“Now, as many times before, I am troubled by my own experience of my feelings, by my anguish simply to be feeling something, my disquiet at simply being here, my nostalgia for something never known, the setting of the sun on all emotions, this fading, in my external consciousness of myself, from yellow into gray sadness.
Who will save me from existence? It isn’t death I want, or life: it’s the other thing that shines at the bottom of all longing like a possible diamond in a cave one cannot reach. It’s the whole weight and pain of this real and impossible universe, of this sky, of this standard borne by some unknown army, of these colors that grow pale in the fictitious air, out of which there emerges in still, electric whiteness the imaginary crescent of the moon, silhouetted by distance and indifference.
The absence of a true God has become the empty corpse of the vast sky and the closed soul. Infinite prison, because you are infinite no one can escape you!”
―
Fernando Pessoa,
The Book of Disquiet: The Complete Edition