Review Group discussion
General discussion
>
Jokes, all jokes, and nothing but jokes....
Anne wrote: "Jay wrote: "PARAPROSDOKIANS... are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).1. Where t..."
lol -- nice one!
Oh my God! I think people might die of fright in that elevator!
Thought for the day: if it wasn't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL
Here's another blonde joke for you, Anne:How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Jay wrote: "Here's another blonde joke for you, Anne:How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch n sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool."
Good one! I won't take it personally...plus, I don't swim.
Well, I couldn't have you going through life with only 2 blonde jokes in your arsenal, Anne!
Right! And now I must tell you that you've only been gone for a matter of hours, and I'm already missing you more than anyone I've ever missed in my life! (sigh). Just now narrowly averted disaster...but don't worry...:)....all will be fine.
Ha! Yeah, beware. Poor Mike in the moderators group has aleady experienced the wrath of the hen house.
Anne wrote: "Right! And now I must tell you that you've only been gone for a matter of hours, and I'm already missing you more than anyone I've ever missed in my life! (sigh). Just now narrowly averted disaster..."Ah, Anne, I'm really touched - most people would say touched as in crazy and I'd have to agree! Sorry about the near disaster, as I'm pretty sure it's a disaster of my making that I've dumped on you :(
Steve wrote: "Anne wrote: "I LOVE the ASSICONS! This is the best Group I've met in the brief time (sometimes it seems glacially long) I've been on Goodreads. Usually it feels like a penal colony here. I want ..."
didn't fare too well? Do you know how many millions they made? I wouldn't object to being in that same elite group lol!
Jay wrote: "Anne wrote: "Right! And now I must tell you that you've only been gone for a matter of hours, and I'm already missing you more than anyone I've ever missed in my life! (sigh). Just now narrowly ave..."No way...entirely my own fault (also zeal, as it happened while I was deleting a boo-boo of mine.) I have to say, as much as I'm floored by the amount of work just chasing all the new posts, I can see how it might get addictive. Once on top of the curve (like the surfing wave?)one wants to stay there. Still haven't got to the Worksheets yet, though...my Achilles heel is showing, I'm afraid.
Jay wrote: "Steve wrote: "Anne wrote: "I LOVE the ASSICONS! This is the best Group I've met in the brief time (sometimes it seems glacially long) I've been on Goodreads. Usually it feels like a penal colony h..."Shove over...me too.
Jay wrote: "Thought for the day: if it wasn't for C, we'd be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL"I'll try telling my students that when I give them one (a C).
The worksheets will become your friend and savious, Anne - it's the only way to keep track of what happened on the threads.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
Samuel wrote: "There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't."I have a T-shirt with that on! It's very interesting watching people's faces as they try and make sense of it.
Or are they just looking at my boobs?
This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem.To whom this may concern
Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
It's a serious problem. As mouse balls get older, they don't work as well.
They get safer though, don't they? As I get older I'm not so keen on nasty surprises.
This is very funny, also a sign of the high-tech times. We used to have jokes about moth balls....
Hm. Should I wash my mouth out with soap? Let's just say, if the mouse is not working, you could do the FRU (FRU) or get one of these http://computer.howstuffworks.com/mou...
....
Happy w/e everyone - enjoy :)http://imgur.com/RjRBl
http://imgur.com/h7wfr
http://i.imgur.com/NYDMZ.gif - not one to try indoors, children!
http://imgur.com/gallery/laPn4
http://imgur.com/rKYtM
http://i.imgur.com/JEhgE.png
http://i.imgur.com/yQvoB.gif - don’t try parking like this on your driving test
http://imgur.com/t483S
http://i.imgur.com/ZvmAH.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/mOeQT.jpg
http://imgur.com/YaKqq
http://i.imgur.com/fCelQ.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/i8DW3.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/OmZip.png
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsF...
I think I have enough books to make a forest, which would be quite appropriate, completing the cycle :)
http://imgur.com/RjRBlI'm way behind. No, not Christmas cards, not housework, not anything specific, just behind.
So I just caught this one from Jay's Dec. 8 post, and as a veterinarian I have to tell you that the surgical extraction of an ear from a wall is much trickier than you might imagine. Especially if one doesn't care to do a field surgery.
Merry Christmas, Sheila
How about an eye from a keyhole, Sheila?Happy Christmas to you, too :)
Dated blonde joke.How do you tell which workstation belongs to the blonde?
Its the only one with whiteout on the screen.
There you go, Anne - your blonde collection is still growing :)
I will eventually be included in the blonde group myself. Although I have been a brunette all my life, I've decided to go blonde in my latter years, and, by dint of great effort and concentration, I have managed to squeeze a number of blonde hairs out of my scalp. I'm quite sure I'll be a platinum blonde in short order...
I beat you to it, Kathy, I think. I used to be a vibrant redhead, but as the years have caught up with me people now think I'm 'strawberry blonde'. Does that count?
A farmer named Bill was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Scotland when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust..The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bill looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bill..
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.
Then Bill says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament for the British Government", says Bill.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep...
>
>
>
>
Now give me back my dog.
This is just brilliant - a laugh per page guaranteed :)… invest 20p in this book
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifty-Sheds-G...
Chris and I were getting strange looks in the pub as we kept bursting out laughing – until we showed some of the brilliant one-liners. Then they were trying to download the Kindle app for their phones…
When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is this statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY;
AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE BUTT THAN YOURS!
This gave me a good giggle, imagining what they would see along the way...And the last line is so true!
http://what-if.xkcd.com/
Fortunately, my work email accidentally enabled an ap that allowed me to download hundreds of "emoji" emoticons. Not a message goes by without one...they include a pile of poop with flies buzzing around it, a lobster clicking its claws, all manner of alcoholic drinks (martinis, wine bottles, corks, beer mugs) and other work-appropriate symbols.
I've just been banned from adding interesting quotes to my signature block. I could understand it if I was dealing with people outside the EA offices, but I don't, and lots of people have commented on how much they look forward to the next new one. Back in to the office tomorrow... I've so enjoyed this week off but reality calls, or rather their version of reality. I prefer the realities in my head.
This is absolutely brilliant, but I'm such a dumkopf with these things - does it work for other people, passing on a Fb link?https://www.facebook.com/video/video....
Review Group
Books mentioned in this topic
The Casual Vacancy (other topics)The Casual Vacancy (other topics)
The Casual Vacancy (other topics)
1. Where there's a wil..."
And here is mine (stolen, of course):
If you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me.