“I feel a deep sadness,’ he said, switching languages, 'except there’s a sweetness to it. It’s almost like a yearning. I don’t want to be there or ever feel anything like that again, ever. I don’t want to be hungry, frostbitten, or scared. I want to be here right now, having this life. But that experience is a part of me now, and it would hurt if someone tried to take it away. I would tear apart.”