Jack > Jack's Quotes

“...I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

“Employers sense in me a denial of their values...They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century which I loathe.”
― John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

“What are your fees?" inquired Guyal cautiously. "I respond to three questions," stated the augur. "For twenty terces I phrase the answer in clear and actionable language; for ten I use the language of cant, which occasionally admits of ambiguity; for five, I speak a parable which you must interpret as you will; and for one terce, I babble in an unknown tongue.”
― Jack Vance, Tales of the Dying Earth

“Notice this rent in my garment; I am at a loss to explain its presence! I am even more puzzled by the existence of the universe.”
― Jack Vance, Tales of the Dying Earth

“I categorically declare first my absolute innocence, second my lack of criminal intent, and third my effusive apologies.”
― Jack Vance, Cugel the Clever

“And I learned this phrase off by heart and constantly made it my salvation. I used to throw up my hands, shut my eyes, and declaim: ‘Words fail me, my Lords. Nothing that I might utter could possibly match the depth of my feelings in this matter.’ Then I would pause for a few seconds and recover the thread of my argument.”
― Robert Graves, Claudius the God and His Wife Messalina

“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
― Jack London

“Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.”
― G.K. Chesterton

“Mere surprise, however, was never enough to prevent Psmith talking.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Leave It to Psmith

“I give dignity second place to expedience,” said Cugel.”
― Jack Vance, Cugel: The Skybreak Spatterlight

“There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

“I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

“One glance at the girl convinced R. Jones that he had been right. Circumstances had made him a rapid judge of character, for in the profession of living by one's wits in a large city the first principle of offence and defence is to sum people up at first sight. This girl was not on the make.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Something Fresh