The Story That Ends & Begins Again (no word limit)

[Rithmatist]

Beeb remembers that day - on the 4th of July A Breath of Snow and Ashes sweeps in on the sets of BEEB's filming. Terror takes place by the arrival of The 65 Great Spine Chillers...

[Roger]

and he wasn't sure why but it tasted of American Pie.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

He got chummy with the crew filming Monty Python's Flying Circumcision. He talked to Eric because the rest of the crew was busy but Eric was idle.

[Preston, Moderator]

Idle Eric was kind of cute for a straight guy and he was a heck of a mohel. Time to cook up the guy's lunch said Eric. Beeb ask what's for lunch and Eric stuttered bris.. foreski.. bris.. bris.. a nice brisket. Fresh too!

[Roger]

Beeb looked deeply puzzled for a moment, but then his face cracked into a smile (painfully from ear to ear). "Ah, you'r referring to that great band with their relaxing luncheon-time strains." Eric idly stirred his brisket-au-pôt, his turn to look puzzled. "You know," said Beeb brightly, "Sticky Fingers and the Four Skins!"

[Macky]

Whose greatest hit was "kiss me quick and don't spare the tongue" a haunting melody that became the most played song when cooking brisket-au-pôt. Sticky was a heartthrob of his time and his fan club was legendary. The Four Skins reformed for a one off gig at Gastonbury..

[Preston, Moderator]

So Idol Eric and the Beeb ate the brisket which was so tasty they started tasting the available raw bris, bris, bris, brisket leftovers on each other .

[Macky]

What a greasy mess they were! Idol Eric thought that Beeb was eating the bris bris bris brisket quite briskly.

[Preston, Moderator]

So briskly it made him tingle and squirm.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

[timex watch commercial blocks out the adult erotic scene so the next thing we hear his is Beeb saying]

"Was it good for you too?" to which Idol Eric replied "Got to go now, I'm needed on the set of Monty Python's Flying Circumcision and on the way out the door mumbled an insincere sounding, "I'll call you sometime."

[Roger]

"Who's an idle Idol?" Monty yodelled as Eric entered stage-left to shouted applause, narrowly dodging Terry G's huge foot as it slammed to the boards. "Roundhead or Cavalier?" Monty demanded as he brandished his Flying Circumcision with wicked glee. Idol Eric wiped with the back of his hand the last of the brisket greece and a trailing image of sad Beeb. Only then did he deign a response, and opened his mouth to say,

[Preston, Moderator]

"I'm a yankee doodle dandy. I'm a yankee doodle boy. A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the 4th of July. He's my yankee doodle sweetheart. He's my yankee doodle boy."

And Beeb soberly finished the thought, "Yankee Doodle came to London just to ride the ponies. I am that Yankee Doodle Boy."

"Cut" shouted the 4⅓ assistant director.

Eric was idle again but ran to the Beeb and swept him up in the air kissing repeatedly only stopping to say, "Brilliant mate. Just brilliant. That was the best performance ever!" Beeb's head was spinning in confused excitement when Eric turned, said, well like I said old chap, I'll give you a call sometime. Idle Eric ran over to the 6 ⅜ assistant director and swept him off his feet and fed him some brisket tartare.

[Preston, Moderator]

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

It's time to start a new story.

Who will start the story?

[Roger]

Imram Pansjir raised his trusty jezail to his shoulder, took careful aim, and squeezed the trigger. A few hundred yards away, a young white man riding a gray mare, flung up his arms and fell from the saddle. It was just another day in the Swat Valley. Imram made his way home, where his boyfriends would be cooking a nice flat bread for his breakfast.

[Preston, Moderator]

Imram walked into the house and said. "Hi honeys, I'm home" and kissed his boyfriends one, two, three.

[Roger]

the law allowed him a polygamous relationship, and there they were, his honeys: Anoushirvan; Behrang; and Dehqan. (Imran was collecting on an alphabetical basis, but he didn't have a boyfriend beginning with C, because there isn't a Pashtoon name beginning with C, however, he was eagerly working on a lad named Esfandyar and on his friend Fariborz. Gitl had applied and Imran had placed him on the waiting to be tried list…)

[Preston, Moderator]

Whenever he talked of Gitl he called him Fairboyz because his features were so fine and fair and pretty. The very thought of him got Imram excited but the to-be-tried test was so difficult he worried that Fairboyz wouldn't pass.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

So he delayed adding Fariborz to his stable though he be a very able young men all eager to please him. One day he was browsing in the slave market and found a young man with a jewel on his nostril named Chargul ((چارګل) brother of Chinar (چنار) who was known for being as tall as a tree and was a friend of Smarmy Vane who the infidels called Harry.

[Source of Pashtoon male names with a C is at:
http://www.khyber.org/culture/names/b...]

[Roger]

[The Research Capability Award, with bar and three ribbons, goes to B.V.Walker for dereliction of duty beyond the call of reason]

Chinar (چنار) found his friendship with Captain Harry difficult in as much as even on his knees he towered head and shoulders above everyone he knew, including sweet Fairboiz (his brother Chargul ((چارګل)) was only as tall as a casuarina tree and found conversation with his friends a tad simpler).

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

Imram bought the freedom of چارګل and چنار and told them they were no longer slaves for which they were forever grateful. Realizing there would be certain problems being serviced with pleasuring by the tall one or the small one he bought them camels and sent them on their way to find fame and fortune and one day to repay the kindness shown to them by Imram.

[Roger]

[Oh, snuffle… that is just soo beautiful…}

چارګل and چنار wended their weary way westward, wondering whether the weather would wend their way or help them. The camels…

[Preston, Moderator]

swung and swayed as they rode off into the sunset.

