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The Story That Ends & Begins Again (no word limit)
[hold on a sec I'm still laughing about the boggled mind comb and Enchantment Under the Sea Class of 2012 dance]
[Okay, but you can't keep laughing all day… :-)]
Edward Box was walking along the road leading from his village toward the largest city in his land, when he encountered King Heinrich, who gripped a Coast Starlight eTicket which he'd gotten off the good witch Averin so long ago his memory was lost in the Mists of Time."King," Edward said, bowing low. "Why do you wheeze and drip sweat?"
"Averin cast a spell on my daughter and sent her to a desert island somewhere in the Great Sea and I shall never see her again," he wailed.
"Hang on a Mo, great King. I thought you said Averin was a good witch."
"She was, but somewhere in the Mists of Time an evil spirit took her over, and now look where it's got me. If anyone can rescue my daughter, they shall have her hand in marriage."
Edward Box thought this over for a moment, and then said, "You wouldn't happen to have a handsome young prince who is in need of rescuing, would you, great King?"
"Drat! Er… Alas no. Say fair young Edward, are you interested in 'daddy' types? For I am a dad. "
Edward was about to answer when the King was suddenly asked to answer a few questions by the Spanish Inquisition which he hadn't expected.
So fair young Edward Box went off alone looking for a fair young prince. He looked in castles. He looked in jousting tournaments. He looked in the classified ads under fair young prince. Alas and alack he couldn't find his fair young prince anywhere.
Edward scratched his head, and then it came to him. It was so obvious he couldn't imagine why he hadn't thought of the solution before. The Great King had said: "Averin cast a spell on my daughter and sent her to a desert island somewhere in the Great Sea," so she must have done the same with the King's son, and his fair young prince was stashed away on a desert island.Immediately, Edward ran down to the harbor and hired a boat owned by an owl and a pussy cat, and off they set in a beautiful pea-green boat.
They sail away for a year and a day to a land where Bong trees grow and discover a pig with a ring in his nose in a wood. 
Salty nuts and ginger-tree root the piggy laid out, but the pussy cat preferred bacon fat, while the owl would touch not fowl. Edward loved salty nuts, but turned up his nose at the root and claimed his bingley was always off whenever he espied a Bong. Bingley Bong always feels wrong, under the moonglow fool, quoth he. Whereupon he reached for the root, smiled happily, and took a toot.All four turned at the sound of footsteps.
"Who comes hither?" cried the pussy cat and the owl with a scowl.
The pig peered and said, "Why, ’tis a handsome young prince."
"I say, chaps and chapesses," said the handsome young prince, with a gender nod to the pussy cat (who was actually a tom, but kept quiet with the thought that this handsome young prince might be right up his tail, if he played his cards right), "I say, have you seen the Wicked Witch of the Tallahattcherty Bridge. I'm bound to this island by her evil spell."They looked at each other and shook their heads. Edward, particularly was glum. "I'd been led to believe the handsome young prince I seek to rescue is a ginger. He took out a photo of a smiling young chappie and showed the others…
And at that very moment there came a terrible camp screech from the wood, and a figure burst forth crying out, "But it's me, darlings. I'm the handsome young prince. Oh do rescue me!"
"Oh no" said the handsome young prince, "I've been warned about you Prince! You are just the artist formerly known as prince (TAFKAP) now known as as 
Handsome young prince (HYP) you will find the the Red Royal (RR) in the military where he serves as an advocate for bullied gay soldiers.
Which basically left the first appeared, the one in the natty royal maroon outfit and flowing off-white cape. Standing where he did under a flowing Bong tree, Edward decided the boy would have to do, but he was pipped at the post when the pussy cat began doing pussy cat things, twining himself around the prince's tugboat legs and purring enticingly."No!" cried Edward. But too late. The HYP swept pussy cat up into his arms. The cat winked at Edward, a wink which said "Now I've got my claws into him, yah-boo-sucks!"
