Mike > Mike's Quotes

“One remedy for the fear of not being loved is to remember how good it feels to love someone. If you're feeling unloved and you want to feel better, go love someone, and see what happens.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“A lot of people describe having sex with only one person as 'being faithful'.
It seems to me that faithfulness has very little to do with who you have sex with.
Faithfulness is about honoring your commitments and respecting your friends and lovers, about caring for their well-being as well as your own.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“the most successful long-term relationships are the ones with enough flexibility to redefine themselves over and over again through the years.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“Most of us need some support in asking for what we want. When we are involved in making agreements, we need to feel sure that the needs we reveal will not be held against us. Most of us feel pretty vulnerable in and around our emotional limits, so it’s important to recognize that these limits are valid: “I need to feel loved,” “I need to feel that I’m important to you,” “I need to know that you find me attractive,” “I need you to listen and care about me when I feel hurt.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“A great many people do believe that to be single is to be somehow incomplete and that they need to find the other half. [...] We believe, on the other hand, that the fundamental sexual unit is one person. Adding more people to that unit may be intimate, fun and companionable, but does not complete anybody.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“When you have built a satisfying relationship with yourself, then you have something of great worth to share with others. Abundance”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“The problem is that when you blame someone else for how you feel, you disempower yourself from finding solutions.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“No one "makes" you feel jealous or insecure, the person who makes you feel that way is you. [...] when you blame someone else for how you feel, you disempower yourself.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“The binary nature of monogamy-centrist thinking tends, we think, to cause problems: you’re either the love of my life, or you’re out of here.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“To be an ethical slut you need to have very good boundaries that are clear, strong, flexible, and, above all, conscious.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“So what’s wrong with wanting attention? Isn’t there plenty? Remember about starvation economies: Don’t shortchange yourself. You do not have to be content with little dribs and drabs of comfort, attention, support, reassurance, and love. You get to have all the comfort and reassurance you want.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“When you respect your limits, other will learn to respect them too.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“Introducing your lovers helps prevent one of the scariest aspects of jealousy, which is the part where you imagine that your lover’s other lover is taller, thinner, smarter, sexier, and in all ways preferable to funky old you. When you meet that other person or when your lovers meet each other, they meet real people, warts and all, and so often wind up feeling safer. Introducing”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“We think that relationship structures should be designed to fit the people in them rather than people chosen to fit some abstract ideal of the perfect relationship. There’s no right or wrong way to do this as long as everyone’s having fun and getting their needs met.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

“The key to pursuing excellence is to embrace an organic, long-term learning process, and not to live in a shell of static, safe mediocrity. Usually, growth comes at the expense of previous comfort or safety.”
― Josh Waitzkin, The Art of Learning: A Journey in the Pursuit of Excellence

“In my experience, successful people shoot for the stars, put their hearts on the line in every battle, and ultimately discover that the lessons learned from the pursuit of excellence mean much more than the immediate trophies and glory.”
― Josh Waitzkin, The Art of Learning: An Inner Journey to Optimal Performance

“One of the most critical strengths of a superior competitor in any discipline—whether we are speaking about sports, business negotiations, or even presidential debates—is the ability to dictate the tone of the battle.”
― Josh Waitzkin, The Art of Learning: A Journey in the Pursuit of Excellence

“The secret is that everything is always on the line. The more present we are at practice, the more present we will be in competition, in the boardroom, at the exam, the operating table, the big stage. If we have any hope of attaining excellence, let alone of showing what we’ve got under pressure, we have to be prepared by a lifestyle of reinforcement. Presence must be like breathing.”
― Josh Waitzkin, The Art of Learning: An Inner Journey to Optimal Performance

“The real test of love is when a person—including you—can know your weaknesses, your stupidities and your smallnesses, and still love you.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“The cultural ban on having sex with your friends is an inevitable offshoot of a societal belief that the only acceptable reason to have sex is to lead to a monogamous marriagelike relationship.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“One of the most valuable things we can learn from open sexual lifestyles is that our programming is changeable.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“Some people habitually respond to a lover’s pain and confusion with an intense desire to fix something. Fix-it messages can feel like invalidation to the person who is trying to express an emotion. “Why don’t you just do this … try that … forget about it … relax!” sends the message that the person expressing the emotion has overlooked some obvious and simple solution and is an idiot for feeling bad in the first place. Such messages are disempowering and invalidating.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“Nymphomaniac: a woamn that has more sex than you.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“This kind of love can be thrilling and overwhelming and sometimes a hell of a lot of fun, but it is not the only “real” kind of love, nor is it always a good basis for an ongoing relationship. Yet as George Bernard Shaw famously remarked, “When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut : A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures

“Once you have a handle on loving yourself, you can practice sharing that love with others. You’ve probably been taught to reserve the language of love for when you’re feeling overwhelmingly tender and passionate, and only for those who have made huge commitments to you. We recommend instead learning to recognize and acknowledge all the sweet feelings that make life worthwhile even when they don’t knock you over—and, moreover, learning to communicate those feelings to the people who inspire them.”
― Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

“After examining the philosophies, the theories, and the practiced methods of influencing human behavior, I was shocked to learn the simplicity of that one small fact: You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming - what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.
It is no longer a success theory; it is a simple but powerful fact. Neither luck nor desire has the slightest thing to do with it. It makes no difference whether we believe it or not. The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.”
― Shad Helmstetter, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

“I can do anything I believe I can do! I’ve got it, and every day I get more of it. I have talent, skills, and ability. I set goals and I reach them. I know what I want out of life. I go after it and I get it. People like me, and I feel good about myself. I have a sense of pride in who I am, and I believe in myself. Nothing seems to stop me. I have a lot of determination. I turn problems into advantages. I find possibilities in things that other people never give a chance. I have a lot of energy—I am very alive! I enjoy life and I can tell it and so can others. I keep myself up, looking ahead, and liking it. I know that I can accomplish anything I choose, and I refuse to let anything negative hold me back or stand in my way. I am not afraid of anything or anyone. I have strength, power, conviction, and confidence! I like challenges and I meet them head on, face to face—today especially! I am on top of the world and I’m going for it. I have a clear picture in my mind of what I want. I can see it in front of me. I know what I want and I know how to get it. I know that it’s all up to me and I know I can do it. Roadblocks don’t bother me. They just mean that I am alive and running, and I’m not going to stand still for anything. I trust myself I’ve got what it takes—plenty of it—and I know how to use it. Today, more than ever. Today I am unstoppable! I’ve got myself together and I’m getting more together every day. And today—look out world, here I come! Limitations? I don’t even recognize them as limitations. There is no challenge I can’t conquer; there is no wall I can’t climb over. There is no problem I can’t defeat, or turn around and make it work for me. I stand tall! I am honest and sincere. I like to deal with people and they like me. I think well; I think clearly. I am organized; I am in control of myself, and everything about me. I call my shots, and no one has to call them for me. I never blame anyone else for the circumstances of my life. I accept my failings and move past them as easily as I accept the rewards for my victories. I never demand perfection of myself, but I expect the very best of what I have to give—and that’s what I get! I never give myself excuses. I get things done on time and in the right way. Today I have the inner strength to do more than ever. I am an exceptional human being. My goals and my incredible belief in myself turn my goals into reality. I have the power to live my dreams. I believe in them like I believe in myself. And that belief is so strong that there is nothing that diminishes my undefeatable spirit.”
― Shad Helmstetter, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

“We are trying to force the brain to do something that it has not been programed to do. The brain simply believes what you tell it the most. And what you tell it about you it will create. It has no choice.”
― Shad Helmstetter, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

“Repetition is a convincing argument.”
― Shad Helmstetter, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self

“You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.”
― Shad Helmstetter, What To Say When You Talk To Your Self