Ask Dave

[yael]

(Played by: ?)

Your name is DAVE. It is an UNSEASONABLY WARM April day. Your BEDROOM WINDOW is open to let some air in, and your FAN is cranked. Arguably even more cranked would be your FLY BEATS, which brings us to your variety of INTERESTS. A cool dude like you is sure to have plenty. You have a penchant for spinning out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS with your TURNTABLES AND MIXING GEAR. You like to rave about BANDS NO ONE'S EVER HEARD OF BUT YOU. You collect WEIRD DEAD THINGS PRESERVED IN VARIOUS WAYS. You are an AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHER and operate your own MAKESHIFT DARKROOM. You maintain a number of IRONICALLY HUMOROUS BLOGS, WEBSITES, AND SOCIAL NETWORKING PROFILES. And if the inspiration strikes, you won't hesitate to drop some PHAT RHYMES on a mofo and REPRESENT.


A number of things about you remain UNSAID for their COMPLETE LACK OF IRONIC VALUE. Even cool kids have secrets. For example one of these disproportionately uncool things that we are now calling secrets would perhaps be your crippling ARACHNOPHOBIA or the fact that you STUTTER when under EXTREME PRESSURE. Luckily for you, you're chill enough to handle such a nervous tick in such a way that it will NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF THE MOTHER FUCKING SUN. Sweet ass mother fuckers like yours truly can handle pressure, it is quite honestly no deal at all.