Young Adult Roleplay discussion
Outside Writing
>
Predator
date
newest »
newest »
This is sooo good! I'm so interested in reading more! I can't wait to see the plot thicken. Also, I love Skyler and Sam's relationship, I'm wondering where it will lead and what the past of it was. Agreeing with Ali, I love that he wants to hate the 'All American Slut' (cringing at the word slut aha) but he can't help but constantly complement her; "its just that...she was so..beautiful..." and "heck...she could wear whatever she wants, and still look good in it".One little thing I picked up on was when you say ", my mother would say," isn't it supposed to be AS my mother would say?
Anywho, just a tiny thing. It's really good. I'm intrigued. Is there anyway you could put up a sort of blurb for me to kind of have a little back ground info? If not it's cool, I'll just have to wait and read on, but yeah. :D
Nice one:)
Moi too! And Juliana you know you can add stories on Goodreads, right?
Are you kidding me?! It's better than most out there, trust me ;)
Same here, I like Sam much better though:) x
The way you introduced details about Skyler and showed Sam's crush/obsession with her at the same time was clever. I also really liked Sam's narration. It was funny (probably unintentionally) because he wanted to hate her, but couldn't prevent himself from noticing her beauty.
You have some grammatical errors with commas, stuff like "The stern and cold voice from Skyler, made me awake entirely from my day dreaming, making me realize that they were in the study room, or study hall, however the school liked to call it." (You should omit the comma between "Skyler" and "made", and "study room" and "or")
This was so good, though. I really want to see what happens with Sam and Skyler, particularly because your characterization was excellent.