when an avid reader turns (long OP)

[Lora]

Again, I may be posting in a wrong spot, and I apologize. I wanted to bring up for discussion an issue I've had to deal with, and I see more challenges down the road with it. I figure book lovers may have some insights, and it is a great topic for discussion.
The situation is this: I have two daughters. My older dd used to love to read, I simply could not keep up with her. But around 7-8th grade, she tapered off and then stopped almost entirely. If I did not have graphic novels or books full of Calvin & Hobbes, she would read nothing. I decided at the time to be patient, because I remembered in college just being oversaturated with the reading effort at times. But after a couple more years, I see her lack of reading affecting ALL of her classes in a wide variety of ways and means.
Anyway, I have gotten her to read some Robin McKinley during the summer, and I had her read some short stories, carefully chosen. She enjoyed those (as she grudgingly admitted), but hasn't picked up a book herself yet. She does write her own stories- novel length stuff in fact, and she draws whole graphic novels, too. Those are a comfort. And she usually unplugs one earbud if I start reading out loud- she secretly likes that.
I also have my younger daughter, who loves old classics, murder mysteries, and so on. One day a note appeared on her desk: "I HATE reading! School is making me HATE READING!!!" I was floored! She is in 6th grade, right before the grade when my older dd stopped reading.

Some bullet points of my personal observations:
The majority of our high school literature appears to be focused on senseless violence and depressing stories of emotional entrapment.
After a certain age, roughly middle grade, it became harder for us to find reading, particularly modern stuff, that supported our family's standards. The reading trickled off as a result of that as well. I'm not saying that characters have to live lives like we do- but entire genres for teens have become steeped in adult themes.
Being a teen is hard. I think it's much harder now than when I was a teen, and it was hard for me then, too.
There's some pretty cool technology out there and sometimes that takes up reading time and rewires the brain. There was no virtual world when I was a kid- except in books. Well, TV too.

I don't require my kids to be like me in tastes and personality, but I also see them moving away from something they used to love. Sometimes it feels as if this issue is slowly killing the bookworm inside me! I figured I could bring this up for discussion in a book group. I'm not sure of anywhere else I could go where this would make sense...we live in a profession-sports-saturated-culture here. So, give me your thoughts, if you please.

[Frederick]

My thoughts:

Early in education the emphasis is placed upon the simple moral tale - when reading is an inclusive group activity through which creative ideas can take flight. This is building upon a healthy attitude to books in the home, and an extension of the 'bedtime story' all kids love.

Then come grades, then come examinations: books take the subtle step from story to 'literature' and they become part of the pressure cooker that is the modern system. This may not imply Proust or Hugo - the books may indeed be much more superficial - but simply the way in which they are required to be read. With varying degrees of excellence, the tutor asks for more depth of understanding from the pupil - an altogether more analytical approach to works that profess to eek out the author's thinking or 'true meaning' (which always makes me laugh, rather, because most of the time the authors themselves had no idea what they were thinking). Anyway,this process is more destructive than constructive initially, and most pupils take a number of years to get over it. I still hate with a passion many of the books I read for my exams: for instance, I love Shakespeare but loathe 'Julius Caesar' simply because I took it for 'A' Level.
In short, literature becomes a part of the system against which it is an adolescent's moral duty to rebel. But this doesn't mean they won't return to it, and love it, later in life.

Video games are light relief. I don't belittle the enemy - they may well take over, if they haven't already, a certain sector of the market. But they will never replace the book in the thinking mind.

I don't believe you should be concerned about your daughters' brains being re-wired. I am sure you have done your work and they were correctly wired from the age of seven. Your younger daughter will go through the same phase as her sister. It should not concern you. Your elder daughter is already coming through it; showing a strong creative instinct - her work may take a few years to take shape, but I'm sure it will impress you in the end.

There are warnings of change, however, I feel we should all be aware of. The written word is evolving fast. It is too easy, I think, to adopt a conservative stance and repel boarders instinctively: NO texting, NO abbreviation, NO street talk. I don't think we can reverse the process - I don't think we should. Embrace the new and accept its challenges!

[Christa VG]

I have been homeschooled my whole life, never even set foot in a school, unless church was there, so I cannot say much as to what might be going on in school.

But I have an opinion on what you might be able to do. I strongly disagree about letting your daughters wonder around the book store by themselves and not taking any notice as to what they are reading and the reason is this. My mother used to allow me to read whatever I wanted and I loved her for that. I was "free" to chose what I wanted, then as I got older I went to the teenage section and read some things that I never should have touched. It was almost a year before my loving mother realized I had a huge change in attitude, the way I spoke to her was very disrespectful, but in a sly way she couldn't really punish. Then there were some things I was mentioning at the table.

She watched me carefully and discovered this was all coming from the books I read. It caused me deep distress mentally and I began to hate reading. It took few years of hard work to get my mind out of the gutter so to speak.

My mom was a huge support in helping me to choose better books and start reading the classic since the YA were not challenging enough for me.

Parents play a huge part in gently guiding their children's minds and protecting them from a lot of trash that is out there.

