed to be a paranormal romance group. *shrugs* What can you do? I just post when a topic relates to me.
Melody wrote: "Just curious, how do you leave a group? Just recently joined a group and all I've been seeing is self-promotions and giveaways in my update feed. It's like getting spammed endlessly. That's not w..."
Go to the group and right under the group banner and blurb where it says "You are a member" click "edit" and then under "My Membership" it says "leave this group" click that. Then you're out :)
Carolyn F. wrote: "I know what you mean about comments being ignored. There were a couple of groups I was in where I felt like they skipped my comments completely about BOM's, etc. So I just left the group, no comm..."I've also left a group because my posts and BOM suggestions were ignored. It felt like the mods and a few of their friends had turned the group into their own private clique. If that was their preference then why did they make the group public? Private groups are for precisely this purpose.
I know what you mean about feeling like your comments are glossed over. I left a group a while back that was full of drama and my posts were ignored... Not cool.And I feel clueless, what's a BOM?
Rachel ~ SnapDragoness wrote: "I know what you mean about feeling like your comments are glossed over. I left a group a while back that was full of drama and my posts were ignored... Not cool.And I feel clueless, what's a BOM?"
Book of the Month
I have an issue with another group (which will remain nameless). I have made a couple of cool book friends, discovered some new authors, but am increasingly concerned about the agendas being pushed lately. Despite loving how busy the posting activity is, I am really considering leaving it. I personally hate people that throw fits and melodramatically quit the internet, so find it distasteful to be one of them. Of course, I'll just leave without telling them because still not a complete drama queen. Without outing the name of any particular Goodreads group, why did you personally decide to exit groups you used to participate in?