Jodi Blyde > Jodi's Quotes

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  • #1
    H.L. Mencken
    “Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #2
    H.L. Mencken
    “A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #3
    H.L. Mencken
    “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”
    H.L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy

  • #4
    H.L. Mencken
    “Where is the graveyard of dead gods? What lingering mourner waters their mounds? There was a time when Jupiter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a man who worships Jupiter today? And who of Huitzilopochtli? In one year - and it is no more than five hundred years ago - 50,000 youths and maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. Today, if he is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huitzilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried out with the sun.

    When he frowned, his father, the sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earthquakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood. But today Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgotten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah, Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of Richmond P. Hobson, Alton B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom Sharkey.

    Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother Tezcatlipoca. Tezcatlipoca was almost as powerful; he consumed 25,000 virgins a year.

    Lead me to his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des perles. But who knows where it is? Or where the grave of Quetzalcoatl is? Or Xiuhtecuhtli? Or Centeotl, that sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love? Of Mictlan? Or Xipe? Or all the host of Tzitzimitl? Where are their bones? Where is the willow on which they hung their harps? In what forlorn and unheard-of Hell do they await their resurrection morn? Who enjoys their residuary estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be the chief god of the Celts? Of that of Tarves, the bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that of Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial jackass? There was a time when the Irish revered all these gods, but today even the drunkest Irishman laughs at them.

    But they have company in oblivion: the Hell of dead gods is as crowded
    as the Presbyterian Hell for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and
    Drunemeton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsullata, and Deva, and
    Bellisima, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty gods in their day, worshipped by millions, full of demands and impositions, able to bind and loose - all gods of the first class. Men labored for generations to build vast temples to them - temples with stones as large as hay-wagons.

    The business of interpreting their whims occupied thousands of priests,
    bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die, usually at the stake.
    Armies took to the field to defend them against infidels; villages were burned, women and children butchered, cattle were driven off. Yet in the end they all withered and died, and today there is none so poor to do them reverence.

    What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of the whole Nile Valley? What has become of:
    Resheph
    Anath
    Ashtoreth
    El
    Nergal
    Nebo
    Ninib
    Melek
    Ahijah
    Isis
    Ptah
    Anubis
    Baal
    Astarte
    Hadad
    Addu
    Shalem
    Dagon
    Sharaab
    Yau
    Amon-Re
    Osiris
    Sebek
    Molech?

    All there were gods of the highest eminence. Many of them are mentioned with fear and trembling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or six thousand years ago, with Yahweh Himself; the worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they have all gone down the chute, and with them the following:
    Bilé
    Ler
    Arianrhod
    Morrigu
    Govannon
    Gunfled
    Sokk-mimi
    Nemetona
    Dagda
    Robigus
    Pluto
    Ops
    Meditrina
    Vesta

    You may think I spoof. That I invent the names. I do not. Ask the rector to lend you any good treatise on comparative religion: You will find them all listed. They were gods of the highest standing and dignity-gods of civilized peoples-worshiped and believed in by millions. All were omnipotent, omniscient and immortal.

    And all are dead.”
    H.L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy

  • #5
    H.L. Mencken
    “You never push a noun against a verb without trying to blow up something.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #6
    H.L. Mencken
    “It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #7
    H.L. Mencken
    “The trouble with Communism is the Communists, just as the trouble with Christianity is the Christians.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #8
    H.L. Mencken
    “I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.”
    H.L. Mencken

  • #9
    A.J. Jacobs
    “I'm still agnostic. But in the words of Elton Richards, I'm now a reverant agnostic. Which isn't an oxymoron, I swear. I now believe that whether or not there's a God, there is such a thing as sacredness. Life is sacred. The Sabbath can be a sacred day. Prayer can be a sacred ritual. There is something transcendent, beyond the everyday. It's possible that humans created this sacredness ourselves, but that doesn't take away from its power or importance.”
    A.J. Jacobs, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

  • #10
    A.J. Jacobs
    “Did you hear about the middle Eastern potentate?" he asked me. "This potentate called a meeting of the wise men in the kingdom, and said, "I want you to gather all the world's knowledge together in one place so that my sons can read it and learn."The wise men went off, and after year, they came back with twenty-five volumes of knowledge. This potentate looked at it and he said, "No. It's too long. Make it shorter." So the wise men went off for another year. When they came back, they gave the potentate a piece of paper with one sentence on it. A single sentence. You know what the sentence was?"
    Bob looked at me. I shook my head.
    "The sentence was: "This too shall pass."
    Bob paused, let it sink in: "I heard that when I was very young and it has always stuck with me.”
    A.J. Jacobs

  • #11
    A.J. Jacobs
    “If the Britannica has taught me anything, it's to be more careful. I don't want to turn into an unseemly noun or verb or adjective someday. I don't want to be like Charles Boycott, the landlord in Ireland who refused to lower rents during a famine, leading to the original boycott. I don't want to be like Charles Lynch, who headed an irregular court that hung loyalists during the Revolutionary War. I can't have "Jacobs" be a verb that means staying home all the time or washing your hands too frequently.”
    A.J. Jacobs, The Know-It-All

  • #12
    A.J. Jacobs
    “I've rarely said the word "Lord," unless it's followed by "of the Rings.”
    A.J. Jacobs, The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

  • #13
    A.J. Jacobs
    “Ich habe mehr vergessen, als die meisten Menschen in ihrem ganzen Leben lernen.”
    A.J. Jacobs

  • #14
    Mark Twain
    “Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.”
    Mark Twain

  • #15
    Joyce Carol Oates
    “Reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another's skin, another's voice, another's soul.”
    Joyce Carol Oates

  • #16
    Joyce Carol Oates
    “A daydreamer is prepared for most things.”
    Joyce Carol Oates

  • #17
    C.S. Lewis
    “A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest.”
    C.S. Lewis

  • #18
    Dodie Smith
    “How I wish I lived in a Jane Austen novel!”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #19
    Dodie Smith
    “I only want to write. And there's no college for that except life.”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #20
    Dodie Smith
    “Perhaps watching someone you love suffer can teach you even more than suffering yourself can.”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #21
    Dodie Smith
    “Oh, it is wonderful to wake up in the morning with things to look forward to!”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #22
    Dodie Smith
    “I have noticed that rooms which are extra clean feel extra cold”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #23
    Dodie Smith
    “...surely I could give him--a sort of contentment...

    That isn't enough to give. Not for the giver.”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #24
    Dodie Smith
    “... for I know I shall be interrupted-- I shall want to be, really, because life is too exciting to sit still for long.”
    Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

  • #25
    Terry Pratchett
    “There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.”
    Terry Pratchett

  • #26
    Terry Pratchett
    “It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it.”
    Terry Pratchett

  • #27
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    Mark Twain

  • #28
    Mark Twain
    “Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.”
    Mark Twain

  • #29
    Terry Pratchett
    “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
    Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

  • #30
    Mark Twain
    “When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.”
    Mark Twain



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