Something my mom and I did was a reward system. She would pick a book for me, then when I finished it we would do something together and discuss it, then I would get to pick a book. If she didn't think it was good I got to pick something else. We got to spend a lot of time together this way and I began to love reading again. And I am not saying it was always easy, I would often fight tooth and nail against the books, but now I am so appreciative she took the time to help.

I also love to buy books. Hardbacks with pretty covers are my favorite and I often shop for them. So if I liked the books she picked I would go on a bookstore rampage sometimes lasting years, (It took me forever to find a copy of Ivanhoe that I loved) and that was always huge fun and again a challenge.


I have always loved listening to books, either in CD, or from my parents, even when I read them aloud it is more fun. This Christmas my family and I took turns reading "The Christmas Carol" aloud and that was the first time we have read in a group since I outgrew bedtime stories. Find a book to share with your family and take turns reading it aloud, let your kids help when your voice gets sore. I enjoyed it a lot and they might too.

Whatever you choose to do, please remember children are hugely susceptible to ideas from books, and they need some direction.

[Lora]

I haven't abandoned the post, lol, just been digesting all the many points that have already been offered.
As a parent, I am as much responsible for what goes in the kid's head as in their stomach, as far as I see it. We have standards in our home that don't appear to exist in many parts of our society, including bookstores. I have to say that as my kids get older, I let them make more of their own choices, and yes, I am pleased by how I see them choosing to behave in general.
My kids tend to be mellow and obliging, so I forget that whole rebellion idea even exists. Besides, I have a theory that if parents assume their kids will naturally become more independent (the goal is for them to become adults, good ones), then the kids have to do less of that breaking away- that rebellion. But it still happens, I have to remind myself of that.
I have to say that school reading in the elementary levels was dull for my kids- they had reached reading levels far higher than what was offered at the elementary level. As they get into higher grades, it's not as if the literature challenged them to work and think harder...it's more as if it simply challenged them with exposure to toxins of thought, like despair, explicit scenes of violence or suffering, and a rampant sense of nihilism, among other things. This feels like the general mindset of our culture that is determined to rob children of their childhood- thrusting them into adult issues by means of story. I remember some of this from my HS years, and it seems more pronounced now. The reading material in our house tends in a different direction- problems are there, but the skills for dealing with them tend to be right there in the story as well.
Yes...'author's purpose'. My kids go nuts over that. My 6th grader will list ten possible combined reasons for the author to write a story, and none of them appear to be the answer on a test. And really, how can we boil down an author's story telling? We might as well boil their muse.
Frederick, your words reassure me. Christa, I'll have to return asap. The kids are in midterms right now.

[Lora]

Frederick,
I think I will trust more to the 'wiring' that took place in the years before the kids started school. It runs deep. We have built upon it for several years since.
Your comment about the changes to language really interested me. I have taught the kids to abbreviate when taking notes, and to use whatever pictographic method works for their notes- it doesn't have to be the standard outline with roman numerals, etc. I also have noticed that when my teen texts, she's saving on her per-minute cost on the phone- a useful skill I want to learn to implement. I also have to wonder, how did it feel as Old English was changing into Middle English? How much was really useful, which parts caught on fastest, who resisted and who experimented? And how about this? I learned shorthand in school- something I wish I'd kept up with.I discovered a box of family photos my mother had saved, and she had made all her notes on the back of each picture in shorthand! She never dreamed it would become extinct- or, rather, that texting would outcompete it. I found an old book of shorthand at a bookstore and have it saved with the photos. Now to just put the two together in my head...!
Christa: I have thought about the idea that we must balance two things- when a stage of bad behavior is something to naturally grow out of, and when it is something that can become a lifelong habit and might need guidance to keep it from becoming so.We teach our children healthy habits, don't we? Good food, mental health, and spiritual health. I think the assumption sometimes runs that parents must physically nourish the child, but then somehow they can't be trusted with the mental and spiritual aspects. Heck, nowadays, they can't even be trusted with making the simplest decisions about the bodies in their care, and there are many people more than willing to step in, especially after the parents have been undermined sufficiently.
I like how you put the word 'free' in quotes. True freedom, I am learning more and more, is in freedom from addiction and toxins of all sorts. This is so different from the idea that freedom means doing whatever you want and somehow you won't have to deal with the natural consequences.
I have bought several copies of Jane Eyre, myself. I finally have a copy that suits me to no end. I started with reading it on Gutenberg, then got a Dover copy, then a hardback of nondescript style, and now I have the prettiest little fat book which fits in a purse, and the detailing with covers, insides, pages, paper, print, it's like a deatiled jewel of a book. And I found it at a secondhand bookstore.
By the way, in case I didn't mention- we gave up the regular public school several years ago. Both of my kids cyberschool, which is public school online and at home. It adds its own layers of opportunity and challenge to the equation, as well. It is the compromise between one spouse who wants to homeschool and one who feels that public school is the way to go.

[Lora]

As a follow up, something happened yesterday that made me feel better. My now-reluctant reader has started reading The Importance of Being Earnest for her class. She was excited and wanted to talk about it, and she's looking forward to reading more. Thank heavens I had that glimpse, to see that the old love of reading really is still hidden in there after all!
It reminded me of several things Frederick said-thanks.

[Luella]

I think this thread may have run its course so I am closing it out. Great discussion guys. Feel free to start new topics under Classy Chat! :)