An honest discussion about why men cheat

[Rock]

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that started by meeting in a bar or meeting on-line?
Men will have all these techniques, bullshit lines, lies they will tell you, anything to get you interested and get into your pants.
Women portray a false image as well. They agree to things that they dont agree with, they feign interest in things they are not interested in.

So these relationships start out based on bullshit, to start with.

Then you have relationships where you meet someone at work or at school or with a group of friends. These relationships might not start off with such pretenses.

But no matter how a relationship starts, most men HONESTLY do not want to actually be in a relationship. Its un-natural. It is against our instincts. We have thousands of years of hunter and gatherer instincts bubbling up inside us. We love the thrill of the chase, the excitement of the game. Relationships take all that away.

So...

We cheat. We have to. Otherwise we'll die. Our balls will shrivel up into our ass and wither away.

[Jenny]

"They agree to things that they dont agree with, they feign interest in things they are not interested in."

Only the dumb ones.


"We cheat. We have to. Otherwise we'll die. Our balls will shrivel up into our ass and wither away. "

Bull shit.

[Tanjlisa]

Rock wrote: "But no matter how a relationship starts, most men HONESTLY do not want to actually be in a relationship. Its un-natural. It is against our instincts. We have thousands of years of hunter and gatherer instincts bubbling up inside us. We love the thrill of the chase, the excitement of the game. Relationships take all that away.
So...
We cheat. We have to. Otherwise we'll die. Our balls will shrivel up into our ass and wither away. "

Oh brother!! Speak for yourself. There are guys out there that don't cheat. Women shouldn't fall for that caveman...and ironiclly, modern argument, that men can't help lying and cheating; it's in their DNA. Women should hold their standards a little higher and not take that type of BS from people.

[Tanjlisa]

Jenny wrote: ""They agree to things that they dont agree with, they feign interest in things they are not interested in."
Only the dumb ones.
"We cheat. We have to. Otherwise we'll die. Our balls will shrivel up into our ass and wither away.
Bull shit."

Amen, sister!

[Alana ~ The Book Pimp]

In all honesty, when I was in college, my psychology and anthropology courses covered this question.

The 'biological instinct' of men is to spread their seed as much as possible, because technically it's not survival of the 'fittest' it's survival of the most sexually fit (that spreads the most seed); the female 'biological instinct' is to find a healthy, sexually fit male to reproduce and that will protect the female and the offspring. So, at basic levels (and in general) men are hardwired to 'cheat' (although that's not really the word that best describes their goal) and women are hardwired to 'monogamy'

Now, speaking from the perspective of a female (which I am) that had a cheating ex-husband (which I did)...

according to him, I drove him to it. Because I was taking too long healing (view spoiler)[after pushing his son (the size of a bowling ball-ish) out of something the size of a small-medium cantaloupe (at it's largest state)... and our son was stuck in that space for over an hour... (hide spoiler)] apparently the doctor recommended 6 weeks of healing that I needed 'drove him' to do it. That, and he had appetites that I didn't share (view spoiler)[and frankly just downright hurt (hide spoiler)] that also added to a rift between us that widened into a gulf, then morphed into the grand canyon upon finding out that not only did he cheat, he lied to a mutual friend (who at the time was NOT my mutual friend, but she became so later) by telling her that we had an 'open marriage' so she wouldn't think anything was wrong with it.

But let me tell you know, current (and final husband- he's a keeper) not only is loving, monogamous, and loyal, he flat-out told me if I ever cheated that was it. We have no desire to look elsewhere, because we are both happy right where we are. My second marriage has already lasted longer than the first...

[Alana ~ The Book Pimp]

Bottom line, I'm all about honesty. If you are honest, you're not cheating, because you are being honest. Before marriage I dated multiple guys at the same time, but I was up front with them all about it. They wanted to date me, they had to accept that it wasn't an exclusive thing. Once I got married, I shut the book to that part of my life, because I had changed and matured.

[Tanjlisa]

Alana ~ The Book Pimp wrote: "The 'biological instinct' of men is to spread their seed as much as possible, because technically it's not survival of the 'fittest' it's survival of the most sexually fit (that spreads the most seed); the female 'biological instinct' is to find a healthy, sexually fit male to reproduce and that will protect the female and the offspring. So, at basic levels (and in general) men are hardwired to 'cheat' (although that's not really the word that best describes their goal) and women are hardwired to 'monogamy'
"

That's fine and dandy, but as you stated, that theory and cheating aren't exactly the same thing. I don't see in this day and age of single, heterosexual men being a rarity and open-minded females, that men have to cheat. If a man doesn't want to be in a relationship, most women don't even require that anymore. There is no reason for lying. I know men who are proud maintenance men and make no bones that they date more than one woman.

[Alana ~ The Book Pimp]

I agree, Tanjlisa- that's why I said it wasn't exactly the same thing. Just wanted to throw more information out there that, although is not an exact match, I felt had bearing on the conversation.

I agree wholeheartedly, in this day and age, guys, or girls for that matter (not only guys cheat) should be up front. Then it's not cheating.

I totally get that one woman/one guy... or even two guys, or two girls... or whatever combination of 'coming together' (oh, I amuse myself sometimes) ... sticking with one partner, group-whatever, isn't for everyone. Regardless of the level of commitment, 'cheating' implies there is something underhanded, murky, not above-board going on. If someone is a fan of free love, more power to them, but you have to be open and honest.

[Mollie]

Rock wrote: "Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that started by meeting in a bar or meeting on-line?
Men will have all these techniques, bullshit lines, lies they will tell you, anything to get y..."

I understand what you mean. I grew up with tons of brothers and most of my friends were guys. My friends that grew up with a close family weren't the cheating type. I think they had respect for women embedded in their brains from a young age. Just an observation. So, what's your opinion on sister wives?

[Mollie]

Many women have this same natural urge to cheat. The natural instinct works both ways. If men were with different women, then women would have had different men.