James > James's Quotes

“I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.”
― Laurie Notaro, The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club: True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life

“...Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.”
― Laurie Notaro, There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

“There are things running around out there with uteruses,son. You're going to need this.”
― Laurie Notaro

“Oh boy. Too drunk to hold on to a whiskey and Coke and the word "pretty." That's not a combination with a positive outcome. Not good at all. That's the secret password that usually leaves me trying to find a ride home in the morning.”
― Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood