Dumbledore's Army discussion
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How many Weasley's does it take to defeat Lord Voldemort?
7. Ginny to kiss Harry, and take the credit. Fred and George to throw Dungbombs at him. Percy to yell at Fred and George about the stench. Charlie to whistle a dragon to help. And Bill to use AVADA
KADAVRA!!
((And it is seven if you count Fred AND george. they're two people!))
7. Ginny to kiss Harry, and take the credit. Fred and George to throw Dungbombs at him. Percy to yell at Fred and George about the stench. Charlie to whistle a dragon to help. And Bill to use AVADA
KADAVRA!!
((And it is seven if you count Fred AND george. they're two people!))
how did Sirius,Lupin,and Dumbledore die1.He slipped on a banana peel,cracked his head,and Bellatrix Lestrange finished him off with a swift kick to the crotch
2.He was fighting with Malfoy,and malfoy tripped him,and then walked off smugly,but Voldemort was trying to kill malfoy for not killing Dumbledore,so he ran screaming like a baby and as Lupin was getting up,he was hit in the crossfire
3.Fred thew a dungbomb at snape,snape thought it was Dumbledore and poisoned him with a powerful love potion that made him physically attracted to Sheep and Voldemort.
Do wizards know math?Well of course, everyone knows what wand plus wand equals, a double sorcerer!
Get it? he has 2 wands which makes him a DOUBLE sorcerer!
How Did Mad-Eye Moody,Fred,and Hedwig Die1.His eye went mad (get it??:D) and devoured him from the inside while was sleeping
2.he was trying to fight but slipped and accidentally swallowed a new poison candy of his
3.She kept hooting and Hagrid finished her by breathing on her (he never brushes)
How many Snape's does it take to kill a Dumbledore?1......Duh......Read the books!
Please only comment in the other discussion.
Mod
If they wrote a book that summed up all of the Harry Potter books, what would it be called?How about “Harry Potter and the Half-Deathly Order of the Secret Azkaban Fire Stone.”
What is green, slimey and outside of Hagrids Paddock?
Rita Skeeter!
What is Snapes Boggart?
Shampoo!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
You know.
You-Know-Who?
YEP! Avada kedavra!
Q: How many Death Eaters does it take to stir a cauldron?
A: Just one — he puts his wand in the cauldron and the earth revolves around him.
You mutter nonsense latin words under your breath.You call your least favorite teacher Snape.
Your computer says "You've Got Mail" and you run outside looking for an owl.
You actually ask for a broom for Christmas.
You mutter "lumos" under your breath every time you turn on a flashlight.
You sort everyone you meet into the four Hogwarts houses. (Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin.)
You were burned when you couldn't get through the flames of your fireplace.
You had to go to the hospital after you broke your nose running headfirst into the wall between platforms nine and ten.
The wand order mistake in GoF drove you crazy, and even after it was "corrected" you still came up with dozens of theories to explain why that happened.
You point a normal things like parking meters and say "Look at the things these muggles dream up!"
You collect plugs.
You try on every piece of silvery fabric your mom has to see if you turn invisible
Before getting up to get something, you always try to summon it first. Accio TV remote!
You watched "Love, Actually" because two minor Harry Potter actors were in it.
You were reduced to tears when you finally had book 5 in your hands.
You refer to your Chemistry class as Potions, and all your friends think you're mad.
You spend hours tapping bricks in special orders hoping that a secret entrance to Diagon Alley will appear.
When playing chess, you yell orders to the chess players and get upset when they don't move.
You yell into the "tellyfone."
You get extraordinarily emotional every time you hear "Hedwig's Theme".
Despite being an American, you use the word "wicked" all the time because Rupert Grint does.
You get thoroughly overexcited every time you see a word somewhere that is distantly linked with HP (ie. Saint Hedwig's).
You name all of your pets after HP characters.
You get in to heated arguments over how much gel Tom Felton had in his hair in the first two movies.
