When there's hate in the family...

[Nick]

This is a really good article written by a friend of mine about his pretty despicable pastor cousin and the reactions his family has had to him speaking out against him.

http://joshfinney.com/pastor-gives-fu...

Thoughts?

[Gabby]

:( It's really horrible what people do and say against others. It really is.

[Kaje]

Good for Dr. Finney - strangers don't make half the impact that family and friends do. When a stranger confronts a bigot, it may just harden their stance, but when people they care about question them, it can be the beginning of change. It's hard to go against family, in any circumstance, and tempting to just shut up and keep the peace. He's to be congratulated for not doing so, and for couching the struggle in terms his mother and others may recognize. I wish him all the best.

[Wren]

My parents are homophobic and often make rude comments ):

[Sammy Goode]

"And what does turning a blind eye to intolerance communicate to the gay members of our family? It says keeping the peace is more important than their right to be treated as human beings."

I believe Dr. Finney hit the nail on the head. Sad that his family cannot see that--see the hate their first cousin is dealing out under the guise of a benevolent god.

[cagla]

Sometimes...sorry all along I don't understand those hate.The Pastor has a big ...I don't know what to say to him..

My mother is (for me) big homophobic. I am defends their right,but no one my family or friends do not understand.
Mostly I defends gay rights to my mother and she never doubt.So I ask her I said Mom I defends them all the time,why you have no doubt that I am gay? and she said Those thing's sickness,it's family illness and we don't have like that thing.

She's almost 60 and I give up her.There nothing in this world change her mind.But I try to other people all the time and always.

[Kaje]

I'm impressed that you keep trying, and I'm sure that even for the most closed minds, hearing it over and over from someone they respect will make some small degree of difference, even if it's just to make their reaction less strong and automatic. It's hard when it's close family though.

[Amy]

My dad is a big Homophobe and Transphobe. To my sister, who is a lesbian, when she told him she moght have cancer and asked him if he'd care if she died he said he wouldn't. And to me he said I'm the result of a wrong upbringing

[Tara]

I am probably older than Kaje, but back in my youth my mother was a very nervous homophobe. I still to this day remember her comments about my hanging out with my friends, as well as the gay individuals who took me under their wings when I began training horses.

That was so many years ago, and I have kept most of my life from her because of those early years. She did not understand my choice to write LGBTQ fiction. But today I called her to ask a question, and she told me she was in the middle of reading my new YA book. Now she has read my other works, but this was the first time she chose to talk about one of them, to compliment me on the story, and to tell me how much she was enjoying it. Of course it did not stop her from mentioning two editing errors she found (and didn't mark) but I felt, for once, she was proud of me. She is in the latter part of her seventies now. Sometimes the oddest things happen in our lives, things we never expect.

[Kaje]

Amy, Hayden's datefriend wrote: "My dad is a big Homophobe and Transphobe. To my sister, who is a lesbian, when she told him she moght have cancer and asked him if he'd care if she died he said he wouldn't. And to me he said I'm t..."

That's so painful when it's someone close. He might still change, given time, but I guess you and your sister have to be family for each other as much as possible. Sad to think what everyone loses when people can't accept each other.

But as Tara says, even later in life people can change, so keep some hope.

[Amy]

I doubt he can ever change. Apart from that he never really cared about me. He ignored me, hushed me away and told me I'm useless. We haven't talked or seen each other in many years

[Jay]

"Turning a blind eye, especially when it comes to family, is how hate lives on and is allowed to breed. If we are going to overcome the big issues facing this nation, we first need to address them at home."

Amen!

[[deleted user]]

Well, I just wanted to talk about my day today. I don't want pity. I don't necessarily want sympathy. I just want to talk. My step-sister is a staunch ally and is doing an oral presentation in favor of transgender rights. As a result, the topic came up at the dinner table. Let me preface this by saying that today revealed nothing I did not already know about my family on that side. My stepmother and father are both conservative. Neither of them believe in people being anything other than cis-gendered. They were arguing against trans people being able to use the correct bathroom. My stepmother said that same thing the people in North Carolina say, that men will be able to go into the women's bathroom and be able to rape. She said that if we were mothers we would understand. As if being a mother makes someone instantly ignorant and and judgmental. I pointed out that of the five of us, I knew what it felt like to be forced to go into a bathroom where I am uncomfortable. She said that clearly that was where I belong because I have a vagina. I reiterated that I am not female but greygender. She told me that I am clearly a female because I have a vagina. Neither listened to me. I told a story about respect despite disbelief, and it did not affect either of them. They ignored it. It was after I talked about respect and how I was okay with people who are not okay with the LGBTQIA+ community so long as they are respectful and believe we are still equal. It is after this they denied who I am. How did we get to be like this?

[Sammy Goode]

Qυιɳɠ Eʅϝ :: ๓เг ภ๏t ๓ค'ค๓ ภ๏t รเг wrote: "Well, I just wanted to talk about my day today. I don't want pity. I don't necessarily want sympathy. I just want to talk. My step-sister is a staunch ally and is doing an oral presentation in favo..."

Thanks for putting this here. I wish you didn't have to. I wish this was not your reality. But unfortunately, it is yours and so many others. Please continue to help educate people like your family by speaking out. I realize it must be incredibly painful for you to do that but every time you do you speak for more than yourself. You Give a voice to those who must remain quiet in order to survive.

[Jason]

Sounds like a pretty rough day. I think we all (to varying degrees) have relatives or friends who are so closed minded that they aren't even open to the reason of loved ones. You can't make them understand, and certainly not instantly. But you did what you had to, you told them how you feel. Maybe you voicing your concerns will be an anchor in their mind to think about from time to time. Maybe they'll come around. It's good that you have an ally in your step-sister.

[Kaje]

As the mom of two genderqueer kids, thanks for continuing to make the effort with your family. You really are speaking for every non-cis-gender person your family may someday meet. I think a lot of changing minds and hearts is like water on a stone. Each drip seems like it's not doing much, but the hardest resistance can wear away over time.

I hope it gets better for you. I appreciate how hard it must be to deal with this from people so close to you.

One thing I do occasionally bring up with people who are so fixed on dichotomy is that there are intersex people who may be born with physical characteristics of both sexes - if we are rigid, how do we respect those people? They have to pee somewhere. And if we respect their right to define themselves, then why do we refuse that right to everyone else? (Most of the phobic people mutter something about "a tiny, tiny fraction" but if a human is standing in front of you in that situation, what can you genuinely do except let them decide how they identify?) It doesn't change minds like magic, but is one more drop of water against the idea that a nude baby picture will automatically set everyone's identity.

And trans people have mothers too. Moms should be protecting the safety of all kids, cis and trans, of whom the trans are at far higher risk. Working up hate and fear that may get my child beaten up for looking like they are in the wrong place is not a good, motherly thing to do.

Ack, hits my buttons. I'm full of admiration for you remaining calm, making your points, and coming here to vent. ((Hugs))

[[deleted user]]

Thank you. My mother's house is different fortunately, but that does not make my dad's house easier. Someone needs to speak, and I can, so I do. I am going to buy an "Ask Me My Pronouns" shirt with the Redbubble giftcard my stepmother bought me. And I will wear it over there. =) I thank you again for your support.

[Jason]

**Group Hugs**

[[deleted user]]

Thanks =)