Amra Pajalic > Amra's Quotes

“God is the color of water. Water doesn't have a color.”
― James McBride, The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother

“I asked her if I was black or white. She replied "You are a human being. Educate yourself or you'll be a nobody!”
― James McBride, The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother

“It was always so hot, and everyone was so polite, and everything was all surface but underneath it was like a bomb waiting to go off. I always felt that way about the South, that beneath the smiles and southern hospitality and politeness were a lot of guns and liquor and secrets.”
― James McBride, The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother

“There's something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls.”
― Megan Abbott, Dare Me

“Ages fourteen to eighteen, a girl needs something to kill all that time, that endless itchy waiting, every hour, every day for something — anything — to begin.”
― Megan Abbott, Dare Me

“If it hadn't been what it was, it would've been beautiful.”
― Megan Abbott, Dare Me

“She was a victim of her own brain chemistry, and as her daughter my role was to accept and love her for who she was, not who I wanted her to to be.”
― Amra Pajalic, Things Nobody Knows But Me

“Having the correct label meant understanding Mum had no control when she was under the influence of her illness. Until then I had judged her and found her wanting: as a mother, a wife, a human being.”
― Amra Pajalic, Things Nobody Knows But Me

“Our mother was different, but that’s what we liked about her. While other children had strict routines and consequences, we had freedom and frivolity— and we didn’t want the party to end.”
― Amra Pajalic, Things Nobody Knows But Me

“My brother and I only had each other and it was our job to protect Mum from well-meaning adults who saw her as an adult-child incapable of performing her parental responsibilities.”
― Amra Pajalic, Things Nobody Knows But Me

“My only escape was the pages of a book.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“I wanted to scream at the stupid girl I used to be.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“I’d always thought that the war would finish soon and I would return to school... Now, I realised I would never be able to wash away the stains the war left behind.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“As I drank, I saw Srebrenica spread out before me from halfway up the hill, coated with a thick winter fog. Snow dusted the hills surrounding us, hugging the town in its icy embrace. Conifer trees dotted the hills, their branches looking muted from the snow covering them. Snow covered all the roofs in the valley, giving everything a white and still appearance. We felt frozen in time, abandoned and forsaken, which was a true reflection of our internal state.

“The government should create a new tourism campaign. Srebrenica, the place where time kneels between mountains.” Ramo waved his hands out to the terrain before us.

After we got our breath back from laughing, I passed the bottle to him. My cheeks flushed as he placed his lips over the spout where my lips had been. He finished drinking and handed me the bottle. Our fingers touched, sparks flying.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“Mama had changed so much. When I’d hurt myself on barbed wire last year, she’d nearly fainted, yet now she talked of holding a boy’s intestines as if she were talking about baking a pita.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“I looked out over the ruined rooftops we could see. The pockmarked mortar. The plastic sheets fluttering in the breeze from blown out windows.

“One day, our city will be back to normal. Our lives will be what they once were. Hold on to hope and don’t give up,” Mama said.

She was talking about fairy tales.”
― Amra Pajalic, Time Kneels Between Mountains

“I was ten years old when the gypsy fortune-teller told me the day and the hour of my death and I have been waiting since. As the hour draws nearer peace descends upon me. A lifetime of waiting has its own price to pay.” The Cuckoo’s Song”
― Amra Pajalic

“Now the combined sounds blend in. The sound of piss trickling into the bucket, or shit dropping down to splatter onto the smelly leftovers from previous visitors. The sound of grenades and bullets wreaking destruction outside. Sometimes it sounds like a rocket-propelled grenade is right over us, that we should expect the roof to cave in on us and crush us to death. But that is another thing we have gotten used to. We don’t flinch anymore when a grenade whistles overhead.” Siege”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“When people ask me if I have any siblings I say, 'One, an older brother,' but that’s not the truth. I have a sister, or at least I had a sister one summer years ago.
The one thing I remember most about that summer is my sister’s 'f**k me eyes.' Not that I knew what that meant, or that I would have thought of that as a description of my sister, but her 'f**k me eyes' were the reason that she lived with us, and the reason that she left.” Flirty Eyes”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“As they walked back to Dr Russell’s office she remembered the day it all began. She was in the kitchen on the farm, washing the dishes when she heard voices coming from the living room. She dried her hands with a tea towel and went to turn off the television. When she entered the living room she stopped abruptly. The television was off, but she could still hear voices coming from it.” In Treatment”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“Mama clutched the wall, her face white with terror. 'Stupid girl!' She shook me by my shoulders. 'You can’t run out like that! Snipers will get you.' Like a long thin finger, my hometown of Srebrenica stretched in the valley between steep hills, clustered along the main road leading in and out of town. The green canopy of the birch tree forest looked like green fairy floss dotted with the burgundy terracotta tile roofs of white rendered houses. The nearby hills were a perfect vantage point for snipers. In the time it took them to shoot once, miss, and correct their target, an innocent bystander would have time to take just one step.” Fragments”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“When I arrived home, I knocked on the door, as I wanted the option of a quick get-away if Mum got agro. I had never before feared my mother, but I had become infected with fear after living in a Communist regime where people who were different from the so-called ‘norm’ were viewed as dangerous and often locked in institutions. While we lived in Bosnia Mum, too, was incarcerated in hospital whenever she demonstrated the tiniest indication of her illness.” Nervous Breakdowns”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“Even though things were changing in post-World War II Yugoslavia, nothing much had changed in our little backward village. While women in the city had jobs and some freedom, here our brothers could come and go as they pleased, but we girls always missed out. To guarantee our chastity and keep our reputations safe Babo kept us close to home and our brothers never wanted to chaperone us, but now, thanks to Senada’s quick thinking, we were finally going to have a night out.” The Choice”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“If you want to talk, I’m here to help.'
I barely restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Instead I slouched deeper into my chair and breathed out heavily, making my fringe lift and flop back onto my forehead. It was one lousy sentence that had condemned me to this. One lousy not-thought-out sentence.” Suicide Watch”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“For a moment I held the box, holding onto the feeling of anticipation as I tried to imagine what was inside. I didn’t expect much from Marie, who was my ‘back up’ friend. Our parents were best friends and we were forced into proximity at least once a month. I looked at the long box, my hands sliding on the lush wrapping paper. It was gold and almost felt like fabric under my searching hands. There was a big ribbon, carefully tied.” Teddy”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“I undid the buttons of my school uniform and the doctor saw what only a few people have seen. There in full view was the memento of my defective heart and the operation to correct it when I was two years old. The long raggedy scar dissected my chest in two as if I was struck by a knight’s sword. It stretched from my collarbone to belly button, but as I grew it shrunk a bit until it reached the end of my ribcage. When we were little I let my younger brother touch the jagged line once and he said it felt like squashed blue tack under his fingers. That was the result of the scar tissue thickening and thinning at different parts like a river on a map.” The Heart of the Matter”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“She tucked the sheet around Shirley and fluffed her pillow. Shirley stared blankly at her. The nurse’s composure broke for a moment. Shirley’s stare had a habit of doing that to people, at least until you got used to it. Most Alzheimer patients looked blank. As if the lights were switched off in their brain, but not Shirley. She looked like there was a part of herself fighting to come back. Her eyes were full of terror. Like there was something horrific only she could see and she was screaming for help, but she couldn’t get any part of her body to cooperate.” Friends Forever”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“The students carried the boy spread-eagled and slammed his genitals against a pole. He dropped on the concrete like a sack of potatoes, holding his crotch, squirming in pain. Sounds that I didn’t think a human could produce came out of his throat.
‘Bastard just got knackered.’ Kayla laughed, noticing my horror. ‘Every school tour starts like this.’” School of Hardknocks”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“I sullenly walked to the park. I was seven; old enough to understand why I was sent away.
When I returned, Mum and Muamer were not in the living room where I’d left them. I ran through the hallway in panic. Hearing them talk from a closed bedroom door I pushed it open. Muamer was standing beside the bed in a dark blue silk robe that shimmered over his potbelly. The short robe barely grazed his thighs; his hairy legs stuck out of the bottom of the robe. He looked embarrassed when I walked in. Mum didn’t move from where she lay. Muamer picked something up from the bed and headed for the door.” Woman on Fire”
― Amra Pajalic, The Cuckoo's Song

“There was no formal arrangement in place for our care; things were too chaotic. These were family friends offering a hand, not foster carers sanctioned by government bureaucracy.”
― Amra Pajalic