Rob > Rob's Quotes

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin

“That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“The Creator made women to please the eye, and to boggle the mind.”
― Robert Jordan, The Wheel of Time: Boxed Set

“Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.”
― Robert Jordan

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns

“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”
― Scott Adams

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
― Albert Einstein