Complaint Department discussion
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The Story That Ends & Begins Again (no word limit)
You mean Sleepy Hollow Lake and the Headless Horseman are for real!? And there was me thinking they were a figment of a Hollywood movie mogul's mind.I rather fancy a fig right now, even a fig that meant well. My Uncle Harold enjoyed the odd fig (even some even ones), but he always got embarrassed when people put him in the Lord's Prayer…
Our Father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name…
Really? God's name is Harold? I am pretty certain it wasn't your late uncle or he might have stayed around longer. So that's where those "God is Dead" rumors started. I thought maybe he was a Grateful Dead fan. Live and learn as they say. So does God use a mouse or a trackpad? Have him tell which came first the chicken or the egg? Where did Jesus' step-father Joseph disappear to? Who-put-the-bop-in-the-bop-shoo-bob-sho-bop? Why is the ocean blue?
That's easy – the ocean is blue because it's feeling sad. You will remember the problem Chris Parker had when she went babysitting and they wouldn't let her out of a Chicago music club, where the singer told her: "No one gets outta here widout singin de Blues." ("Adventures in Babysitting" 1987)And otherwise (typing this with my right hand while my left is being literary) I've no idea, so who did put-the-bop-in-the-bop-shoo-bob-sho-bop?
butterfly or buttercup ?The Right Hand of Evil or Child of My Right Hand
1. My father is gay.
2. Packing Groceries was my favorite job.
3. I sleep in fetal position.
light sleeper
light switch
cage
rage
sage
So they all got caught up in playing games so no business got done and many things fell by the way.
#2 Because I know how much you adore packing groceries, especially hot rotisserie chicken, and I'd go for light (but regular) sleeper, and definitely "sage" (Are you going to Scarborough Fair?)Buttercups do look pretty, but they're also pretty damn tough to get out of the ground in the garden and they spread like wildfire, so I would opt for butterfly any day.
The day is grey but I'm waiting for the sun to break through and turn Ridgemount into a fairytale castle of red-golden brick and dreaming chimney spires.
Don't forget red clay roof ridges,They look like little elfin bridges.
Speaking of fairy tales we wuz wondering if we could borrow your house because we're running out of room. Jackie Horner is taking up a whole corner. Little Bo Peep came with a big flock of sheep. Mary, Mary said lets have a party so she called on the Old Woman in the Shoe, Peter Piper's daughter said I think we oughter to make the kiddies glad. So that's bigger than Disney World now. As you can see there is quite a need for space else the fairv tales would all spill out all over and make a public disaster. So might we borrow Goodmount, I mean Mountridge, oh dear me Ridgemount? "No?" "No!" You old bastard you've been hanging around that grouchy Tom too long.
Ridgemount, as the highest spot in the land, is in fact a fairy castle, though fairies are not allowed, especially not faery-queens (cousins to those dastardly Dairy Queens, which we don't allow in England anyway).I was having a chat the other day with the West Wind, who blows in from time to time from across the Atlantic, usually bringing us a spot of weather from the magic-land of Albany, and he was telling me that he felt like a good thunder. I said, "Let me lighten your mood," so I did the lightning and he thundered for a while.
Tomorrow, it's the turn of the East Wind.
it could not blow east because itv would blow to France and the French insisted on giving everything it's French name so instead of computer we get ordinateur. And instead of Internet we get l'Internet because it's a masculine noun. And instead of the exciting election we, no matter the party, chef du gouvernement. Yet Camera hasn't cooked up anything since the Greek spinach pie which was supposed to return cash but it was really real spinach instead of the allegorical green money honey pic sweetie pie I love you and nobody else I can't help myself…(I'll spare you the Youtube version of the song).
I had a friend who didn't give a thank-you for fresh spinach, gently steamed in its own juice with a touch of butter, or baby-leaf in a salad. Oh no, he would only ever eat his spinach straight from a can. He liked his spinach this way so much he never had the time to use a can opener, he just squeezed the sides of the can and squeezed, and squeezed until the lid blew off and the pre-cooked Spinacia oleracea exploded down his gullet. Yum.On a rare occasion he might empty the contents into a bowl and lightly dress it with some Olive Oyl.
Virgin Olive Oyl? Was her hymen inspected like they did to Kate before she could marry her Prince? If she were to marry the performer formerly know as Prince who has returned to using Prince as his name she could have been a rockin' rollin' wanton woman by why would Kate want to marry Prince is she had wanton soup and those crispy wanton noodles, the Chinese equivalent of potato chips also known as crisps not to be confused with Rice Krispies that go Snap, Crackle, Pop. 
One day Snap, Crackle, and Pop went to Wang Twang's House of Wantons to see if they tasted better than a bowl of wantons. So they sat down and took the bowl of wantons and poured milk into it then put sugar on top and found it tasted awful. So Snap, Crackle, and Pop were happy that they tasted better than wantons and they jumped back on the box of Kellogg's Rice Crispies.
Snap, Crackle, and Pop are just wantons…wanton
ˈwɒntən
adjective
1.
(of a cruel or violent action) deliberate and unprovoked.
"sheer wanton vandalism"
synonyms: deliberate, wilful, malicious, malevolent, spiteful, vicious, wicked, evil, cruel; More
antonyms: justifiable
2.
(especially of a woman) sexually immodest or promiscuous.
"her cheeks burned as she recalled how forward she had been, how wanton"
synonyms: promiscuous, immoral, loose, immodest, indecent, shameless, unblushing, unchaste, unvirtuous, fast, of easy virtue, impure, abandoned, lustful, lecherous, lascivious, salacious, lubricious, libidinous, licentious, libertine, profligate, dissolute, dissipated, debauched, degenerate, reprobate, corrupt, sinful, whorish, disreputable
"a wanton seductress"
antonyms: chaste, moral
3.
literary
growing profusely; luxuriant.
"where wanton ivy twines"
lively; playful.
"a wanton fawn"
nounarchaic
noun: wanton; plural noun: wantons
1.
a sexually immodest or promiscuous woman.
"she'd behaved like a wanton"
verbarchaicliterary
verb: wanton; 3rd person present: wantons; past tense: wantoned; past participle: wantoned; gerund or present participle: wantoning
1.
play; frolic.
"the sea breeze wantoned among the quivering leaves of the chestnut tree"
2.
behave in a sexually immodest or promiscuous way.
"women who have wantoned with suitors"
I don't know about rhyming but one thing's telling…I always got into trouble at school for my spelling.
OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY
wanton A Noun
1. What Snap, Crackle and Pop call wontons.
wanton ˈwɒntən adjective, noun, & verb. ME.
A adjective.
1
a Orig. (of a person), undisciplined,ungoverned; unmanageable,rebellious. Later spec. (of a boy),childishly cruel or unruly. ME.
b† Of an animal: skittish, refractory;unmanageable. m16–m18.
a Sir W. Scott The poor bird, around whose wing some wanton boy has fixed a line.
2 Of a person (orig. only of a woman),thought, action, etc.: lustful, sexually promiscuous. Formerly also, flirtatious.lME.E. Ferber With a gesture utterly unpremeditated, wanton, overpowering, she threw her arms about his neck. fig.: Shakes. Mids. N. D. To see the sails conceive, And grow big-bellied with the wanton wind.
3
a† Of a person: jovial, inclined to joking; carefree. lME–m16.
b Of a young animal: frisky,frolicsome. Chiefly poet. m16.
c Of colour or music: cheerful, lively.Now poet. l16.
d Of an object: moving freely as if alive; unrestrained. poet. l16.
4 Orig. of wealth, clothing, or diet, later of a way of life: luxurious, extravagant. Also(of a person or action), petulant, spoiled;self-indulgent. lME.P. Ackroyd He meditates on misery living side-by-side with wanton excess.
5
a Of a person: insolent in triumph or prosperity; reckless; merciless. e16.
b Of cruelty, violence, etc.:unprovoked and reckless; gratuitous.m17.
b J. Bryce Tyranny consists in the wanton and improper use of strength by the stronger. Independent The wanton destruction of so much of this continent's…fauna.
6† Fastidious or dainty in appetite. m16–e18.
7 Profuse in growth; luxuriant. poet. l16.
8† Of speech, imagination, etc.:extravagant, impetuous, unrestrained.l17–m18.
B noun.
1† A person treated with overindulgence and excessive leniency; esp. a spoilt or pampered child. e16–m17.
2 play the wanton, †play the wantons,dally, trifle; formerly also, behave lecherously or lasciviously. arch. e16.
3 A lascivious or lecherous person. m16.L. Mann She had been a wanton anxious to deck herself out in deceitful finery.
4† A playful or skittish animal or bird (or, orig., child). l16–e19.
C verb. Now arch. or literary.
1
a verb intrans. & trans. (with it). Play amorously or lasciviously (with a person). l16.
b verb intrans. Esp. of a child or young animal: play idly (with another);frolic unrestrainedly, gambol. l16.
c verb intrans. Go idly or move freely( around, up and down , etc.). Also,spend one's time carelessly. l16.
2
a verb intrans. & trans. (with it). Run into excesses or extravagances of conduct or living; revel (in a course of action). m17.
b verb intrans. Indulge in extravagances of language or thought. m17.
c verb intrans. Of nature, a garden, a plant, etc.: flourish profusely or extravagantly; grow or ramble at will.m17.
c W. E. Gosse Untrimmed brambles wantoned into the likeness of trees.
3 verb intrans. & trans. (with away ). Deal carelessly or wastefully with (resources etc.); spend (time, resources, etc.)carelessly or wastefully. m17.J. Pratt A minister has no right to wanton away the support of his family.
wantoner noun (rare) a person given to wanton behaviour e19.
wantonize verb
a verb intrans. (arch.) dally, sport, frolic;indulge in lasciviousness;
b verb trans. (rare) make wanton:
l16.
ORIGIN: from wan- + Old English togen pa. pple oftēon discipline, train, from Germanic base rel. to that of team noun.
With company stock prices slipping Kellog's® told Snap, Crackle and Pop they had to get second jobs so with all the immigrants arriving on British shores thanks to the EU, they got jobs teaching English As A Second Language with a specialty in spelling. They asked their friend Calude to help and he began teaching. He drew a bunny on the whiteboard and taught the class how to spell rabit.
It's not nice to make fun of persons who can't spell rabit proply, especially when they know that you can't have wantons in soup. A wantonized soup is a soup with too much character, and really you don't want your soup to start pole dancing… it can get messy.
The Morris Pole Dancers giving an exhibition at the Ludlow Food Festival accidentally stepped danced into Stanton's display of books celebrating Seafood Soup Recipes collected by Chowder and Marching Societies.
Joined by the Morris Pole Dancers were the Morris Theatrical Actors doing their "human statue" performance, who bravely fought to keep the expressions of amusement off their faces upon witnessing the upheaval of Stanton's book display.
Stanton was a notorious enemy of the theat-ah, having thrown tomatoes at the actor playing Sandra Dee in Morris Theatre's 2009 performance. When questioned by the public afterward, Stanton replied he really hated the lyrics in "Hopelessly Devoted to You".
Stanton was not a sentimental man. Indeed, he was rather heartless. So it gave the "human statue" actors a great deal of happiness to see Stanton's book display disrupted by a renegade band of pole dancers. But as they were human statues, they had to keep their emotions in check, to maintain the illusion of the performance.
Stanton was a notorious enemy of the theat-ah, having thrown tomatoes at the actor playing Sandra Dee in Morris Theatre's 2009 performance. When questioned by the public afterward, Stanton replied he really hated the lyrics in "Hopelessly Devoted to You".
Stanton was not a sentimental man. Indeed, he was rather heartless. So it gave the "human statue" actors a great deal of happiness to see Stanton's book display disrupted by a renegade band of pole dancers. But as they were human statues, they had to keep their emotions in check, to maintain the illusion of the performance.
Maintaining the illusion of the performance The Great Stantonio waved his wand and the Morris Pole dancers became scarecrows and the Morris Theatrical Actors were turned into stone. But what is this? Another illusion? Stantonio said the magic words Alluding to Aleutian Islanders and the Stoned actors turned into old black crows and one by one flew away cawing Claw Clau Claudius and went off to watch the Emperor sit in the cornfield writing the history of Emperor Stantonius which soon lined the shelves of the bookstore.
Imperator Caesar Marcus Ulpius fili Nerva Traianus Avgvstvs Stantonius approved a senatus consultum banning both pole dancers and Aleutian Islanders from performing cultural displays of local music and dancing in Ludlow Market square during the hours of daylight with the exception of the third market day of months containing the letter R. For the better part of his working day he stared gravely at Robert Graves, who was ghost-writing the Imperator's much acclaimed The Complete Chronicle Of The Emperors Of Rome.
Meanwhile author Roger Kean had just completed his magnum opus and his other magnum opus I, Claudius and Claudius the God and His Wife Messalina when he decided to change Messalina's name to Messarounda. The project was shelved because Alex couldn't find his deadline calendar and the books were lost to the ages.Instead The Boys of Imperial Rome Five Volume Set went into it's seventh printing on the Ides of March but due to a delay in the illustrations wasn't released until Germany's July Gay Pride Month Parade on the 4th of July. Oli's Uncle Sam rushed the final artwork to Berlin in the hope of rescuing Roger Kean's Claudian Tomes but all was lost when Stanton ran into Alex at the Ludlow Market Square Festival and attempted to hold him hostage until Brüno Gmunder sent and autographed dildo from Bruno.com.
Unfortunately Alex, Stanton, Bruno and I started reading draft pages of the Twisted Gay Blade of The Arena by Zack and I forgot to continue the story that ends and begins again.
"This is just all too much for me," qoth Johannus Sebastianus Bacchus, who was having an annus horibilis, having just discovered that not only Pluto but also Uranus had been de-planeted by Astronomer Rick. Uranus was his muse, the embodiment of all the glorious water organ music he wrote and played. "My Fugius in D will never be the same," he bewailed.In consolation Imperator Caesar Marcus Ulpius fili Nerva Traianus Avgvstvs Stantonius commissioned JSB to write the score for the next instalment of Titan Wars: The Arena Fights Back starring Flaccus the Force, whose catchphrase "May the Spatha be with you" drips from every lip.
Rick wrote: "Say what?"He said, ""This is just all too much for me," qoth Johannus Sebastianus Bacchus, who was having an annus horibilis, having just discovered that not only Pluto but also Uranus had been de-planeted by Astronomer Rick. Uranus was his muse, the embodiment of all the glorious water organ music he wrote and played. "My Fugius in D will never be the same," he bewailed.
In consolation Imperator Caesar Marcus Ulpius fili Nerva Traianus Avgvstvs Stantonius commissioned JSB to write the score for the next instalment of Titan Wars: The Arena Fights Back starring Flaccus the Force, whose catchphrase "May the Spatha be with you" drips from every lip."
Preston wrote: "Rick wrote: "Say what?" ..."
"There are rings around Uranus" or Why Pluto is NOT a planet. All the of the big gaseous planets have systems of rings that encircle them and moons that orbit them. So, yes, there are Rings around Uranus but those rings and moons don't make it a planet. Why is Uranus a planet? Well, when objects started popping out behind the orbit of Neptune it was realized that we were suddenly going to have either a butt load of new planets or we needed to refine our definition of what a planet is. This was not the first time this was done. When Ceres was discovered hidden among the debris of the asteroid belt, it was first labeled and cataloged as a planet. In my first astronomy text books that I had as a kid, Ceres was listed as a planet. Then I discovered that those were outdated textbooks, and that Ceres was just another asteroid. Boo hoo. Ceres isn't a planet anymore. As a kid I felt cheated. But I got over it. The problem is that so many ways that people wanted to use to categorize and define planets left Pluto out. Even we just went by mass, Pluto isn't even the most massive of those object beyond Neptune. Currently that distinction belongs to Eris (currently, there are probably lots more undiscovered objects out there).
So what is the current defnition of a planet? Well it boils down to three distinctions:
1) Does it orbit the sun?
2) Has it achieved hydrostatic equilibrium (basically is it roughly round)?
3) Has it tidied up it's orbit?
In the cases of Pluto, Ceres & Eris. The answers to #1 & #2 are yes, but for all three cases the answer to #3 is clearly NO. In other words you don't get the distinction of being called a planet unless you've been dilligent and removed the garbage and debris from your orbit. Ceres, being sequestered in the Asteroid Belt between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter hasn't cleaned it's room, er, I mean it's orbit. Eris & Pluto, out there in the dark at the edge of the Keipur Belt have also been lazy and not cleaned up the debris that is still left over from the formation of the solar system. Naughty Pluto. Naughty Eris. So even though Uranus has rings, it's beeen a good planet and cleaned up it's orbital path of debris and helped make the solar system a more beautiful place for all the other planets to share. Good job Uranus!
So why hasn't Pluto (and Eris and Ceres and all the others) cleaned up their orbital paths? Gravity. Their mass isnt quite large enough to have the necessary effect on orbiting debris. So Pluto just travels around the sun and nudges things a bit, but usually not enough to push stuff out of the way. Pluto is still a member of our solar family, it's just even more special than being merely a planet.
Gosh!Erudition and science all together in the The Story That Ends & Begins Again (no word limit).
I think we might soon be able to find out for ourselves. I'm already booking my flight aboard Virgin Galactic's SPACE. Richard Branson says we'll do wonders for our planet from space… like shipping out all the unwanted immigrants, perhaps?
As to the truth—which as the saying goes, is out there—regarding the moon, the planets of the solar system and even the deep outer reaches of space (the final frontier) I recommend:
Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino
For a good time BEFORE the universe was created (time and space did not yet exist) your only hope for Qfwfq telling you how crowded it was is reading Cosmicomics.“Naturally, we were all there, - old Qfwfq said, - where else could we have been? Nobody knew then that there could be space. Or time either: what use did we have for time, packed in there like sardines?”Matter had not yet condensed thus this was a hard book for Italo Calvino to write because of course that meant he could not yet have a desk.
So Italo had to go be born in Santiago de Las Vegas, Cuba where, after a time, he could catch transportation to Italy. It is there where he could obtain a desk on which to write Cosmicomics. (Also Invisible Cities and If on a Winter's Night a Traveler and quite a few others like t zero).
After he got over his youthful hobby of making up these cheap pulp masterpieces of 20th Century fiction he finally got to work getting involved with a bad crowd.
"Italo, Italo don't you get mixed up in a bad crowd!" his mother shouted as Italo walked out the door in his white wife beater, black leather jacket, pegged black chinos, and some read nice Italian leather shoes made by his Uncle Milo.
Well of course he did just what his mother feared and he got mixed up in the company of Marco Polo, Kubla Kahn and The Baron in the Trees. These guys were also hanging out in the wrong side of the tracks where Italo's desk was ensconced. It had sconces on each corner and indeed these toughs hung out on street corners just waiting for the hustlers and robbers and drunkards to come along and buy books. Currently these thugs have found out that Qfwfq also appears in t zero and Forgotten power: Byzantium: Bulwark of Christianity so those two have hit number one on Amazon's Amazonian Ratings of books by Sahib R.M. Kean, Poet Lariat of the Cowboy Poetry Chowder and Marching Society.
http://www.cowboypoetry.com/sincenews...
That's easy for you say, but then "Cowboys are secretly fond of each other" as the song says.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hajTN...He passed out top of his class in lasso (steer grade) to join the Wolverhampton Rodeo and International Tatting Erotic Rotary (WRITER) club, and then moved to Italy where he bumped existentially into Italo Calvino (it was probably up a tree, though his memory is a little hazy about that, anyway it was on The Golden Bough somewhere). "I do remember discussing with Italo the inner meaning of the semi-colon, as employed by Jean-Paul Sartre in Iron in the Soul," he said. There was disappointment, however, for Italo refused to say much beyond words like "Qfwfq" or "Vhd Vhd" and even the inexplicable "Xlthlx."
It all made him feel like a boy again (he'd had one the day before).
"Inside every cowboy there's a lady that'd love to slip out" is offensive to me. Nelson's willie is full of bullcrap. Therefore I have requested Felix to pay him a visit and let Felix's alakazam work to join forces with Italo Calvino then wend it's way up Nelson's willie while zxxyv-ing and then yqqy-ing him. Nelson sang "Mammas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys make them be doctors and lawyers and such" because he didn't think doctors and lawyers and such had ladies inside them waiting to slip out.
This is why Nelson's willie sings all the freaked up songs instead of sticking to opera. Italo, tell the readers why. Italo steps up to the Kindle and says https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tJXj... which is really weird because Calvino didn't speak URL, just Italian with a Cuban accent.
So Robert Graves put on his funny straw hat and danced around outdoors of his home in Majorca reciting from his book The White Goddess: A Historical Grammar of Poetic Myth and said take that James George Frazer! Ha!
Roger wrote: It all made him feel like a boy again (he'd had one the day before). ""I'm so confused" said Flaccus Caepio. "I feel like a boy tonight but I wanted myself yesterday because I was one." Besides Roger make a laughing stock out of me when he wrote in that book that I didn't feel like a boy. Next he'll write me as an asexual character. Not even Rufio could save me. But soft what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun. Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon.
It is I Rufio and you are screwed because I'm no lady you old fart fireman. [The envious moon kills Juliet and Flaccus Caepio is arrested for the murder.]
Flaccus the Onion Seller learned a hard lesson in a small Texas town, which isn't really surprising because few in Paris could understand ancient Latin let alone Italo Calvino-style Cuban-Eytie, and besides, they were too busy avoiding hungry cars. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKrZ8...)Once he had donned his chaps and spurs, however, Chance Flaccus (as he renamed himself)became an aspiring poet lariat, a sheer joy to watch as he roped steers to the dexter and lady-steers to the sinister. Chauncey Flaccus was pretty partial to chaps, and bought drinks for as many as he could – always a good Falernian – and toasted a select few over a good roaring fire.
(Editorial note: he couldn't get rid of that yen for jolly blood sports in the arena.)
Willie Nelson wrote the song Ode to Chauncey Flatulence which made him famous throughout the land. From then on Chauncey Flatulence fell in love with music and formed his own band, The Rubber Band.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TE7YA...
There are worse things in this Universe, Yxwiff, thought than a rubber band song. Not even Flaccus the Onion Seller could come up with something as utterly loathsome—in a very folksy sense—than…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb63P...
Out this glorious tradition of John Deere tractor singing grew a new music called Rock and Roll and it was the end of life as we knew as everyone been came addicted to:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNcqV...
With Easter coming Flaccus just laid another onion and painted it decoratively so he could fill his Easter Basket to make the kiddies happy. Then when the basket was finished he started making a wind up music box which played this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5N1B...
God only knows where you found that little gem, Bar-Bar-Bar, Bar-Bra-Anne. John Elton is known to all, but I have a protected identity for my court appearance as a juror, a secret number known only to me,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7Cs-...
The werewolf was heartbroken to see the full moon rise. He knew he would have turn into a wild wolf and run amok killing beautiful women and tonight the most beautiful woman in miles was his beloved girlfriend. The poor werewolf had forgotten the dates of the the lunar phases when he and his gal planned their camping trip. Now came the day and the now came the risen revealed as the dark clouds cleared from the sky.
His body started getting furry and nails turned into claws and his canines grew and his brain turned primitive. He longed to her a woman's scream as he tore off her cloths in slashing motions with his paws. He needed a kill tonight. There she was so pale, so helpless, so sexy in her silk stocking and shiny black high heels. He opened his jaws and moved in for the kill with tears in his eyes for the gorgeous woman was his beloved.
She screamed louder hitting him with her black patent leather purse. He took each step achingly slowly as inclined his hairy head to sink his jaws into her pretty neck. He tried to hold himself back but he was turning more and more animal and less and less human as the skies cleared completely allowing the the big, round moon to shine on what should have been a love scene but was soon to be a tragedy.
Suddenly...
… Casey Cox paused, fingers hovering over her keyboard. Something was wrong, something she couldn't quite put her finger on (the one that wasn't twitching to hit a key and type another letter). What it is? What's wrong with this?, she wondered.And then, like a bolt of lightning from the muse of Zeus it struck her. Why was this furry, sharp-clawed, slavering, manly werewolf changeling about to tear his cruel fangs into a beloved woman?
NO! her muse screamed. He should be ripping his teeth into a juicy young man!
Her fingers flew into a frenzy of creativity, hitting keys all over the shop, and out came the words… "His body started getting furry and nails turned into claws and his canines grew and his brain turned primitive. He longed to her a man's scream as he tore off his already carefully frayed 501s in slashing motions with his paws. He needed a kill tonight. There he was so pale, so cute, so helpless, so sexy in his silk stockings and shiny black high heels. He opened his jaws and moved in for the kill with tears in his eyes for the gorgeous young man might have been his beloved.
He screamed louder hitting him with his black patent leather purse. He took each step achingly slowly as he inclined his hairy head to sink his jaws into his pretty neck. He tried to hold himself back but he was turning more and more animal and less and less human as the skies cleared completely allowing the the big, round moon to shine on what should have been a love scene but was soon to be a tragedy.
Suddenly...
She realized all those he and his got so scattered that it was difficult to tell whether she was writing about the werewolf or the boyfriend. Oh damn those heterosexuals have it so easy! Hmm… he? He was writing or rather rewriting a bulky sentence with several typos so he changed he to she and then when she screamed Roger put some teeth in her writing or was it his writing revising his manuscript he or they…
Wait, he or they? Wren is that you?
I'm not sure, but there are some wrens living in the lilac tree outside my window, neighbors to a charming family of chaffinches and blackbirds, plus a couple of robin redbreasts, both of whom make ideal beta readers because they are red-hot on typos and transliterations. The crows who inhabit the tall pine are pretty hot on spotting werewolves as well, especially the type who like to beat up their girl-boyfriends on a bright full moonlit night.And that's when the raven pecked at the window…
He read with increasing interest, Confessions of Dermatologist when he came to the chapter on the charming family of chafing Finches. The Finch family was all experiencing chafing under their arms every man jack one of them only the family wasn't all men and all of them were not named Jack. Five of the six family members were male and only four were named jack. The other two were named Jackanapes nicknamed Jackie and were actually tamed monkeys while the first four were untamed. The dermatologist told the Finch family that he was certain it must be a food allergy and requested they write down all the foods they ate. He gave each a piece of paper on which they all wrote bananas.
After the doctor examined the lists intently he went over them again examining the lists intensely then said, "Hmmm."
"What? What is it? What is it doctor? Is it serious?" asked Jackie the younger. "Jackie," the doctor started to say at which he heard two voices say, "Yes?"
The doctor began again. "Jackie, the elder is that a banana you are holding under your arm?" to which he received an affirmative reply. "Is that the arm that is chafed?" Jackie the elder nodded.
The dermatologist said, "Ahem" He addressed the entire assembled Finch family. "Is that the arm with which you all hold your bananas and is that the arm that chafes?"
They all nodded. They said in unison, "Tell us doc is it curable?"
"Did you all recently switch to bendy bananas when the UK left the EU?"
The Jacks and Jackies all nodded looking thoughtful then their faces slowly showed signs of recognition of the problem."
The dermatologist spoke softly. "I don't want to scare you but I have no idea what is going on here. I'm referring you to Hereford.
As the charming family of chafed Finches sat outside Hereford hospital waiting for the train back to Ludlow after they had just missed one on the way to stop, Jack said "You think if the answer was they were human doctors so they needed to refer us to a veterinarian you'd think dermatologist could have told us."
On the Monday after Mothering Sunday when the monkeys returned from the veterinarian in Ludlow Jackie sighed and moaned "You think they could have told us before we got to the clinic that they only treated charming families of chaffinches and a charming family of monkeys had to see the vet in Hereford.
They moved to Belgium.
Coming soon: The entire Finch Family is elected to the European Commission and Jackanapes the Elder is elected President of the European Commission
And we begin again, again...
… there was a young lad named Jason who desperately wanted to ride on the The Flying Scotsman, but to his great sadness he was told by older and wiser minds that the age of steam was long ago ended (it was something to do with health and safety). Whenever anyone asked what he wanted to be when he grew up he replied, "Choo-chho, I want to be an engine driver." But instead he had to stand near the station and watch the boring diesel trains go by.And then one day a miracle happened, the Nerds of Nerdfordshire raised enough funds to buy and renovate Flying Scotsman, the locomotive that had once pulled The Flying Scotsman. Jason jumped up and down in glee while downing a pint of cider in the Argonaut, his favorite pub (he was now nineteen). Everyone smiled at Jason's happiness. Now all he had to do was wait until the Nerds had fixed Flying Scotsman and found the original railway cars it pulled.
But Jason just couldn't wait. He just couldn't!
It was okay though because he had a few errands to run. Jason had a thing for Heracles and so he gathers the guys from that cider pub the Argonaut. They all took off on the back of Jason's buddy Chiron who was a pretty fast runner. Chiron had to take a leak so he swam in the sea looking damn near like a ship.Meanwhile Jason decideed to get a present for Heracles but didn't know what to get. Heracles had a bundle of money Zeus gave him at his high school graduation so he didn't need anything . Jason was a smart guy though because he knew that Heraclease had a soft spot for Zeke Candy.
Jason went to Zeke and asked him if he needed anything. Candy said well I have just plain old regular fleas like any other dog so I want something different. Can you get me some Golden Fleas? Jason could and he and the argonauts did and Zeke was happy. When Zeke Candy is happy Heracles is happy and when Heracles is happy Jason is happy and when Jason and Heracles are both happy you get a Male/Male romance.
What else could anyone asked for?
"Just hold it there!" declaimed the Minotaur. "I hate HEA endings, which is all a labyrinthine beast can expect of M/M Romance."Somebody — probably smug Jason — had tied the poor thing up in string when attempting to escape the Minor Taur's amorous advances (well, you know how big bulls can be). Besides, while searching for the Golden Fleas for Zeke Candy, Jason had run faster than the Flying Scotsman could puff its way to the dragon's lair and almost run down ickle lickle Icarus, who was sprawled on the grassy knoll bawling his pretty little eyes out. Jason was puzzled at first as to the cause of such an Olympian outpouring of grief, until he spotted a couple of melted wings lying some paces off.
"Effing Apollo melted the wax of my wings," Icarus managed between gusts of tears. "And I fell down. The myths said I'd land in water and be okay, but oh no, here I am, broken upon the ground."
At that moment his tears, which had wetted the fertile ground, spawned demons. The demons sprang up wherever an Icaran tear touched the grass.
Jason gave a humongous sigh worthy of Hercales and drew his blade.
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Books mentioned in this topic
Lassie Come-Home (other topics)A Life Apart (other topics)
Wrath of Seth (other topics)
Wife to Mr. Milton (other topics)
The White Goddess: A Historical Grammar of Poetic Myth (other topics)
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Authors mentioned in this topic
Zack (other topics)Roger Kean (other topics)
Oliver Frey (other topics)
James George Frazer (other topics)
Italo Calvino (other topics)
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Oh Harold. Harold? Harold! See he doesn't answer to Harold. You will have to keep the name Zaki. We have a town south of here that is called Cocksackie. People joke about it a lot as you may have guessed. But really locals pronounce it cook-socky which is pretty funny too. I mean cooking your sock is funny right?
Wikipedia has this to say:
Communities and locations in the town of Coxsackie[edit]
Bronck House – A house in West Coxsackie built by Pieter Bronck in 1663 (open as a museum)
Climax – A hamlet northwest of Coxsackie village on Route 81
Coxsackie – The village of Coxsackie
Coxsackie Correctional Facility – A state prison southwest of Coxsackie village
Earlton – A hamlet in the western part of the town. The Forestville Commonwealth Owenite community at Earlton was listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1974.[3]
Hudson Islands State Park
Surprise – A hamlet at the west town line
Sleepy Hollow Lake – A lake partly in the south part of the town (a "resort" development)
West Coxsackie – A hamlet northwest of Coxsackie village on Route 81
Climax now that could get people laughing too. Stay away from the correctional facility because it's a trick. It's sounds like a place where they catch typos but instead they catch criminals and lock them up because it's really a prison. They should be sued for false advertising.
Earlton is where Billy's mother's dumb boyfriend lived. It was a good place for a barbecue and playing horse shoes and gathering around the big fire they'd make outside. But inside there was a taxidermic deer head with antlers but they put a red ball on it's nose and called it Rudolph which wasn't very funny.
Surprise! What a stupid name for a hamlet where nothing happens. They could put on Hamlet and he could come out and yell "Surprise!"
Sleepy Hallow Lake is were the Headless Horseman waters his horse. He can't water himself because it's hard to take a drink when you don't have a head.
That's all. Just a little flavor of the world around us.