The owl just winked wisely and went to chat to the piggy, while HRR in Royal Red hooked up with TAFAP and off they went, arm in arm, singing:
Lemme tell ya somethin'
If you didn't come to party
Don't bother knockin' on my door
I got a lion in my pocket
And baby he's ready to roar, yeah yeah
The sky was all purple
There were people runnin' everywhere
Tryin' to run from the destruction
You know I didn't even care
'Cause they say two thousand zero zero
Party over, oops out of time
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999
Yes, party like it's 1999Which was the last time TAFKAP had a hit
HYP took a toke of the bong tree and went floating away on a psychedelic cloud.
Edward and the owl went searching for green peas to build a boat and set sail for the dark side of the moon.
Preston wrote: "Which was the last time TAFKAP had a hit..." ** M-E-O-W-!!!
With the pussy cat gone to Cheshire (where they smile), the piggy pulling himself along by the ring in his nose, Edward resigned himself to the owl's plan in the hope of finding the True Handsome Young Prince on the dark side of the moon.
"We must be on the right track," the owl hooted. "Look, there's a pink floyd putting another brick in the wall."
Edward said, "Yes Owl there is that. Also we just passed a sign that said this way to the True Handsome Young Prince on the dark side of the moon." Owl asked, "How will we know which side of the moon is the dark side?"
"That's a very good question," Edward said, and thought for a moment. Then he brightened. "Don't owls hunt at night?""Mmhmm…" Owl agreed.
"Well," Edward said, a note of triumph creeping into his voice, "when you start to hunt, we'll know it's dark."
Roger said, "Have you seen The Everwending Story with its The Handsome Young Prince?"Edward looked at Owl. Owl looked at Edward.
Roger said one word, "Synchronicity." as he was wont to say and then wrote the next part of the story.
"Eureka! That's it!""You leave my Ego out of it," Owl grumbled," or I'll sic my Libido and my Id on you, and you won't like tha—"
"No, no, you silly Owl. I mean that's were we must go. To Synchronous City, the place where everyone is in step, where they all sing from the same hymn sheet—"
"What, even the atheists?"
"—where in the office everyone is on the same page."
Owl smiled "Ah, got you! Of course. Find a page and there's bound to be a Handsome Young prince not far off."
"Exactly," Edward crowed as he whittled at a small tree branch.
"Don't do that, please."
"Sorry?"
"Crows, Can't stand them. Ugh."
Edward sighed, a deep sigh of the very long suffering as he brandished the long stick. "I don't know, these days you just can't get the staff."
And with that, Owl and Edward (leaning on his staff) set off on the road marked to Synchronous City.
"Owl" said Edward, "Have you ever been to a brothel?"
Owl hurrumphed. "You mean one of those places where people go to couple, like this one?"
"I was thinking of something a little more 21st-century, to be honest. But tell me please, why is the young man showing off his wares on the left doing a handstand on a chair?"
Owl answered, "Obviously he is doing a handstand because he hasn't yet learned how to do a headstand." "Oh Owl," beamed Edward "You know just everything. No wonder they say owls are wise."
Owl retorted, without ever having torted before, "Why Edward. You didn't you go to a proper school like Land of Guilders did you? You must have gone to a party school like High on the Gates."
"Owl, I just want you to know I was never in a brothel but I was a moppet in a Mississippi Mud Sex Club."
"Didn't Miss Moppet sit on her toppet, or something?""She was eating curds and whey, which when mixed together do rather resemble Mississippi mud pie," chimed Edward.
Edward loves his Mississippi Mud Pie and my Grasshopper Pie but best of all he loves his Pi 3.14159. He gets genuinely stimulated with 3.14159265358979. He gets aroused so by 3.1415926535897932384626433832795. But if he get a pi with 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034 he get passionately inflamed and bursts!
Owl thought long on this numerical conundrum, and being a wise owl said that if Edward truly loved his blueberry pi he would tune in to:http://www.piday.org/million/
and keep scrolling. But after a few pages, Edward went Google-eyed.
Edward went Google Eyed indeed for suddenly he was surrounded by rich people who couldn't get their Google Eyes and were offering him tens of thousands of dollars for them.Edwards's Goggle Eyes calculated an escape route and projected a map of the escape route onto his Google Eyes along with the time temperature and reminder he was due for his colorectal exam.
