Maya’s Reviews > Junction X > Status Update

starting later, still at work.

No worries. You know I'm an hour ahead of you.
Plus, I want to watch the news tonight, see what drama I missed from election night. The referendum was not successful - that much is certain. It appears people don't care for electronic voting here :(

what referendum was it?

and I'm relieved that election drama does not happen here only :)

here it's 18:16 (sunlight saving time etc)

The referendum was on whether to introduce electronic voting but not enough people bothered to take part in it so it failed.

We changed the time back this weekend too. It's 19:42 here right now. I'm on Eastern European Time, and you are on Central, right? :)

Yep Central - where the navel of the world (haha) :P

15% - end of Chapter 2
(view spoiler)[strong start. The need for intimacy, the confusion - I liked how these were written.
We are once again in a family that had started with a lie. (hide spoiler)]

Chap 1 - gulp quite a start, going to read somemore to see your spoiler :)

Sofia wrote: "Chap 1 - gulp quite a start, going to read somemore to see your spoiler :)"

hee, first two words in my spoiler are: strong start!

good morning :)



@20% - chapter 3
It's such a relief to read this book after Fates and Furies. The writing is flowing, three chapters in and I already care about the characters.

(view spoiler)[Loved the scene when Ed got home to find Valerie in full power entreating the guests. I could feel her desperation for attention, I still don't know why exactly she's upset with Ed but her unhappiness is showing. (hide spoiler)]

Good morning Maya, we've had such a storm, streets have flooded again.

Yes the writing is a relief :)

Chap 2 (view spoiler)[do you mean lies in the sense of 'settling for no love or connection'. Definitely not a good start and it shows. If it had not been Phil it would have been another woman and another man for V. Make me sad these kind of situations. (hide spoiler)]

Sofia wrote: "Good morning Maya, we've had such a storm, streets have flooded again."

:(
I hope no one got hurt.

re chapter 2 (view spoiler)[I meant that Ed made Valerie believe things about him that weren't true when they were writing letters to each other.

But yes, he is obviously not in love with her, and he wasn't in love with her but I think he thought that's just the way things are in marriage. Not that I'm looking for an excuse for him. (hide spoiler)]

Chap 3 (view spoiler)[I had forgotten about the letters, yes lies. A kind of desperation, closing your eyes to your reality and forging ahead with the expected.

The bit where they (Phil mostly) cannot even name what they have between them, like if it does not have a name it does not exisit, sad.

I'm sad for Ed and for Valerie, both unhappy, bothing needing things which they cannot give each other. They do not even have friendship/complicity so it is sad.

When he keeps referring to talking to Alex, it makes me a bit fearful for the future. It's like Andy allover again.

Empathising with Ed which I'm doing is not finding excusing for him I think. I definitely do not like what he is doing to Valerie, to himself and to his children. But I empathise with his humanity in that he is not inventing the wheel here, he does what we all do, we deny, we close our eyes, we continue, we hope, we hurt and we cry.

(hide spoiler)]

Chap 4 (view spoiler)[Ed needs so much more than what Phil gives him, if he settles for what Phil gives he will be doing the same thing he did with Valerie. I'm glad he realises that he needs something more.

this story is going to be difficult but true in a way that romance isn't (hide spoiler)]

Sofia wrote: ""

poor Cookie Monster :P

Re Chap 3&4 - (view spoiler)[Yes, it is clear from now that there will be something between Ed and Alec/Alex and i know this is not a romance (so no HEA) but i also have a feeling someone might die in this book. Just by the way Ed's narrative is.

I hope Ed will soon be able to resist Phil, it is clear Phis doesn't look for anything other than a quickie. Phil reminded me of that boy in one of Adam Haslett's short stories. The one that used to beat the other boy because of his internal homophobia. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[ Yeah - at least Ed is going forward in his thoughts, Phil ends up being scary as he will be able to hurt rather than admit, see the reality. (hide spoiler)]

@54% - beginning of chapter 12

(view spoiler)["It was at this point that the old Eddie died forever, I think, for there wasn’t a day after this when I wasn’t lying to someone. Perhaps because it was I’d stopped lying to myself."

Can you imagine a life like that? Lying either to yourself or to everyone else. :( (hide spoiler)]

I'm up to chap 8, I fell asleep last night - shame on me :D

I'll have to catch up with you tonight.

No deaths in these floods - which is good :)

Sofia wrote: "No deaths in these floods - which is good :)"

It is. Is it over now? Are the roads open?


the book: I'm eager to find out what's next so I read until my eyes were closing last night. Although the tone doesn't suggest anything good so I'm a bit scared too.

