Gemma Correll > Gemma's Quotes

“I am different, not less.”
― Temple Grandin

“Sometimes," says a fellow depressive, "I wish I was in a full body cast, with every bone in my body broken. That's how I feel anyway. Then, maybe, people would stop minimising my illness because they can actually see what's wrong with me. They seem to need physical evidence.”
― Sally Brampton, Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression

“Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.”
― Gary Larson, The Complete Far Side, 1980–1994

“Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. And I did not want to end up with the tea-drinking equivalent of AIDS.”
― Alan Partridge, I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan

“Of all the things I am not very good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most outstanding.”
― Bill Bryson, I'm a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After Twenty Years Away

“When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“I'm somewhat socially inept. Slide me between two strangers at any light-hearted jamboree and I'll either rock awkwardly and silently on my heels, or come out with a stone-cold conversation-killer like, "This room's quite rectangular, isn't it?" I glide through the social whirl with all the elegance of a dog in high heels”
― Charlie Brooker

“It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“Pugs Not Drugs”
― Gemma Correll

“As a wise Pug once said, all you need is love, kibble and a de-worming tablet every three to six months.”
― Gemma Correll, A Pug's Guide to Dating

“...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?'

Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.

I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up.”
― Tina Fey

“We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?”
― Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman

“If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.”
― David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”
― Dave Barry

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
― David Lynch

“You are a pug! Master of the universe! King of the curly tails! You can do anything! You can lick your own nose, for goodness sake.”
― Gemma Correll, The Little Pocket Book of Pug Wisdom: Lessons in life and love for the well-rounded pug

“Then the flight attendants, garbage bags in hand, glided down the aisle, looking each one of us square in the face and whispering, without discrimination, “Your trash. You’re trash. Your family’s trash.”
― David Sedaris, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls