Dougie Brimson > Dougie's Quotes

“He hated hospitals, hated them. The stench of Domestos and death seemed to linger in his nostrils and on his clothes for weeks, as if to remind him of something bad. It was even rare to find a tasty nurse these days. Most of the ones he'd seen this afternoon had been as ugly as sin.”
― Dougie Brimson, Top Dog

“When you lived on the wrong side of the law, information, however vague or apparently meaningless, was everything. It gave you leverage. And leverage was power.”
― Dougie Brimson, Top Dog

“Millwall fans are an earthy bunch, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but many of them lack social graces, and the demographics are far removed from architect’s impressions of the New Den, which is a superb ground”
― Karl Wiggins, Calico Jack in your Garden

“When leaving the ground, our ears were assaulted by language that you wouldn’t normally hear on a building site. In fact, most people in construction wouldn’t normally swear in public or in front of children. It appeared to me that the men in their twenties using these words were doing so on purpose, perhaps to make themselves appear ‘hard’ amongst other Millwall supporters, or to intimidate the opposition. But looking at them, they were pigeon chested and weak armed, and I suspected their use of foul language was intended to boost their stature to compensate for their lack of physical strength”
― Karl Wiggins, Calico Jack in your Garden

“One headline read: ‘West Ham supporters set light to a yacht.’ Now, if that boat was a yacht, then it probably only needed two paddles to row it. But if the headlines were exaggerated, the events of that night weren’t. Some nasty things happened that night. It was inevitable when you had a thousand young men down for a football match with nowhere to stay and nowhere open. [...] It was well into the wee hours before we at last found somewhere to crash out. We met a bird and bloke who were local, and for some unknown reason they offered us the use of their flat on the seafront. Needless to say, we showed our appreciation of their generosity by guzzling the spirits cabinet dry and trashing the flat. The bloke was so pissed he was half joining in while the bird, who we all thought was a bit odd, was going mental. In fact, she was like a fucking animal.

- Jimmy Smith”
― Cass Pennant, Congratulations, You Have Just Met the I.C.F.

“The Tote End (a large and foreboding terrace at Eastville) itself was demolished in the nineties. Sadly a monstrous Ikea store now stands in it's place. Where once tribes of youths performed their rites of passage and bodily fluids flowed in the name of love, hate and pride; Justin and Kate bicker over which wood flooring they should choose. It fucking kills me.”
― Chris Brown, Bovver: My Journey Through Football, Music, Fashion and Violence

“The Tote End itself was demolished in the nineties. Sadly a monstrous IKEA store now stands in it's place. Where once tribes of youths performed their rites of passage and bodily fluids flowed in the name of love, hate and pride; Justin and Kate bicker over which wood flooring they should choose. It fucking kills me.”
― Chris Brown

“These days, things were different. Much different.

For the most part, what fun there was to be had at Upton Park came from the cat and mouse side of the contest. Thinking on your feet and trying to outwit old bill while still trying to get one over on the opposition. It was like a real life computer game, Theme Hooligan.

He still got a buzz from it though, but not the same buzz. And he wasn’t alone. The scene was dying on its arse although that wasn’t always down to the police.”
― Dougie Brimson, Top Dog

“Heads up lads!” someone shouted. “Here we go!”

More missiles, this time not just bottles, but coins as well. And then from the other side of the cordon, a roar went up. Bellowing across the road toward them.

Billy watched as the Manchester lads poured forward, desperately trying to force a way through the massed ranks of the police only to be driven back by batons and gloved fists.

Another salvo of bottles came flying across, trying to provoke a reaction. But the West Ham lads merely stood and laughed. They didn’t need to respond. The point had been made, the result earned.

Billy was happy. Very happy.”
― Dougie Brimson, Top Dog

“Fitchett smiled to himself. He loved this bit, when it’s about to kick off. Half terror, half ecstasy. The adrenaline surging through him like an electric current. His breathing coming in short gasps and his stomach trying to push its way up through his throat. ‘The Buzz’ they called it. And they were right. Fitchett was buzzing, this was what it was all about for him. This blast of magic.”
― Dougie Brimson, The Crew

“Okay then, we’re set” he thought. “Come and get it”. The enemy, his enemy, were walking into the classic football ambush and they didn’t have a fucking clue.”
― Dougie Brimson, The Crew

“You see football isn’t just about 90 minutes, it‘s about passion and, yes, if you like, about life. We men will do things under the umbrella of football fandom that we would never dream of doing in any other sphere of life, and within the pages that follow I will try and explain why.”
― Dougie Brimson, Geezer's Guide to Football: A Lifetime of Lads, Lager and Labels

“One of the things about football fans in general is that they all think that they’re the same. But they are not. This is a myth put about by people who wish that they were the same as the geezers. There are, in fact, a number of distinctive types of supporter, and although they all have a role to play, they are all very different indeed.”
― Dougie Brimson, Geezer's Guide to Football: A Lifetime of Lads, Lager and Labels

“Emma has just rung and sarcastically asked me if I was ever planning on asking her out again. After fighting back my initial reaction to answer ‘only if you’re going to put out this time,’ I told her that, in these days of equality, it was her turn to ask me. Which, amazingly enough, she did.”
― Dougie Brimson, Billy's Log. The Hilarious Diary of One Man's Struggle With Life, Lager and the Female Race

“I always enjoy the day after a hangover. Each time it happens, it’s my own little victory over the demon drink.”
― Dougie Brimson, Billy's Log. The Hilarious Diary of One Man's Struggle With Life, Lager and the Female Race

“To be fair, her expected hatred of all things male has not materialised because it is clear that she simply dislikes everyone. I suspect that this is an attempt to remain aloof from the minions but it has backfired badly. The women, who were looking upon her as a potential saviour, now regard her as a traitor to her sex.

The blokes are just relieved.”
― Dougie Brimson, Billy's Log. The Hilarious Diary of One Man's Struggle With Life, Lager and the Female Race

“A very worrying development at lunchtime. As we were walking down the Charing Cross Road, Emma put her arm through mine. Not even Liz has ever done that and it’s fair to say that it was a bit of a shock. Because as far as I’m concerned, walking along arm in arm with a bird means that you’re a couple. And although she’s nice and all that, I don’t think of us in those terms at all.”
― Dougie Brimson, Billy's Log. The Hilarious Diary of One Man's Struggle With Life, Lager and the Female Race

“Two hours later, a noise resembling a hippo rolling along a corrugated iron roof shook Jane from her doze and Rob bursts through the living room door.”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“A game?’ Rob spluttered. ‘A bloody game?’

He turned to face his father. ‘This is your bloody fault! I’m living your bloody karma!”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“Jane turned and looked at Rob who was still staring into space with a crazed look on his face.

‘Are you listening to this?’ she said as she thumped him on the arm.

Rob turned to her and broke into a broad grin.

‘Listening to what?’ he laughed. ‘I’m loaded. I don’t have to listen to anything!’

‘Yes you do,’ said England calmly. ‘You have to listen very carefully.”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“Oh really?’ said Mayes raising a mocking eyebrow which put Rob in mind of a poor man’s Roger Moore. ‘And what on earth makes you think that you of all people would be allowed anywhere near our board meeting?

Rob’s smile widened as he realised that he was about to have one of those golden bombshell moments of the type he’d been on the receiving end of all too frequently over the last few days.

‘Because Mr. Mayes, I’m your new chairman.”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“Well we certainly don't want to see that kind of thing,’ admonished Jeff Stelling. ‘Did it calm down?’

‘No,’ shouted Kamara. ‘It got worse. The police were just getting involved when the chairman was hit by a pie thrown from the crowd.’

‘Was he injured?’ asked Stelling, struggling to suppress a giggle.

‘I don’t think so,’ laughed Kamara. ‘He sat down and started eating it!”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“I think you're a shit,’ said Keith sharply. ‘I think much of what you’ve done this season is shit and I think what you've put everyone involved with this club through is shit. How’s that?”
― Dougie Brimson, Wings of a Sparrow

“To be perfectly honest, if I had my way women wouldn’t even be allowed inside grounds, and I certainly believe that if a ground is sold out and a male of the species is locked outside, someone should go in, grab the nearest female and throw her out so that the bloke can have her seat.”
― Dougie Brimson, Geezer's Guide to Football: A Lifetime of Lads, Lager and Labels

“Women‘s football is crap. If it were any good people would go and watch it, but it isn’t and they don’t. And, to be honest, I doubt they ever will.”
― Dougie Brimson, Geezer's Guide to Football: A Lifetime of Lads, Lager and Labels

“I write in my head on the way home from work, or when mowing the lawn, or on a night out with friends. Sometimes I find the time to capture those words that are rolling through my mind, quivering and drumming and swimming, banging into each other until I can finally trick them and leak them out onto the page. And sometimes I don't. Writers are like that”
― Karl Wiggins, Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe

“Like many, he’d been watching the country tear itself apart over Brexit and whilst he’d never had any real interest in politics, it was fairly clear that the growing social tension was not only fuelling resentment and division, it was creating a political vacuum.

If Billy knew one thing, it’s that any kind of vacuum equalled opportunity and whilst he had no idea how that might manifest itself, he’d suspected that working with the veterans and having a group of lads at his beck and call might well prove advantageous at some point. All he had to do was make sure that whatever form that opportunity might take, he had to be ready to grab it with both hands when the time came.”
― Dougie Brimson, In the Know

“Billy walked up to the car and bent down to look inside.
‘Major Foster, what a pleasant surprise,’ he said sarcastically. ‘I’m glad you’ve popped round; it gives me the chance to tell you to f**k off.’
Foster smiled in response”
― Dougie Brimson, In the Know