Jamie > Jamie's Quotes

“Magrat had used a lot of powder to make her face pale and interesting. It combined with the lavishly applied mascara to give the guard the impression that he was looking at two flies that had crashed into a sugar bowl.”
― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

“These weren't encouraged in the city, since the heft and throw of a longbow's arrow could send it through an innocent bystander a hundred yards away instead of the innocent bystander at whom it was aimed.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“Lessee...he'd gone off after the funeral and gotten drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with "er." Drunker. that was it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“They have to say SOMETHING. Maria Bartiromo can't exactly look into the camera and say that the Dow is down half a percent today because of random Brownian motion.”
― Phil Rosenzweig, The Halo Effect: ... and the Eight Other Business Delusions That Deceive Managers

“These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“There's a door."
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realize that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind.
"Ah," said Eric, "Good."
"No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement."
"Oh.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The Tezuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for it organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, god of mass human sacrifices.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“You always knew where you stood with Quezovercoatl. It was generally with a lot of people on top of a great stepped pyramid with someone in an elegant feathered headdress chipping an exquisite obsidian knife for your very own personal use.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“He gave Gaspode a long, slow stare, which was like challenging a centipede to an arse-kicking contest.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

“at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain on things.

Outside the boundaries of the universes lie the raw realities, the could-have-beens, the might-bes, the never-weres, the wild ideas, all being created and uncreated chaotically like elements in fermenting supernovas.

Just occasionally where the walls of the worlds have worn a bit thin, they can leak in.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

“She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.”
― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures