Sheila Matharu > Sheila's Quotes

“Things happened so casually. There was no added friction to the running of time, no solemnity…. Life kept going as it always did…as if what had happened was nothing at all. But it wasn’t to me. Suddenly, I was not at home in any place anymore. They all became strangers—faceless, emotionless people I could not understand or relate to. And I slowly distanced myself from their world…and, since then, I haven’t really been there for most of it…. When they lowered their coffins into the ground, I found myself in a horror movie with no one to save me. I understood that I would not see them again. But oddly, they appear in my mind all the time. I see their smile; I can hear their laughter. It makes me smile back…I forget they are gone…and my step quickens to take me home to them. For a few seconds, I believe they are waiting for me as if no time has passed at all….”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“As for everyone else, there have been cases when I have felt taken advantage of…when people have taken from me without giving back. I have felt wronged and have judged those people as unfair. And it has bothered me. I have asked myself: What should I do? Should I refrain from being generous? Should I change? And every time I have considered this, I have realised that there are certain situations, generally seen as difficult, sad, or unfair, that allow us to express our higher self. I aspire to be more than my biology. I can choose. I am endowed with reason. My death is certain and my time limited, but I can choose how to live. What would make me into someone I can be proud of, someone who counts among the heroes of my own life? Would it be a person who practises calculated goodness or one who strives to be good for its own sake? And if goodness is to be my demise, given that a demise is unavoidable, is it still not better to die loving than to succumb in any other way? …I don’t know…. I’m not sure I’ve made much sense…. I am still searching for the answers. All I have right now are glimpses and intuitions.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Not really, No. I don’t think of the poem as being negative. To me, it evokes a feeling that can never truly be expressed in words, the feeling of losing someone…. Aside from whether we think of death as a passage to something else or as the end of everything, aside from whether the thought of it fills us with fear and anguish or leaves us indifferent, there is an unfillable longing, a desperate ache for the person who was loved and is lost.”
― Sheila Matharu

“I don’t know…I would like to believe that the purpose of life is to be good…but I can’t. I feel like I would be fooling myself. I really wish I could; I think life would be much easier if I had a positive outlook. But, on certain days, when I think about it, I feel like picking goodness as the purpose for my existence is completely subjective and has more to do with what I want than the actual ‘reality’ of life…. I don’t want the purpose of my existence to be a personal invention. I need it to be ‘real’…Am I making any sense?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“When in doubt about whether an action is good or bad, I ask myself whether it will hurt another person. Regardless of whether we can pinpoint the ultimate meaning of existence, aren’t people important?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Ok, fair enough, people have the right to know! But is their right to know more important than my right to safety? Why should I reveal something about myself that will put me in danger? Why do you keep quiet about being a vampire?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“It was suddenly clear to her that what mattered most was love—not necessarily romantic love, and that any pursuit would be hollow without it. Love gave a flat, black and white world colour, smell, taste, substance, and dimension. It was the antidote to the emotionless, goal-oriented rationality promoted by modern societies, where people planned, compartmentalised and manipulated their relationships. Love changed the motives and the intentions.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“You cannot let the past define you,” she said assertively, staring into his eyes.
“Ro’!” exclaimed Ethan with impatience. “Only those who do not reflect or learn from their experiences are not affected by their past! Otherwise, regardless of whether we rise or fall, we are inevitably defined by it!” he remarked angrily.
“You know that what I mean is that you can decide to not let it hold you down,” she specified gently.
“Ro’. I don't need to ignore it or pretend that it never happened to live my life and do well. That is what I was doing before, but I stopped a long time ago. And still, despite what has happened to me, I have done well. But that doesn’t mean I’m not angry about it. I can still be angry.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Don’t the stories we tell shape the views of our listeners? You ask me about Darkness, but whose Darkness do you know? Why was he presented to you?” asked Nagasaki dispassionately.
She did not reply, startled by the unexpected answer. His questions confused her, and it suddenly occurred to her that, perhaps, her dreams have been orchestrated by someone.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“I saw him again after we broke up. He texted me that he missed me and I agreed to meet him. Though it had been less than two weeks, he looked so much older. I saw the lines, the tiredness—he was not as I remembered him. He looked almost ugly. I realised then that the spell had been broken. With the wisdom of hindsight, I know that he offered me neither love nor respect. He did not make me a better person, and the same is true of me. Our relationship was superficial. We ignored the aspects of each other’s lives, which made us uncomfortable.”
― Sheila Matharu

“Although they remain silent companions throughout my life, I feel their absence the most when I’m happiest. I know it seems strange, even counterintuitive. It’s hard to explain…. I guess that I wish they could be part of those moments—or perhaps the happy moments, instances of life going on without them, come with the fear of losing their constant presence in my thoughts and the knowledge that, in a way, they are being left behind…. In a way, grief reassures me that I still love them as much as when they were here, and that through me some part of them still exists in this world….”
― Sheila Matharu

“You know, Sam, the other night as darkness descended, it occurred to me that our essence is that of the stars. Perhaps, we were part of the stars at some point in the past and will be again in the future. Isn’t that amazing? What we are now is just one of the millions of temporary states we will take during the course of time…. I do not fear the darkness any longer, I focus on the stars….”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“The eternal dark awaits us. And yet, the certainty of death does not lessen life’s worth. So much of what we possess and who we are has been given to us by the dead. Perhaps, death is not the tragedy we were led to believe. Though at times silently, I believe our lives are always of consequence.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“I have always liked mornings when light brightens without warming, instrumental but not distracting. Seiya, on the other hand, prefers afternoons when energies run high and you are most easily engaged in what happens around you.” She paused to take a deep breath. “I had forgotten, but now that I remember, it seems just like yesterday. I remember Bowe telling me that she liked nights the most. She described them as the most forgiving time of day, the time when she felt most free to be herself…despite the fact that she was my best friend, I think I never quite understood Bowe as well as I thought. I remember she once told me that she felt like she did not belong to the world. It shocked me. I thought that she was exaggerating. Though I knew that she suffered from depression, I thought she was exaggerating…. I knew about the cutting but I thought it was just a phase and that she would soon grow out of it…but seeing Bowe again, finding her so thin and grey, I can’t help but wonder whether I was wrong…” she added absently.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sam. You know the people in your life better than you think. I have always thought that in life, at times, it is as if we were watching things through a pair of binoculars. Our vision is limited to what we see through the lenses. So much might be missed. Things that are actually quite small may appear disproportionately large. When in doubt, Shane and I have often turned towards the stars. They put our lives in perspective and remind us that measured on the scale of the universe our problems are not as big as they seem to be…. It helps us approach them more calmly.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“I completely agree. The crazy thing is that the current system only benefits the rich and those in power. We buy into their arguments, even when they contradict our direct experiences. We accept the unacceptable. Take Marduk. We live in one of the richest cities in the world, in a developed country, and yet we have one of the highest levels of inequality and homelessness. How strange that despite our wealth we should be so greedy!”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“You are wrong. She defied us the moment she rejected our verdict and opposed her sentence. The laws she undermined are the ones that preserve our order, bring our children into this world, rear them, and protect them up to their deaths. Regardless of how she may have deemed her sentence, refusing the verdict was a crime on its own. The worst crime. What would happen to our society and the peace we value so dearly if actions like hers were left unpunished?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Individuals are born and die. Society perseveres. It comes before citizens and will still exist once they are gone. Which do you think is more important?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Think about your own world. Aren’t foreign countries and cultures defined narrowly to buttress the policies of your own government? That is not to say that the images presented to you are not based on real entities, or that the facts used to mould your understanding have not occurred, but rather that overall they are a distorted portrayal of reality. When the council acted against Darkness, the scale of his crimes had been significantly decreasing. Although they publicly presented the war as a moral imperative, it was pursued to consolidate their power.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Dreams…I lived life searching for big answers…. I wanted to make a difference, change the world. Now, I realise the world will be fine without me, and I wish that I had focused on living well instead….”