You know that Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980, Hermione's birthday is September 19, 1980 and Ron's birthday is March 3rd, 1980 even though it never said in the books.
You refer to Voldemort as "You-Know-Who", and your friends don't have any idea who you're talking about.
You went out and bought the latest editition of the Webster's Dictionary because they added the word "muggle".
You were kicked out of the movie theater for standing on your chair, throwing your shoe at the screen and yelling "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE BOOK!" over and over again, even for the most trivial differences.
You count the days until you're old enough for your apparating license, and everyone else thinks you're talking about driving
U R WIZARD!!!!!!!
What do you call a coughing Quidich Commentator??
Weasley Wheeze-Lee!
How many Quidditch players does it take to light up a wand?
Six to work their butts off and a Seeker to take the credit.
How many Muggle kids does it take to light up a wand?
Two, one to light it (with a match), and the other to be blamed for burning down the school
Weasley Wheeze-Lee!
How many Quidditch players does it take to light up a wand?
Six to work their butts off and a Seeker to take the credit.
How many Muggle kids does it take to light up a wand?
Two, one to light it (with a match), and the other to be blamed for burning down the school
Mod
How many Weasleys does it take to light up a wand?
None!! Hey, who needs a lighted wand, with all that hair?
Where's the best place to drink polyjuice potion?
In the Changing room.
What's large and hairy with a single fang?
Hargid
What does Harry like on his chips?
HP Sauce
Which ghost works on the Hogwarts Express?
The ticket inspectre
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harry
Harry who?
Harry up and let us in
A Potions Professor called Snape
Was reluctant to use Sellotape
He once got entraped
In a present he wrapped
And taken ten hours to escape
What's packed with flowers and full of danger?
The Forbidden Florists
Ron: I've just eaten 20 chocolate frogs
Harry: How do you feel?
Ron: Extremely hoppy
What do wizards use to improve the weather?
Sunny Spells
What's huge, leafy and rather pathetic?
The whimpering willow
In the Changing room.
What's large and hairy with a single fang?
Hargid
What does Harry like on his chips?
HP Sauce
Which ghost works on the Hogwarts Express?
The ticket inspectre
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Harry
Harry who?
Harry up and let us in
A Potions Professor called Snape
Was reluctant to use Sellotape
He once got entraped
In a present he wrapped
And taken ten hours to escape
What's packed with flowers and full of danger?
The Forbidden Florists
Ron: I've just eaten 20 chocolate frogs
Harry: How do you feel?
Ron: Extremely hoppy
What do wizards use to improve the weather?
Sunny Spells
What's huge, leafy and rather pathetic?
The whimpering willow
some of these aren't that funny... *depression*... mine won't be either, but it's worth a shot:
How many Slytherins does it take to light up a wand?
Just one really but he has to be accompanied by two thugs *cough* *cough* Crabbe and Goyle *cough* *cough* and an ugly girl *cough* pansy *cough* that grows on his arm. He also has to show it off to the Gryffindors who would bravely beat him to a pulp before they have 1 of their own members, probably Hermione, light it and get the credit while Ron and Harry have detention from Snape, who gets mad after George and Fred play a prank on him (he thinks it was James, Sirius and Remus all over again)!
OR
Two, one to light it and one to blame the Gryffindors in case it doesn't work
OR
Two: one student to light it and one Head of House to give them absurd amounts of points for it.
OR
Three: One to hide it in a secret chamber, one to find it over a thousand years later and almost light it but fail and blame someone else, having said person expelled, and one to find it again fifty years after that and try to light it again but get caught. The wand then gets destroyed by Harry Potter
OR
5: One to complain about how his father would be very upset about having him do such menial tasks, two to look menacing, one to open the Chamber of Secrets to make sure no muggle-borns do it first, and one to sneer at the Gryffindors and give the Slytherins extra points for doing it so perfectly
OR
Six. One to light it, one to gloat over it, one to steal it, and three to look impressive.
