Need opinion of first chapter

[Linda B.D.]

This is a rough draft of a book I've thought about. Please excuse bad grammar. I wanted a fast paced book. Title: One Degree Difference
Linda D.

[John, Moderator in Memory]

Here is the link to the first chapter of Linda's book:

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...

[Randy]

It was interesting, but I thought it had a lot of awkward phrasing. And "ally" should be "alley".

It would have been easier to read with blank lines between the paragraphs.

I really got thrown for a loop after Nance thought "NO!", because you enclosed her thoughts after that in quotes, implying spoken dialog.

[Linda B.D.]

Randy wrote: "It was interesting, but I thought it had a lot of awkward phrasing. And "ally" should be "alley".

It would have been easier to read with blank lines between the paragraphs.

I really got thrown fo..."
Thank You! I changed some of the mistakes. It is just a rough draft. I just wanted to know if it sounded interesting to others. Thanks Again, Linda