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“You know, there was a time when thoughts about the potential for evil within me would keep me awake at night. I became fully aware that there is no intrinsic difference between me and the killer, rapist, or thief—we are all human. There is more to them than the crime they have committed. They are not the flat monsters portrayed by the media. Discovering them to not be different from myself and understanding the existence of my own potential to commit evil inevitably revealed its possibility, anguishing me immensely. But things are better now. When I re-explore those thoughts, they do not fill me with the same negative emotions. We can be anything we want to be regardless of the darkness and light that co-exists within us…. We may not be able to control everything, but we can influence who we become and what we do…”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“There was a time, when I was young, when the world looked very different. Perhaps, the world was the same as it is now and it was people who were different, I don’t know…. My parents used to despise greed, waste, selfishness, and the excessive pursuit of money. How did these values come to rule the world? Don’t we pride ourselves on our ability to rise above them for sake of the common good?”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“The pursuit of wealth grants no friends. Perhaps, it is a lesson too many strive to learn on their own. One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and found someone much older but with few valuable memories to show for the elapsed time. I was alone. I started drinking. I lost everything. They say that we are all just three steps away from homelessness. They are right. I lost anyone who ever cared for me. I lost my mind. And I lost my money.”
“I’m sorry for your losses…” offered Shane genuinely.
“Don’t be sorry, kid. I do not regret my homelessness. It has taught me some important lessons. Instead, I regret the approach and decisions I took when I had money. I take pleasure in the small things now. Time is on my side. I do not expect you to understand it, but my life is longer than it was ever before.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“I do not deny that, to most, homelessness is a curse. Just look at some of the people in this room. The smell of urine, alcohol, and dirt is overwhelming. They have lost their dignity. Winter is on the doorstep. No hygiene will lead to certain disaster! But I suppose that Marduk does not care for them any longer. In a world where life is measured in monetary terms, those with no earnings are at the bottom of the chain. Their life is worth nothing. There is something surreal about it, don’t you think?!” He paused chewing his bottom lip, lost in reflection. “And yet, even those with money are not much better off. This summer I spent my days in a park, watching the same people rush from the station to work every morning. I am certain that they do not notice the flowers bloom in spring and that, to them, most of the world is no more than a shadow. I used to be them once, but not anymore.”
“Are you happy?” asked Shane without judgement, not wanting to make any assumptions.
“Happy?! I don’t know. But I am free and I am alive. There are those who resent not being seen, and I suppose that our invisibility, compounded by the thousands of people who pass us on the street every day without looking into our eyes, is indeed a symptom of something being wrong with our society. But I do not mind it. I would rather be out of a system designed to enslave me. This is my pilgrimage; like a monk, I have abandoned my old life in search of myself.” He paused and studied Shane. “You are young, the road ahead of you is still long. Certain lessons can only be learned with experience.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“I do not deny that, to most, homelessness is a curse. Just look at some of the people in this room. The smell of urine, alcohol, and dirt is overwhelming. They have lost their dignity. Winter is on the doorstep. No hygiene will lead to certain disaster! But I suppose that Marduk does not care for them any longer. In a world where life is measured in monetary terms, those with no earnings are at the bottom of the chain. Their life is worth nothing. There is something surreal about it, don’t you think?!”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Happy?! I don’t know. But I am free and I am alive. There are those who resent not being seen, and I suppose that our invisibility, compounded by the thousands of people who pass us on the street every day without looking into our eyes, is indeed a symptom of something being wrong with our society. But I do not mind it. I would rather be out of a system designed to enslave me. This is my pilgrimage; like a monk, I have abandoned my old life in search of myself.”
― Sheila Matharu, Darkness

“Sin, he reflected, is not what it is usually thought to be; it is not to steal and tell lies. Sin is for one man to walk brutally over the life of another and to be quite oblivious of the wounds he has left behind.”
― Shusaku Endo, Silence

“Man has no Body distinct from his soul; for that called Body is a portion of a Soul discerned by the five senses, the chief inlets of Soul in this age.”
― William Blake