OR
Why light a wand when you can set a Hufflepuff's robes on fire?
OR
None. They just get the Potions master to give them credit and a bunch of house points for it
OR
Two, one to do the lighting and another to laugh at Neville Longbottom just out of spite
OR
None. Why learn Lumos when you could learn Crucio?
OR
Three, one do do the lighting and a couple of toadies to congratulate him.
OR
They don't *really* know how to light wands. They have house elves to do it for them.
OR
Doesn't matter. However well they do, Dumbledore will find some excuse to give the glory to the Gryffindors instead.
OR
Eight: 1 to use dark magic to light it, 2 to hurl insults at passing Gryffindors, and 5 to stand around and conceal the evil doings.
OR
One, but then he gets in trouble with his father because Hermione did it better. XP
OR
What's a light bulb? or, alternatively: None, they make a Hufflepuff do it for them.
OR
Three; one to do the actual spell and two to look and stand around looking menacing in case any Gryffindors come along...
OR
Just one, since Malfoy's dad bought them all automatic-lighting wands.
How many ghosts does it take to light a wand?
Answer, as given by Moaning Myrtle: That's so insensitive! How can you ask me that when you know perfectly well I can't hold a wand because I'm...I'm... *bursts into hysterical sobs and flushes herself to go spy on the Prefects*
How many Slytherins does it take to light up a wand?
Just one really but he has to be accompanied by two thugs *cough* *cough* Crabbe and Goyle *cough* *cough* and an ugly girl *cough* pansy *cough* that grows on his arm. He also has to show it off to the Gryffindors who would bravely beat him to a pulp before they have 1 of their own members, probably Hermione, light it and get the credit while Ron and Harry have detention from Snape, who gets mad after George and Fred play a prank on him (he thinks it was James, Sirius and Remus all over again)!
OR
Two, one to light it and one to blame the Gryffindors in case it doesn't work
OR
Two: one student to light it and one Head of House to give them absurd amounts of points for it.
OR
Three: One to hide it in a secret chamber, one to find it over a thousand years later and almost light it but fail and blame someone else, having said person expelled, and one to find it again fifty years after that and try to light it again but get caught. The wand then gets destroyed by Harry Potter
OR
5: One to complain about how his father would be very upset about having him do such menial tasks, two to look menacing, one to open the Chamber of Secrets to make sure no muggle-borns do it first, and one to sneer at the Gryffindors and give the Slytherins extra points for doing it so perfectly
OR
Six. One to light it, one to gloat over it, one to steal it, and three to look impressive.
OR
Why light a wand when you can set a Hufflepuff's robes on fire?
OR
None. They just get the Potions master to give them credit and a bunch of house points for it
OR
Two, one to do the lighting and another to laugh at Neville Longbottom just out of spite
OR
None. Why learn Lumos when you could learn Crucio?
OR
Three, one do do the lighting and a couple of toadies to congratulate him.
OR
They don't *really* know how to light wands. They have house elves to do it for them.
OR
Doesn't matter. However well they do, Dumbledore will find some excuse to give the glory to the Gryffindors instead.
OR
Eight: 1 to use dark magic to light it, 2 to hurl insults at passing Gryffindors, and 5 to stand around and conceal the evil doings.
OR
One, but then he gets in trouble with his father because Hermione did it better. XP
OR
What's a light bulb? or, alternatively: None, they make a Hufflepuff do it for them.
OR
Three; one to do the actual spell and two to look and stand around looking menacing in case any Gryffindors come along...
OR
Just one, since Malfoy's dad bought them all automatic-lighting wands.
How many ghosts does it take to light a wand?
