David > David's Quotes

“Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.”
― Dwight Schrute

“When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.”
― Chris Rock

“We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.”
― Jim Gaffigan

“If you are on the honor roll and your parents don't put a sticker on their car saying so, they are not proud of you and do not love you.”
― Michael Ian Black

“my foundation has already issued a statement in support of … books”
― Bruce Wayne

“Seth Meyers was constructed almost in an unfunny laboratory.”
― Steven Crowder

“You can try to change New York, but it’s like Jay-Z says: “Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up. There’s nothing you can do.”
― Liz Lemon