In fact Edward realised with a cold shock of horror that he had become an Android.
Edward hired Owen Woe to complain with dreadful sorrow for Edward's androidism. "Oh I so wanted to be iOS 7 but now I'm the name of some confection. Oh how I hate Jelly Beans and Ice Cream Sandwiches and Kit Kat bars. Android OS names are just too cutesy for me. Alas. Woe is me."
Edward was forced to do the "Robot Slam," the latest groove on the Android Disco Chart, while singing the Goggle-Eyed anthem:Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those peepers?
Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those eyes?
Gosh all git up, how'd they get so lit up?
Gosh all git up, how'd they get that size?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0lgs...
And you now what, even Owen Woe couldn't help his feet beginning to tap in time with the catchy beat.
"Oh woe is me." tap tap - tap tap "Oh alas and alack." tap tap - tap tap " With substantial amount of remorse and gloominess he tapped to the happy tune.
tap< crap >tap With a certain degree of despondence and misfortune he went
tap< crap >tap and his taps cried sorrow with his tap< crap >tap crap.
It was the most woe Woe ever had having to move his feet to this catchy beat.
Edward was able to use the break after the second refrain before the third chorus to say, "Oh Ow! Oh Ow! Oh Owl Oh Owl where are you Owl? We need your
wisdom. Ow! Ow! Ouch!
And suddenly, with a wave of Jimmy Savile's arm, there was Wol the Owl. "Oh Ow! Edward, you have lost the plot. I hear the Great King crying from far across the pea-green sea, 'Where O where is my handsome young prince I sent that idiot to rescue from the Wicked Witch of East London,' so I reckon you'd better get your act together, my man, pick up the scent, put your nose to the grindstone, put your best foot forward, swing the pussy by the tail, and hit the trail."Edward looked up, all google eyed at Owl and said, "Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those peepers?"
Owl turned his head to the left. Owl turned his head to the right. Owl blinked. Owl replied, "From the taxidermist." I've been dead for 12 years now. I look pretty good huh?"Edward was all google eyed at Owl but still he asked, "But you turned his head to the left. Then you turned his head to the right. Then you blinked. Dead owls don't turn their heads and blink."
"I'm a clockwork owl." said Owl and his spiring wound down and his head flopped backward.
"Oh." Edward sighed and hung his head in his hands. How will I ever get my act together, pick up the scent, put my nose to the grindstone, put my best foot forward, swing the pussy by the tail, and hit the trail? I don't even have an Owl to help me."
"I'll help you" said a voice that Edward had never heard before. Who are you?" Edward inquired with interest.
"I'm an angel," the blindingly bright, shimmering elfin figure said. "Although most of my friends call me Angle because they say I always have one. Actually," he added with a shy smile, "I'm a bit of a fallen angel."Edward tried to look interested, but he couldn't see what a fallen angel could possibly do to help. "What can you do to help?"
The little Angel went over to the clockwork Owl, produced a key and showed it like a conjurer on stage, introduced it to Owl's rear, and… whirr, whirr, wind…
"There. All better."
"Ah, there you are, Edward. I wondered where you had gone," Owl said in a peremptory tone of stern admonishment.
"I didn't go anywhere. It was you flipped over backward and that cute little fallen angel came and made you better again."
Owl turned his head to the left. Owl turned his head to the right. Owl blinked. Owl replied, "What fallen angel?"
Edward raised an eyebrow and queried "Owl do you really want to see the photo of Roger with a halo again?""No, I suppose not."
"Then just accept that a fallen angel made you better when you had conked out."
"Oh yes of course I see the fallen angel now and it all makes perfect sense." Owl said aloud then stage whispered, "If Roger's an angel I must remember to tell St. Peter I'm allergic to feathers."
"Alright Edward my boy, it time to go rescue the handsome young prince who is to rescue the Wicked Witch of East London for his father the King who hasn't rescued so much as fly."
"Oh Owl, do flies need rescuing too? With all we have to do that's going to be a bit difficult to fit in our schedule."
"Hah!" crowed Owl. "I can see there are no flies on you, Edward!"Edward, who preferred a button fly to a zipper, found this a puzzling remark from one so wise as Owl, but as he looked up again his eyes widened into great pools of surprise and wonder, for there in the sky before them a huge eye had opened up and he recognized it immediately. "Look Owl… it's the London Eye. If we go through there we'll be right next door to the Wicked Witch of East London. If we get there before the Handsome Young Prince reaches her, we might be able to save her. Praise the Lord!"
"Oh no," Owl muttered under his his beak, "Edward's become born again."
Edward sat there in his diaper sucking on his favorite pacifier, the one the fallen angel gave him. Owen moaned, "I hope you've brought the editor with you you." Everyone turned to Owen. I quote 'Where O where is my handsome young prince I sent that idiot to rescue from the Wicked Witch of East London,' Owen sighed and pointed out "...that idiot to rescue from? It makes no sense. Rescue what from the witch?"
Edward exclaimed, "Oh no, this game has no beta readers!"
"I always say," said Owl, "you're no better than a beta-reader, and a carpet beater is much better than a beta-reader, unless of course, he's a heavy better on the gee-gees."And they say owls are supposed to wise, like princes are supposed to be young and handsome, and witches ugly old crones, and angels fallen, and bridges all a-Tallahatchie, draped with their freight of Billie Joe MacAllisters.
None of witch bothered born-again Edward, suckin' on his favorite pacifier.
Edward had in fact turned into a baby as part of an elaborate scheme to switch places with Prince George so that Edward could become third in line for the throne. 
For the great king who still grieved over his kidnapped Young Handsome Prince, this compromise sort of worked. Edward had—in a roundabout sense—accomplished his mission of rescuing the HYP from the Isle of the Wicked Wizard Across the Pea Green Sea, only in the form of himself as a baby prince.At the king's ultimate moan on the subject, Edward silenced him by the simple expedient of stuffing his favorite pacifier in the royal mouth.
"Mmnhhf…"
William called for the Royal tuxedo tailors then the Royal wedding band the Royal preacher and said "I do" to the Handsome Young Prince.
Oh my goodness, wept the gathered guests, which included Owen Woe, Stag, Bull, Bob da Builder, Pussycat (fetching dressed in an off-the shoulder pea-green boat), and of course the wise old Owl. Tears of happiness flooded down cheeks smooth and furry as the married couple kissed. It was Prince the Popster, formerly known as Qfwfq, who summed up everyone's feelings. He patted his over made-up eyes, choked back a sob, and said: "Oh my! But don't they look gorgeous. And do you know what? They lived happily ever after!"
"Golly gee and gosh! Here we go again," said Wendy to Peter. "Another shiny new adventure! Where shall we go this time?"Peter, who always found balancing on Wendy's bedroom window sill, five floors above Cadogan Square in London's fashionable Knightsbridge something of a vertiginous ordeal, hummed and hahed a bit. And then he hummed again. "Nobody knows, tiddly-pom,how cold my toes— I KNOW!" he cried out excitedly. "Let's take Nanna and the kids and go visit Tinsellyland."
"That's a very, very long flight, Peter," Wendy pointed out reasonably, already shuddering with horror at the lines waiting for check-in at Heathrow Terminal 5.
"No, silly, I didn't mean Orlando, I meant Tinseylland-Paris. We can take the Channel Tunnel, as long as we fly high enough to avoid the trains going through."
Wendy was so excited at this idea, she nearly fell off the window sill but fortunately Peter's shadow caught her in time.
But what was happening to the lost boys while Pete and Wendy were planning a frivolous holiday? Smee had stolen Twinkerbelle and the boys were completely at a loss for what to do. Oh Peter how could you leave us now when we need you most?
Peter thought it was high time to get a good Hook into the storyline. Putting Hooks in here and there would make it so much easier for later plot items, and one of those was to lose the boys and then later on he could go and find them… always assuming they escaped the clutches of Aloysius the Alligator and the Indians' wicked arrows. Meantime, Wendy had the holiday brochures spread over her bed and was poring over what Twinkerbelle Excursions had to offer.
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Books mentioned in this topic
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But that was when Elton threw a Spaniard in the works.