Answer, as given by Moaning Myrtle: That's so insensitive! How can you ask me that when you know perfectly well I can't hold a wand because I'm...I'm... *bursts into hysterical sobs and flushes herself to go spy on the Prefects*
Hermione went to Madam Pomfrey with uncontrollable hiccups to see if she could do something to stop them. Madam Pomfrey examined her all over and then pronounced gravely, 'I got news for you, Miss Granger. You''re pregnant.' At that news Hermione fainted on the spot, and when she finally came round a few minutes later she asked 'Oh, dear - am i really pregnant?' - 'Of course not!' she said 'But it has cured your hiccups, hasn't it?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ron
Ron who?
Ron for your life, it's you know who
What has fourteen legs and can't fly for toffee?
The Hufflepuff Quidditch Team
Where do you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleevey
Why does Dobby keep criticizing himself?
He has low Elf-estem
Which broomstick is the absolute pits?
The direbolt
What lies on the floor of Voldemort's barber's?
The Hair of Slytherin
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Youno
Youno who?
Got it in one
A herbology teacher called Sprout
Had to ask all her students to shout
As over the years
She'd got soil in her ears
And now couldn't get it back out
There once was a Chaser called Randall
Whose temper caused many a scandal
He would loop, swoop and zoom
On his super cool broom
Then lose it and fly of the handle
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sirius
Sirius who?
Sirius-ly open the door
Which side of Fluffy the three headed dog is it best to stay on?
The outside
Harry: Hedwig's lost her voice
Hermione: Oh dear, is she terribly upset?
Harry: No, she doesn't give a hoot.
some of these r kinda stupid but wat ev
Who's there?
Ron
Ron who?
Ron for your life, it's you know who
What has fourteen legs and can't fly for toffee?
The Hufflepuff Quidditch Team
Where do you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleevey
Why does Dobby keep criticizing himself?
He has low Elf-estem
Which broomstick is the absolute pits?
The direbolt
What lies on the floor of Voldemort's barber's?
The Hair of Slytherin
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Youno
Youno who?
Got it in one
A herbology teacher called Sprout
Had to ask all her students to shout
As over the years
She'd got soil in her ears
And now couldn't get it back out
There once was a Chaser called Randall
Whose temper caused many a scandal
He would loop, swoop and zoom
On his super cool broom
Then lose it and fly of the handle
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Sirius
Sirius who?
Sirius-ly open the door
Which side of Fluffy the three headed dog is it best to stay on?
The outside
Harry: Hedwig's lost her voice
Hermione: Oh dear, is she terribly upset?
Harry: No, she doesn't give a hoot.
some of these r kinda stupid but wat ev
Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel. Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.
How many trolls does it take to light up a wand?ANS: Only one, but he's got to dig it out of his nose first.
How many members of the infamous Trio does it take to light a wand?ANS: All three of them. Harry to light the wand, Ron to be jealous of his wand-lighting ability, and Hermione to give the complete history of wands and the 'Lumos' spell.
Snape needed extra money, so he posed in front of a Muggle camera, holding up a bottle of shampoo with a dour expression. 'Use this. Or look like me,' he said, his right eye twitching.
Why was Professor Quirrel kicked out of the beauty contest?ANS:He had voldeWART on the back of his head!
List of Sequels:-# Harry Potter and the Revenge of Montezuma
# Harry Potter and the Sorcerer from NAMBLA
# Harry Potter and the Unexplainable Wad of Tissues
How many Knight Bus conductors does it take to light up a wand?
None, they've got those cool headlights.....
None, they've got those cool headlights.....
Britons are losing their grip on reality, according to a poll out Monday which showed that nearly a quarter think Winston Churchill was a myth while the majority reckon Sherlock Holmes was real.The poll also showed that one-third of Brits think Harry Potter is the prime minister.
J.K. Rowling sank into a deep depression after completing the final 'Harry Potter' book. Mainly because the money-printing press is grinding to a halt.
I was reading "Mein Kampf" today. If you've never heard of it, it's a book written by Hitler. And it kinda sucks. Hitler was a pretty crappy writer.
That's probably good, cuz what if Hitler was an awesome writer?
