Ember > Ember's Quotes

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

“Danger rarely wore a monstrous face and wielded a pitchfork. No, danger came most often in the form of people like Edward, the nice people whose niceness only went so deep, who believed they were more deserving of power and respect than anyone who was a little bit different. And she would never know how many other nice, ordinary people out there were as ugly as Edward underneath.”
― Sangu Mandanna, The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches

“Once you understand this, you will be ready to accept one of the most surprising truths about marriage: Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind—but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.”
― John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

“Human nature dictates that it is virtually impossible to accept advice from someone unless you feel that that person understands you.”
― John Gottman, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work

“Trust is built in very small moments, which I call 'sliding door' moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner. One such moment is not important, but if you're always choosing to turn away, then trust erodes in a relationship- very gradually, very slowly.”
― John Gottman

“taking responsibility—even for a small part of the problem in communication—presents the opportunity for great repair.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

“But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.”
― John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

“You can spend a lifetime being curious about the inner world of your partner, and being brave enough to share your own inner world, and never be done discovering all there is to know about each other. It’s exciting.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

“When a child has that strong emotional connection with a parent, the parent’s upset, disappointment, or anger creates enough pain in the child to become a disciplinary event in itself.”
― John M. Gottman, Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

“And when your family shares a deeper intimacy and respect, problems between family members will seem lighter to bear.”
― John M. Gottman, Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child

“Our partners don’t always have to think like we think. That’s what makes life interesting—it would be boring to be married to yourself. In fact, that’s called being single.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

“Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right.”
― John Gottman

“Psychologist Sydney Jourard studied how many times people touched one another when they were out to dinner in several cities.18 In Paris the average number of times people touched one another in an hour was 115 times. In Mexico City the number was 185 times in an hour. In London the average was zero. In Gainesville, Florida, the average was 2.”
― John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples

“Our gridlocked conflicts contain the potential for great intimacy between us. But we have to feel safe enough to pull our dreams out of the closet. When we wear them, our partner may glimpse how beautiful we are—fragile but shimmering. Then, with understanding, our partners may join us in being dream catchers, rather than dream shredders.”
― John M. Gottman, And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

“Perfection is not the price of love. Practice is. We practice how to express our love and how to receive our partner’s love. Love is an action even more than a feeling. It requires intention and attention, a practice we call attunement.”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

“If my wife is in pain, my world stops so I can listen to her.” In a committed relationship, you will both stop the world to try to understand and ease each other’s pain. This is partly why we get married, and this is partly why we love. We need each other and we need to be needed by each other. True commitment is choosing each other over and over again,”
― John M. Gottman, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love