(I expect this scenario to be included in Haary's Great Trek.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

A satisfying day but time to wend his way home to his husbands one, two, three. Imram called out "Hi honey's I'm home" but there was no reply. What happened to Anoushirvan, Behrang, and Dehqan?

[Roger]

Aghast in Afghanistan, Imram searched hi and lo for Anoushirvan, Behrang, and Dehqan, but in Vane. And Imram hailed his friend Harry: "Oh Haary, where have my honeys gone?" Harry raised a silent hand (his ventriloquist skills were pretty poor) and pointed. Imram looked, gasped, almost fainted in shock at the sight of the dreaded Giant Roc, flapping over the Hindu Kush with what looked like three tiny figures in its wicked claw.

[Preston, Moderator]

What to do? What to do? In the distance camels swaying, slowly slogging nearer. Could it be? It was چارګل and چنار who Imram has given their freedom. Chinar (چنار) who was known for being as tall as a tree and was a friend of Smarmy Vane who the infidels called Harry and the young man with a jewel on his nostril named Chargul (چارګل) was his brother. They had come to repay the kindness shown to them by Imram. (Everyone knew they would do this return favor because Oh, snuffle… it was just soo beautiful.)

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

Seeing Chinar standing there as tall as a tree the fabulous bird flew to his shoulder and built a nest where it laid an egg that was as hard as a rock. Having dropped the honey boys in favor of nest making the roc was no longer interested in them so they ran to Imram and pleasured him one two three just like in a by the numbers M/M romance.

[Roger]

It may have been by the numbers, but sadly not by the book, and as a military man, the one called Vane Haary, took the three loving boys to task and made them run around the perimeter of the dusty maidan until their feet bled, while poor Imram had to look on, while the great roc brooded over its rock on Chinar's tall shoulder.

[Roger]

Fortune smiled upon the fair land of Khorasan. The high snows melted, the sunshine shone, and Imran sang: "The spring is sprung, the grass is ris, I wonder where the boydies is?" And from on high Chinar sang down: "Look, the boyd is on the wing." (Even though they're in the midst of the Hindu Kush, they learned their English in New Joysey). And Imran answered: "But Chinar that's absoid, I thought the wing was on the boyd?"

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

A telegram arrived straight from Abbot and Costello,
Stop doing our act unless you'd like to be punchinello.

[Roger]

Hah, hah, hah, cried Chinar to imram, the boid is on the rhyme,
it's taken to poetry and doesn't realise punchinello is a mime.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

Mime he may be, but hooked nosed too,
Wouldn't want to be him and neither would you.

[Preston, Moderator]

Chinar stood for as very long time waiting for the roc's stone egg to hatch. He started branching out. He wanted to leave but he found he had put down roots and couldn't move. Chinar was no more for he had turned into a tree.

[Roger]

Stuck in the ground, as he was, how frustrating for Chinar to see the Roc's egg hatch out a pretty little Rockette.

[Preston, Moderator]

All the dancers at Radio City Music Hall said "awww".

[Roger]

(sorry::: message 182 keeps cracking me up…)

Orson Welles scooped the Rockette and flew him to Radio City (but the serious side where Comrade Kane worked) and promised the fledgling a starring role is his radio play The Day The Earth Stood Still, which so frightened the nation panic ensued.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

But instead he put the dancer on the radio as voice a actor in H.G. Wells The War of the Worlds which so frightened the nation panic ensued. He was a fickle man.

[Roger]

Orson Welles and Herbert George Wells discovered a mutual adoration of fiction designed to scare the bejeezus out of ignorant farming folk who gathered about their large vacuum-tube wireless sets (their fickle sickles set aside for the night) and went into business with two brothers called Warner.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

In the Rockettes red glare, bombs bursting in air, the roc chick marched round and round looking for its mother. The only one there with a confident air was Smarmy Vane Haary so he was baby rocs mummy. This worked well for a while till the rockette grew and grew and...

[Roger]

and grew until the fledgling became a fully fledged Roc, with handsome fledges up and down its giant wings. It opened its massive beak to say "dada" but out came Smarmy Vane's name: "Haary Krishna", it croaked.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

It's head was still soft boiled it would take awhile to become hard as a rock

[Roger]

Imran recalled the wise words of guru Delia Smith: perfect soft-boiled, place the egg in cold water and bring to the boil with a teaspoon of salt to even the osmotic pressure. Remove once at the boil, stand one minute and serve. hard-boiled, repeat the procedure but allow to stand precisely 13 minutes, then refresh under cold water until cool.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

And there was he without a watch.

[Roger]

Oh, damn! But Imram was no fool. He ran to Chinar and begged a branch, which Chinar reluctantly handed over. Imram plunged the branch in the ground and then marked off the hours and minutes of the day in the sand and let the sun tell him when his Roc egg was done.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

Too bad it was a rainy day.

[Preston, Moderator]

Instinctively Chindar knew his pulse rate so he put a branch to his trunk and used his 110 beats per minute to give Imran the timing for precisely 13 minutes.



[@Roger: Chindar is such a selfless and nice man-tree he must appear in Haary's Great Trek]

[Roger]

[@Preston: I'll try and work him in]

All the gods in heaven raised their hands to the sky to cry out against the negative attitude of the Great Boyd (the one on the wing) who would so drag humanity down by disallowing the opportunity to boil an egg properly.

[Boyd, Hunk of hunky burning passion]

{cowering]

[Roger]

Come out, come out from behind that sun dial, cried the great Roc. Your sins are forgiven (and to make up, please accept this beautiful gem-encrusted Patek-Philippe wristwatch).

[Preston, Moderator]