You'd run into your friends in bookstores and you'd say "Hey man, whatcha readin'?" "New Harry Potter, how bout you?"
"...New Hitler. Look I know what you're thinking, he killed 6 million jews...but the man was a wordsmith. He was a GENIUS...and not just at killing non-aryans."
If Hitler was a great writer he would have never killed all those jews, he would have just written novels. Granted they'd be novels ABOUT killing jews.
J.K. Rowling has said she may kill off Harry Potter in the last book of the series, so that no one else can ever write another sequel.
In response, millions of children have said that they may kill off J.K. Rowling, so that no one else can ever destroy their innocence and crush their souls again.
An example of Harry's pastimes[image error]
Rumours say some author was writing a personal sequel after the 2nd book. The cover the author made was somehow leaked onto the net.Want to see it???
The Weasleys look excellent in their new gear while travelling
((those aren't jokes, they're pictures!))
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
None — wizards don’t use electricity!
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
None — wizards don’t use electricity!
(yeah thats wat i was thinking and that bad cough one has already been put up)
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
Why was Professor Quirrel kicked out of the beauty contest?
He had voldeWART on the back of his head!
Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.
Why was Professor Quirrel kicked out of the beauty contest?
He had voldeWART on the back of his head!
Dipto wrote: "((those aren't jokes, they're pictures!))"
((And you copied this joke, it has already been submitted))
Mr.Weasly accidentally took a potion which caused beard to sprout all over his face. There was no antidote so Hermione kindly gave him an antique manual shaver. Instead of using it to shave his beard, he was seen shaving GRASS with it
The Dark Lord a.k.a Voldy decided to update his appearance to camouflage his presence. The result:-
I think that the dark lord has become toooo dark
message 36:
by
Tiffany , Is not active as of this current moment but is proud of you guys
(new)
Mod
Her just asked Hermione where her parents were.
Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? O live Harry Potter!
Knock Knock
Whos There?
Voldy
Voldy Who?
Voldy go KABOM!
Whos There?
Voldy
Voldy Who?
Voldy go KABOM!
Knock, Knock
Whos there?
Its me, Harry
It's me.Harry who?
No i am harry!!!
Whos there?
Its me, Harry
It's me.Harry who?
No i am harry!!!
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Volde-
Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it goes for the last book if u say uknow whos name u get killed get it
Who's there?
Volde-
Sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it goes for the last book if u say uknow whos name u get killed get it
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Hermione,
Hermione who?
Hermione or your life!
Who's there?
Hermione,
Hermione who?
Hermione or your life!
Knock, knock,
Who's there?
Gryffindors,
Gryffindors who?
If Gryff's indoors, can he come out to play?
Who's there?
Gryffindors,
Gryffindors who?
If Gryff's indoors, can he come out to play?
There was a young wizard called Ron,
whose spells would often go wrong.
Whilst trying to apparate,
his clothes would evaporate,
and all hopes of concealment were gone
whose spells would often go wrong.
Whilst trying to apparate,
his clothes would evaporate,
and all hopes of concealment were gone
Knock knock
Who's there?
Sirius
Of course I'm serious, you think I'm going to open the door without knowing who's there?!
Who's there?
Sirius
Of course I'm serious, you think I'm going to open the door without knowing who's there?!
Knock, knock *hagrids door*
Who s there, is it harry?
Is what Hairy?
Who s there, is it harry?
Is what Hairy?
Mod
This topic has been frozen by the moderator. No new comments can be posted.
All you have to do is post a joke about HP and the funniest one wins! It's that simple!
Rules
The joke has to be about HP
Keep it clean
Try and make it as funny as possible
When the winner is decided we will give them a 2 week trial as Mod. If they are no good we will have to let them go.
Closing date 29th May at Midnight. (winner will be announced within the followin week)
Post your entries here.
If you have questions or comments about the posted jokes post them in the comments discussion.
Good Luck everyone!