Yep the roads are open. This usually happens every autumn when the rains start. We get a good soaking and there are left to grow in peace :)

Still got some work to do (payroll time) and then I'm all Junction's :)

Phil (view spoiler)[It's not that I applaude betrayal but Claire's defection felt good. Sometimes in m/m or gay fiction the women are left at the wayside and I don't like that. Here and in Probation they aren't, they are neither saintly, nor evil, just human I guess. (hide spoiler)]

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-2313...

This would mean that Ed was born in 1930 and it is now 1963. Funny he does not mention WW2. Alec was born 1946.

@42%

Sofia wrote: "Yep the roads are open. This usually happens every autumn when the rains start. We get a good soaking and there are left to grow in peace :)

Still got some work to do (payroll time) and then I'm a..."

(view spoiler)[
About women - hmm, I'm not yet convinced in Valerie's character. Except for the romantic beliefs she had before she married Ed and her not-well covered unhappiness we don't really know much about her, do we? It's not annoying for me yet but she is in the background.

About Phil - I think he got so very upset with Claire leaving him not because he loved her but because he thought he was the one controlling everything, the one who could do whatever he wanted. And she showed him it wasn't the case. So yes, good for her. But I doubt he'll learn his lesson. (hide spoiler)]

Sofia wrote: "http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-2313...

This would mean that Ed was born in 1930 and it is now 1963. Funny he does not mention WW2. Alec was born 1946.

@42%"

oh, he did mention the war at some point. Going to read the link now :)

ETA: just went back to check - i think your calculations are correct.
Gosh, Ed won't stop calling himself old and he's only 33 yo!!!

Maya wrote: "@54% - beginning of chapter 12

(view spoiler)[scary all these lies, making me anxious in his stead, although he is anxious emough as it is. I don't trust Phil.

Alex is not just a kid. I'd like to know more of him. He does not seem to be crippled by Ed's blinkers.

Feeling words about Valerie and the barreness of their relationship. (hide spoiler)]

re 54% (view spoiler)[yes, I think Alex even knows more than Ed about sexuality and everything.
I don't know, Ed doesn't give me the creeps. Although it is obvious his obsession with Alex is heading towards the 'it's too much' line, it's kind of endearing because that's the first time he's ever been in love. (hide spoiler)]

I'm at70% - end of chapter 15. (view spoiler)[Ed's impatience and eagerness are contagious. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[Yes they are, you are right it's a first love with all it's awe and raw eagerness. (hide spoiler)]

chap 17 78% (view spoiler)[I can feel the sordidness as well as the eagerness. I want him/them to enjoy his first love, at the same time I can feel the sordidness that this means and the hurts. Even his thoughts towards Valerie have mellowed as if the fact that he is betraying her (with his love rather than just with his body as with Phil) is making him softer towards her. I fear the hurt that is so part of this. And I don't trust Phil and don't like that he know of the flat etc... (hide spoiler)]



I'm listening to http://www.classicfm.com/ whilst working on payroll :)

good morning :) wishing you a great day too!

somewhere in chapter 16 (view spoiler)[Every time I read one of these sentences my heart squeezes:

"Did he see the future the way I did? I’ll never know." (hide spoiler)]

It does not augur well (view spoiler)[ I fear criminal action against him (hide spoiler)]

finished.

(view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)]

Finished

(view spoiler)[

Feel so sad. I felt the bad coming but I hoped.

I don't know what solution was possible.

:( (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[I had a feeling Alex would die but not Ed.

No happy ending was possible though. No matter which way things went someone would end up very hurt :(

the book reminded me of Giovanni's Room. (hide spoiler)]

Oh that was another one.

So hopeless :(

(view spoiler)[i think of all of them and feel sad for all, the children, the wife, Ed and Alex, his parents.

Trying to fit square pegs in round holes, such a disaster.

Asking Ed to turn back from his first love, he chance to be, rather impossible. Like asking a drowning man to let go of a lifeline. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[yes, they were all affected.
But what if Ed went through his entire life without having love like this one? That would be extremely sad too, don't you think?

Ahh :( (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[That's why i said it was impossible. He was desperate and desperate men cannot reason or turn away from hope. He was like a powder keg ready to blow. If he kept away from Alex he still would have done something desperate that would have hurt him and his family. (hide spoiler)]

Exactly, how is he going to climb out?

F**ked if you do and f**ked if you don't.

(view spoiler)[i don't know if it would have changed anything for Alex if Ed had turned him away immediately. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[I think it would. I think if he didn't get involved with Ed he would have been able to get over it, move on and meet somebody new. But as soon as Ed returned that first kiss ... it was too late. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[still feel sad. I wish that Ed had been able to turn away from Alex, that would have confined the explosion to him and his family :( because some sort of explosion would have come some time or another. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[I am still sad too. :(
I think Ed was aware that it was his action that caused Alex's death. It was one of the reasons for him to end his life too. (hide spoiler)]

(view spoiler)[Talk about being between a rock and a hard place, feel so bad that Ed had no happy options. (hide spoiler)]