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Is Marriage Still Relevant in this Day and Age?
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Tanjlisa
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Dec 12, 2012 10:11AM
I have a real problem with people being guilt-tripped into doing things. And one of those things is marriage. Do you think marriage is still relevant for our society?
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Do you find it ironic that something that is supposed to be spiritual and personal is tied up intimately with the government?
Marriage means different things to different people.In terms of legal marriage, I think that should just be changed to a "civil union" in which 2 people sign a legal document or a contract that specifies all the legalities of their union for however long it may last. Like a business partnership.
But that really should have nothing to do with love or romance or a church marriage, etc. Those things are too personal to have the government involving itself in.
right it does mean different things my husband and i were living like a married couple for 6 years before we decided to marry and it was done by necessity for our kids we always knew we where committed it just a need for legal purposes if you want to be an a relationship you make it work and a signed paper means nothing when a relationship its done
Tanjlisa wrote: "I have a real problem with people being guilt-tripped into doing things. And one of those things is marriage. Do you think marriage is still relevant for our society?"I think marriage is actually being damaged by the people who are most claiming to defend it. When marriage is coerced as you say, either by religious guilt that sex is sinful, or by economic advantage or by social stigma then the true reason for marriage gets obscured and people increasingly become disillusioned.
What is marriage really? It's a promise between two people that they will continue to love and respect each other, each party reassuring the other that they have no need for jealousy, or fear that the person will grow bored and one day abruptly leave them.
If that arrangement is at all legislated, restricted or even encouraged then how can it serve its function?
"Did she marry me just because she was ashamed of being seen as pregnant and unmarried?"
"Did he marry me just to get us a lower tax rate?"
"Did she marry me because she couldn't marry the girl who was her best friend?"
As soon as marriage has another motive other than a mutual promise of loyalty, then how can you trust marriage at all?
Gary wrote: "I think marriage is actually being damaged by the people who are most claiming to defend it. When marriage is coerced as you say, either by religious guilt that sex is sinful, or by economic advantage or by social stigma then the true reason for marriage gets obscured and people increasingly become disillusioned."
Once again, Gary, your eloquent words highlight my sentiments.
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I never heard it put that way before. That's kinda nice. Is that an original quote?
Yeah, that IS a nice way of saying it. But I still never want to get married. You can have the commitment without the legal document.
The 'legal document' part of the equation actually undercuts the meaning of marriage imo...
William wrote: "I like the idea of marraige. I think it is a romantic commitment to one another which not only feels special in the good times but also helps hold you together in the bad."Like :-)
Ed Wagemann wrote: "The 'legal document' part of the equation actually undercuts the meaning of marriage imo..."I can understand that, but I can also understand how it would reassure some people who are less secure in themselves.
But the real point is that the legal document also gives the spouse rights, and that's why it's more important than any half-baked argument about marriage being some sort of breeding program.
The document is a legal representation that society recognises your mutual love. Without it people have been denied seeing their loved ones in hospital, or denied the authority to make decisions involving the person that is closer to them than anyone in the world. Imagine being denied the chance to see your loved one in intensive care before they die, or see them in a PVS and have someone else make the decision whether to hold on for hope or end their suffering.
I'm not gay and I've never been married, but that does not mean I cannot have compassion and understanding for those that find themselves in such tragic situations and are denied basic dignity by the prejudice of people that have no involvement in their lives.
I have no idea what rights a gay couple is denied that a married couple has. Obviously they should have any rights that they each agree to - making decisions for each other and seeing each other in the hospital.
So it seems marriage has moved more towards a legal, sterile agreement versus romance, love, and companionship...
Tanjlisa wrote: "So it seems marriage has moved more towards a legal, sterile agreement versus romance, love, and companionship..."Well, in some countries or back int he old days, mariages were aranged. So that was pretty non-romantic also. Overall, if you look at statistics, most marriages fail anyway. So there is evidence to sugest that romance is often just a fleeting thing anyway.
Ed Wagemann wrote: "I have no idea what rights a gay couple is denied that a married couple has. Obviously they should have any rights that they each agree to - making decisions for each other and seeing each other i..."Agreed. But that is one of the simplest and most persuasive arguments to equalise marriage.
Tanjlisa wrote: "So it seems marriage has moved more towards a legal, sterile agreement versus romance, love, and companionship..."As Ed points out, marriage used to be more of a legal contract, particularly in male dominated cultures where "useless" women were sold to other males for their dowries.
I also find the right's constant reference to the idea that marriage is for the children quite cynical and sterile, like some sort of breeding program.
If I ever get married (looking less likely every day) I would do it to show my partner the commitment I have to staying with them no matter what, and woe betide anyone who tries to tell me whether or not I can make that promise to them no matter the colour of their skin or what they keep in their pants...
Gary wrote: "Agreed. But that is one of the simplest and most persuasive arguments to equalise marriage. "
I have no beef against equalizing marriage. My beef is that marriage should not be something the government has its nose it. Marriage should be done outside of the government, like with a person's church for instance. Or if they are an atheiest then it can be done by a snake charmer or whatever other form they want it to take. The point is that marriage is a ceremony and a personal comittment. THe government should not be involved in such things.
What I propose is that instead of "legal marriages" that are binded by government documents, we should have "civil unions". This means for straight couples, gay couples, etc. Its simply a legal partnership. The two people don't even have to be in love. The civil union can be between any people who want to share certain rights with any other people. The right to see them in the hosptial, etc.
But this should be something entirely different than a marriage.
Agreed that marriage were those things way back when. But hasn't it been romanticize for the last fifty years or so? Maybe it's a cycle then. Gary, I'm sure you'd make a fine husband.
Ed, I agree with your entire post (wow, that has to be a first!).
Tanjlisa wrote: "I have a real problem with people being guilt-tripped into doing things. And one of those things is marriage. Do you think marriage is still relevant for our society?"I agree with everything you all have been saying. Marriage is one of those things that has changed with time. For each generation it has meant something different. I just finished reading
, which was a funny and insightful observation of marriage and what it means to different people. No one should not be pressured into marriage. For women, I think there is a strong stigma about being unattached. I recently turned 30 and people look and me funny when I tell them I am single. Sometimes people ask me, "Whats wrong with you?" "Don't you want a man?" or my favorite, "Oh I get it. You're one of those independent women who doesn't need a man." (Which is rude, but old southern ladies get away with that kind of thing here.) People make all types of mean judgements about me because of my marital status and I hate it. I have watched so many of my friends get married for the wrong reasons. I don't want to end up divorced and hurt because I did what someone else decided was good for me.
In work related situations, having a spouse is also seen as a type of accomplishment. People are more likely to view you as having a "stable" home life. Its all about perception. As the single gal at the office, I may not be invited to certain functions were I can strengthen my relationships with the higher ups because I don't have a "family". I actually bring my best guy friend with me to office functions to avoid that.
IMO, marriage is a deeply personal decision and the government or anyone else with an opinion should butt out. I think as a society we need to reevaluate what marriage truly is. With the sky high divorce rate, its time for a new perspective.
Well put Lexi.Honestly marriage is an industry now days. People make a lot of money off it and little girls are brain washed at a young age to believe that their happiness depends on it...
I'm speaking from history of one failed marriage ending in divorce, and one current successful marriage.I agree with everyone that said it's a personal choice. I honestly don't think politics or religion of the 'masses' should have any influence or creates blocks to prevent it, or rules to force it on anyone.
I think it should be for the right reasons, that are important to you- but I DON'T think society is doing marriage any favors. Between government bureaucratic trying to shove their agenda into marriage licenses, reality TV turning marriage into a dirty word, and society fighting against each other...
It seems to me, it should really just be personal a declaration of love and partnership. I don't think marriage is necessarily antiquated for modern times, but there are too many cooks trying to mess with the recipe.
Alana ~ The Book Pimp wrote: "I'm speaking from history of one failed marriage ending in divorce, and one current successful marriage.I agree with everyone that said it's a personal choice. I honestly don't think politics or..."
Agreed. :)
Its seems the consensus here is a pretty pessimistic view of marriage...
